Tistepiste

Keeping this as simple as possible. For now. I have the tendency to make things way too complex than they should be and start with crazy goals and mind stories about it. Changing my ways. The goal is to - meditate at least 3x a week. 45 min. per session. - shortly describe what I went through To - create consistency - recognize patterns - go inwards instead of outwards

From my previous post: Ok so, I found out that this is due to cognitive dissonance, which triggers my sleeping OCD. This cognitive dissonance is triggered by - Words by people (example above) - Actions vs words by people The first one is the worst. If someone states something from their truth, and states it as my truth. Whenever this happens, no matter how well-intentioned, my system experiences it as an identity invasion: an attempt to overwrite my inner reality. I am a scientist by nature - so instead of denying their truth, I explore my own truth and try to reconcile it with their experience. If it doesn't match, I question my own experience in every fiber of my body. The outcome: Rumination, unsettling feeling, re-curring thought loops, feeling of powerlesness, feeling stuckness Instructions on how to get out of the loop: 1. Recognize it. “There’s a clash between my inner experience and someone else’s version of reality.” 2. Name the mechanism, not the story. “My brain is trying to reconcile two truths that don’t fit.” 3. Feel underneath. “What emotion is here - sadness, fear, shame?” Breathe into that spot. 4. End the reconstruction. “I already know this story. I don’t need to replay it.” 5. Ground in the senses. Notice a sound, a smell, or the feeling of your body on the chair. Let the world remind you that you’re here, not in the loop. Realization: I have to read more books on pyschology

You have to stop denying there's still the fundamentals of OCD inside your system. Pretending it's not there makes your life miserable in difficult moments. Pretending it's not there makes you less aware of its mechanics Pretending it's not there makes you indulge in in it trying to figure out what's happening. Pretending it's not there makes you love yourself less. Pretending it's not there makes you harder on yourself than you should be. Accept that you have dramatic recurring thoughts. Accept that you can't solve it on your own Accept that you have to be vulnerable and accept defeat in order to overcome the battle There's no winning or losing, there's accepting that these destructive mechanics are there, and that you can make yourself accountable for addressing it in a loving / vulnerable way. Next time something happens that keeps the thought train on a loop for days; weeks; months on end? Don't meditate it away thinking your are being "present" with it, and are "feeling into it" All you're doing is looking at the raw unsettling feeling, with the wish that at some point it will go away. The resistance is still there. You're looking at the resistance, fine. But then what? It might dissolve in that moment, but next time it comes up there'll be resistance again. And then you wonder why. If possible: - Talk about it with friends If not possible: - Radical acceptance. Accept that the thought might never go away. And that it will keep coming back. - Use it as an instrument to being okay with being not okay. Actually be okay with it. But please Your first tendency is to isolate yourself. Yourself from the world and yourself from your self. Layers of isolation in order to isolate your energy on that single phenomena. You're creating a tunnel vision, thinking this piercing vision will pierce through the forces, but it's manifesting the forces. You haven't found the way yet. Not yet. So don't pretend you can overcome it. Be vulnerable. Talk to people.

