Wisebaxter

@Leo Gura I see now, thank you. You can either imagine yourself to be a separate part, a form, or wake up out of the dream and realise yourself as God. Like an actress that gets lost in her role.

@MiracleMan Spot on man, loved that. It was just what I needed to hear. I'm making progress with this issue now. I feel much more empowered and I'm making wiser choices.

@Joseph Maynor This clicked something in me, thank you. I feel more in control now. I was seeing the ego as separate from God and saying things like I'm taking a back seat so God can take over. I was stuck in this self deception for ages. I was shunning any form of control over anything. Does this mean that the Self with a capital S is some kind of intent? Or intelligence? Because it certainly feels like I'm directing something. I mean awareness is imagining choices. Whether it's true or not, or just a concept, awareness is having that experience.

@Natasha Thanks Natasha, I've watched that video but it still eludes me lol. I guess that's the things about strange loops though. I'll get there. That picture Leo posted, of the eye looking back at itself. That really helped. I can see now how I'm the universe/God watching itself

So reality is on an infinite loop, I think I'm getting it now. But how do we relate that to the strange loop that occurs when the human mind tries to grasp infinity? How are they the same phenomena? Just the loop aspect? This question might not even make sense as I don't think I'm grasping strange loops at all.

@Sri Ramana Maharshi Cool dude, I had considered how paradox might be playing a part here. That's really opened up some new lines of enquiry for me. Hell yeah, Adyashanti's voice is really soothing. He has a lot of content addressing this issue too, but his is more pending an awakening experience and I don't think I've had one yet. I think I've raised my consciousness and I've done some LSD and felt really connected and a deep love, but I haven't experienced the absolute, or no-ego. of course I'm it right now, it's nowhere else, but still hidden from me. Planning to do some mushrooms soon. I need to up the ante a bit. Will check Sri Nasargadatta Maharaj, thanks for that

@abrakamowse Haha I think I'd be pissed if I found out the general was gambling with my life like that. Surely a general is prized on his own ability to make the best decisions? Saying that, maybe the coin toss was the best decision. Funny story though. I'm gonna try it and report back

What I mean is, after you've asked the question do you then rest as awareness, with the question in your mind and wait for the collective consciousness to get involved? I mean wait those spontaneous insights that just occur when you're not trying? Or...are you racking your brain a bit to figure it out? Or both? I have a feeling the answer might be both, but wanted to check

@abrakamowse I toyed with using a dice and becoming the dice man But do you think a coin is better? Better to have just two choices?

@Psyche_92 Yes, I feel deep down you're right, my ego or need for comfort has created this idea so homeostasis can remain. I am becoming fucked up, as Christ-like as I pretend I'm being with all this 'learning to be happy with nothing' stuff. This leads into what @Aaron p says here: I'm rejecting stage Orange impulses I think. Especially because I have shit self-efficacy. I feel no empowerment in life anyway so it's easier to just give power away. I equate progress with ego too. I tell myself that all that need for progress and all those wants were part of the old me.

@Joseph Maynor @Leo Gura mentioned it, in Free will vs determinism. But maybe I took it the wrong way somehow. I laughed uncontrollably for a while and felt completely liberated, but since then I've had this dilemma being caused by not knowing how much control I should be exerting. Control feels like ego to me you know?

@ajasatya Thank you, I think you're right. I have a very controlling mind so this issue has rocked me quite heavily.

@Matt8800 This is interesting, so you're saying that the personal will, once strengthened, evolves into the divine will? But how do I surrender my ego whilst at the same time developing a will of steel? The two seem directly opposed?

@SoonHei I watched the shorter one and it was useful The other guy, Roger I think, seems great, watched a bit of that one. Looks like he goes into a lot more depth, which is great. Like the way you managed to pull up two relevant videos on this so quickly/

@tenta Good point. So does this mean I should just let it happen? God wants to wear a mask maybe and play with forms. I mean, why else would an ego have been created? I guess my main issue is deciding, do I try and play a part, or just sit back and let shit happen? What do you do?

@SoonHei This is kind of my issue though, because I have it in my head that I've made bad decisions. I was hoping I could tap into something deeper that could kind of take over and run the show. That's very helpful, thank you. You've intuited somehow that I'm attached to results a bit too much. I definitely need to just take take action and learn to happy with what happens. In terms of making that decision though, about what exactly to do work-wise... This must be the key to making a good decision. Combining the two. So I'm operating as an ego but realising it as the will of God. Perhaps if I learn to embrace forms and dualities more and kind of play with them. Teotl is playful after all Again, letting go of results...is key here. I'm going to contemplate this.

