Wisebaxter

@VictorB02 When you're ready to stop smoking cannabis, if at all, you will stop it. Trying to force this to happen through neurotic tendencies, will only cause more suffering. You're not in control of anything, at least your ego isn't, so using the ego to resist what's happening will make the matter worse. Check out Leo's video on free will vs determinism to get the low down on this. There's nothing wrong with smoking cannabis. There's no good or bad, only thinking makes it so. Stop resisting what is and just follow the path that seems right to you for now. Resistance is the thing to avoid. There's nothing to say weed will not help you in the long run. Anything you do will help you in the long run as there is always a lesson you're being taught by the universe. the beauty of it is that there are no wrong moves. If it is a phase, then so be it, only time will tell. As for moving up the spiral, I'm a little confused about your train of thought. Are you saying that you think that smoking weed will keep you locked into a stage? Also, are you saying you think weed is a stage green tool or something? So you have to accept that to progress? I wouldn't read so much into weed's potential effect on your journey up the spiral. Your progression will be more based upon how open minded you can be to new ideas, the kind of practices you're doing, your capacity to love unconditionally and to see the bigger picture without judging. Also, I think you can move up the spiral without fully mastering a stage. You just might not integrate the new stage fully. For example you can be a bit green, a bit orange, a bit turquoise. It's never as simple as saying someone is just one particular stage.

@Igor82 Oh you did it! nice one! Can't wait to read the report. With the depression, remember to ask the question 'where is the I that is depressed?' Try and locate it. Notice that the thing that's actually aware of the depression is not the depression. it's an unchanging awareness which is always consistent and pure. The depression arises within it. Feel into that awareness and observe its purity.

@TheAvatarState I think that watching porn without jerking it was a really intelligent move. What you're basically doing there is learning to look at it and detach it from the feeling of desire. It's the association you have between the two that might have made things hard (no pun intended). If you happen to do it again, maybe use deep mindfulness to watch your body state along with your mental perceptions to see what's there. Observing the machine as it were, Ouspensky style. Consider why it is that watching the stuff actually makes you horny. One think I heard a monk say once when asked about avoiding sexual desires was that he views the human body as essentially quite grotesque, lol, which is true when you think about it. All those dangly bits, holes surrounded by flaps of skin and hair, most of it smelling a bit pungent. Try switching up perspectives whilst watching it and see where that takes you. This will be the law of attraction at work. Well done for getting this far by the way

@Igor82 Good luck today man, have a good trip

Thanks for posting man. That sounds on the whole like a very positive trip, especially the experience of pure 'love' you had. I'm listening to the song you posted and it really is beautiful. I can almost imagine how listening to it would have made you feel in that frame of mind as I experienced something similar myself on my trip. It's great that this was a new experience for you as well. Awesome to get something unique from the trip. Do you think you'll be able to integrate this into your life a bit? I've been asking myself the same question. The memory of the feeling is still so vivid, so this is helping me to view the world through a slightly different lens as I keep recalling it. Funny you had that experience with the cat as I had one too which was really similar and our cats look very similar too lol. Mine's female, but ginger. She hopped onto my lap when I was tripping and looked into my eyes, seeming to smile at me, the most warm, loving smile. At that moment she looked like the most beautiful, regal creature I'd ever seen. Great that you had some ego death too. Have you had that before at all? Sorry to hear you're feeling glum. Be kind to yourself, relax and remember you'll bounce back soon. I find a nice bath usually sorts me out. Well done for going ahead with this trip too, despite your reservations. You're a warrior

@Serotoninluv Thanks man!! @Igor82 Buddy, you have nothing to worry about, trust me. I was nervous too and anyone who goes into something like this will be, because like you say, how does it feel to have the quality of your consciousness change? You get so used to things being the way they are that this concept is a little worrying. But it's nothing like you imagine it to be. It's just so natural feeling and it's like you're being taken care of through the experience. You literally can't go wrong, as even an intense experience will give you growth. It really was the most beautiful, profound experience I've ever had. Just have some nice chilled out beats ready for the come up, with some nice coloured lights around. I love the way the visuals hit me and there was a dope beat I was listening to as everything changed. This was great, if you're interested: Remember, nothing will change for you in a negative sense. You'll still be you, you'll just be upgraded and life will become infinitely more interesting. You're gonna have an amazing time. If you scared, that's ok, it's natural. When you've dropped that tab the fear will subside, it did for me. The sense of inevitability will just be there and your psyche will adjust and prepare itself. I had a lot of preconceptions about psychedelics from my culture, a lot of it negative, but it's all rubbish. It's simply amazing. Will you do a trip report?

