Wisebaxter

@Zigzag Idiot yeah man, well put. To be honest since experiencing some crazy stuff myself (synchronicity, infinite love) I'm far more open to anything now. Sometimes the voice of the old me pipes up out of the blue and says 'really?' I come from a materialistic background so it's just old wiring, but my heart tells a different story. Glad your digging his videos. I can't stop watching them. He's doing a 2 day event just up the road from me in London right now. So wish I was there. My ex decided to buy a ticket so she's going. I'm having to love this feeling of jealousy that's arising in me now lol

Thanks for posting this on here @Zigzag Idiot Matt Kahn's version of shadow work is simply to recognise and love our inner child and to not ignore it while we focus on these lofty spiritual sentiments while it gets left behind and ignored. So I wouldn't say he argues against shadow work as such. He stresses the point that it has to be a loving approach where we compliment ourselves, no matter what we do, realising that even a seemingly heinous act is a cry for help from a part of ourselves that hasn't been acknowledged. Actually, in another video he goes even further and says it's a cry from the collective consciousness which needs healing. The act or judgement etc didn't even come from us as there is no 'us' in an individualistic sense, which all of us know here. This also helps us not to feel ashamed. Here's the video where he mentions it: A lot of spiritual teachings advocate a form of ego shaming where the ego is seen as being evil etc. He says this isn't helpful as it's actual denying what needs to be recognised and healed. I can say that from having carried out the practice of 'loving whatever arises' he teaches (check out his book of the same title, it's awesome) it really does work. He says the universe won't deliver the deepest spiritual awakenings until be can become purely heart-centred and heal all of our pain through acknowledgement and love. Some of his other practices are: Going out and blessing everyone that passes you with 'may you be blessed' which heals their hearts and our own and saying 'I love you' to ourselves over and over whenever pain arises - place your hand on the area that feels uncomfortable, or on your heart, which is the centre of the universe I've cut down on my spiritual checklist now massively and I'm only really using Matt's teachings for the time being (at least until my shadow is integrated) which are simple, direct and practical. I've neglected loving myself for years due to feeling that the people who should have loved me, didn't. I had no idea that I was perpetuating my own suffering by denying myself this love. Everything is changing for me now. My anxiety levels have gone down, I'm more at peace, and I no longer hide from any pain that arises. He says that a lot of people collect spiritual knowledge and find it hard to progress on the path. I was one of those people. We really need to unite the mind and the heart. Matt is amazing. A very interesting character too. Says he was visited by angels when he was 8. Even if it's hard to take on board some of the more 'woo woo' claims sometimes, I can't deny his teachings just..work. Here's an interesting image I downloaded from his Facebook, which really resonates with me somehow. He says he was in a church or something looking at an image of Jesus and he suddenly received what he referred to as a 'Christ consciousness upgrade.' Notice the little orbs behind him. He says they're the angelic enlightened masters that have followed him around since he was 8. The best thing about it for me is, he's still clutching a shopping bag, containing what he says is a very expensive olive oil one of the comments read 'wow Matt, I think it was the Olive oil that triggered this upgrade, as its such a pure substance

This was exactly what I needed to read right now as I'm in the worst ego backlash ever. It is definitely fear-based and I'm having to really face it and ask those tough questions like you said. I'm gonna carry on doing that. This is spot on. I think I attempted to storm the gates of heaven using psychedelics without being stable enough first. So I had a growth spurt but have been unable to sustain in and it's backfired somehow. I think it's like @Stoica Doru said, I had a glimpse all of of the crap stored up in my ego and realised the extent of what's needed, which was a bit disheartening. I'm not sure though. All I know is, I was smashing it big time, meditating daily, off of weed, exercising, calming my monkey mind, but now all the habits are gone and it's chaos again lol. But then I had a thought - it's ego backlash. This has comforted me a bit, because I feel I can explain it now. Maybe it's a placebo, but it makes sense as I did a lot of acid recently and got a lot of growth.

