Wisebaxter

@DrewNows Look for whatever it is, in my experience, that's unchanging? But that just seems like awareness. I can find this easily. Is there something more? Also, my thoughts must also be comprised of my true Self as the knowing of them is always there and this knowing is awareness. So perhaps that's the answer - it's awareness, the knowing, this is my true self. But most teachers suggest there's more that can be discovered after years of meditation, self enquiry etc. That's what I'm interested in. I just can't understand where the hell that is as all I can experience is awareness. Or should I say all awareness can experience, is awareness Perhaps the rest of the work is just reversing our programming, getting rid of the 'I' thought, the subject/object distinction, which is so ingrained.

@DrewNows Is it awareness becoming aware of itself?

@SOUL ok, I can dig that. You're saying that in a non-dual sense awareness is just another piece of the puzzle? It's no different from a thought or anything else. Rupert Spira says thought is a modulation of awareness so I can see how this makes sense. Then the true Self....this is different from awareness right? The heart on the right as Ramana Maharshi called it. @Anton Rogachevski It's easy to objectify awareness in this game isn't it? Can I ask you, is awareness the same as the true self? Or just another aspect of duality? Some people imply that everything is made up of awareness and others imply that there's something beyond that, some kind of primal nothingness. I'm gonna be tripping for the first time in a few days so I might have some answers then, but fancied a bit more jibber jabber in the meantime

@Jack River Right I think I'm getting this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're saying that the self-loop largely arises from the 'perception' of a thought after the thought has occurred? So the best thing to do is just allow thoughts to pass unhindered and stay present? Like a river flowing unhindered. I can see how this would break the subject/object loop and stop you assuming you're the one watching your thoughts.

@OneLittleHumanMind Yes this is an interesting point that I hadn't considered, that wanting to let go of wants is indeed another want. At present there are still many wants that I feel attached to and that cause a level of suffering, but I'm able to experience a state of 'not wanting' when I remember to, and this feels very blissful. What would be more productive though, if, like you say, I can learn to accept wants when they're there and not attach to them. Otherwise I'm just hiding from them by moving into this state of 'not wanting.' This is definitely feeding into my false sense of self isn't it.

@SOUL Yeah we really have to watch those assumptions don't we. I love how just a simple investigation of the language we use can uncover them. It's just remembering to do it. Really helpful to have these assumptions pointed out by others. I think I can see what self enquiry is getting at. It's one thing to realise you're not the 'I' thought but to really live that, to let go of all of your old habits of falling back into it - maybe that's where the bulk of the work lies

@Inliytened1 Great, so this is what people mean by watching thoughts. Thought I was doing something wrong @Jack River @SoonHei Thank you guys. That's all very helpful. I'll read through what you've written a few times and contemplate things.

Amen to that

@Jack River Do you have any good methods for letting go of desires? For reprogramming yourself?

So memory, or our 'story' presents a challenge right? This was the video that really blew me away and made me realise how much 'wants' had seeped their way into my existence. Adya says in the video, imagine waking up in the morning with no 'wants.' That blew me away man.

@Jack River So what you're saying is, when an ego arises with its 'wants,' then thoughts will occur and take you away from your Nowness into concept land? Recently as a practice I've been nurturing a feeling of acceptance and letting go of wants, my story, anything that comprises an ego and this seems to shut my thoughts up like never before. It just feels very blissful and I can feel love growing inside of me. Is this a good route into enlightenment? It feels a bit like the state of 'Not Knowing' that Peter Ralston talks about.

@SoonHei thanks for taking the time to help me. Could I say then, that during meditation, when the 'I' thought vanishes and I just reside in pure being for however long, before thoughts return, I am in an enlightened state for that period? Is enlightenment just the continuation of this state?

@SoonHei That's a good mantra, I'm gonna use that one. Maybe work it into my Neti Net practice or something. I'm presuming this is something I haven't experienced yet, not just the awareness that can easily become an 'I' thought. One thing that confuses me about spirituality is....is it just awareness that's the goal? We focus on awareness with no thoughts and then we say 'aha - that's enlightenment. If I can stay in that place without thoughts I'm enlightened!' Or are we something more than awareness? Because awareness is all I can find. Teachers like Rupert Spira will say 'it's very simple, just focus on awareness,' whilst others will tell you that it takes 40 years to ride the Ox and experience non dual nothingness. If I'm something more than awareness, how do I access that?

@SoonHei I think I understand. There is no subject and object, just awareness. I think I get confused as when I become unconscious of what I'm supposed to be doing it feels like I just disappeared, until this thing called 'awareness' comes back. But this awareness that returns is really just another thought that says 'oh, I forget what I was supposed to be doing. There's a sense of 'me-ness to it, me returning. Maybe it's the return of the nefarious 'I' thought. When my mind is wandering without an observer it feels like I've disappeared, like awareness/the observer is gone, but I guess it hasn't, it's just lost sight of the thought that said 'I should be observing?' @zambize I'm wandering if this is really what we're after...to shut thoughts up by shining the light of awareness on them. But in that statement there's an assumption that thoughts themselves aren't composed of awareness, of the infinite self. In Non-Dual terms they have to be a part of this universal I, as far as I've heard. Rupert Spira says a thought is just a temporary modulation of awareness.

