Aaron p

Thanks man I'm gonna do that today

Sit, do the preparatory exercises for kryia for 5-10 mins, then do focus on bindu for 5 minutes, stretch my legs for 2 minutes, self enquiry for 30 mins then vepaasana for 10

Yo everyone in this chat, know that God is using you guys mightily. I definitely think I would have quit by now if it weren't for your help and guidance. You guys are brill

So the degree to which I suffer will be the degree to which my consciousness is raised

Phycological. I stop being able to function. Paralysing thoughts, I feel like I'm mentally trapped and that I'm useless. It's not strong emotionally, just the thoughts. I had to phone sick into work last week because of it. You know how if someone were to die in your family, you would just feel so helpless and deflated and you just wander completely pointlessly and everything feels crap...yeah, it feels exactly like that

I'm conducting a little experiment regarding suffering...I want to study how the ego reacts to spiritual practises. I need to know what I should expect. Tell me about what kind of ego backlashes you have experienced and what spiritual practices you were doing that caused them (and for how long you had been practising). Because, my fear is that I'm not experienceing an ego backlash, and that I'm actually doing damage...but I feel like I need to research what kind of suffering happens so that I can better judge my own experiences. Talk about how you felt and if it felt real. Any suffering, especially suffering that led to a spiritual awakening. Thanks

@Viking I think this is exactly what is happening...however I have already anticipated what I should do... Today I didn't meditate, and absolutely went back to normal instantly. This likely means that the anxiety is only brought on by the meditation. This is an incredibly good sign because that means I can decide to not be anxious at any point in time, which means I can also use cannabis to settle the effects of the anxiety. I didn't want to use cannabis to calm my anxiety in case the anxiety was permanent (which means I would be developing a crutch for cannabis). However, now that I know that I can control the anxiety I can also control my cannabis use, which means I can continue meditating and using cannabis to subdue the side effects of the anxiety with no fear of developing a permanent crutch. This is a very very good thing. Also I'm going to rearrange my meditation times, I'm going to do it in waves. So instead of doing 1.25 hours a day I'm only going to do 1 hour every other day. Then I will pick a day and coming up to that day I will increase to 1.25 hours every day coming up, then I'll do a retreat on my set day and meditate constantly for a period of time then bring it back to 1 hour every other day. These burst patterns will be more effective and better organised for the likes of ego backlashes.

@Peo I didn't meditate today and I feel far better. I *think* what is happening is the meditation is exposing all of my anxiety and depression and it doesn't feel very nice coming out.

@Peo no up until last Tuesday meditation only made me feel good and positive...that's why I did meditation! But I went out drinking with a few of my mates and boom, intense anxiety. I think it's partly because of the lack of direction in my life and the anxiety. But now I feel like I need to stop meditating for relief

@Salvijus yeah I do it every time now. Only 3 rounds per time tho

Ok guys I will. This is like mental shutdown stuff like. Nervous breakdown feeling like

@Shiva I think I might need to take a break. It feels so terrible. It definitely feels like a downward spiral...but I thought this was to be expected during awakening? It's got pretty bad actually. Starting to feel like my life has no point and I have less and less friends. My dad takes me out for rides in the car he knows all about it I've explained to him. But this is very very tough, I think I need to stop for a few weeks

@Hellspeed the nightmare has become real and I'm fucking so terrified. Does the nightmare just get worse until you become enlightened? How long does the actual process take? I feel so alone and helpless and verging on telling the doctors that I was suicidal. But I wouldn't kill myself, no point. I'd rather buck loads of wee girls

I do kryia yoga then self enquiry then vepaasana all in about an hour and 15 minutes each day. I feel like I have to stop though, my emotions are going crazy. I'm so scared and I don't know if I can do it been practising for about 7 months