Ok so I've tripped 6 times now, my highest dose being 300ug, and still haven't experienced ego death, at least in the way it's been described to me by others. I've felt a profound sense of connection with reality, experienced the fact that 'being' is all there is and felt an intense love for everything, a stronger love than I've ever felt in my life. It's been life changing in many ways and always blows me away. I've had really deep insights from a psychological point of view and also about the nature of existence, the fact that it's so playful, stuff like that. But I've still felt my ego present throughout. I have to admit I do find it a little hard to stay focused on existential inquiry, asking 'Who am I?' etc. I just start having insights about my life flowing out of me and get excited and distracted by those, along with music of course lol. Leo mentioned that doing inquiry whilst tripping is important, so perhaps next time I should really focus on that. I kind of assumed that ego death would just happen without it. At the beginning of a couple of the trips I started feeling a bit panicky, like I couldn't breath properly, and I felt incredibly tired, like I just wanted to sleep more than anything else in the world, but it was unpleasant and scary so I fought it. I felt like I might die if I fell asleep. Could this have been the beginning of something? Makes me think I still have too much fear in me. I do suffer from anxiety quite badly. I haven't really got my life situation sorted either. I have a few hang ups and neurosis that still dominate my conscousness quite a lot. Stage Orange stuff around needing success and recognition. I need to get the lower levels of Maslow's triangle sorted too, basic security stuff. My finances suck. So there's a lot that I still haven't let go of or got handled I suppose. So what do you guys think? More basic personal development needed? I have been a bit of a lightweight with my meditation, self inquiry, contemplation. Only meditated solidly every day for a few months and never for massive sessions. Around 30mins. I always get confused as to what type of meditation is best too, for enlightenment. Or just maybe just let go more during the trips? Leo mentioned the body load being heavy on LSD. I definately agree. I feel so physically blissful that this distracts me a bit. And those visuals...man, just seeing those feels mystical to me. So beautiful, like nothing I've ever seen. It's like God is putting on a show for me. Or I am, for myself. I have to admit it's felt pretty mystical at times but my damn ego just won't budge haha. Or maybe now's the type to switch over to mushrooms. I still haven't tried those. Or just go full steam ahead with some 5-MeO DMT.

Unfortunately weed makes me more unconscious these days, has for a while but I still can't kick it fully. I'm not smoking it as much though. I find it hard to meditate on it as my mind is racing so much Do you find it's a good aid then? I've had the best results with Modafinil in terms of consciousness stuff

@TheAvatarState I'd struggle to find a trip sitter as I'm a one man wolf pack and don't socialise much at the moment Maybe if I did it in a hotel I could call the front desk if things got crazy. Or ask them to check in on me as I'm doing a dangerous type of yoga or something where I dislocate my joints. I have no idea what to do a about a sitter. I'm probably gonna have to use 5-MeO DMT to avoid that risk at the moment. Although I felt quite with it on 300ug. Would another 200ug really get me that out of it to the point where I lose touch with reality? I have to say the difference between 200ug and 300ug was pretty insane.

@DrMobius Did you have to accept you were actually going to die before you died? Or were you just pulled into it?

@Robi Steel This was really helpful man, thank you. I had a feeling it might be something along these lines but I was avoiding it haha. I was hoping for a nice, clean ego death with no actual sacrifice or effort needed To be honest I didn't even know what it really meant, but now I do thanks do you. This will be the way forward for me then. Complete surrender. I have a weird thing in the library where my eyes just intuitively land on books that have messages for me in the title, or on the back of the book. I know it sounds crazy, but some of the messages have been uncanny, especially one I had whilst tripping once. I was feeling some anxiety about something to do with my health, nothing major, I was just being paranoid as usual, when my eyes just fixated on a book. The title was 'Hope to Die.' I picked it up and as the authors name was Alex 'something' (Alex is my name) it read 'Hope to Die Alex' as the authors name was under the title lol. So the universe was saying to me, the thing you're worrying about, is the thing you should be hoping for. It completely calmed my nerves. Another time whilst coming up on acid I had vivid images of the police searching around the house as I'd been found there dead. But weirdly, I felt ok with it. It seemed so natural. Then I was at my funeral and it was all fine. But I suddenly started to panic as the images got really dark and disturbing and I had to distract myself with something lol. I should have probably gone deeper into all of this though as I was obviously been helped to deal with stuff in a way that I myself would never have thought to try.

