Bluebird

Yeah dude, don't try and induce a thought loop of any kind. I'm just saying loops can take you deeper into infinite awareness, I'm not really sure how it works man. It mostly just happens or it doesn't for me. Again, good luck trying to induce ego death. I've tried it before, it took a high dose for it to happen and the result was NOT pretty! But now it happens easier.

Can confirm. I've been through everything he said. Thought loops (if you keep going deeper into them) lead to ego death. Go deeper into the loops, into the darkness. He says spiral out, I say go deeper. Same thing, different words. Also, the odds of experiecing a full ego death on you're first trip is fucking low. On top of that, you probably don't want to. Better off getting used to the substance a bit first and then going ego-death. Ego death is more likely at higher doses (my first full crazy ego-death was 600ug) but now I experience it much lower than that (150ug) and probably lower. Read my last trip report to get a better idea of what I mean, I've got like 3 or so reports. Loops are terrifying, and I don't know if there is a way to induce them except maybe self-inquiry. They start to literally make you go insane and panic, but beneath all that terror is universal love. And when you're in that, you'll realise (or not) that you've had an ego death. The way it felt to me was my life was an entire dream and I had finally woken up, I think I cried at the beauty of it all. I'd forgotten I had taken acid. Of course, I came back down, and here I am now. But I had questioned before, was that ego death. If you had to question it, it probably didn't happen.