Realizations from Vipassana retreat Insight During your previous retreat, you realized (even though you hadn’t fully integrated it at the time) that all particles - all matter - are impermanent. Every trillionth of a second, your entire physical system renews itself. In the current retreat, you saw that the mind is the same. In a flash, a thought arises and disappears immediately - but by grasping it, that thought lingers. There are always countless thoughts passing through your head, but you choose to re-illuminate certain ones, causing them to stay longer, which in turn triggers the cycles described earlier. You also understood the suffering that comes with alternating pleasant and unpleasant sensations. No-self: Nowhere in mind or matter can an "I" be found. Insight into No-self Suddenly it became crystal clear: There is no "I." There is no "person" who acts. Things simply happen. Because certain conditions exist, the conditions of the mind respond to them - but you have no control over those conditions, nor over your responses. It is through experiences that you have become who you are, and that you react as you do - but you have no control over that. It simply happens. Therefore, everything that has ever happened has unfolded perfectly, because it could not have happened any other way at that moment. The circumstances were as they were, and your mind responded accordingly, with all the resulting consequences. The fact that I am writing this now is due to the analytical tendency that feels the need to write it down. But I am not writing. There is writing. There is no doer - there is doing. There is no experiencer - there is experiencing. When you feel something - who is it that feels? If you look closely, there is just feeling. There is experience, but no one experiencing it. And what about focused mind and monkey mind? Your focused mind is simply mind + awareness + mindfulness. There is awareness of the processes, which changes the conditions, and therefore new phenomena arise. The system’s responses change because of awareness. It seems as though there is a "you" making a "choice," but that’s not what’s happening. Something happens - a feeling arises. Because of earlier experiences, that feeling now has a certain color or tone. You can’t control that. Your system reacts to that feeling based on the present context. When you become aware of this reaction, new conditions arise, from which a new thought (or none) appears, changing the reaction again. I can’t write it any more clearly for now. How to let go By no longer giving it attention. Thoughts will arise, but stop feeding them - no matter how painful it feels. If a thought feels strong, receive it with openness, then gently shift your focus. Don’t be startled when the thought returns - that’s normal. Effort, understanding, concentration, and faith All four must be in balance. Too much effort: the mind becomes agitated Too much understanding: you begin to overanalyze Too much concentration: you become drowsy Too much faith: you don’t develop wisdom

I have some very distructive patterns in my brain. 90% of my thoughts consist of one of these patterns: Questioning yourself Many thoughts start from a question. The cycle goes like this: Question → Searching for an answer → Conclusion → Questioning the conclusion → etc. This keeps you stuck in the cycle. It doesn’t matter what the thoughts are about - it’s simply how your brain is conditioned to work. Romanticizing You create an idealized image of the future in which you come out well. Many thoughts are rooted in this romantic tendency; don’t believe them - it’s just conditioning again. Romanticizing → Believing → Daydreaming → Bumping into something that threatens that imagined future → Anger. Compulsion Some thoughts carry a strong energy. These stem from fear. They manifest as compulsive, recurring thoughts. Fear → Compulsion → Negotiating with thoughts → Conclusion → Questioning the conclusion → Cycle. Again, this is conditioning. Such thoughts trigger a survival instinct. They feel overwhelming and impossible to overcome - but recognize the pattern: it’s just conditioning. It’s not truly you; it’s how your brain has learned to operate. Overconfidence When meditation goes well, you start thinking you’re the best meditator, the fastest learner. Then when something gets in the way, you become anxious - because you were doing so well, seeing your potential, and also seeing the sabotage that comes with it. Overconfidence → Fear → etc. Challenge When you become overconfident, you will start challenging the system / the system will start challenging you (chicken and egg?) Old thoughts resurface to see how you’ll respond. Overconfidence → Challenge → Fear → etc. Over-analyzing You analyze things clearly and insightfully, but you do it too often - turning analysis into a system or escape mechanism under the pretense of “understanding yourself.” By over-analyzing, you shine too much light on things, making them larger than they need be. Comparison You compare previously “resolved” situations (meaning: no longer meeting resistance when a thought about them arises) with current ones that do bring resistance, trying to find out why. Naturally, this puts you back into the first cycle, which can also lead into the compulsion cycle.

Reflection on the meditation Reflection on the post of 7 March: There's been a few moments in my life where I was told to feel and think someting, and I could not-let-it-go. What is this thing? The first time:

Here are some posts about it!

Better late than never. So I have done two retreats. Both in Belgium, Dilsem Stokkem. I must say, the location and center are amazing. The food perhaps even better. The organisation is very professional, and the same structure is followed in every location around the world. Even the menu of the food (afaik). Everything is taken care of for you, they want you to focus on your meditation as distraction-free as possible. For a first retreat, this is probably your best take. My two cents: - It can feel a bit dogmatic. It is good to realize he is teaching a method influenced by his teachers - He focusses attention on the bodily senses. Which can get you into deep meditation. I've went through different stages quickly on my first retreat. I want to say more, but I am hesitant as I don't want to influence your experience too much. My advice, if you go, go with all your energy and without expectations or ideas. Accept his teachings fully, at least in that moment. Always happy to talk about your experience afterwards Bon voyage!

