Etherial Cat

@Emerald I am so glad you have an outlet where your almost saint-like love, kindness, and brilliant mind are appreciated at their true value. And in here, I am sure many people are passively benefiting from your posts, even if so many replies are somewhat attempts to discredit you or undermine the quality of your point of view.

It's difficult because the posts are somewhat cumulatives, and so are the conversations throughout the years. I guess the summary is somewhat keeping some elements, but I am not satisfied with it's lack of depth. I think if I could have summarized in 4 lignes what I wanted to say, I would have done so. I don't think it's possible.

However, all of these criticisms aren't directed at men in general; they are aimed at certain men. In my daily interactions, I engage with great men. Instead of encountering hostility, sarcasm, and arrogance, I experience respect, deeply engaging conversations, and overall wonderful connections. Therefore, there’s no reason to be resentful in general, especially when there are straightforward ways to get your needs met. All it takes is spending time in supportive environments and communities. The bro-science and sad theories are merely reflections of someone else's beliefs that won't hold up against reality.

No, my narrative is not that men are interested in women only to a superficial degree. That interpretation is a distorted comprehension and rephrasing of my point.... which then leads to a strawman argument. What is being conveyed is that, in some communities—especially those focused on self-development—many men are attempting to enhance their experiences through external improvements without also addressing the underlying causes of their dissatisfaction. And so, they don't do much emotional introspection, and their efforts are more oriented towards external ways of getting satisfied. In today’s society, there remains a strong orientation toward the masculine, which means that men often lack the opportunity to meet and understand the feminine on a deeper level, both in their initial conditioning as children and in their daily lives. Most of their interactions with the feminine are associated with pain, humiliation, and a range of negative feelings, which contributes to a further repression of the feminine. This is why these men find themselves in their current state regarding their relationships with the feminine. But this state in these men, while not rare, is not 'the end game.' It stems from shame. Thankfully, there are plenty of men who are much more at ease with the feminine. The reason these men wouldn't date the type of feminine women I am describing is simply that they can't. The shame within them seeks to hide, and there isn't much that can be concealed from someone with highly developed feminine energy. By default, they would rather orient themselves toward women who appear culturally feminine but paradoxically lack a deeply developed feminine essence. A woman trapped in this dynamic would have to continuously diminish her deep feminine qualities or halt her personal development to remain in such a relationship. This is evident in many women who suppress their 'undesirable' feminine qualities while trying to maintain the facade of the desirable ones. These women are often referred to as self-hating or 'pick-me' types.

As a woman who spent a lot in here, I was often reduced and framed as an irrational, emotional 'dragon of chaos'.

I don’t think most men caught in that patterns are gay... Rather, they appear to be self-absorbed in a dynamic where their emotional energy is caught in shame-cancelling loops. This focus keeps them centered on their masculinity for reassurance, often leading to a greater interest and focus in masculinity than in the feminine. But for a woman, it would feel almost as such they aren't interested in her, indeed.

