Etherial Cat

Hi @Emerald, I know I’m posting months after you originally made that thread, but I read it somewhere last week and tonight, I suddenly felt a sense of insight and a desire to share my perspective with you, just in case it could be helpful. During my Ayahuasca ceremonies, I also experienced a sense of God and the duality of good and evil. This was especially true during my very first ceremony, where I started vomiting intensely—something that felt like a pure distillation of unholiness. It had gradually built up during the ceremony until it felt like it had fully taken possession of my mind and body. It was terrifying while it was happening, but my awareness remained intact. I got through it by mobilizing all the mindfulness ‘muscles’ I had built up until that point. The turmoil finally stopped once I was done vomiting, right in front of the bewildered eyes of the shaman. Then, the entire experience shifted abruptly into peace, and I felt a deep sense of clarity, like a clear sky within. Thankfully, none of my subsequent ceremonies (I’ve had four in total) repeated that same experience. Since then, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what that sensation of evil I vomited might have been. While I’m still not certain, my main hypothesis is that I was purging a deep, unconscious sense of shame—perhaps tied to countless subconscious thoughts about what makes someone worthy or unworthy. These had likely accumulated throughout my life. It was very clear to me that what I was expelling was my own personal, tailor-made sense of evil, which reinforces this theory for me. I don’t share the same fear you mentioned. It never occurred to me that God could deceive me. But I do have other fears related to God, primarily the fear that it doesn’t love me because I am somehow fundamentally flawed. This might explain why I felt like my body and mind were possessed by evil during that first ceremony. If I dig deeper into my greatest fear, it’s that I am so deeply flawed that I might actually be evil, with no possibility of redemption. There’s a strong correlation between this fear and my personal story. As a child, I was traumatized by the belief that my blackness (from a very early age) and later, my femininity, were not seen as good qualities to say the least... And I deeply internalized these perspectives. And because they were unchangeable aspects of myself, it felt like a curse. Then, these feelings compounded with other experiences, ultimately leading to a deep shame wound. The early sense making I had made was that since God made me this way, he didn't love me. Because I wasn't made with the parameters that leads to a great experience. That said, this reversed as I am now seeing this were all blessings, which made me into the being able to share intimacy and depth with great people like you and God appears in so many ways in my experience. But this came much later in life. Anyway, reflecting on your journey, what stands out to me is that your greatest fear seems to be that your gift—your profound understanding of the world and your position as God's Beloved—might not be true. This fear might stem from a subconscious, deep-seated polarization you have against ignorance, self-deception, and the understanding that both knowledge (through judgment of good and bad ) and ignorance leads to the generation of evil. It would make sense, especially since you mention that your gift originates from trauma and is tied to your mother’s conditional love for you. It could be that this all developed from a place of fear that is deeply lodged and could still guide your drive. And for someone in this configuration, I could definitely see why the ultimate feeling of unworthiness would be being the antithesis of all of that. And for this to happen to you, you would have to have been wrong about all you know. And your most cherished understand would be the one of God. And so, the remaining of duality in your psyche projects like that. So, the fear you have of God deceiving you could be a projection of your fear of deception itself, or something along those lines.

Like that

Someone's got a strong mother wound. And behaves as if Emerald was the infamous hunter responsible for it.

That's not only what I see, but it’s literally what I was thinking about writing to you a bit earlier. They remind me of a bunch of spicy cats who aren’t realizing how safe, nurturing, and caring the person in front of them is while they furiously attack the well-meaning Samaritan. And oh God, these cats are really spicy. Their spiciness prevents the nice petting and great play moments that could arise, which would feel much better for everyone. Also, Emerald, reading your backstory—albeit very insightful and somewhat fascinating—makes me very appreciative and glad that things turned out so well for you despite those sordid experiences. You have all my compassion. And while I wish none of that had happened to you, I suppose that 'Emeralds' are created under a lot of cosmic pressure...

That one is literally an ice bucket falling from above. Not only this inner beautiful experience feels profaned, but you get to know there won't be an outlet to share. Very disappointing.

Thank you. Happy it could bring you something. And yes, I 100% can resonate with your observations and concerns. I am certain that our ability to love as human is the most beautiful we are capable and this increase in beauty, compassion, tenderness, intimacy and depth as we grow 'more' conscious. Truly, the sheer love and purity in the feelings that can arise is nothing but perfection. And no words can make justice to the actuality of it. Co-creating, and living love with someone is the most beautiful path that two humans can undertake, when it comes to relationships. When I read this dating section and observe how some men discuss their relationships with women, I often feel a strong sense of discomfort. I find it particularly off-putting because, in adopting such a stance, masculinity strays far from its traditional roles of protector and lover. Unfortunately, I am convinced to the core that many of them here are unable to believe it, because they just don't see themselves as worthy of such love, but in an unconscious way. So the idea furiously bounce from their awareness the moment they read it. And they hide behind some macho posturing and ridicule femininity not to have to deal with it. Yep yep yep!!! So well put!!!