@OBEler So, is it more like a hobby? Would you advocate people to start doing OBE? Or is it just something to pass the time

Why do you keep grasping back to OBE? Is it a form of meditation for you?

Hey, I have done two Vipassana retreats. I post here to remind myself to write something when I'm home

I realized, now more than ever. One of my biggest triggers in life is being told how I feel or who I am. My other triggers are injustice and misrepresentation of who I am But let's talk about the first one for now. This trigger has stolen an insane amount of peace in my life. Almost unbelievable. It's where I know and feel something is not mine, but is being pushed on me by another person that believes whole heartedly I should feel, think or am something I am not. It's as if I am fighting with an invisible power. I am trying to make sense of what someone else is pushing on me, and a great resistance is created from within. The attraction is wanting to take that person seriously, because they speak from the heart. The counter is knowing that my heart is not on the same level. It's like two hearts fighting an invisible battle. And it's all happening in the mind. I think, feel, it roots from "I'm not okay, you're okay" Where I question my own sense of reality and experience in favor of someone else's. As if they're speaking "truth" while I know they're not. But who am I to know? Who is anyone to know? Why state something as a fact when everything is ambiguous? Creates a lot of tension and circular thoughts. I am aware of all of this. Now I need to let go. Recognize the pattern. Feel into it. And let go. But these are just words..

First week passed. Going through a long period of emotional distress that started in December. Honestly it humbled me. Just shows how deeply rooted my insecurities still are. After a period of being in monkey mind from the moment I wake up to going to sleep for about a month, things have become more stable again. Forced my self to watch the breath. Pain surfaced around my heart area, the usual spot where pain resides in my body. Instead of indulging in that pain, I am trying to observe it. The meditation sessions went pretty smoothly.

This is inspiring. Going strong! 💪

Congratulations with getting over your childhood trauma. That's big

Very cool results man! Great Curious to see Leo's perspective on his own AI haha

Complete dissolvment of the body. Experience of rebirth. There was no more body, just mind

This is manipulative haha, so this becomes the basis of the interaction

Hey So one thing I feel holds me back in life right now is people pleasing. It puts myself and others in a vulnerable position. Oftenly I'd make assumptions in what the person might expect from me and if I feel like I could let them down I either excuse myself prior to them voicing it out, to make sure that, even if they don't voice it out that I acknowledged it already. Other situations are when I try to say words in the best way I can in order not to put another person in a bad position, if I am dealing with a situation that might not be beneficial for the other party. So then I can't really get to the point of what I'm really saying and just make the other person confused. Ok.. long story. I am very aware of all that is happening and what the impact is, but this force within me Is so strong that I am not sure what are easy tricks to stop giving into it. Has anyone else dealt with this and how do you go about it?