Hey Emerald, It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts. I 100% resonate with what being said here. Yeah, I definitely share your disappointment and frustration regarding this specific experience. Fortunately, this point of view only affects some men, although it does impact a significant number of young men found across various internet communities... I think you've nailed the causes and effects that lead to this particular situation. It stems from a deeply rooted male shame that drives a desire to control the women they become involved with in order to feel secure. This ranges from the unconscious selection process of 'compatible' women to gaining a sense of control over femininity internally, which shapes the narratives we encounter here. Having the impression that the female psyche is mastered and hacked provides a sense of safety, worth, and reassurance that the 'affection' supply is obtained and controllable. However, this is just an ersatz and parody of an authentic, fulfilling relationship, which would involve a level of intimacy and vulnerability that one isn't able to engage in due to repressed shame... And the repressed shame acts like a solid, unbreakable buffer that makes this type of talk inaudible. Hence why so many women are saying here "I don't hang around there with pleasure'. What surprises me is that I don’t see any evidence of functional, attractive relationships emerging from this paradigm. Instead, all I encounter are accounts of what seem to be somewhat dysfunctional, short-term hookups that likely don't contribute to emotional stability or long-term contentment for women. Much of the discourse centers on how great the sex is, which often feels like another way to boast about one's skills—in an almost self-centered, homoerotic manner. Much of the pleasure described sounds like, 'I am so masculine; I hunted a vagina, and the said vagina was so pleased with how manly I was.' It feels as if the vagina is still asking for such a masculine encounter. Yet, there is little mention of actual enjoyment, orientation, or understanding of feminine experiences. Rarely do I see reflections like, 'Oh, this woman really opened my heart and helped me see this or that, and the connection was so great at that specific moment,' which is what a genuine dive into femininity would truly entail. The thing is, I see plenty of online communities led by men where many women are very active. In my real life, I also observe the types of men to whom women are genuinely attracted, and it often doesn't align with the profiles described in these discussions. This is particularly true for intuitive feminine women who possess a highly developed feminine side. These women have the emotional intelligence to actively filter out non-compatible and shallow relationships, which is an inherent quality of femininity. The feminine women that are talked about in here sounds to me more just like people with long hair, lipstick, handbags and cartoonish immature feminine features. And from my experience, my attraction really is super subjective. Mostly, these are little things and moments that shows one's personal qualities and distinctive traits that they have no ideas about. What makes someone truly unique and different, both on the physical side and the essence side. Often, these are little acts of kindness, appreciation, joyful jokes, a laughter, some words showing a loving or protective perspective, or one way someone will hold, play with or comfort a child.

Thank you. I believe that both genders typically appreciate partners who are comfortable expressing both feminine and masculine qualities. This balance allows for authentic self-expression and then fosters understanding with minimal friction in the relationship. I've noticed that a man who is strongly attracted to femininity usually seeks to explore and develop those feminine qualities within himself as well. This mutual appreciation enriches their connection. As a woman, it's beneficial to seek a man who has a strong connection to his own feminine side, both internally and externally. This awareness enables him to protect and nurture the feminine qualities in himself and others. It fosters a deeper understanding of the needs and dynamics of both energies, allowing for a more harmonious and symbiotic relationship. When both partners recognize and respect these energies, they can provide support and balance, creating a nurturing environment for growth and connection. Very masculine-oriented men can sometimes come across as uninterested in deeper connections, much like a gay man seeking a masculine partner might seem indifferent to a woman's qualities. That's not very fulfilling. For me, a crucial element in a partner is a man who embodies his masculine energy while also embracing a range of feminine qualities. This balance is essential because the feminine often holds key elements necessary for love and emotionally fulfilling relationships. A man who can connect with both aspects not only enriches his own emotional landscape but also fosters deeper intimacy and understanding in the partnership. So it's much better. And embracing these dynamics also lead to healthier relationships that benefit not just the individuals involved, but also the larger community.

From my observations, there are noticeable discrepancies in how men and women perceive each other's dating preferences. Many men hold preconceived notions about what defines a desirable man and often attempt to conform to these ideals. This often includes a somewhat idolizing view of certain men, adopting their traits under the assumption that women also find these qualities attractive... When it is truly before anything some form of homoeroticism. They are the one besotted with that particular model of masculinity, and then assume women should be also attracted to that. And when women express disinterest in this type of man, many men insist that they actually do find him attractive, reflecting a desire to preserve that specific worldview. This tendency is particularly pronounced when there is a sense of identification at play, along with significant emotional investment in becoming "lovable" to women through this particular way of being. I am not very much attracted to hyper-masculine oriented, conventionally necessarily successful type of men. My impression is that these men are either too in love with the masculine, or with just small chunks of the feminine. I tend to like men who are masculine and can resonate with the feminine aspect of reality in its wholeness. Only there, can you be really fulfilled as a woman and fulfill a monogamous relationship where all the maid, mother and crown phase of your life can be appreciated. Ideally, he'd be in his king, doing with what he loves and more important, be compatible with my personality so we can be intimate on an intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual level. Physically, he doesn't need to be that attractive as I anyway would find him 3-4x more attractive just because of his way of being. A 6 can easily become a 9 in my eyes. And the contrary can also happen. A 9 can become a 5 if he open his mouth and reveal a lack of wisdom or general compatibility and capacity of the intimacy I am looking for.