Two days ago I went out drinking and got completely sloshed with a friend of mine and a girl I'm talking to atm. And ever since that night I have been experiencing what I can only describe as a low key nervous breakdown. NOTHING happened though! I do have a predisposition towards mental health issues. I'm killing myself thinking about what could have caused it. The way I see it, there are 2 possibilities. 1- This is just me, I'm having a really bad nervous breakdown and that's it. 2- It could directly be an ego backlash or directly linked to a closeby spiritual breakthrough. ...let me emphasize how bad this is, it hit me fully loaded within 1 day out of nowhere (just after I started doing kryia yoga actually). And I don't want to get out of bed, constantly thinking I'm going insane. Worrying about the bad trip I had on LSD. Noticing similar feelings from the bad trip. It just seems awfully fast and debilitating. I need some honest, professional answers here guys, I've been in tears I front of my mum and dad already. Booked an emergency appointment with doctor...it's really unbearable. I honestly think it might be a sign of a nearby breakthrough, but it's tough. I can manage a bit of sadness, maybe even a little bit of depression...but (without exaggeration) what feels like a full blown mental panic attack constantly...I dunno. I have to keep fucking playing music and songs and shit and singing along to distract me for 30 seconds at a time. Please be honest, if you think it may just be my mind getting fucked up just say. My family have a history of mental health issues. I've told you all the facts in an unbiased manner, what do yous think? Pleez, need help:(

@karkaore @Joseph Maynor @enderx7 i think I might take a break from the meditation. I dunno, the mental health person today told me that I have far too much time to think and that meditation puts too much focus on yourself and then you get worried and axious about yourself and you start segregating yourself off from others. (All of which has been happening to me). So might just give it a break for now ...

@Salvijus but yo, I've noticed something incredible! When I do the concentration on the bindu, the "cool" sensation that I always get in my throat moves upwards! I feel it moveing up my throat and into my upper throat. But yeah I'm just gonna replace my usual kryia yoga practise with peace yoga. It's too powerful I think. And I need peace at this point in time

@winterknight I think getting in touch with with a psychoanalyst is defo a good shout. My doctor has referred me to a mental health assessment in one of my local towns in northern Ireland.

@Highest I have to be fucking careful with drugs (I've found) because of my mental health. But I find that if I meditate with kryia, then self enquiry then vepaasana for about 1.25 hours and smoke grass straight after I'm done it raises my consciousness. Truth be told I don't really know the word "consciousness" actually means. All I know is, God has revealed to me that the techniques work, and I don't need to understand how it works. I'm finding the truth and that's it. But I find the feelings I get when I've just meditated, when I smoke up

@tsuki word

Since the start of my search of "God" which started prior to actualized.org about 10 years ago for me, it's always been an incredible motivator for me to look back and reflect on the subtle changes in my behavior, mental health, emotional health and just the overarching picture that is "me." For me this really motivates me because the subtle changes will eventually grow to be noticable shifts in my being. I notice myself feeling more free, less anxious, and best of all...less thoughtful! I think the prolonged and lengthy process spiritual progress is somewhat discouraging. So these little observations really help me see that I'm actually becoming more mature, [far] more manly...I notice that my surroundings react to me slightly differently now. It's nearly like I feel, more important somehow. But it's unspoken, you know if the president walks into the room and doesn't speak a word...you will still feel the heavy weight of his energy...the same thing. So let's raise a glass, here's to the small things that only we ourselves see. ?

@Jed VassalloVassalloVassallVa Mooji posted a video on his Facebook page about how there were flase accusations against him to ruin his reputation

I recommend against "trying to let go" the practises do this for you. Do kryia yoga. Also, your mind is within consciousness. Everything is within your consciousness. All of history is within your consciousness, all the entire universe is within your present, experiential consciousness. Be careful though! Don't let this become another idea in that consciousness of your. Infact, don't believe a single word I say. Your analogy of the rivers flowing towards one water reservoir, that would be enlightenment...I think that sounds like a good description. I overthink things a fuckton so i tend to absolutely philosophically demolish whatever is put in front of me. So i feel as though I'm starting to understand the different aspects of spirituality more. Don't worry about confusion, just watch the one who is confused. And if you become clear, watch the one who has become clear.

It's all fun sure isint it. Who knows why those guys don't live strict moral lifes. At the end of the day, enlightenment doesn't change anything. At the start I thought spirituality was going to help my mind, I don't think that is the case anymore. However I do think that enlightenment will kill me, so that god can rise from these bones. I'm ok with that. Moral or not, God's presence reigns eternally.

I love how it gets simpler and simpler the deeper I dig. Easy, effortless, being. I'll be honest, I'm still lost as fuck. But I know that's probably part of the process