Dear, Recently I was attending a Vipassana retreat. It brought me deeper in my spirituality than I ever was before. I witnessed very deep and profound insights and states of being. However, on the last day of the retreat, we were allowed to talk, and one of these guys started talking to me, and he made me very confused. And since then it has been bugging me during my meditation. So I want to ask a question about it to help clear my mind.e He was asking me about my meditation technique. I told him I was observing my bodily sensations. He then asked, what do you mean "observe" I said "just.. observe.." He looked at me with an empty stare as if he was unable to grasp what I was saying. He then said "but you can't just observe, you're thinking" I got very confused.. He went on to say "you're thinking: "I observe" which is a thought. I think you misunderstood the meditation. It's impossible not to think. It is about not judging what your thoughts are, but you're always thinking" It became like a very strange conversation of yes / no and I didn't want to go on with him because I felt like it was going nowhere and I certainly wasn't into having a discussion with him. He ended the conversation with "the greatest meditation teachers are even saying that you can't stop thinking" This really annoyed me, because the whole way I understood Anna panna meditation, is about increasing your focus and awareness. Sit in stillness and keep your mind as focussed and sharp as possible, whenever you go into thought, you realize this, and you again regain your focus. By doing this, your mind becomes sharper and clearer, less thought and more clarity. Going on to Vipassana you maintain that practice during the body scan, and observe the sensations as free of thought as possible. Whenever a thought arises, you let it be. Now everytime I meditate this guy comes up in my mind and is telling me how no thought is not possible and I get into this paradoxical circle of whenever I reach clarity of mind it is obstructed by this voice in my head that is trying to tell me the opposite of what I am doing. So I'm here to ask: it is not "strange" to to be observing (or at least try to) without thought, right?

So lately I have been (trying) to be as aware as possible of my inner turmoil. I am very sensitive to outside stimulus. When something doesn't feel right, it immediately is felt in the heart and stomach where it itches and hurts. I am conscious that it are my thoughts that are causing these feelings. I am always aware of these thoughts but not always in "control". It is extremely hard to dissipate the thought's energy. The energy of these thoughts keep floating around in the stomach and heart area. I suspect it has something to do with my chakras; that they are blocked in that area? When I meditate, I focus on my breath and on the heart area. Now; I have been more and more conscious about how fear is a leading role in my life; so everytime I feel like I am doing something out of fear; I try to be aware of that and not go into it. But sometimes I am not sure what to do. It is a game between authenticity and consciousness in a sense. When I feel something isn't right, but I know it is coming out of fear: Do I act on it or should I just be aware of where it is coming from and not feed it? Then I feel like I am denying myself. I am just confused on what is the best to do in a personal growth type of setting. If a situation bothers me; should I just look into why it bothers me and learn from that and leave it be? Or do I do that while addressing the situation? Giving into my possibly irrational thoughts? It is a confusing / hard balance sometimes. But I do feel that addressing situations lifts a heavy weight off my heart; but in a sense it feels like cheating. I took the easy way out.. again. Instead of facing those fears and working through them by being conscious; and handling them on my own, it seems much easier to address directly and be authentic about how I am feeling which lifts a huge weight. But that feels like it is not helping my personal growth since I depend on external sources. Any thoughts on this?

Chapstick for reference. Without it you wouldn't know how big it (the musroom) was Or was it a joke? In that case my bad haha

@bobbyward Sure. The main point is moving towards absolute simplicity. No concepts, no ideas, no rules, no systems. Everything points to awareness of the void. The emptiness, which contains all the richness in the world. First, it starts about being aware of everything you do in every second of the day and doing it in a fully conscious way Breathing, touching, sensing, seeing, speaking, listening, going to the toilet,... It talks about the 36 tattvas and how they have to be experienced fully consciously all the time. It talks about how everything should be accepted and experienced and nothing should be resisted since it's all part of the divine. Resistance creates suffering. (e.g. when trying to resist a negative emotion, it only grows stronger) It also talks about ascetics and how some of them spend all their lives in solitude practicing meditation, which in turn makes them disconnected from the world they live in and thus not living life fully consciously and in all their possible / potential glory. The practices are pretty simple: -Being aware of your ego-mindset and breaking through it as hard as possible. There's no room for gentleness. Face your fears head on in the most confrontational way possible. They will be shattered. -Meditation: be aware of the pause between thoughts, breath,... Every thought and its subsequent thought has a "space" between them, a comma. Be aware of the stillness, emptiness between each breath / thought. Doing this every day, constantly, will make you more aware of this emptiness / void and will make you less identified with thoughts -Do everything fully consciously, never take anything for granted. Enjoy drinking water in the most pure way possible, do everything with pure love and gratitude -Everything should be felt by the heart, during meditation also focus on heart. Everything starts flowing when the heart is activated (all chakras).