I was initially confused, but I now interpret the ceremony's opening as a celebration of France as the birthplace of postmodernism and what is now known as French theory. In this context of culture war, it was actually a tour de force.

Yes. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing your experience. Transactional relationships and self-commodification in general are definitely miserable. Also, they are a reinforced through the current economic and politic system we live in. If people were actually feeling safer when it comes to having their basic needs met, we'd see much less of that.

Reading your words, I conclude that the major flaws in your reasoning are that you are confusing pears with apples and operating from false data. When I think about Third World theocracies, the countries that come to mind are primarily Middle Eastern or Arabic nations. These nations aren't much competing with western nations when it comes to the labour market. They are mostly relying on natural ressources (oil), agriculture, tourism, and some manufacturing while noways western nations are more focused on the service industries. Western industries have been delocalized for production mostly in Asia, which except for a couple south eastern countries aren't even close to being theocracies. And actually, one of these country is China, and they've had until very recently the one child policy. So your assessment of the situation is straight out absurd. Western nations aren't very interested in people immigrating from Third World theocracies. Instead, they seek skilled intellectual labor. In the EU and the UK, most social dumping and industry delocalization have occurred by placing Western EU nations in economic competition with Eastern EU nations through free immigration policies within the EU and the free circulation of capital. This was one of the reasons why the UK ended up leaving the EU, as economically strong regions experienced a large influx of immigrants from all over the EU. Japan and South Korea are neither theocratic nor subject to a mass influx of immigration from these types of countries. In fact, they are quite protectionist nations with strong anti-immigration policies. Both countries have also struggled with declining birth rates due to an extremely competitive labor market, high inflation, and high living costs. They also have a quite high suicide rate.

There are still plenty of traditional blue-value societies. If you honestly examine how well they function, you'll be compelled to conclude that they are not successful outside of your theoretical ideals. There are reasons why we moved passed it. It sucked for everyone.

Hey, congrats! I am happy to read these new developments. Try perhaps picking up activities and events that resonate deeply with your interests or current life challenges. You should meet people through these means and get to share some nice moments. Keep also in mind that it is all a process.

Nice. I am so happy to read these type of posts. So many time what you can read on the internet as a woman is awfully triggering, but beside the personal horror of imagining that such worldviews could be your actual life experience, there is also this deep feeling of sadness and human compassion for these men that are obviously so deep in the rabbit hole of unworthiness that they think the only viable way to get a partner is to force them through dominance or control. It's truly a deep form of unconscious self-hatred at play, and I can somewhat understand why this profound lack leads to radical, shadowy delusional measures to fill that void. What helped you get out of the thought loop, if I may ask? I find it challenging to help people see through the veil because many of them are completely disconnected from understanding what is truly happening within themselves. They'll look typically everywhere but inwards, and refuse to even consider some introspection on the matter.

I'm not saying that you are unattractive. Rather, I'm pointing out that your current belief system is acting as a deterrent. And that you seem to be steadfast in holding onto it and convincing yourself of its correctness, despite of the fact that it is not it. I believe you could benefit from being more objective and understanding that reality is actually more favorable than the framework you're presenting, especially regarding women's interest in being with men.

You may not be fully aware of the underlying violence in your words nor of the worldview you convey. My intention was to illustrate how your current perspective contributes to the issue you're addressing. Content wise, this analysis you've provided appears lacking in comprehensiveness and objectivity and it is strongly influenced by personal sentiments. The assessment of its relevance is overly optimistic. To be more precise, when compared to actual helpful research and analysis, the arguments in your post appear superficial and lack rigor. Achieving the depth and relevance expected of skilled analysis demands a more thorough, disciplined, and multidimensional approach, which is not demonstrated in your writing. It doesn't look very informed either. So why would I spend my time addressing points that are appearing to me clearly as someone's way of coping with its own feelings? And surely, I understand that you may think of my attempt to engage with you as a personal attack, but my aim is in no way to vilify you but help you question whether the beliefs you are holding are actually helpful when it comes to solving the issue you care about.

