SageModeAustin

@LordFall Yeah. Agreed. I had two instant dates on the spot recently..like yesterday I discovered my perfect 10 at the beach and we vibed for 2 hours. I should thank her for giving me this motivation honestly, but i'm still ruminating on how i should've handled things differently before we broke off. I guess that's the most painful thing to let go of. Especially since she blocked me on ig recently too..like we can't even be friends anymore? I mean there was some bad times, but also there was tons of good. Just wack, she crazy too..she has tons of emotional trauma so her ego is attracted to negative energy like her ex, some things I just can't change.

Hello I just did a meditation session and this sensation came up..it felt like I was falling inside of myself like the energy was collapsing within and about to explode, but didn’t? It felt like something intense was going to happen but then it just stopped. The thoughts that were going through my mind was based around the recent breakup with this girl I had a thing with. She still likes her ex and is trying to go back to him in another state because he recently got out of prison.. The thought of her just getting drilled by her ex (some dude who just got out of fucking prison) enthralls me with rage, violent energy + hopeless victim energy. I dove into it and saw me as the realll nice guy when I was much younger. All the “bad guys” around me getting laid, etc. Which is one of the reasons why I got into pick-up but that’s a whole nother story. Anyways I’m not really sure what to do here..it comes and goes. I use this energy to talk to other women develop my game better, work out, better myself as a person in general through reading etc all the self development things, but eh I feel like it’s running me which is the problem.

@Pallero Eh, that doesn't trigger me

@Leo Gura great post “real men are feminism” after recent breakup with fling I was falling down red pill hardcore and hearing you say this is eye opening. How did you get over setbacks like a breakup when you know what you did wrong and think to yourself..” I knew that, Danm it” I guess some things are unlearnable without the experience. How was your process more consistent with less setbacks of self proclaimed “failures” even though you know it’s a part of the process

Hey bros. I really fell for this chick, my fwb for only 3 months, but that’s a long time for me It’s really made me depressed because I’ve realized a few things -females are intrinsically hypergamic -they only care about how THEY FEEL -you never own a girl, it’s just your time with her -the only constant is change -women will always come and go out of your life -every single girl on this planet is abundant -us guys have to work wayyyy harder to be abundant (but the good thing is it’s much more rare to find a male that’s abundant) but what’s really fucking me the most is..I could’ve done better. I knew better. I could’ve been less needy, I could’ve been more charismatic and charming like when we first met. Things went sooo well the first month, fuck (she was chasing me) if I just stayed as the person I was when I met her the first month things could have gone amazing..I could’ve not been an insecure little bitch and sent mixed signals. I could’ve not taken her to the rsd free tour! I could’ve done so many things better, but I didn’t. She wanted to possibly date me in the beginning too

@Psychonaut hey man thanks a lot I appreciate your post. May I ask how long did your previous fwb relationship last? Your poem describes how I feel pretty well. Although my “girl” didn’t take anti depressants not to my awareness at least i mean she was smoking and drinking hella so it kind of pulled me down too. I started taking her to the gym and she got a membership, etc she stopped smoking as much and we had great chemistry but things died down when I started losing my way and began smoking a bit too/got emotionally invested and a whole bundle of miscommunication of jealousy bullshit on both ends. Anyways, your right. Idk if you read the last text message but I’ve been telling myself affirmations based on what she said last to accept this whole situation. “I had a great time with Brooke because she thought I was tolerable, flirty and pretty cute. I still have my character, charm, charisma, and attractiveness to move forward in life.” idk it helps a lot for some reason. Again thanks for your thoughtful response

@Emerald to say it’s enticing doesn’t make sense. That’s like saying if I did the logically better thing it still wouldn’t have mattered, but that just doesn’t make sense. For example if I didn’t take her to the rsd tour or if I was more caring when she opened up about her ex instead of shutting her down then things totally would have turned out a little bit better. How is this NOT the case?? I mean you said it’s a half-truth but how is that a half truth

What did u mean by this? @Emerald

I think I’m becoming neurotic with perfectionism. I keep thinking about what I should’ve done, what I shouldn’t have done what I could’ve done, what I should’ve said, what I shouldn’t have said in x y z scenario ahhhh fuck!

I also felt/feel like I’m supposed to save her from her emotional trauma. That it’s somehow my fault for it (rape, father leaving her etc)

@Serotoninluv I’m avoiding her completely after that last text she sent also considering she pulled the plug so idk why u would think that I’m not avoiding her. Although I am not blaming her I am blaming myself completely which is a problem because it wasn’t my fault 100% although I really am blaming myself for it. As for the ayahausca I bought a ticket for Joshua tree but I have to postpone it because I recently took anti depressants. I’ve heard great things about it and it sounds like you had an enlightening/permanent change experience..which is why I want to do it so bad. One thing I fear about ayahausca is I’m gonna think “omg if I did this before this relationship would have worked so much better.” Yes identifying the feelings is one thing, but I feel like you have to experience the profoundness of it through something like dmt or ayahausca to really understand it and put it into practice. Or I could be wrong and just making excuses.