Attraction isn’t static, nor does it maintain the same intensity over time. It’s more like the visual representation of a Fibonacci sequence—starting small and unfolding outward with increasing complexity and depth. Initially, I might be drawn to someone based on their outward characteristics, but at that stage, the attraction is shallow and fragile. I understand that a person is much more than these surface traits. What truly captivates me lies in a deeper, more subjective level of attraction—one that reveals itself as I get to know them on a more profound level. Continuing with the Fibonacci sequence metaphor, the initial attraction often remains shallow and fragile. Many times, the sequence never fully unfolds outward, because its progression depends on a delicate balance—an uninterrupted flow of resonance and connection on a deeper, existential level. Any disruption, whether it's a deal breaker, a lack of mutual understanding, or the emergence of disgust, can completely halt the process. When this happens, the attraction remains incomplete, or in some cases, the sequence breaks entirely. Moreover, the more a woman knows herself, the more deeply this Fibonacci-like process of attraction and connection can unfold, expanding outward and going straight to her heart in an ever-deepening, more satisfying way. This shift often diminishes the importance of purely objective attraction, as the true appeal lies in the man’s way of being. Self-awareness increases her capacity to explore the deeper layers of a relationship, creating a longing to know another person with the same depth and understanding. This is why quick, game-like approaches to seduction fall short. You’re aware of everything else that needs to unfold naturally for the attraction to deepen—to reach that warm, fuzzy feeling that only comes from recognizing that the other person has the ability to truly touch your core. It’s not just about superficial traits but rather those deeper characteristics that reveal themselves over time and make someone a suitable partner for you. And what I enjoy most is observing subtle clues about his personality when he’s not aware I’m watching. It’s in those moments that I discover sincere traits, actions, and decisions that reveal his true nature—choices made not to impress, but simply because that’s how his decision-making process works, guided by his genuine self.

There are many men who genuinely enjoy popularity among women on the internet. And women appreciate their company, which is reflected in the positive responses they receive regarding their beliefs and perspectives about relationships. This is also easy to verify. And It’s important to note that this isn’t necessarily difficult to achieve; these men just demonstrate a harmonious integration of both their masculine and feminine and a lot of women recognize it.

If I recall, you quoted me twice in responses addressed to specific people. So it's more a situation where you are the one initiating and waiting for engagement on my side.

@bambi It takes a lot of patience and kindness to interact in your free time with total strangers over the internet for the sake of helping them have better relationships. And this is especially true when you are met with arrogance and defense mechanisms of all sorts that stem from traumas they don't realize they have due to a lack of emotional awareness. Regarding your redundant criticism about my supposed lack of intellectual rigor, I can’t help but wonder if this is merely a reflection of your own insecurities on the subject. I receive objective feedback daily, which reinforces my confidence in my intellect and reasoning abilities. Therefore, when I read your posts, I do not feel the need to defer to someone like you as an authority on the matter. But feel free to express over and over how intelligent you are while suggesting that I have a bird-like cognitive ability if it makes you feel better. I interpret this as a form of psychological unconscious homeostasis. I choose not to engage because, after weighing the pros and cons, I conclude that my time is better spent on actions with a higher probability of return. Last but not least, this is a public forum. While you may interpret my posts and intentions as they filter through your perspective, this will not influence how I choose to post or my general actions. I have my own ways of understanding things, so my posts are going to reflect that inner personal sovereignty and autonomy.

@Emerald I am so glad you have an outlet where your almost saint-like love, kindness, and brilliant mind are appreciated at their true value. And in here, I am sure many people are passively benefiting from your posts, even if so many replies are somewhat attempts to discredit you or undermine the quality of your point of view.

It's difficult because the posts are somewhat cumulatives, and so are the conversations throughout the years. I guess the summary is somewhat keeping some elements, but I am not satisfied with it's lack of depth. I think if I could have summarized in 4 lignes what I wanted to say, I would have done so. I don't think it's possible.

However, all of these criticisms aren't directed at men in general; they are aimed at certain men. In my daily interactions, I engage with great men. Instead of encountering hostility, sarcasm, and arrogance, I experience respect, deeply engaging conversations, and overall wonderful connections. Therefore, there’s no reason to be resentful in general, especially when there are straightforward ways to get your needs met. All it takes is spending time in supportive environments and communities. The bro-science and sad theories are merely reflections of someone else's beliefs that won't hold up against reality.