Just fit a bottle to the end of your member, problem solved

For me a Law of Attraction combined with a mindfulness-based approach has worked the best for rewiring my subconscious mind. Pro-actively setting intentions to see things in a different way and making sure I'm ever-vigilant as to the meaning I'm applying to things around me. Becoming deeply aware of how meaning is constructed by me, the mechanisms there. How I label my emotions and why I do that. I'm setting alarms and making new intentions (intention is massively significant in this work), performing daily rituals like visualisation, using mantras, We're talking about overwriting old patterns of behaviour with new, consciously built ones. It's a powerful, deeply fulfilling way of living, to take control again. Like in Leo's understanding awareness exercise where he quotes Ouspensky: Man cannot move, speak or think of his own accord. He's a marionette, pulled hither and thither by invisible strings. If he understands this he can learn more about himself, and then possibly things will begin to change for him. But if he cannot realise this and he cannot understand his other mechanicalness, if he does not wish to accept it as a fact he can learn nothing more and things cannot change for him. Man is a machine but a very peculiar machine. He is a machine which in the right circumstances with the right treatment, can know that he is a machine and having fully realised this he may find ways to cease to be a machine. This following video has been huge in my life. For me it blends non-dualiy with Law of Attraction. This guy explains it in such a clear way too, about how it all comes down to the meanings we give to symbols. Swami Yogananda is the man as well. He doesn't have many hits on Youtube, but he was a direct disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda's. His videos are gold

I think the fact modafinil quietens your mind and improves your focus, enables you to dig deeper into the thoughts that do occur with a greater clarity and concentration, to see how you're creating meaning all the time. I've been noticing so much self-deception today, almost constantly. It's almost like I've been able to take a step back a look at my actions from a more zoomed out perspective. I can see much more clearly how I've been applying meaning to everything based on my agenda and my beliefs. It's freaked me out a bit as I'm noticing it more and more. Don't know if anyone else had found they've had more spontaneous insights on modafinil, or had more clarity in general. I feel it's almost like a 'woke' pill. Keeps you woke and awake lol.

@Karla It's funny, I was just thinking about authenticity. Recently I've made myself be more honest with myself and others and now I find myself having a lot of these moments where I become aware of my own lies, inner manipulations to serve my agenda, automatic behaviours etc. It's been amazing and I'm very please. I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed because of it, like there's so much to address and deal with. Have you felt like that at all? My identity and web of meanings are being deconstructing quite quickly. Like I've just yanked on the yarn and it's come unravelled fast. Now I'm attempting the clever metaphor thing possibly as hyperbole to add a sense of drama lol. It's stuff like this. Am I just trying to sound poetic? Why do I care, it seems trivial, but I'm questioning my behaviour all of the time. I realised today that I have this obsession with trying to be funny all of the time. I'm wondering why I do it. I haven't necessarily decided it's a bad thing yet, but the fact that it's there. Perhaps it's more accurate so say I'm questioning more and not as caught up in monkey kind. The Armodafinil must be helping with that.

@Zigzag Idiot The visuals I saw on LSD were beautiful beyond anything I could have imagined, so I'd imagine DMT is quite a ride as I've heard reports of people crying at the beauty of what they saw. One person said it feels more real and vivid in some of those distance places than real life does, which boggles my mind when I try to imagine that. I think they were referring to the sharpness of it all, the colours etc, maybe more than that though. I want to try DMT but I'm quite nervous. I know I shouldn't be, you just never know what to expect do you. Was it leagues stronger than LSD in your experience? And very different? Might be hard for you to say though as you weren't able to relax like you wanted to. Will you do it solo next time around?

@Zigzag Idiot Haha yeah I thought the same. He got a bit of stick in the comments, which I can't help reading but always end up shaking my head at due to all the ignorance. I'm working on getting to the stage where I feel compassion for people who are so critical or stuck in their ways. I remember what life used to be like when I was so sceptical all the time. A lot less magical and interesting, that's for sure

@Karla Yeah it was different to see someone questioning themselves so openly and sharing their train of thought from a non-egoic perspective. I've heard quite a few times that honesty and authenticity is such an integral part of raising your consciousness, as you're able to see through illusion easier. It also leads to more love being experienced as there's no deceit or manipulations needed in order to survive. Leo's video really inspired me to be more honest and allow myself to be more vulnerable. Having that kind of relationship to life opens you up in so many ways. I think that's the reason we all love stuff that's 'live,' it has the same quality of truth to it.