Unfortunately, you are doing exactly what I have mentioned in my post. I find it perplexing how advocating for policies that restrict women's autonomy and support forced pregnancy could make someone appear attractive or desirable to date. If you were seeking a partner, I'm certain you wouldn't want to go on a date with me if I were trying to coerce you into things you don't want to do. Moreover, blaming society's current collapse on your supposed lack of complacency, while simultaneously being oblivious to the actual sequence of cause and effect that generates the root cause of the problem would add up seriously to how unattractive one would appear. Anyway, getting back to the topic... Generally speaking, the lower the quality of my life and the less optimistic I am about the future prospects for humanity, the less desire I have to reproduce. In all these countries you've mentioned by name (which are largely governed by men, with men bearing most of the significant responsibility in terms of political, economic, and societal policies and power), both genders suffer, and many people are anxious about taking on more responsibilities in such uncertain times. Babies are typically conceived during times of prosperity or moments of euphoria, or at least when there are actual social policies that facilitate conditions for families. Failing societies that need offspring to survive often attempt to coerce women into reproducing by suppressing or controlling their reproductive rights. They resort to these measures because they are desperately unattractive—unable to provide for, or meet the actual needs of its citizens.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/jul/03/supreme-court-trump-coup-attempt Posted today by the Guardian: The coup is still on going and hasn't stopped with January 6th. Just the fact that this is still possible means that they nearly haven't stopped enough seditionist. They even still ARE in power. My understanding of the situation is as follows: There are two choices: either we move towards more Green values and empower Green-leaning leaders, or we stay below Green in the spiral, stuck in Orange and Blue. Trumpism is essentially an alliance of Orange and Blue against Orange/Green. Trump himself isn't Blue, but he is a con artist who sees nothing wrong in exploiting what he likely perceives as naive Blue allies. Many Orange people can be like that, especially if they create a Green shadow for themselves, which happens quite often. Now, here's something I've been thinking about: Why are we now risking a Stage Blue theocracy? In short, people who have assets and power usually do not like change and prefer things to remain as they are to keep their perks and worldview intact. This group tends to include individuals who have either done particularly well in the current system or inherited wealth. Many of them are men, and most of them aren't that young. When they see a failure in Orange, they prefer to seek explanations in Blue rather than moving towards Green. They believe that the reason everything is going badly now is because of Green politics, which serves as a convenient scapegoat, and they seek order through Blue. Additionally, there are many Blue billionaire loonies. For example, in France, two of the richest billionaires, Bolloré and Bettencourt-Meyers, are extremely religious, far beyond the average person's scope. Bolloré never goes anywhere without his personal priest. Meanwhile, he conducts business in the most unconscious, unsustainable, and abusive ways, both domestically and in former French colonies. The Blue worldview allows him to do all this while still identifying himself as a devout worshiper of the Lord. There is much to be said about the perks that a Blue worldview offers, but one significant aspect is the magical thinking that helps them cope with what the reason and science of Orange and Green would highlight as major issues that cannot be reduced to a magical postulate. And as for why American are risking a theocracy even if they don't see it coming, it is because it will be a descendant move, coming from the Christian minority in power that will mostly do the work from the top. In the exact same way why American lost Roe vs Wade without any popular reason coming from the base up, if you will.

@Rafael Thundercat Great subject here. That's a profound topic to explore. I have firsthand experience with this issue on two levels. Firstly, from encountering men who are afraid of love. Initially, I used to take their reactions personally, especially when they responded in hurtful or difficult-to-take ways. It took me time to realize that their fear had nothing to do with me. It stemmed from their own internal struggles and insecurities. They couldn't believe they were deserving of love from a woman because, deep down, they didn't love themselves or found themselves worthy of it. So all my attempt to bounding with them ended in awful ways. Then, I have experience with it as I struggle with it myself too. I've been literally watched with the most wonderful gaze by people who couldn't pierce through my own sense of inadequacy. I couldn't see, and still up to this day, see myself how they've seen me. In relationships, both individuals must love themselves first to truly connect intimately. You can only give what you have available within yourself and accept what you believe you deserve. Shame is what keeps us away from Love. Always.

