Sashaj

Me too. Nice to see some other bullshitters in here. Love you all

@Empty thanks for that

One either knows this completely or not so what is the point of all this mental masturbation i have no fear and still suffer. What is the point of all this struggle? The more I squirm the deeper I fall into this hideous endless thought loop

Haha

As sometimes happens I watched my ego And noticed things about it that correlate with the teachings. But if awareness is aware, who is noticing the problems of my ego other than another ego? Have I formed a vigilant ego to observe my everyday ego? Is it another voice in my head? Is the new and improved ego a vehicle I can use to keep practising? How do I know that the new ego is trustworthy? What if I’m shown the infinite but the infinite is an illusion of the new ego? I’m a bit stuck around these questions...

This I is leaving the building for a while. Thanks for your help and insights folks

Hi, yes thats what I was alluding to in my previous post. IM not trying to run away from self inquiry but I wonder if I should focus on the concentration component of meditation

Yes, sorry, I didnt mean to ignore your questions! But im also grappling with the futility of all of this I will come back to you tonight. Appreciate the help

Leo, I understand what you are saying and understand the intent of self inquiry from an intellectual perspective. I can only understand from an intellectual perspective until I have gone through the “loop” so to speak. Right? We all know I don’t get it of course because I um don’t get it. If I got it I wouldn’t be asking. The problem is being able to communicate this and the futility of attempting to communicate this is agitating the me that is not me but is also me etc etc etc!

“I” know all of this already. So what now Maybe not ready yet. Need to go away and stop asking stupid questions perhaps. Practice concentration?

Oh man, the paradox!

Seems like there is no who. But who is pondering? Every time I ask the question it kills itself I thought I glimpsed self seeing itself through itself this morning. Does this sound correct? I also maybe glimpsed mind separating awareness into clusters but mind mistaking the separate awareness as separation of the universe itself rather than just a thought separation; as in awareness has the ability to investigate at different scales maybe? And this ability can be confused as separation itself (as in the universe and objects are not us) I also felt that spontaneity is somehow part of the universe but this is concealed because mind tempers spontaneity. Similarly with humour? Is the universe happy? I feel like it is haha Is all the above just bullshit?!

When I had my first “flash” a while ago I remember sudden awareness of the ego/thought/voice in my head as not “me”. The voice had volition and its own movement but it wasn’t me. It talked on its own but at the same time something was aware and amused about this. Who was amused? Who laughed? *scratches head*

Who is guiding me to the truth? How do I know ? It can’t be ego because ego doesn’t want that. Or have I created an ego that DOES want that because that ego doesn’t know that it could get squashed. Hmmm

The infinite thingy? is that the observer?

So you are suggesting to just sit and watch? I feel that is the only way out of this ps. When you say I, do you mean the ego got to know the observer? And who is wanting to experience presence?

@cetus56 Will do There is fear that I have been mistaking this new ego for awareness. It’s a wise ego! Haha

I use this one. Works great https://www.blackdragonseats.com.au/

Watch some Pema Chodrin videos. She is good at this sort of thing

Sad to see such pessimism here

@Mikael89 Can’t argue with that!

Hahaha you are right, they can’t talk, what was I thinking!

That’s what the snake says

What are you squeezing? Why do you want to improve the moment? The moment is not a problem that needs to be improved

@Mikael89 a determined dog can catch the snake on any terrain