Wisebaxter

Say it just as you're ejaculating, then you can put it down to just 'being in the moment' if she doesn't say it back.

@Highest Dammit weed just makes me paranoid as hell these days and I can't do anything spiritual on it. I smoked too much for too long I think. This is awesome though dude!

One issue I'm having with self inquiry is, Leo talks about 'focusing' on awareness, almost as if it's a concentration exercise, but Rupert Spira says that it's about relaxing your attention as you can't make awarenesses into an object. He says that it's a 'non practice' that requires you not to do anything at all with your attention. You just let it fall back into itself. Any ideas where my confusion lies? Maybe their outlining two different approaches for arriving at the same result. Spira does mention self inquiry at the end of this video, almost as if it's slightly different. He refers to it as a 'concession' in the teaching to help you get to the stage he's referring to.

@Truth Addict Thanks a lot for all your help on this one buddy. I actually had an awakening experience on the same day we were having this discussion, perhaps because you encouraged me to talk about why I was on the path. I think that asserting this, my desire for connection and transcending ego, may have activated something, but who knows.

This is all awesome guys. I'll answer in a bit more depth soon. I had a mini mystical experience tonight so I want to take some time out to integrate it before I get lost in monkey mind lol. Much love to you all

@Truth Addict Regarding the whole 'wasting time' thing, I think I feel that way because so many people practice this stuff their whole lives and don't become enlightened. You also hear people like Adyashanti and Rupert Spira say things like 'it took me years to realise that this approach was wrong.' For example Adya was using concentration meditation for years before he realised that residing as awareness was the best way to reach enlightenment. I can't help but feel that if someone can correct me or help me avoid a mistake which is easily rectified, then that's preferable to discovering it on my own. But I might be wrong about this. As for what I'm after..that's a good question and something I need to contemplate more. I guess I want to experience (although it's not an experience as such) the bliss, love and peace that comes from realising my true nature, because identifying with ego has certainly not helped in this regard, especially by engaging with lower needs you mentioned. I want to connect with the whole as I can feel it calling to me. I don't want to be separate, I want to become the truth. Yes I know, I...I...I....I lol. I may not be as underdeveloped as I appear to be. I think I come across as a bit of a rookie as I ask a lot of questions and don't claim to have had any mystical experiences, but I have felt the calling of Teotl my friends The seed of my true nature grows within me and gets stronger every day. So I want what any sincere seeker on the pathless path wants...to let this seed of truth shine and to remove Maya.

@Anton Rogachevski Hey buddy! Glad you dig my questions Ok, so it's not a question of choosing one, it's about the situation and what's required, where I choose to flap or glide...I can dig that. I also need to develop the faith that in time, with enough patience and presence, the answers will be revealed to me

@abrakamowse So once we discover what's behind the sense of 'I am,' we discover our true nature? What, in your experience, is the best way to get there?

@Truth Addict I was quite intrigued by Leo's method of self inquiry that he outlines in his new video though, which entails just observing observation/awareness, without questions. Questions through me off a bit as I can easily get lost in monkey mind again. This is the challenge of spirituality I find, honing your techniques, experimenting. Also, when you don't really know the end result you're after, this makes matters harder as you have nothing to measure yourself by. I struggle with the idea that I'm doing something wrong and wasting time. Thanks everyone for your help

@Zigzag Idiot I see, so Leo's 'do nothing' technique is similar to Spira's 'resting as awareness' technique, which isn't really a 'self inquiry method as such. That's good to know. Do you think they're both trying to get you to the same place though i.e a realisation of what awareness is?

That sounds awesome dude. I'll have to look into Yin Yoga. What other stuff arises for you in this state you mentioned? Good luck with the gal, glad you've met someone you really like

@Highest Ah thanks man, that makes a lot of sense and is really helpful. So I'm aiming for the awareness that is behind the sense of 'I am' because this 'I am' is ego-based.

@Serotoninluv So if you're entering a calm state of mind, does this mean you're 'relaxing' awareness? You're not focusing on anything per se until a question arises?

@Highest Can't 'I am' also refer to 'all is one?' If there is only 'one' there must also be only one 'I.' Maybe Rupert is referring to the universal 'I am' and not the conceptual one. I get your point though. I'm probably still stuck in the egoic 'I am' when I practice this. Thanks for your help.