@Truth Addict I might be getting my ass kicked right now. It feels that way. Perhaps that's God deciding. I wish it would just sit me down on my PC and start job hunting though Do I wait until I actually want to do that then? Is that what it means to just not known and let the universe decide? Or when it's ready to exert the Illusion of control maybe, or get tough on itself. Leo has talked a lot about emotional labour and how we need to fight through it.

@tsuki Yes I think this is the key. My suffering must be a sign that I need to take action. Problem is I can't help but wonder if it's a sign that I need to let go more and not give a shit lol. Maybe I'm unconsciously using that as an excuse because I don't want to take action. Would you mind just elaborating a bit on this? Do you mean this relationship needs to be severed or preserved?

@Nahm Well I'm into music production and since surrending my will I've actually felt more creatively driven, so that's cool. I'm aiming to turn it into a career. But I think I need to get fired up more in general. This is a longer term goal. I have to create some enthusiasm around what a low paying job could give me. I've got a bit used to my lifestyle, even though it's dull and a bit tough. Homeostasis has kicked in. I have a hard time thinking about wants, because I've always felt quite disempowered and not able to actualize much. So I have low self efficacy. I don't believe I can achieve those wants so thinking about them is hard. Self esteem is a big factor.

@flume I love how you're saying exactly what I've been considering and experiencing myself recently. Isn't it funny how the universe does that? Brings similar forms together. Sometimes I feel it's almost like a reward or just a result of having raised my awareness or experienced a truth. It's almost like I know what you're going to say next, like I wrote it, as crazy as it sounds. It's easy to start being neurotic over doing it 'right,' isn't it? It happens so unconsciously too until you can raise your awareness and observe it. As soon as you do any resistance almost becomes transmuted. It's the most blissful feeling for me. That welcoming. You mentioned your standards rising all the time. This makes me think about Leo's survival episode. Our spiritual egos become real entities that need feeding with validation. Nowadays I just love what arises though and I'm kind to these urges. Because it's easy to push them away or shame them. By acknowledging them you can transmute them with love. I've been using a more heart-centred approach to spirituality recently as I was fighting against everything before, negating parts of myself, just feeding the shadow basically lol. Now I've embraced that feminine energy a lot more I've had better results. I always ask myself 'how am i not loving this enough?' In terms of relationships, I can fall for the right person pretty quickly so I tend to be a bit more guarded here and still have some hang ups about commitment and opening my heart completely. For usual reasons, not wanting to be hurt, being afraid of hurting someone else etc. All the classics. Oh and being trapped in a bad relationship, don't forget that one. I've some dumb choices in the past. My heart is useless at choosing a mate it seems. Or maybe I've always used other parts of my body. Maybe my brain more as I've made shallow decisions to aid survival, like being with someone who's financially secure as has a nice place etc. I don't think I've ever truly loved a partner. It could be I avoid using my heart as I like to be more in control of the situation. It's hard to say. As for the crazy chick, I had a little moment of weakness where I arranged to meet her again, but still couldn't go through with it and bailed. She's fed up with me now lol and finally given up on contacting me. This is what I mean, was I using my heart there? I can't have been. I really thought I was for a second though. But beauty has such an effect on me, I might be confused Good question. Have you contemplated that much? I think I'm going to. My intuition tells me the more we can diminish the 'I' thought, the thing we say is thinking about the mind, the universe can work through us more to bring us insights and new experiences. For me, too much formal contemplation, like I said, makes my mind shut off. I've been making progress getting new insights and altering behaviours by surrendering my ego more through loving everything. The more faith I have that I have no control over what happens, that everything is already mapped out, the more empowering decisions seem to get made. Matt Kahn says we're the light of consciousness that can decide the reasons we've done things, what they mean, and job is to bless and love everything. We don't choose what happens, just how we react. The more I surrender to this the more it relaxes me and the more things change. Relaxation is key. How relaxed are we willing to be? Really like what you're saying there. Would be interesting to discuss victim mentalities, how they manifest. Along with gratitude, maybe loving the part of us that feels victimised and giving it the attention it never received, I think that's another key. I could discuss all this stuff with you until I was blue in the face