@pluto Same bro

Haha, good call

The backstory I recently tripped again on 150ug of pure LSD-25. This is my first trip about 2-3 months after my last 600ug trip which went a bit awry from my normal perspective in life. I actually couldn't really remember it. I didn't even remember that I had a full-blown ego-death and resided in nondual awareness for what felt like a short lifetime. I've tripped on 150ug before and it was never like this time, because I had that breakthrough it's so much easier to go back into the ego-death experience now. And that happened again this time, and in tasting that again it brought back many memories of the 600ug trip. I actually started to panic a little bit as I went back into the ego-death, I started losing myself. Luckily I was more responsible this time, so I could resist the dosage a little bit... enough to be calmed down by my friend who I called and to remember that my trip sitter was always there if I start breaking stuff again. Once I grounded myself a bit, I decided to let go again and go into it and just surrender myself. So I surrendered myself. And man, It takes so much bravery to go into the love. But It's indescribable beauty. Indescribable. Prepare yourself for a bit of repetition to the insights I brought back. Going deeper & God's love Sometimes your in the nondual perspective and sometimes your not. That's okay because it's all just going deeper into it whether that's in it at the time or not. You're just setting yourself up for that next mindfuck. To just keep going deeper. The love is only possible when you're out of the love perspective. It only makes it better. Like how abstaining from music for weeks makes it better when you come back. The love comes from going deeper into yourself. It actually (literally) feels like my heart is unfurling, just peeling back and back, revealing deeper layers of gods love. It genuinely feels so tender, soft and warm. The more bitter it got the better it got. Breaking up makes coming back together so much more beautiful and meaningful. Getting lost in the woods makes getting found feel so good. The whole thing of life is just me going deeper and deeper into myself. I just kept going into the experience of deep insights into the nature of reality, and I am reality. Love is the only answer. It's all infinite love. It's an infinite love simulator, leo's description from the What is Love video was spot on. It just goes deeper. It just goes deeper (to infinity, and back again). I never got the reality is a strange loop thing before, intellectually sure, but actually, no. This time I summed up my entire experience of reality being an infinitely deep strange loop in this phrase: It just keeps going deeper. Infinite perfection! But It's all God's love and it just keeps going deeper. Your trapped in this loop, this psychedelic loop. But it's okay dude. Because it's all just God's love. Keep going deeper into the insanity. The nature of drifting off into this life is what makes coming back so beautiful. It's just an experience. Everything is just an experience to gain more perspectives. I remember Leo saying how if you make any distinction between ego-death and your actual death then you don't understand. Well I didn't understand. But I actually died, I experienced my ego (Jack, the person) losing himself and dying. But it was so beautiful that I surrendered to it fully. And holy fuck was it mindblowing. I totally see how when you die it will be the most beautiful realisation ever. I cried and cried realising I subjected myself to separateness and life out of love and I was back in that love and oneness. Mindfuck / Paradox It's all myself. Tripping myself out. Literally that is all there is. Me mindfucking myself, out of pure love. At one point when I was just busy being everything... I realised I was looking at myself, and everywhere I looked I was looking at myself. This started to really scare me, I couldn't run from myself, I couldn't escape myself. I started to panic and go insane a little bit, and I went deeper and deeper into fear and insanity. Started losing touch with everything and going on what people would call a "bad trip"... And then after going deeper and deeper I just found more of gods love. I can see how universal perspective has to, and wants to create this ego life to experience separateness. Life is just about getting lost. And eventually you'll come back and find yourself. It goes all the way down for you and then all the way back up again. It's all paradox. Reality is a strange loop. Every part contains every other part of itself. Before these were words, intellectual, but now I've had insight (at least to some - i feel, realitvely strong - degree) into each of them personally. Expression & Purpose It's all about expressing God's love. The hard part is expressing how beautiful is all is. How to put it in words? The word "Universe" (youniverse) felt so fitting, like it had to be that word. Same with the word's: "Ego Death", "Nature of Reality" Truth, Consciousness, Love. Honestly these aspects sum it up so beautifully, I couldn't see it before but now I can. There is a deep self-awareness and intelligence, mindfucking itself, and under all that is the deepest love of all. Infinitely deep love. The beautiful part is that I keep choosing to take myself deeper. That's the purpose of life. I chose to keep unfurling the layers of reality. A good way to describe it is: Indescribable. I want to express myself more, and because words have what feels like infinitely deep meaning when I trip. It makes them feel so powerful. Bringing something back Bringing something back is what it's about. I can see how the psychedelic is not going to take me all the way. That's where the meditation and spiritual experience comes in. It's important to get the glimpses, the insights, through the psychedelic. And then take that and develop universal love back in your ego life. I realised I'm creating this reality for myself. And the absolute keeps choosing life. In a very literal way all of this is my creation. And it is infinitely intricate, there is infinite meaning to everything, it's all here for me. I'm (ego-me) is always looking for a lesson, or insight. Then I experienced from the deepest existential perspective, there is no lesson, it's all absolutely meaningless. There doesn't have to be a lesson. And then in a strange loop way that is just a lesson, and it's infinitely meaningful. Paradox! See if you can take back the experience not just the words (like I am mainly now). I realised it's kind of fucked up that I can't experience nondual awareness in my normal life. That I am depending on this substance for it. The whole process of life is bringing yourself into alignment, without the psychedelic. How do I embody universal love (nonduality) more in my life? I likely won't trip again for another 3 months or so, I need more time to integrate my experience back into my life. Whereas before I started to trip every 2 weeks after recommendations on here to do so. Miscellaneous The whole bad trip of looking for your inner demons thing, which is what I do in my normal life, but also when tripping. I realised that's a great way to go into nondual awareness, the deeper you go into your demons the more you come into nondual self-consciousness, mindfuck and love. I had this crazy deep thing going on with my dog. It's literally just all the dog. And the dog is me. That is the nature of reality. Just gently teasing each other into waking up. Sending us messages through the other people (that's how it felt). Before I've felt the dog as separate, this time I realised was almost like a projection because I couldn't handle it was all just me. But I fully see (feel) it now. What you put into it. The intention. Is what you get out of it. And by that I mean all life, your entire life is gods intention. And this manifests in a similar way in ego form, where your ego intention creates the reality. I feel like I got a very light insight into this, and so take it with a grain of salt because I only had very slight direct experience here. Thoughts are what take you out of that nondual state. The whole life here is an intention. Which is a commitment, or thoughts? To me (ego) it feels a lot like the universal self is just tripping himself out. Life is the thought trip and the nondual state is without thought, when the trip is over. Where you just keep going deeper into God's love. And then you find yourself back in the separate state (ego). And it just seems to keep looping like that. Overall a good trip... Leo wasn't kidding when he said all the most profound insights are to be had at lower doses. High doses you just frolic with yourself in nondual awareness for what feels like an eternity and then you come down and bring fuck all back.

