Iiris

Thanks @positivevibes , I appreciate your advice! I am already doing some of those things, meditation for example. Many of those things I try to do but I can’t do them perfectly of course, because they are hard. I think I should try out the visualization. When I think about an uncomfortable situation I’m about to face, I always vizualise myself fucking up rather than handling the situation. I haven’t yet watched that video, I’m going to add it to my list.

Yes, start your own journal! And inspire others with it I also have to speak out in class this Friday. I’ve been worrying about it quite a long time. Whenever I feel good about life, I remember it and then I feel heavy and anxious again. But I know we’ll be just fine ?

Me before I started giving a shit Hopefully I'll go full circle

@Mikael89 It feels so weird to see Finnish written here ? I’m sorry to hear that you have social anxiety, it definitely sucks. I hope we’ll get over this.

@Gabriel Antonio Thanks, great advice! I definitely am an overthinker too, and I often try to solve my anxiety with even more thinking. I often believe that when I think enough how stupid and illogical this anxiety is, it will go away. But it doesn't! Physical contact is so uncomfortable for me. I can't even hug my family members without feeling weird. I just realised that I don't touch my family members almost at all. Maybe I should try to be a little more intimate with them. I have this one friend that I can be completely comfortable with. It's because he used to be my boyfriend so we have been very intimate. I have zero shame when I'm with him. I kinda like to be with him because I can be comfortable, but I also think he's annyoing and we have very little in common. Our relationship is fucking weird. I've been talking about friends with my psychologist. I have some friends that I hang out with in school. She asked me if anyone of them is someone that I could start making stronger bonds with. I'm not sure if I want to make stronger bonds with anyone of them. I guess I'm kind of picky when it comes to friends. I don't know. I also might be just scared. I've never really though that I could be focusing on my social anxiety too much, but what I focus my mind on becomes reality. There's so much more to life than this, and I'm so much more than just socially anxious. And @ajasatya , I don't have to wait to be happy when I'm less insecure, if you meant that. I can be happy right now.

@zambize Yeah, I understand. Thanks for supporting this ?

@zambize Thanks for appreciating my honesty, it really isn’t easy to be honest. You’re right, I don’t have to blame myself for wanting attention because it’s completely natural and normal. I’ve been a little too hard on myself about that. It’s still important to be very mindful about wanting attention because I’ll be way happier when other people won’t define me.

Thinking about this journal makes me feel very stressed. I worry that someday I won’t find anything new to say here and that then I’ll just keep saying the same things over and over again. I worry that I’ll have little progress overcoming social anxiety. I don’t want this journal to become boring. I want attention. I want people to notice me. These comments make me feel good, but it doesn’t really last. I want more attention. But it’s twisted because I also don’t want attention because I fear judgement. I sometimes imagine getting attention if feel like I am not getting enough of it. All these imaginary conversations in my head. Sometimes I want to imagine that people I look up to are watching me live my life, but I try not to do that anymore. Why do I want attention? I feel like I only exist through others. But I only exist through myself. I live this life for myself, not for others. It doesn’t matter if I am noticed or if I am not. It doesn’t matter if people think I am an idiot. It doesn’t matter if people think I am amazing. I will always be alone in this bubble. Let’s not make this bubble miserable.

@Faye Oh my god I’ve completely missed out your comment! I’ve been scrolling this thing too fast. Big thank you for your advice and support. It really makes a difference for me. I’ve been feeling better dealing with difficult things after starting this journal because I know that I am not alone in this shit anymore. People are supporting me in this and they want the best for me. I feel supported. I have been trying to be mindful throughout my day and it definitely is hard. Especially when having strong emotions such as anxiety, even though mindfullness is even more important then. After watching Leo’s video ”How to deal with strong negative emotions” I’ve really been trying to just feel my anxiety. I try to be interested in it. I try to be interested in myself. Even though mindfullness is hard, I have been starting to become better at it. But I still suck at it and I must take it more seriously. I am not yet sure why I have social anxiety. I haven’t been abused or bullied, nothing serious has happened to me. But I remember some bad experiences from my childhood and I feel like they made me insecure. I hope I can figure this out with my psychologist. I also just found out that I might be an empath or a half-empath or something and that might be one reason behind my social anxiety. Self-compassion is so important. I’ll visit that Kristen Neff website and try some of those exercises. I think I am pretty good at being compassionate and loving towards myself, but when comparing myself to others or after failure I still sometimes feel like I am not worthy. Thanks for all the kind words! I am really hopeful for the future. Almost excited actually. It will take time but some day I will be at least on the level of only having ”normal peoples anxiety”. You are very strong too, it definitely is a hard road to go that far with overcoming social anxiety. Respect for you ❤️

My sense of self-worth has been starting to crack a little as school has started again. I think it's because all of the negativity there that I can't hande. I also compare myself a lot to others there. I sometimes feel like I am not worthy if I am not like everyone else or if I am shy or awkward. Noooo. I have my own problems which I am struggling with every day and they know nothing about them. Let others do what they want to do and let yourself do what you want to do. Please don't compare yourself to others. It will suck all life out of you.