@Bluebird Thanks for reading my epic post dude. Yeah I'll up the dosage in very small increments, maybe 200ug next, until I get a good breakthrough dose. Also I want to try mushrooms as they sound stronger than LSD and perhaps can lead to more mystical experiences?

It was 9pm when Frodo decided to leave the shire for the first time, on his hero's journey Dosage: 150ug LSD After swallowing the tab I felt quite confident, excited, but a little nervous. I had a long list of intentions and things I was going to consider and contemplate, things like 'what is awareness,' so I glanced at them briefly and realised I'd made so many that I didn't have a clue what to focus on in particular. I'd made a long playlist from the tripping music thread on here and started to just relax and get into a different mindspace for it. Music had become a big focus for some reason, perhaps because I somehow felt was important. After the hour mark I started to feel it physically, like a cool ocean wave of bliss washing over me. I started feeling energy coursing up from my root chakra, immediately there was a huge shift around my back area and a palpable sense of mental relief. Then the visuals started. Man, nothing can prepare you for this can it? With everything shifting, moving and melting in time with the music, it was like all my notions of a concrete, physical reality outside of my own subjective awareness melted away. The quality of my consciousness had changed somehow, time took on a new flavour, as my perception of it had changed. Maybe slow motion...or moments seeming to become stretched out. I was trying to text someone and it was hard to conceive of this thing called 'normal reality,' where messages have to be sent. I started to feel the pressure to do some techniques or to start asking questions about the nature of being so I sat to meditate. But I was overcome with an intense feeling of love and abundance and my mind just kept being playful, making jokes, saying things like 'uh oh, he's getting serious,' and come now universe, I have some questions for you.' I had really wanted to get some good insights though so I sat still and explored what I was. I kept getting a sense that it was this, all of this is is me so anything you do in the moment, fully present is a spiritual act. This kind of freed me up to surrender into the experience more and go back to the music and just enjoy the visuals and the general feeling of my reality melting away before my eyes. I noticed that when I stopped assuming there was any separation between these 'objects' in front of me, they were able to distort more freely, as if these distortions were a quality of my focus. I got the impression that I could very well be limiting myself simply through the act of assuming too much. So instead of just a TV warping, as I before was thinking 'TV,' now the whole scene around the TV was warping along with it in unison. It was a mental warping too though, as if my usual manner of perceiving the scene was melting and drooping. it was like my consciousness and the scene were tightly linked. This is a hard one to put into words. I still felt a bit of inner conflict as I was being lured into the visuals, being on a 'high' element and not gunning for insights and raising my consciousness. But one of the insights that came to me was 'choose the path of least resistance.' Probably rubbish, I'm sure the opposite is usually true, but for now it felt right and I had a sense of being guided. I opted to go out for a walk and started worrying about things like locking myself out. For some reason I'd started to have this experience of being a stage green hippy at a festival, tripping on Acid and worrying about practical stuff so the group don't get in shit situations. I walked out a bit and when I looked up at the sky....wow...Mother Nature was putting on the best possible visual show for me. The smoke-like, ashen clouds were swirling around the moon, which sat there framed by them, along with a few stars. I can't remember seeing anything like it, at least if I had I hadn't registered it. I suddenly understood the meaning of all hippy murials and of the imagery surrounding stage Green in general. It was nature inspired. Moons, wolf's, anything nature-based. I'd been getting immersed in Green for the past few months as I live in a very alternative area in the UK with a vibrant hippy culture and they even have a Green Party in control here. I'd been visiting their shops, sniffing essential oils, collecting stones, learning about my Chakras. I'd come from a more materialist, scientific background so it had taken me some work to open my mind. This is why I resonated with Dr Strange so much So at that point I had this deep feeling of love for all that is and I fully understood the green mentality and felt it burning inside me. Of course I'm heading for turquoise but this aspect of Green had been missing from me in my heart. It was a potential that was now fully unlocked and actualised. I decided to go back for a rug to lie on and could imagine me having an argument with my hippy buddies who thought it was too much effort as they were too high. Then I imagined myself to be the one who always thinks of practical things and makes sure we're all comfortable and safe. I was at an imaginary festival in my head, sharing the moment with others. A lot of my stereotyping of Green just evaporated and I realised they are some of the most loving, kind people and they are setting an example for us. I thought to myself, am I still me? Has my ego gone anywhere? I still had a palpable sense of 'I am me,'but this me felt more floaty than usual, like it could be out in the ether somewhere. I felt very much a part of the whole. This was only a light dose anyway and me finding my feet, getting over my initial fear of the unknown. The universe was saying 'welcome home child,' I grant you the power of Green! I decided that this was a perfect experience for my first trip. What an unexpected gift! I hadn't seen this kind of experience happening at all. I'd envisaged sitting there with my eyes shut exploring my true nature and interrogating the universe, but this was perfect for now. I spent the rest of the evening doing some shadow work, instilling some painful memories with love, thankfully realising that the Shadow work I'd been doing had paid off. This were no demons there to torment me. I could see clearly what my problems were and I was honest about them. I wondered how I could just bring more love into all of these situations, to the memories, to the people involved, to myself. I felt a deep sense of self acceptance and comforted myself. Love just felt like the right solution to everything. I did a bit of self enquiry towards the end, and even in a my tired state I could focus a lot more sharply. I hadn't realised how incredibly intuitive it makes you. In the morning I went for a walk in the countryside, listening to panpipes and shedding some tears for the downtrodden native Americans in line with my new Green credentials. I put on some viking folk music, which is basically intense, Witcher-esque sounding stuff, battle chants and haunting vocals etc. This made me laugh as listening to the music of a marauding, blood thirsty group of vikings, out raping and pillaging, seemed at odds with my new persona. I then pictured a group of hippy's trying to intervene and stand between invading Vikings on the shores on England and the locals. How would that go down? Then it occurred to me that I have a sadistic streak or a dark sense of humour at least. One amazing thing I noticed was that I seemed more intuitive and switched on to things. Like the first Native Indian song I'd played immediately sounded very artificial, like the music you hear Native Indian's playing when they're being forced to bastardise their music for cash, you know, with all these cheesy synthesised sounds. I'd added this to my playlist for some reason. Instead I found just a solo pan pipe, simple and minimalist. Social encounters with dog walkers were less forced. I didn't seem so stressed about saying the wrong things, like I was able to let them do the talking and just respond. I'd stopped neurotically caring about looking bad. So it's the next day and amazingly I feel like there have been some permanent shifts in the quality of my consciousness. I hadn't seen that coming. I'd heard it said that psychedelics cause this but I'd somehow told myself it was only if you have these magic things called insights you have to go hunting for. But this is what I've noticed. Bullshit detector Lvl 2, 60% detection chance. it's like I just catch myself thinking something that's bullshit and immediately adjust my thinking with a quick reframe or something. it's like my authenticity meter shot up or something, or I became more aligned with the truth. Great Mountain Spirit - increased connection with mother earth allows hippy gear to be equppied. Can now move freely through festivals and raves Ralston's third eye - unlocks additional perspectives for critical thinking and contemplation. This is an interesting one. It's like I'm now able to pierce straight into the heart of an issue and see it in a brand new light, more directly. New, profound Insights just occur even as I'm mindlessly thinking about stuff. It's also like my mind is able to retrieve the relevant answer a lot quicker and the answer is simple and much more practical than I imagined. I can just cut through all the bullshit in my mind. So I was happy that I received some upgrades because I was worried I hadn't put in enough hard working during the trip and I also wanted my faith in psychedelics to be rewarded and to get some more drive for my personal development, which I now have in spades. I just can't believe this stuff. How dare they make it illegal! It gives you new passive abilities! Without you even trying. I'd been tired going into it too, so I didn't have the attention for intense contemplation, but that will come. I can just see how upping the dosage would change the experience and I'm excited about that and about the possibilities of what can be achieved with a tool like this. It literally restructures your brain!