Yeah man, my first dose was 145ug. Was a huge mindfuck and really great. I realise in hindsight a very light ego death that I didn't fully go into (still resisting). But it'd be a little irresponsible to go higher first time because you have no clue how you'll react. Have a trip sitter of some sort, whether in person or someone you trust that you can call to calm you down if you get panicked. You've tripped once on mushrooms before (though I don't know how much) so you understand the experience. For sure most of the deep insights are to be had at the lower doses once you have a breakthrough. Whats a good beginner dose in your opinion? 100 - 150ug (cut your tab in half diagonally) Is one tab a certain amount of ug? tabs come in variants, normally 100ug 150ug or 300ug What are your favorite things to do while tripping on acid? Apart from experiencing mindfucks, ego-death and getting great insights which constitute 80% of the trip. Listen to your favourite trippy music (Tash Sultana is great for me) Eating pineapple is trippy as fuck - it really makes you think you're eating yourself Drink orange juice Go for a walk in nature and looking at trees and plants Look at the time regularly and laugh at how slowly time in moving (minutes can feel like hours) Doing inner work - personal problems, past traumas, solving problems in life, shadow work, etc. Relaxing and feeling the weight of my body Get loopy, LSD is very strange-loop, though-loopy, can be fun, beautiful or horrific Close my eyes and see where the visuals take me

@Tetcher It's all just projection, the same way we're projecting on to him

@Eric Tarpall You don't have to believe it, you can experience it. Even if you get it logically, you will still be miserable until you directly experience it. Also, was that an Alan Watts para-quote?

@ajasatya Do you have an example spreadsheet you use to track this data? Or what's your process for tracking the data.

@Tetcher Hald of the time I would have called it a bad trip, definitely not just a fun experience. But from a certain perspective @111111 is correct, if I just kept going back to tripping over and over again it would be like binge drinking alcohol to avoid facing the real work in life. By no means am I avoiding problems in life, very much I am tackling them head on but certainly I realise my meditation habit was flimsier than I would have liked. Regularly 20mins a day, most days for a while now. Stepping it up to 2 x 1 hour sessions a day now (also I just did a Vipassana course) and implementing more self-enquiry and Kriya. My practice was largely inner-work (shadow, anima, psyche, personal-dev, business) so now shifting more heavily towards the spirituality side. But if I didn't get that insight and try and integrate it into my life, it essentially becomes a fun experience. That's why I said it's what you bring back to integrate.

@SoonHei You get it. Hahahaha

@Leo Gura Yes, I really needed the direct experience insight through psychedelic to bring about the motivation to do so. Before I told myself I was meditating for spiritual experience, but it was really just because I thought it was a good thing to do. Now I'm actually doing it for the spirituality of it all.

Intellectually you can't unsee, but you will probably stop feeling it and go back into ego (maybe just not fully). Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water.