No, my narrative is not that men are interested in women only to a superficial degree. That interpretation is a distorted comprehension and rephrasing of my point.... which then leads to a strawman argument. What is being conveyed is that, in some communities—especially those focused on self-development—many men are attempting to enhance their experiences through external improvements without also addressing the underlying causes of their dissatisfaction. And so, they don't do much emotional introspection, and their efforts are more oriented towards external ways of getting satisfied. In today’s society, there remains a strong orientation toward the masculine, which means that men often lack the opportunity to meet and understand the feminine on a deeper level, both in their initial conditioning as children and in their daily lives. Most of their interactions with the feminine are associated with pain, humiliation, and a range of negative feelings, which contributes to a further repression of the feminine. This is why these men find themselves in their current state regarding their relationships with the feminine. But this state in these men, while not rare, is not 'the end game.' It stems from shame. Thankfully, there are plenty of men who are much more at ease with the feminine. The reason these men wouldn't date the type of feminine women I am describing is simply that they can't. The shame within them seeks to hide, and there isn't much that can be concealed from someone with highly developed feminine energy. By default, they would rather orient themselves toward women who appear culturally feminine but paradoxically lack a deeply developed feminine essence. A woman trapped in this dynamic would have to continuously diminish her deep feminine qualities or halt her personal development to remain in such a relationship. This is evident in many women who suppress their 'undesirable' feminine qualities while trying to maintain the facade of the desirable ones. These women are often referred to as self-hating or 'pick-me' types.

As a woman who spent a lot in here, I was often reduced and framed as an irrational, emotional 'dragon of chaos'.

I don’t think most men caught in that patterns are gay... Rather, they appear to be self-absorbed in a dynamic where their emotional energy is caught in shame-cancelling loops. This focus keeps them centered on their masculinity for reassurance, often leading to a greater interest and focus in masculinity than in the feminine. But for a woman, it would feel almost as such they aren't interested in her, indeed.

Hey Emerald, It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts. I 100% resonate with what being said here. Yeah, I definitely share your disappointment and frustration regarding this specific experience. Fortunately, this point of view only affects some men, although it does impact a significant number of young men found across various internet communities... I think you've nailed the causes and effects that lead to this particular situation. It stems from a deeply rooted male shame that drives a desire to control the women they become involved with in order to feel secure. This ranges from the unconscious selection process of 'compatible' women to gaining a sense of control over femininity internally, which shapes the narratives we encounter here. Having the impression that the female psyche is mastered and hacked provides a sense of safety, worth, and reassurance that the 'affection' supply is obtained and controllable. However, this is just an ersatz and parody of an authentic, fulfilling relationship, which would involve a level of intimacy and vulnerability that one isn't able to engage in due to repressed shame... And the repressed shame acts like a solid, unbreakable buffer that makes this type of talk inaudible. Hence why so many women are saying here "I don't hang around there with pleasure'. What surprises me is that I don’t see any evidence of functional, attractive relationships emerging from this paradigm. Instead, all I encounter are accounts of what seem to be somewhat dysfunctional, short-term hookups that likely don't contribute to emotional stability or long-term contentment for women. Much of the discourse centers on how great the sex is, which often feels like another way to boast about one's skills—in an almost self-centered, homoerotic manner. Much of the pleasure described sounds like, 'I am so masculine; I hunted a vagina, and the said vagina was so pleased with how manly I was.' It feels as if the vagina is still asking for such a masculine encounter. Yet, there is little mention of actual enjoyment, orientation, or understanding of feminine experiences. Rarely do I see reflections like, 'Oh, this woman really opened my heart and helped me see this or that, and the connection was so great at that specific moment,' which is what a genuine dive into femininity would truly entail. The thing is, I see plenty of online communities led by men where many women are very active. In my real life, I also observe the types of men to whom women are genuinely attracted, and it often doesn't align with the profiles described in these discussions. This is particularly true for intuitive feminine women who possess a highly developed feminine side. These women have the emotional intelligence to actively filter out non-compatible and shallow relationships, which is an inherent quality of femininity. The feminine women that are talked about in here sounds to me more just like people with long hair, lipstick, handbags and cartoonish immature feminine features. And from my experience, my attraction really is super subjective. Mostly, these are little things and moments that shows one's personal qualities and distinctive traits that they have no ideas about. What makes someone truly unique and different, both on the physical side and the essence side. Often, these are little acts of kindness, appreciation, joyful jokes, a laughter, some words showing a loving or protective perspective, or one way someone will hold, play with or comfort a child.