@Serotoninluv thanks for sharing all that bro, really loved reading it and agree whole heartedly with everything you said. The Modafinil creates a mental environment where high growth is a lot easier and so the effects of this are bound to remain. It's like a painter being able to paint in the middle of a big city with no distractions and therefore develop his art a lot faster. I'm on Armodafinil today and I bloody love it. I forgot how good this stuff was. I'm going to perform an experiment soon, 15 days of Armodafinil and 'complete un-attachment from everything.' I'll just do 'sit and do nothing' all day every day and keep a journal of the effect it has on me. The last time I took Modafinil consistently I had a very brief mystical experience so I'm optimistic I can get some more of that action going

@Angelo John Gage I feel like I need to contact Haddaway and explain things to him, in case he's still torturing himself over this question Or I'll just give him some LSD

Ok, so in a non-dual sense, all is God and God is all loving, that's one of the fundamental aspects of God, so I've heard teacher's say and so I've experienced on Psychedelics. But how then can God experience this thing it calls hatred? If God is a smart mind and my mind is included in that, my mind can conceptualise something it calls hatred, so this must also be God's experience, if all is God. So, God does have the capacity for hatred.... Why then is God thought to be pure love and this is taught as the thing to attain? Is it because this is the result of evolution and expanding consciousness? We do seem to be being pushed towards love, which could be God trying to awaken to itself. But If I've hated, God has hated, as my mind is it's mind. Even if my I is conceptual, that's still God having a concept of hatred and experiencing it. Where am I going wrong?

@Zigzag Idiot Wow, you gotta watch that man, it's incredible. Brought tears to my eyes. Let me know what you think of it

@Zigzag Idiot One thing I keep experiencing on LSD is this drive towards being authentic and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It's such a rare thing for people to do when we're caught up in the game of survival. Leo's live enlightenment video really had a profound effect on me, the way he put that out there. It's made me want to do more live stuff, like I did when I recorded my tripping experience. I want to come together with other people who are just completely genuine and connect. That's why I love the people on this forum so much.

@Nahm Yeah I hadn't the whole particle/wave thing as a duality until now, that's very interesting. I'll certainly read more into that, why it can't be solved etc. Reiki classe huh? I don't know much at all about Reiki so had no idea it could have such a profound effect, unlock those kind of abilities etc. Cutie and I had a mystical experience on LSD the other day where we developed a telepathic link, so it would be cool to build on that some more. I'm gonna take those classes for sure and I'll let you know how it goes. I do a lot of Law of Attraction stuff and I know a bit about the universal laws. Every day I'm trying to utilise them more and more. @winterknight's book is a good read? Cool, I'll pick that one up. I've heard some others praising it too. I'm still digesting this little gem...

Beautiful man, this is exactly the way I'm seeing it as the moment. Every time I trip on LSD the thing that hits me the most is the intensity of the love I feel. last time it was like my heart was about to explode. After every trip I'm feeling more loving too, as if its staying me with and I can connect to it throughout the day more.

@Nahm Ok I get this now.....I'm still, without realising it, stuck within concepts, seeing as they're such sneaky things. There are phrases within spirituality that you end up attaching to, like unconditional love etc, because they have such an air of truth to them, but I have to remember they're still only pointers. You're saying that because reality is infinite, it has to be able manifest as all things, including an experience of hatred. Even if it is a fabrication, it's still a possibility so it has to exist. So reality is really just what I'm experiencing it as, at any time? Whether it's me here creating more concepts, or me unattaching to them and connecting to the truth directly. It depends on the experience I decide to have, or that God decides it wants to have. If it wants to fully experience itself, it will.

Man what a time for her to bring up something like that, or maybe she didn't realise it would have such a drastic effect. Also, if you hadn't been expecting a trip of that magnitude it must have really thrown you. I'm nervous about trying DMT. I might skip to 5-MeO instead as I don't know if I can handle how warped it is, with all the alien entities etc. For me LSD is strong as hell and I'm only done up to 300ug. Each trip is a life-changing experience and is do damn intense, if DMT is much much stronger than that....well, maybe I should be brave. Have you tried it again since?

@Preetom I'd agree with you in most cases and I do suffer from the occasional bout of monkey mind, lol, but occasionally I think that receiving the right teachings can steer you in the right direction? Maybe concepts can act as good signposts and stop you getting lost, as long as you see them as ultimately untrue maybe and accept they're pointing to something much deeper. I do sometimes get more confused through asking questions on the forum and getting so many responses, but with this thread I've had a few 'aha moments.' Saying that....it could be because I did LSD the other night and experienced the truth directly lolol. Now I've come back on this thread and everyone's words make sense. So this does support what you said. Perhaps the winning combo is some teachings plus direct experience