Yes, of course, you're right about that. The law, including its enforcement, is an imperfect tool we rely on to discern truth and regulate behaviors. The image of justice represented by a blindfolded woman, striving to balance scales, beautifully captures this point. We cannot monitor all facts, nor can we create a perfect legal framework to categorize them or impose flawless sanctions. Man-made justice will never be perfect. From afar, I can't help but notice that the current American democracy is in need of serious legal reform across various areas. However, its design often resembles a massive ship that is too slow and heavy to make necessary turns. Federal systems frequently exhibit these flaws. While this design typically guarantees stability, its heaviness when it comes to reforms can become quite dramatic due to its lack of flexibility, especially when corruption is involved. It's akin to a ship with parts of its hull flooded, making it difficult to manage and navigate effectively. Biden inherited a seriously flooded ship last term. His primary concern should have been a deep sanitation. Yes, of course. By definition, a criminal will try their best to leave as little evidence as possible. Trump, his circle and allies seem to operate similarly to a mafia. They work to protect each other when it comes to testimonies and other evidence, as long as they can do it with measured risks. Additionally, they have access to the best resources and experienced individuals capable of advising them and optimizing the evidence system before and after the fact. Not to mention, they could have cultivated potential discreet allies to support them in some administration (that is more often the case than people are aware of). Moreover, they have significant influence over the law through Congress, and the courts up to the SCOTUS. And talking about SCOTUS: I'm quite certain that these conservative Supreme Court judges must have powerful allies reassuring them about their actions. There's nothing more risk-averse than a conservative judge. Most lawyers are already risk-averse people who simply want a good life with enough money. There's no way these judges aren't part of a political agenda involving the Republican network. I've also heard about the groups you mentioned on your blog when I started investigating ACB. Clearly, there are influential and wealthy figures at play who are seeking to have things go their way. These people are connected with all branches.

I am aware that a significant number of MAGA rioters have been arrested. This is very well documented. However, that doesn't go far enough. While these rioters need to be held 100% accountable for their actions, they were instigated by Trump and his closest circle, who have been roaming freely despite pending trials or financial sanctions in somewhat related matters. Where I come from, an instigator can be as guilty as the actual perpetrator. In my opinion, a truly effective legal system should have measures in place for preventive detention in such serious events. I'm not sure how this works in the USA, but again where I come from, the criminal law system could perhaps be stretched to the point of additionally charging and investigating him for some kind of attempted homicide on his political opponents and even disloyal ally (Pence) through the means of the crowd. Moreover, I disagree that Trump is the only one who got away scot-free. I suspect there were many more instigators, accomplices, or individuals with knowledge of the scheme who deserved to be at least symbolically sentenced. The moves of the Republican party look too well-coordinated for me to believe he's been operating alone. I am especially suspicious of the links between SCOTUS, various actors/donors, and the Trump circles. But I surely agree with you that their one big mistake was not going after Trump harder and faster. I'm leaning heavily towards this viewpoint tonight because my patience is wearing thin. It's frustrating to see things in such a dire state just months away from the election. The only conclusion I can draw is that the Democrats have been far too lenient in addressing the threat posed by Trump & the Republicans.

The Biden administration and DOJ have utterly failed by not pursuing every single seditionist who conspired with Trump after he was ousted from power. Sedition isn't a joke; it's a crime deserving immediate arrest and imprisonment in a high-security facility. I vehemently oppose the death penalty, but there's a reason serious political threats must be neutralized in radical way. As long as they roam free, they can plot a comeback and garner support. Predictably, that's exactly what happened. Their response has been nothing short of spineless and feeble, utterly inadequate for one of the gravest threats Western democracies have faced since 1945. And I'm being generous—back then, fascist states lacked nuclear weapons and mass destruction capabilities, and couldn't surveil citizens with today's technology. For nearly four years, I've waited, hoping for a plan. Four years, trusting that a nation with some of the brightest minds would neutralize this absurd, cartoonish villain of a President, who poses a global threat. Yet, there was nothing—absolutely nothing (?!!)—as we all watched the Republican Party's blatant scheme to permanently seize power by corrupting and obstructing every branch of government, playing with as much dignity than an African dictator. Seriously, even Ray Charles could have seen this coming. I hope the current Biden administration wakes up and that their survival instinct finally kicks in. If Trump gets re-elected, they'll face a vengeful version of him, and he will act even worse than we can imagine. He consistently surpasses my lowest expectations, which is a very concerning prospect. Their head might be dangling on a spike faster than any of ours. Remember that this is the guy who attempted to get his own VP hanged.