@Emerald well I didn’t show you all of the texts there’s a LOT but that’s unnecessary to show. I only got “needy” with the last few texts when I sensed things were ending. Otherwise the rest of my texts were not needy at all as I just used the mirroring advice (texting the same amount back they text U) I only showed u the “needy ones” because that’s when things were spiraling downn until she pulled the plug, anyways thank you emerald for all of your help. Lesson learned and it ducking sucks, but where’s the lesson without pain right? The intuition thing about love is interesting, your right I can’t fix it I just have to let it go..time is probably my best here. My mind tends to obsess over what I could have done even though it’s over which is super stressful and annoying. Lastly yes I should learn how to express myself better maybe tell her in person, but still I felt better disclosing all that I said rather than not..there was like almost no chance of getting her out like I said before to express al of that. Although I could’ve waited and tried and if not then expressed it over text, that would’ve built some emotional maturity no doubt. Life is a danmed big game and it seems I’ve lost , thank you!

@Serotoninluv so your saying this had to happen for me to learn what ur saying? Or what? I should do like An ayahausca trip or something because I don’t see any Danm way I can be content with my insecurities through therapy and meditation to the degree that you had just described

@EmeraldBreaking social folkways? How the hell am I breaking a social folkways. Lol all I did was open up to her and told her the truth straight up over text right after it ended. Like..that is not lack of social acuity that’s just me having some closure after the four months we’ve spent together. That’s it, nothing more. Maybe she might have got taken back because it was all so much but I mean yeah that’s what to be expected when your closing a chapter and the other person is expressing themselves after its ended jus like that over text. ESP when there’s so much miscommunication on both ends

@Shin yes we had this for a few months before I got the negative spiral and shit hit the fan.

@Emerald I’ve told her things in person about how I don’t think she is some random girl that I picked up or some experiment and that I actually care for her looked her in the eyes and said it and was completely real (because on previous dates she said she feels like an experiment one time) and she really appreciated that date when I opened up about that. But after that I went back to being a fuck boy for a bit and eh things kept going back and forth from being real/fuckboy/needy. Anyways since this is all done and over. Why am I still not over this? I know all the answers but I cannot overcome this guilty feeling/little bitch neediness feeling. I also feel like I have to tell EVERYONE about it even though I know what they are going to say..it’s like I’m self sabotaging myself and it’s painful to stop? Like wtf

@whoareyou lol. I fucked her well. Yes I know how to make a girl orgasm, most guys think they know how blah blah blah, but trust me we’ve had plenty of hot orgasmic sex. Alright I got needy towards the end, insecurities is on both ends not just me. Trust me on that. I was confident, just not with the rsd shit. I could’ve been more grounded and owned up to it but yeah

@EmeraldSo you think that I shouldn’t have said what I said to her? I said all of those things in that last text because I knew it was done and I didn’t want to close the chapter with any misinterpreted doors so to speak for her own good and mine. Yes I crossed her boundaries which is why she was so disgusted by my response, but does that mean I’m wrong with what I said? Did I do the right thing in the end? And again you surprise me with every response you give back. It’s actually insane how insightful you are. I’d go as far as to say your like the Sherlock Holmes of this

Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level. Is this because insecurities are projected onto each other the deeper the relationship develops? Also you say that my emotional maturity is there because my heart is more open? Doesn't this just make me needy? Emotional maturity is a big word and personally, I certainly do not think I'm there..my emotions are all over the place

you're saying this is the correct mindset to have? This is what you mean by abundance?

@Gili Trawangan what do you mean ignore it at my own peril? Also in terms of inner work. I DO do that. Transformation mastery, meditation, therapy 1x a week, journaling, deepest fear exercises. I definitely doninner work, but it doesn’t do shiit. It’s like I know why I’m fucked up but nothing changes. It’s like ok I know I’m a bird, but I’m still a bird

@Emerald again very interesting insight because you are right. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Nothing real. It’s alwaysbbeen hookups so your basically saying I’m “level 3” in terms of getting laid but “level 1” in terms of cultivating a real meaningful deep relationship right? So all I have to do is inner work and learning the dynamics of a real relationship?

So yeah it’s whatever, I really digged her but she’s got a lot of issues. Like a lot. She’s been drug raped before and her dad left her so I tried doing some communication and it helped for a bit but she’s just not ready with the place she’s in and I just need to move on

@Shin I’ve hooked up with a girl with a bigger butt and it just made me miss Brooke more. I seriously doubt the abundance thing, when you say abundant are you talking like 15-30 girls?

@Shin i wouldn’t care if I had abundance? That’s such pickup garjin. I actually cared for this chick and had something and the rest was just hook-ups. Are you saying abundance in the sense of developing the same emotional connection level with all of them..then I wouldn’t care??