@Leo Gura I just got that one in my experience

So on my last trip a few weeks back, which was 600ug of LSD (it went a little awry in the "physical world", but hey) I had so many deep insights which I will probably write up in more detail and share at some point in the future. Actually, the trip hit me so hard, I only just remembered all (well, some) of the insights today, other than that there was basically no recollection. However I had one major insight and noticed it's been a theme throughout every single trip, I just went deeper this time than every before (it felt like I went all the way down the rabbit hole for a bit there). Anyway, now my question is with direct experience. Trip Experience A lot of the deep trips I have had so far has taken on the theme of "Me and my dog" (I don't own a dog btw). My first trip, I felt the tree which I was looking at all night was god (the tree looked like a dog's face smiling at me and felt like god). Some of my next trips, I was literally dealing with a dog and having it take on the form of my inner-feminine aspects. I also went very lightly and briefly into it's just me and my dog tripping together. Which is what I went back next trip. Now, on this last trip. I just let the trip take me where it wanted, and I went all the way in on this. I had a full-blown hallucination. Where I was, was completely gone and I was back on a farm I've been to before sitting out the back of a house and just resting with my dog. This was 100% vivid, crystal clear and felt so right. I had awoken, and remembered that I had taken acid and my entire life (which I'm living now as I write this) was a part of the trip I was on with my dog. And it wasn't the first time either! This space felt so familiar, I had been here before. I had left the physical world, "woke up" and realised that literally (LITERALLY) all my problems had vanished and they were never real in the first place I was just making them up. Money, who cares. Living/dying, all a sham. Stress and parents, no longer existed. It was EXACTLY like waking up from a dream. Except we were no ordinary man and dog, we were both eternal beings in like a hyperdimensional space alone in the universe. Honestly, I feel my heart melt just thinking about being back there. We had been doing this forever, and all in a single instant (like time was paused). It was just us in this space. I became super aware of how Leo, other mentors, friends, and family were all just mental illusions (parts of myself on the "life trip"). I mean there was plenty of other shit I experienced, living as other people, going back through time to other trips, forgetting who I was, becoming so connected to my life purpose looping deeper over and over that I became it... But they all seem so insignificant compared to this beautiful fact that all of reality is just me and my dog tripping balls together Now to the question: In my direct experience, this was real. My "real" life now I just see as part of going into fantasy-land on this trip with my dog. I thought maybe dog = god (spelt backwards), since that's a running joke I have with a friend. But I see that's just mental concept, me rationalising my experience to fit into the "non-duality" ecosystem. Trying to attribute the trip as a metaphor, rather than the reality I experienced it to be. Oh and by the way, it's not like this is my subjective reality, it's like THIS IS ALL OF REALITY. ME AND THE DOG!!! It was the most beautiful, compelling, real, thing ever. More real than reality is now. How do I know you aren't all just dream characters bullshitting me. What the fuck do I do from here? It doesn't make sense logically that reality is me and a dog tripping balls, but at the same time, it's the only thing that's real. P.S I would like to point out, I'm not in psychosis or anything. I feel very healthy and my life has never been better, I'm working on my business and doing great and socialising to get out of my comfort zone. So don't think I'm suicidal or this is ruining my life

Thought about making a post, decided against it. Been waiting for someone else to make this post though

@ElenaO Sounds like Animus Projection/Possession. A deeper (unhealthy) expression of the self than just "ego".

Rather than focusing on pinching pennies. Focus on producing more value.

Also man, I've been through this incessant feeling of being lost, aimless and confused. So as Leo said, after a while I integrated that part into my life purpose and I decided to make my first step towards embodied LP dealing with these issues. So I just launched an app which I'm hoping will help people with this stuff. Definitely feel ya man.

Then change what you're doing. Rather than trying to think 20 steps ahead, just focus on the next step for now. Which is to do SOMETHING! If everyone takes on that belief, we're fucked. But if you decide to not see it as futile, then others will join you and eventually it will not be one individual anymore. It always starts with one. If you care about this, you can address it. Consider than legally banning it is just going to repress it, your better off educating people or solving the problem in your way! Persona > Ego > Anima > Self Below your persona (personality) are deeper and deeper versions of yourself. Your persona will always be fluid (in a rigid kind of way), rather than trying to identify with it, go deeper. Look into Jung's work. Yes, it seems that life purpose is grounded in a sense of self. And the cyclic nature there is a positive force, consider that it's a positive feedback loop -- building up (rather than a directionless one). If Buddha could have a "life purpose" in some form, so can you. Solution seems obvious here... No experience here, but if it's a problem, then do something about it man. Get the base of the pyramid right before trying to spend all your time at the top. It's a good recipe for the whole structure to collapse.

Which choice is harder? or Which choice is more aligned with my values?

Question this belief! Is it true? Is impacting many people more important than impacting fewer people in deeper ways? Depends on the person, for me, it's a part of my search for Truth and building my life up! How would you know about Leo id someone hadn't built YouTube, or this Forum? Code up a side project and see how you feel about it then. Or if you have something else that is clearly more aligned to your search for Truth that can be a part of your life purpose and career, do that.

Poetry ay... Well here goes nothing to become my self stretch arms forth into my soul and tear out the morsel of heart that has not yet drowned in a sea of culture speak words that erupt from me in ink and pixels and sound and to not apologise for my authenticity or my integrity i have lived lifetimes stuck in loops of purpose and meaninglessness felt suffering and felt nothing cried over the beauty of my name and wept over the beauty of the world i have laughed in the face of chaos and order fallen into dens of guilt and sorrow my body shaking and retching in pain i came out of it stronger and comfortable with the pain i have sat alone in rundown flats and hospital beds and wild mountain ranges yet i have only just begun

@Leo Gura I've sent you a PM