@Dumb Enlightened The way I'm doing inquiry is to skip all of the 'asking questions' parts (which I've done a few times) and go straight to where they're supposed to lead you, which is to the sense of 'I am.' Leo told me the questions are only to get you there so you can focus on this 'I,' with no questions, you just focus, until you have a mystical experience and recognise it's nature. But this is where I've currently got a bit stuck as I don't now whether to focus or to relax awareness. 'Focusing' awareness implies there is an observer and object, which is why relaxing awareness seems to make more sense if as you say, the goal is to let the 'observer/object divide collapse.

@Highest Ah I see. But isn't there a difference between the conceptual 'I' and the real 'I'? The sense of 'I am' is the true Self, no? Or is this the 'awareness becoming aware of itself' that you referred to?

@Dumb Enlightened This is the same problem I have. If I relax the mind I have nothing to anchor me, so thoughts come in. Spira does say that you should let that happen though and not be in a battle with your thoughts. He says you can become aware of the fact that thoughts are comprised only of awareness, which is pure 'knowing-ness.' In other words, the knowing of a thought is the awareness. But if I try to focus on awareness, my attention just jumps around as awareness itself is formless.

I'm still a little unsure how to know exactly when I've managed to focus in on awareness, especially as I hear it's comprised of nothingness. Leo said to become aware that you are aware, but when I do that I worry I'm just focusing on the concept of 'I am aware.' Or do I just follow my awareness and watch what it does, a bit like Adyashanti's True Meditation? I still can't work out if he's basically describing self inquiry with that technique. Should I perhaps be focusing on 'no thought,' or 'the void,' as essentially that's awareness, isn't it? Focusing on the quietness? Any tips would be awesome. Help a poor monkey out

@AstralProjection I read that Amitriptyline can make you sleepy. This isn't the case for you then? Also, how would you describe the effect? Just very mellow?

@Jordan94 I started with Modalert rather than Armodafinil to ease myself into it. also Modalert is supposed to be a bit better quality wise than Modvigil too but not hugely so. It has been a little more-ish for me though so watch out for that. I do find myself craving it a little, but I have that kind of personality so this won't necessarily be the case for you. I know others who don't have this issue at all. I think I just crave the feeling of relaxation I get from loss of monkey mind. But then again monkey mind doesn't exactly come back full force when I don't take it. It's like most things pleasurable I guess, there's always a level of self-discipline needed. But I have a particular mind with a particular set of experiences and drives. Thought I'd better mention this though as it's only right to give a clear picture of my experience.

Yeah Leo's 'noting' method, (developed by Shinzen Yung I believe) will help you I think because the act of noting and focusing on what you've noted for a few seconds helps calm your monkey mind. Otherwise the mind will jump around quite a lot from object to object.

When they confide you about emotional issues or problems, be careful offering too much masculine empathy and trying to solve all of their problems. Sometimes they just want someone to listen, understand and be emotionally available. See Leo's video on masculine vs feminine empathy. After they've shared it all with you, you can gently offer some guidance, but I find this works best by asking questions and getting them to come to conclusions naturally.

Another Modafinil note, watch out for any ego backlash you might get from any increased consciousness work you might be doing. If you step up your game in this area very quickly, be ready for any resulting emotions or energy that may be released. I've experienced some of this over the last couple of days and it's been quite intense. All good though eh? Also, I find that focusing on awareness whilst on Modafinil makes me really start to feel 'high,' almost stoned. it can be quite pleasant but tonight I took 400mg and was buzzing so hard I had to stop. Funny eh? That a certain practice would have this effect. Focusing on awareness must have a certain physical effect on the body that reacts to the Modafinil somehow.

@KyleR I think weed gets related to creativity because the stuff makes you intensely present with whatever you're doing and you get lost in it. But that happens naturally when you develop your skill at whatever you're doing. The idea that one would need weed for creativity is such a trap, because all of a sudden when you don't have it you're fucked. You tell yourself 'but how I find inspiration?' Linking creativity to a substance is a bad way to go in my opinion. It's like kicking your muse in the crotch. I'm speaking from experience as I did it for many many years and could never create anything when I wasn't high

After having sex with her tonight I brought up the idea that I don't actually know if she exists. She assured me she does and sounded convincing, so what's going on here? Leo said in his recent video that nobody exists but me, so why can I see and interact with all of these other bodies moving around? Also, why am I spending all my time loving them if they're just an illusion? Yeah I know, more concepts and mental masturbation here, but I can't help it. This idea of me being the only thing that exists seems completely implausible and is making me doubt it all, which hasn't happened in ages. Please, can one of you, although you may not actually exist, explain what's going on?