Aaron p

@mandyjwemm nah I just clicked the "my YouTube channel" link. Your defo at a high level of consciousness, I can tell straight away. Not often god tells me to listen to people, but he has told me to listen to you strongly. I feel it quite clearly

@mandyjw damn, your beautiful girl. Not even just saying that.

@Shaun if you ever become lucid while dreaming, becoming aware of the fact that you are dreaming doesn't remove you from the dream...you should enjoy the dream and use your new knowledge to your advantage

I second this

@thesmileyone sounds good to me. I had an insight that consciousness growth is exponential. Meaning, the larger it gets, the faster it gets larger. Which is very exciting...it gets easier and I can't wait to have my first awakening experience...like full blown awakening experience sounds good to me like

Anytime I do something to raise my consciousness I enter into tremendous suffering, so much suffering it's terrible. Ever since I started kryia yoga. But the thing is, I know kryia yoga is the way forward! I know it is, the universe has told me. But if I do anything to raise my consciousness, whether it be smoking cannabis or meditating, I feel myself move into a place of suffering. I'm quite confused because I don't want to give up meditation. I've already made a few posts about my new found suffering but my main question is, IS THIS MEANT TO BE HAPPENING?! When I stop meditating I go back to normal with no suffering then when I start meditating again the suffering comes back. I know enlightenment is worth every penny of it but Its quite bad

@thesmileyone @abrakamowse for me it was confusing trying to figure out the difference between awareness and thoughts. Now I can grasp that thoughts happen within awareness. I'm slowly getting there, I'm experiencing a lot of suffering to which I think is a good sign. I'm going to start ramping up the kryia yoga slowly, then start implementing retreats and then start doing phyc's again

@thesmileyone did you experience ego death just last night mate?

@Adam M I feel like my being is going through a shredder...and I'm just concerned that it's not the meditation and that I'm actually just plain old loosing my mind. I have a feeling it's both

@Nahm hmm I will try this, thank you ?

Thanks man I'm gonna do that today

Sit, do the preparatory exercises for kryia for 5-10 mins, then do focus on bindu for 5 minutes, stretch my legs for 2 minutes, self enquiry for 30 mins then vepaasana for 10

Yo everyone in this chat, know that God is using you guys mightily. I definitely think I would have quit by now if it weren't for your help and guidance. You guys are brill

So the degree to which I suffer will be the degree to which my consciousness is raised

Phycological. I stop being able to function. Paralysing thoughts, I feel like I'm mentally trapped and that I'm useless. It's not strong emotionally, just the thoughts. I had to phone sick into work last week because of it. You know how if someone were to die in your family, you would just feel so helpless and deflated and you just wander completely pointlessly and everything feels crap...yeah, it feels exactly like that

I'm conducting a little experiment regarding suffering...I want to study how the ego reacts to spiritual practises. I need to know what I should expect. Tell me about what kind of ego backlashes you have experienced and what spiritual practices you were doing that caused them (and for how long you had been practising). Because, my fear is that I'm not experienceing an ego backlash, and that I'm actually doing damage...but I feel like I need to research what kind of suffering happens so that I can better judge my own experiences. Talk about how you felt and if it felt real. Any suffering, especially suffering that led to a spiritual awakening. Thanks

@Viking I think this is exactly what is happening...however I have already anticipated what I should do... Today I didn't meditate, and absolutely went back to normal instantly. This likely means that the anxiety is only brought on by the meditation. This is an incredibly good sign because that means I can decide to not be anxious at any point in time, which means I can also use cannabis to settle the effects of the anxiety. I didn't want to use cannabis to calm my anxiety in case the anxiety was permanent (which means I would be developing a crutch for cannabis). However, now that I know that I can control the anxiety I can also control my cannabis use, which means I can continue meditating and using cannabis to subdue the side effects of the anxiety with no fear of developing a permanent crutch. This is a very very good thing. Also I'm going to rearrange my meditation times, I'm going to do it in waves. So instead of doing 1.25 hours a day I'm only going to do 1 hour every other day. Then I will pick a day and coming up to that day I will increase to 1.25 hours every day coming up, then I'll do a retreat on my set day and meditate constantly for a period of time then bring it back to 1 hour every other day. These burst patterns will be more effective and better organised for the likes of ego backlashes.

@Peo I didn't meditate today and I feel far better. I *think* what is happening is the meditation is exposing all of my anxiety and depression and it doesn't feel very nice coming out.

@Peo no up until last Tuesday meditation only made me feel good and positive...that's why I did meditation! But I went out drinking with a few of my mates and boom, intense anxiety. I think it's partly because of the lack of direction in my life and the anxiety. But now I feel like I need to stop meditating for relief

@Salvijus yeah I do it every time now. Only 3 rounds per time tho

Ok guys I will. This is like mental shutdown stuff like. Nervous breakdown feeling like

@Shiva I think I might need to take a break. It feels so terrible. It definitely feels like a downward spiral...but I thought this was to be expected during awakening? It's got pretty bad actually. Starting to feel like my life has no point and I have less and less friends. My dad takes me out for rides in the car he knows all about it I've explained to him. But this is very very tough, I think I need to stop for a few weeks

@Hellspeed the nightmare has become real and I'm fucking so terrified. Does the nightmare just get worse until you become enlightened? How long does the actual process take? I feel so alone and helpless and verging on telling the doctors that I was suicidal. But I wouldn't kill myself, no point. I'd rather buck loads of wee girls

I do kryia yoga then self enquiry then vepaasana all in about an hour and 15 minutes each day. I feel like I have to stop though, my emotions are going crazy. I'm so scared and I don't know if I can do it been practising for about 7 months

Two days ago I went out drinking and got completely sloshed with a friend of mine and a girl I'm talking to atm. And ever since that night I have been experiencing what I can only describe as a low key nervous breakdown. NOTHING happened though! I do have a predisposition towards mental health issues. I'm killing myself thinking about what could have caused it. The way I see it, there are 2 possibilities. 1- This is just me, I'm having a really bad nervous breakdown and that's it. 2- It could directly be an ego backlash or directly linked to a closeby spiritual breakthrough. ...let me emphasize how bad this is, it hit me fully loaded within 1 day out of nowhere (just after I started doing kryia yoga actually). And I don't want to get out of bed, constantly thinking I'm going insane. Worrying about the bad trip I had on LSD. Noticing similar feelings from the bad trip. It just seems awfully fast and debilitating. I need some honest, professional answers here guys, I've been in tears I front of my mum and dad already. Booked an emergency appointment with doctor...it's really unbearable. I honestly think it might be a sign of a nearby breakthrough, but it's tough. I can manage a bit of sadness, maybe even a little bit of depression...but (without exaggeration) what feels like a full blown mental panic attack constantly...I dunno. I have to keep fucking playing music and songs and shit and singing along to distract me for 30 seconds at a time. Please be honest, if you think it may just be my mind getting fucked up just say. My family have a history of mental health issues. I've told you all the facts in an unbiased manner, what do yous think? Pleez, need help:(