You're gonna nail this bro. Remember, if you fuck up, for any reason, rinse and repeat until you get it done. Be careful of self loathing or shame if you do weaken as I know from a long term addiction myself than this just keeps feeding into it and perpetuated the addiction. If you feel that you can handle it if things go wrong, paradoxically they're less likely to.

@TheAvatarState Wow that's exciting. Nice to know I won't be the only one ascending to mystical realms (if they can possibly get more mystical than this one.) Now you mention it I've been seeing signs everywhere out in the world and I keep meeting people who are into spirituality. Let's strap ourselves in and get ready then. I'm trying desperately to get my girlfriend on the path as I don't want her to get left behind. I think she's slowly getting it...

@TheAvatarState You're not wrong there...it is rising isn't it? You feel it too... I'm going to let in build and build during my trip and who knows where it will lead

@TheAvatarState I can definately tell you've explored the recesses of your psyche and the cosmos. I'll be putting on my psychonaut helmet and joining you shortly. Reporting for duty sir! Yeah a Christmas trip seems perfect for me. Shall I go to midnight mass? Haha screw that. What better occasion is there to catch a glimpse of God though?

@TheAvatarState Ah you're the best dude. You and others on here will be the deciding element in the quality of my trip. What a great forum. I feel like I have a team of qualified trippers backing me

@TheAvatarState Great advice buddy. I've stopped doing all of my research now. Awesome to be aware that the come up is the most important stage. In terms of my intentions, should I just forget about these during the come up stage and meditate/relax like you say? I mean like, any questions I have etc.. @luckieluuke So it was kind of like you had a direct insight into the arbitrary nature of language and this triggered a mystical experience for you? Sweet. I'm so frigging excited right now. Christmas eve can't come fast enough. I'll be sure to not focus on expectations, thanks

@pluto Well there seems to be some division about these thought loops. Some say they aren't related to ego death, other suggest they are. Only one way to find out eh? I'll update you on Christmas Day as I'll be tripping on Christmas Eve @Bluebird Thanks my friend, for all the help. Can't wait to debrief you all

@Joseph Maynor Yeah this is what I was getting at - as great as personal development is there definitely seems to be a healthy balance of engaging in it and just living your life. I'm definitely too far over towards neglecting my life. The issue for me is, a bit like levelling up in a computer game you're always getting a sense of progression. Perhaps the problem is getting lost in too much theory like Leo often warns against. You collect theory and then you never test it out in the real world. This is a powerful piece of advice. I'm clinging at the moment, but at least I'm aware of it. I have a feeling I'll know when the time is right to move forward. One day I'll wake up and think, 'ok, I'm not watching one more goddamn Rupert Spira video and I'm taking a break from reading. It's time to make some moves. Right now I'm compelled to keep learning as certain aspects of my inner game are still truly terrible, namely making money and forming relationships

Has anyone else experienced this? There are so many practices, self enquiry, shadow work, life-purpose, contemplation, meditation, reading, do-nothing and about a hundred more. I just don't want to go to bed as I'm so juiced for this stuff and if gives me such a sense of progression. My whole life is now just a series of practices. I've seen the Ox's footprints and now I'm so keen to catch a glimpse that it's become an obsession. I never feel like I've got enough done during the day so I'm staying up until 3am and only going to sleep when I'm exhausted. I then wake up too early and want to jump straight on it again. It's not really that I can't sleep, it's that I don't want to sleep, not while that Ox is roaming around up in the mountains. I swear I can hear him snorting and the sound of his hooves on the rocks. Maybe this next Rupert Spira or Adyashanti video will be the one...or maybe I should meditate some more...argghh lol. It's not just about chasing enlightenment though, it's also about the thrill of expanding your intellect or raising your consciousness.

Hey guys, I have a date set for the trip and I've started a journal here:

Ok so my LSD arrived today and I'm planning to do it next month. I only took LSD once before, many years ago, in sugar cube form and then wandered around the countryside feeling blissed out and at one with everything, but it didn't feel overly strong, may have even been a placebo. I've only been meditating solidly for about 3 months and haven't done really any self enquiry. However I'm quite a well rounded individual and have been studying Buddhism for about 10 years and non-duality for about a year and a half. I have a solid grasp on my true nature as being awareness, although I haven't had any mystical experiences yet. I've watched all of Leo's videos, taken notes on all of them and do personal development throughout my day and nothing else. This is also includes shadow work. I also do a lot reading, have digested Ralston, Byron Katie, Tolle, some Om Swami. I understand 'being cognition,' the relative nature of reality and can reside in no-self when I wish by letting go of all concepts and ideologies, although not for long periods, One or two people on the forum have expressed concern for my welfare as it's my first time tripping and I haven't done much of the actual solid, spiritual practices, although I know all the theory (have theory coming out of my ears) and I feel I can do a good job of residing in being for the experience and getting some good insights. I've been advised to let go of all concepts, which I understand, but then again, if I want to ask questions, some concepts will be needed right? But the core of my question is, am I jumping in too deep here? The LSD is 150ug and 98% pure. The guy I bought it off recommended I take 115ug my first time but I'm inclined to go for the 150. It might also be worth mentioning that I'm a veteran weed smoker (although given up now) and I've had many intense experiences on that, which had started to induce panic attacks towards the end of my habit. Therefore I feel I can keep my head together during the trip. I've been told the trip will last 12 hours. I'll be renting out a hotel room to take it. The way I see it is...I'll be fine as long as I have 'mystical cat' to guide me