@flume Funny you should say this as I've recently realised that I've been exerting too much control in general, with creative tasks, personal development, spirituality. There's been this underlying feeling of pressure, to make progress, or do it right. I even end up even feeling guilty when I catch my mind wondering. I've been learning to relax as a daily practice for a few days so reading your post today was really relevant and helpful based on where I'm at. What a simple thing right? Just relax. When I do that the insights/answers come so much easier. Even the questions. You can even keep forcing yourself to figure out what questions to ask. I've been quite neurotic about it. It's like Alan Watts said, 'you can't try to improve yourself, just observe.' When you do this your intuitions seems to open up. It's like the universe can speak through you again, or as you. I feel this is the key insight for spiritual development in general. That's awesome because I never considered that writing like this could be used as a tool to empty the mind. Like a purge? Great. I'm going to give this a go. I've had such bad monkey mind for years. Again, just relaxing the body and your emotional state starts to slow you down and quieten the mind. Hadn't realised the magnitude of this until recently, how it's such a fundamental element on the path. I was being a slave driver to my poor mind I can even feel more awareness raising as well when I do it, quite drastically. Matt Kahn describes ego as the result of an overstimulated nervous system. When that system relaxes, healing can occur and an 'increased flow of intuitive guidance occurs.' So intuition is akin to feeling into your emotions for an answer? That's interesting. I was picturing intuition as being the process of having spontaneous insights, in this context anyway. I hadn't considered using the emotional realm as much, which is crazy. There's so much to this stuff. It often gets overlooked how emotions are a completely separate language to explore. I have to admit though, I find myself distrusting mine. I always worry that they may be just an element of my homeostasis, keeping me locked in a cycle. Say for example, I think 'should get back with my ex?' I could feel some yearning in my heart and take that as a yes, when it seems logically like a bad idea. Very simplified example I know. I just don't think I've explored my emotions enough to train myself. I bet that's given you great results. I need to be more regimented with gratitude practice. Matt Kahn says that it's good to get yourself into a place where you're naturally grateful, so it's just there all the time, I'd love to have that. My problem is I've spent so long stuck in a 'poor me' story, being negative and ungrateful that my mind naturally operates in a 'this moment is insufficient' state. Matt says sometimes you have to say 'I want to be more grateful,' for this or that, because the universe will know you're bullshitting it otherwise I have to admit when I say it this way I feel a lot better. Apparently it's just as powerful to even say the word 'gratitude' or express a desire for it. I say 'please, show me how to be more grateful, I want to be able to worship this beautiful creation,' whatever. So you're saying that being grateful helps get you in touch with your feelings? Or just helps to relax you? I can see how that would happen. I hear so many teachers stress the importance of it Ok, the answer was 'kind souls on internet forums who take the time to help others '

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks for sharing that dude. Most of the nerves are probably there due to the trauma of your previous experience and the powerful associations it created. I'd imagine that with persistance though, you can learn relax into the experience and to enjoy it, like the film Bladerunner for example takes a few watches. The fact that you're still going ahead with this is obviously a sign that you're meant to, as everything it meant to be. Something is pushing you towards DMT and it's my guess that when you can relax or when the universe allows you to, something amazing's going to happen and it will all make sense. You'll damn pleased you persisted. Or, if I happen to be wrong, then you can just lay this urge to rest. Either way, you'll have closure. I'm glad Leo's video helped you on this occasion. Definately try music next time though. I think I'll have to go with music for my first time. You might find it guides you somehow or acts as a backbone for the trip. You're a badass psychonaught bro. Love the work you're doing here. Can't wait to hear more

@tsuki I love this process. Something about it really resonates with me. I find myself getting stressed out when I ask a question as I expect the answer to be super shit-hot and flawless straight away. Seeing an answer as flawed will take some of the pressure off. You rule dude, thanks

@Wyatt Nice to know I'm not the only one that has that issue then. Wow, never thought about using imagery before when looking for answers. I'm kind of searching for concepts more I think, so maybe word based. If there are images I must be discounting them I'm gonna give it a try, writing stuff down too. When I do visualisations I have this thing were I talk to inner spirit guides and they're always in the same place, my mental sanctuary, so that's a very image based practice and works a charm actually for getting guidance on issues. My main spirit guide has an uncanny knack of giving me perfect advice. Thanks for helping me make this connection

Thanks dude. That sounds like an intuition based approach I think. I was concentrating too hard. It's weird, If I concentrate too hard my brain just refuses to answer.