Ingit

@Nightwise thanks Good to hear from you. i have already read that such a great book. I will continue reading it again. I will look more into opportunities when I feel like I am off track.

@Raptorsin7 ??

Just writing After Meditation: ?‍♂️ not a strong insight just a little... At the end of the morning 10 min. Meditation session I realised that there was something was going inside my mind eyes closed still chaos inside my mind that I was perceiving and then I opened my eyes and there was like what Was happening when I had my eyes closed.

I have very bad habit over one and a half year Due to conditioning. Questioning thoughts whatever they appear and believing them true and getting unhappy (whereas a part of me is aware of their untruthfullness) .... fearing from my thoughts... recently I had my learning shifts in Psychiatric hospital and I was into too much of history of the patients... Like they told me how they were hallucinating and hearing voices and I would become sad every time I come back to my dorm. Thoughgs would pop up and make me think that what If I started hallucinate and there was an intense emotion and fear.....and still that affects me ! I have started to become more conscious of outside sounds.... I want to wnd. Self Doubting emotions and thoughts and want to see them clear... I am meditating....daily for over nearly 2 years... sometimes I am wuite aware and at peace with mind... some time I dont catch up and gets into my mind... i want to break old patterns... I will take in account day by day and update my journal over here and my progress. I WANT TO SEE TRUTH ?

today as I went to the supermarket my intentions were to remain fully present even when I am standing in line and to start focusing on my feets and the sensations......... but at last while I was on the cash outlet....there was some bare code missing on some of the items and cashier told me to wait and I soon felt myself that my mind started just passing judgements that what the cashier was thinking about me and whether she likes me or not......I was aware but there was intense magnetic pull that I failed to focus on my feet sensations and I was continually into thinking and also there was social anxiety and also I found out how I was continually trying to Look on my mobile to escape the present situation of waiting. focusing on body sensations became quite difficult and it was like I was possessed badly by my mind. * and once I came out of the supermarket I realized this all. Next Time I would be more cautious.

Wen to the supermarket experienced the same feeling of not acceptance of feelings coming through past conditioning m... I can feel how there were continuous feelings of getting out of the mart and sadness and thought associated with it.... I can recognize the continous feeling still now in the moment. I dont want to run amI want to stay with it I know my ego is trying to sustain it... Today as I talked with the cashier on the counter I felt head shaking while I was taking is like the all the social anxiety I have accumulated over years... i feel like I am always rejecting my feelings instead thoughts form arpund on the... my next step will be Be with the feeling what ever it is and whatever it brings... Let see if i can stick to it...

Good Luck ? and a Happy new year

WAke up this morning,,,,,felt strange feeling like something is holding me back like a slight tight pulling me backwards a resistance type...with thoughts describing it as there us problem with my head........today I tried not to indulge much in that....just being with the feelings and watching out for thoughts associated with that.

Today As I was having a walk with my friend, I noticed myself how I was getting influenced by his talking... there were feeling getting generated inside me and I started to feel sad But i controlled myself and replied him the least. As I got home I was feeling the same feeling sadness and inner weird feelings around my head.... And Also there Is a constant feeling inside me I don’t know why but I dont allow it instead I found myself constructing thoughts around it and it is constant from over a year.

Recently My emotions, fear and self doubts are coming up on to surface.... Excess Tension going on inside my Body and my mind is swirling its same patterns.. creating new doubts for me..and same old fears.... been meditating every day (10-20minutes). Previous day i went extremely tightened in my emotions and a lots of fear which I would not give up... i was aware but there was a certain force to it.... These days I am feeling full potential fear.... I have been listening to Eckhart retreatz before and doubting if they are causing such and I am not sure where I am going... I feel confused stuck and fearful with all those emotions and thoughts racing.

@ajasatya to be honest... Without using my thinking mind.... The Only and Only thing about how my mind works and How I feel trapped, bring Awareness to myself.

@Nivsch You asked me the worst problem and thats is my continual worry about how I have been so doubtful, fearful, anxious, and illogical thoughts going through my mind over the past 2 years...I have conditioned it and Now they feel very difficult to drop... They dont go away... i am trying my best.

@Raptorsin7 gotcha ?

So when In doubt Follow the resistance..... Wont it be misleading in certain situations? Explain

Being suffering from a lot time nearly 2 years.... i am not still being aware of the things my mind made up... intense fears, doubts and. False stories... It feels so difficult to sot and watch them every time... I feel nothing growing only egoic mind getting stronger

@Justincredible76 I personally have Surface Pro. And use one note for making and storing my class note... Really That device makes my work lighter and easy light weight, on go to carry... excellent battery life....

Surface Pro.

I was just going to sleep so popped up with one question about whether I should start believing in God afain on not. i am a Hindu so my I grew up in a family who taught we to worshii God and How he is the ruler and sorts out all things and helps and protect us....I used to believe in god a lot when I was a kid and until high school(esp. i believe in Lord shiva)... believe it or not whenever I had problems or I feared of something I would literally everyday chant Om shiva and literally believing that he exited and I found my all problems get solved....But recently as I grew up And into my university I started hating God and defining God that how God is nothing just a belief and sometimes Gets a fight with my parents on this topic that How they believe in such a thing which don’t even exist and How they created a false belief in my mind... i would literally talk with my Mom Whenver I feel a little depressed and talks about all my irrelevant thought which come in my mind and how they disturb me and She will always say that “Ingit first of all you need to believe in God and how there should be someone big(entity) in your life Who will solve all maters for you and look how life changes”... so now I think that my Mom might be right... i need a some superpower with me as a God Because Alone I cannot exist in this world.... My life problems started all when I started becoming egoistic seeing myself that i am alone enough I can do everything and there is no such thing as GoD and all Indiana are fools including my parents.....!

@The Don uyou mentioned that to be conscious all thet ime even if it doesn’t seems clear... but I am not able to... I will be knowing buy I will end up sticking and sad to the stories in my thought.

????

Meditating for over last 1 year.... Trying to get conscious of my mind patterns... But Nah Lately I feel like I haven’t overcomed anything yet.... Midst of the low self esteem and doubt...I can see it happening with me but The attachment seems so strong that I feel helpless and Like I can’t do anything....and feels disappointed.. Tired of getting conscious of my speaking mind again and again. ?‍♂️

@Nahm ? Appreciate That.... I feel stronger.

@Nahm ??? YES THANK YOU... let me see it myself... I need to face myself and get to the root. I know I fed myself with something back when My Mind had been too fragile.. !

@Aaron p lol I searched up the word Holopromo(seems like a polemon stuff) Yes Maybe I am not ready yet.. But i am continuously moment by moment trying out to get aware of my talking brain. Sometimes I feel fearful of my thought voices saying one moment the one thing and the another the another.... For the direct experience (being in the moment) I try to notice as much as I can but unfortunately thoughts pound up and defines my moment and then I become sad again... That is how much power I have given away into.

@Aaron p I feelmyself with that word... and like I right now felt myself... Like a distorted view of all my body parts confines Ingit