@TheAvatarState Some awesome tales coming soon buddy It was a very profound, beautiful, spiritual experience and I have already noticed some major changes in my consciousness. I can't actually believe it, it's like I've been upgraded or something. And I didn't even need to fight any Balrogs.

@Bluebird @TheAvatarState@peanutspathtotruth And so it was that Frodo returned to the Shire. Those that saw him on that morning said he had a different look about him, the gaffer had even remarked that he looked a bit more..'adventured' somehow. Even though it had been a short trip it was his first, and in some ways, the first time you venture out, well, many say that's the greatest adventure of all, starting the journey. At least it would be up there for him, he decided as he sat there pondering under his favourite tree. Earlier that day Samwise had practically tackled him to the floor upon his return, so desperate was he to hear about life beyond the shire. 'Oh Sam, Frodo told him, they'll be plenty of time for that, once I'm rested.' 'Oh but please, you've gotta tell me something!' Sam implored. Frodo carried on walking, but glanced over his shoulder, smiled lovingly and said, 'one thing then...we're gonna need a bigger boat.'

Swallowed it in the end lol. Writing this in the middle of my very...well.....words of course fall short....state. Trying to figure out who the recipient of this message is? You, me? All much the same. That's all I can manage now haha. Hope you guys are all having a nice Christmas Eve - there I managed that formality haha. love you all

Thanks man, very touched that you remembered. Just prepping now. I have a noob question, do I just play the tab under my tongue? how long for? How will I know when it's all been absorbed?