@non_nothing Thank you! Me too

Of course it went well. Forgot body awareness, that's okay. Sometimes I made things awkward, but those situations are great opportunities to practice not caring. Sometimes felt like she doesn't even like me, but I probably am overreacting as always. In any case I DON'T CARE (I do but I try not to). Mindfullness is important. I try to notice every time I am caring too much about people's opinions. Then I can let it go and do the thing that I want to do but afraid of being judged for. Just little things. I once saw someone on this forum telling an example of practicing not caring. He adviced to go on some public place and just start to lay on the floor casually. I always compare that to the things that I am about to do. I'm not really sure why that example got so stuck in my head. It just makes me feel so good and free to imagine myself lying on some public floor laughing like a crazy person. I could be that one day. Goddamn I want to be that.

@Smika Thank you, I will be staying strong ❤️

This journal has really been on the top of my mind. I have been constantly thinking about what to update here and it has started to affect my sleep. I am becoming a little too excited about this. I also check way too often if someone has commented something here, I think I am starting to form some kind of addiction to this. I want attention and the comments make me feel like I am noticed. I decided that now on I only come to this forum max once a day so that this doesn't become a problem. Over time I will probably get used to journaling here and then I won't be thinking about this stuff so much. Last week I asked my cousin to go our capital city Helsinki with me. We'll be going there tomorrow and then I'll be staying at my cousin's place overnight. She is the same age as me and we have been hanging out together since we were babies. I see her pretty rarely because we live far away from each other. I always feel anxious before meeting her, even though we always have stuff to talk about and I can pretty much be myself around her. I just feel like this time I won't know what the heck to say to her and I am afraid that I will make everything super awkward. I don't like to admit this but one's status and popularity very much affect how anxious and self-concious I feel with them. My cousin is very social and she seems to be popular among her peers. That makes me feel especially anxious because I feel like I have to somehow impress her bacause of that. I know, fucking stupid. I also don't like the thought of being so far from home for so long with people who I don't feel completely comfortable being with. Even though I have many worries about this I am quite sure that everything will go alright just like before. My cousin is a very non-judgemental person, which makes is easy to be around her. I'll just relax, be honest and be my weird self. It's okay if I'm shy, I don't have to be ashamed of that. I can tell her that I'm feeling nervous and that will help me to loosen up. We are all just human beings trying to deal with life. On Sunday I'll be telling you how this went. I will probably be regretting some stupid things I did or said, but I believe that this will be a good experience.

@Smika Thank you, that was really helpful and gave me a lot to think about. I admire you, you have gone through so much and here you are being such a strong and beautiful person. You seem to have a deep understanding of yourself and your social anxiety, which I don't really have. This inspired me to think about the reasons behind my social anxiety and to seek to understand my social anxiety and myself as a whole. I have always thought of this problem too simply and I haven't digged deep enough. I think I have heard of that empath thing before, but I just haven't taken it seriously. I related to your depiction of yourself being an empath and now I feel like I am one too. Me being an empath may be a huge reason behind my social anxiety and understanding myself as an empath can be a big part of the solution too. I must do some research on this and talk to my psychologist about this. I have some bad childhood experiences that closed me up. I wasn't bullied like you, they were just little things but I feel like they really affected me, I was very sensitive when I was young. After those experiences I remember feeling very anxious in social situatuons and Iike I wasn't good enough. I feel very hopeful for the future even though life is quite difficult right now. I am growing and understanding myself better every day and I will get better at dealing with my anxiety as well. Thank you for your kindness and thank you for opening my eyes, I wish you all the best too!

@Sahil Pandit Same here

@Shin Meditation definitely is crucial for overcoming this, and I've meditated regularly for about a year now. It hasn't done wonders yet but I feel like it has helped me to not let fear control me so much.

Some time after making this journal I really regretted making it. I felt like this is completely stupid and that nobody cares. I didn't want to expose myself like this, I just wanted to hide somewhere. Then I remembered that I was making this for myself and not for others. That made me feel better. I always do this kind of shit when I am in an excited mood, and then I regret it . But it was definitely a good choice to start this journal. Yesterday I saw that someone replied on this and I was fucking terrified. It took me like five minutes to be able to read the comment and I slowly exposed the comment word by word with my hand, just to find out that is was a nice and friendy comment. I know, I'm crazy. It is also hard for me to read the text I wrote at the beginning of this journal because I feel like it is somehow stupid. I try to read it over and over again to get used to it and to not be ashamed of it. But seeing these replies definitely made me feel better about this journal (even though my happiness shouldn't be dependent on other people oops). I'm actually pretty excited about this and I'm already imagining all the things that I could share with you here.

@BjarkeT Thank you so much, I will definitely try out all of those. Good luck to you too, you are amazing!

@Sahil Pandit Thanks for your support

INFJ-T, seems pretty accurate

Finland