Thank you. I believe that both genders typically appreciate partners who are comfortable expressing both feminine and masculine qualities. This balance allows for authentic self-expression and then fosters understanding with minimal friction in the relationship. I've noticed that a man who is strongly attracted to femininity usually seeks to explore and develop those feminine qualities within himself as well. This mutual appreciation enriches their connection. As a woman, it's beneficial to seek a man who has a strong connection to his own feminine side, both internally and externally. This awareness enables him to protect and nurture the feminine qualities in himself and others. It fosters a deeper understanding of the needs and dynamics of both energies, allowing for a more harmonious and symbiotic relationship. When both partners recognize and respect these energies, they can provide support and balance, creating a nurturing environment for growth and connection. Very masculine-oriented men can sometimes come across as uninterested in deeper connections, much like a gay man seeking a masculine partner might seem indifferent to a woman's qualities. That's not very fulfilling. For me, a crucial element in a partner is a man who embodies his masculine energy while also embracing a range of feminine qualities. This balance is essential because the feminine often holds key elements necessary for love and emotionally fulfilling relationships. A man who can connect with both aspects not only enriches his own emotional landscape but also fosters deeper intimacy and understanding in the partnership. So it's much better. And embracing these dynamics also lead to healthier relationships that benefit not just the individuals involved, but also the larger community.

From my observations, there are noticeable discrepancies in how men and women perceive each other's dating preferences. Many men hold preconceived notions about what defines a desirable man and often attempt to conform to these ideals. This often includes a somewhat idolizing view of certain men, adopting their traits under the assumption that women also find these qualities attractive... When it is truly before anything some form of homoeroticism. They are the one besotted with that particular model of masculinity, and then assume women should be also attracted to that. And when women express disinterest in this type of man, many men insist that they actually do find him attractive, reflecting a desire to preserve that specific worldview. This tendency is particularly pronounced when there is a sense of identification at play, along with significant emotional investment in becoming "lovable" to women through this particular way of being. I am not very much attracted to hyper-masculine oriented, conventionally necessarily successful type of men. My impression is that these men are either too in love with the masculine, or with just small chunks of the feminine. I tend to like men who are masculine and can resonate with the feminine aspect of reality in its wholeness. Only there, can you be really fulfilled as a woman and fulfill a monogamous relationship where all the maid, mother and crown phase of your life can be appreciated. Ideally, he'd be in his king, doing with what he loves and more important, be compatible with my personality so we can be intimate on an intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual level. Physically, he doesn't need to be that attractive as I anyway would find him 3-4x more attractive just because of his way of being. A 6 can easily become a 9 in my eyes. And the contrary can also happen. A 9 can become a 5 if he open his mouth and reveal a lack of wisdom or general compatibility and capacity of the intimacy I am looking for.

I was initially confused, but I now interpret the ceremony's opening as a celebration of France as the birthplace of postmodernism and what is now known as French theory. In this context of culture war, it was actually a tour de force.

Yes. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing your experience. Transactional relationships and self-commodification in general are definitely miserable. Also, they are a reinforced through the current economic and politic system we live in. If people were actually feeling safer when it comes to having their basic needs met, we'd see much less of that.

Reading your words, I conclude that the major flaws in your reasoning are that you are confusing pears with apples and operating from false data. When I think about Third World theocracies, the countries that come to mind are primarily Middle Eastern or Arabic nations. These nations aren't much competing with western nations when it comes to the labour market. They are mostly relying on natural ressources (oil), agriculture, tourism, and some manufacturing while noways western nations are more focused on the service industries. Western industries have been delocalized for production mostly in Asia, which except for a couple south eastern countries aren't even close to being theocracies. And actually, one of these country is China, and they've had until very recently the one child policy. So your assessment of the situation is straight out absurd. Western nations aren't very interested in people immigrating from Third World theocracies. Instead, they seek skilled intellectual labor. In the EU and the UK, most social dumping and industry delocalization have occurred by placing Western EU nations in economic competition with Eastern EU nations through free immigration policies within the EU and the free circulation of capital. This was one of the reasons why the UK ended up leaving the EU, as economically strong regions experienced a large influx of immigrants from all over the EU. Japan and South Korea are neither theocratic nor subject to a mass influx of immigration from these types of countries. In fact, they are quite protectionist nations with strong anti-immigration policies. Both countries have also struggled with declining birth rates due to an extremely competitive labor market, high inflation, and high living costs. They also have a quite high suicide rate.

There are still plenty of traditional blue-value societies. If you honestly examine how well they function, you'll be compelled to conclude that they are not successful outside of your theoretical ideals. There are reasons why we moved passed it. It sucked for everyone.

Hey, congrats! I am happy to read these new developments. Try perhaps picking up activities and events that resonate deeply with your interests or current life challenges. You should meet people through these means and get to share some nice moments. Keep also in mind that it is all a process.