Ok so when doing a certain type of meditation you're supposed to watch thoughts going by, but when I watch for thoughts I stop having any. The only time I have thoughts is when I forget what I'm supposed to be doing, then when awareness returns I'm like 'oh, I had a thought.' But I didn't watch it as such, it's more like I became it as awareness left. Is this a normal phenomena? Can anyone here actually 'watch' their thoughts consciously?

@Preetom What is it about thoughts that makes them illusory? As opposed to something else which is real? Couldn't my experience of this moment be an illusion? Is that what we're trying to get to with enlightenment, to attain a state of consciousness where we see through this dream state into reality? Some gurus say that the experience of awakening is nothing special, that it's here right now, others say that there are unfathomable, unspeakable truths to be uncovered. I suppose all we can do is go deep into being and see for ourselves. I'm certainly over-thinking things. If thought is an illusion then I'm never gonna get it like this am I. The closest I can come to something pure is just letting go of seeking. Complete surrender. Is this the path? I suppose thought is better for describing the path than it is the destination @Anton Rogachevski So it's a state of not knowing, that's what we're after? That certainly feels good to me. The subject\object relationship dies and there is just experience. But is there something beyond this? Once we go deeper?

if all is one and thoughts are just a modulation of awareness, why is there so much emphasis in spirituality on detaching from thoughts and thoughts being illusion? If all is one then surely thoughts are as much a part of the whole as anything else and are no more of an illusion than awareness itself. Why would I identify with awareness as opposed to a thought if ultimately they are comprised of the same thing?

@Jack River Thanks Jack. I'm going to soak in your words fully and then come back to you with any questions I have. There's bound to be a few

Ramana Marharshi talked about the true self residing in 'the heart on the right,' and that thoughts travel from the heart up to the head to become the 'I' thought. But if we're not our bodies, how can we say the true self resides in the heart?

@DrewNows Look for whatever it is, in my experience, that's unchanging? But that just seems like awareness. I can find this easily. Is there something more? Also, my thoughts must also be comprised of my true Self as the knowing of them is always there and this knowing is awareness. So perhaps that's the answer - it's awareness, the knowing, this is my true self. But most teachers suggest there's more that can be discovered after years of meditation, self enquiry etc. That's what I'm interested in. I just can't understand where the hell that is as all I can experience is awareness. Or should I say all awareness can experience, is awareness Perhaps the rest of the work is just reversing our programming, getting rid of the 'I' thought, the subject/object distinction, which is so ingrained.

@DrewNows Is it awareness becoming aware of itself?

@SOUL ok, I can dig that. You're saying that in a non-dual sense awareness is just another piece of the puzzle? It's no different from a thought or anything else. Rupert Spira says thought is a modulation of awareness so I can see how this makes sense. Then the true Self....this is different from awareness right? The heart on the right as Ramana Maharshi called it. @Anton Rogachevski It's easy to objectify awareness in this game isn't it? Can I ask you, is awareness the same as the true self? Or just another aspect of duality? Some people imply that everything is made up of awareness and others imply that there's something beyond that, some kind of primal nothingness. I'm gonna be tripping for the first time in a few days so I might have some answers then, but fancied a bit more jibber jabber in the meantime

@Jack River Right I think I'm getting this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're saying that the self-loop largely arises from the 'perception' of a thought after the thought has occurred? So the best thing to do is just allow thoughts to pass unhindered and stay present? Like a river flowing unhindered. I can see how this would break the subject/object loop and stop you assuming you're the one watching your thoughts.

@OneLittleHumanMind Yes this is an interesting point that I hadn't considered, that wanting to let go of wants is indeed another want. At present there are still many wants that I feel attached to and that cause a level of suffering, but I'm able to experience a state of 'not wanting' when I remember to, and this feels very blissful. What would be more productive though, if, like you say, I can learn to accept wants when they're there and not attach to them. Otherwise I'm just hiding from them by moving into this state of 'not wanting.' This is definitely feeding into my false sense of self isn't it.

Ok I'm a little freaked here, this guy took 200ug of LSD and went down the fucking rabbit hole and he's an experienced tripper. It sounds quite cool though as he had had a non-dual mystical experience, but still sounds quite insane. I'm doing 150ug so not much less....oh well...the wheel's in motion now. What do you guys think?

@SOUL Yeah we really have to watch those assumptions don't we. I love how just a simple investigation of the language we use can uncover them. It's just remembering to do it. Really helpful to have these assumptions pointed out by others. I think I can see what self enquiry is getting at. It's one thing to realise you're not the 'I' thought but to really live that, to let go of all of your old habits of falling back into it - maybe that's where the bulk of the work lies