I don't manage to quote you so I'll have to reply each points after one another. 100% agree. A lot of the "discussions" feel bad faith and I guess as I get older, I just don't have the time and energy to fight back. Yes, the discussions were full of bad faith. And they didn't care, because many of them believe that using force and violating others' psychological and emotional boundaries is a hallmark of power. That's really a piss poor attitude to have and by definition it is unloving, disrespectful and selfish. I'd recommend signing out as fast as possible of any of these dynamic manifesting in one's life because the odds are big that this comes from a deeper issue and our job isn't to fix it. Yeah there is aparently a whole thing around self help and how young men particularly can be funneled into far right thinking because the left doesn't provide them with adequet answers. The whole phenomenon with how self help is being co-opted by the right is an interesting thing that I have been looking into and talking about the men in my life when it comes to both Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. There is also this aspect of personal development that emphasizes personal responsibility and the ability of individuals to break free from social dynamics holding your back. So I suppose that to some extend, self-help can get more affinity with a ring wing mindset at first glance. And a lot of people will be motivated to go on a self-help journey to create for itself a socially constructed norms and ideals. Getting for oneself a compliant, unchallenging girlfriend whose job will be to answer your needs in definitely part of that. They'll camouflage this under words as such as "following your leadership" and "feminine" to talk about that subservient, mindless, object of a woman they want. It's all about them knowing better, assuming by default she's got nothing to bring to the table in a disturbing display of self-suffisance, entitlement, and pride. I have a lot of ideas why this form of misogyny is in a spirituality forum of all places. I wrote a lot of this out a while ago if you want to check it out: I read your text and found it to be excellent. You're absolutely right that there is often a lot of repression among spiritual people. Instead of acknowledging and addressing their legitimate psychological needs, they may engage in ego-repression, which can lead to the development of a thick shadow. This can result in the unlived authentic life seeping back in through feelings of envy, anger, or unfairness. It's important to recognize that our minds are closely interconnected with our bodies, and our psychological needs are just as fundamental as our physical needs. For example, our need for love and connection is almost as vital as our need to eat. While it is technically possible to survive without fulfilling these needs, our humanity compels us to seek unity and create love with others, as we are social creatures designed with that special divine purpose. On the Roe v. Wade stuff, I do think it's more of a religious thing because 2/3 of the country was opposed to that decision. At the same time, I do get the sentiment of things are pretty bad for this to have occurred in the first place. And I think economically speaking, a lot of men are but hurt about how they aren't getting the same standard of living as their fathers and are blaming feminism rather than capitalism. You also have women romanticizing the idea of being a stay at home wife or girlfriend and romanticizing patriarchial gender roles because of a backlash from the girl boss feminism in the 2010s and in general wanting to check out of having work and struggle to pay the bills. Like I'm aware that these subcultures exist on the internet especially but I do think that my own social circle is an echo chamber as well. Although two-thirds of the country may have been against the issue, it's probably important to note that half of the population is made up of women (probably 75% in favor, and 25% of righteous pick me). This makes me concerned that a significant number of men may feel indifferent to the issue, to the point where right-wing fundamentalists could exploit this apathy. It's a sign that things aren't going super well. In my experience, about 90% of the men I encounter have a very poor understanding of feminism and its principles. Many of them believe that there are little to no issues with being a woman in the western world today and the complains are exaggerated. I am aware of the stay at home wife and girlfriend movement. Truth is, the horror of being a woman in a patriarchy is that you don't get to rest in your femininity and your anima is always racing. Getting under the umbrella of a man can put your animus to rest, and it's also not rare to read about feminist women having sexual kinks for domination just because submitting to the injunctions gives a short impression of letting go. I have heard from a lot of people sharing their accounts and often times I'm just left sitting here like *do straight people even like each other!?!?!* I feel like I have a pretty good relationship and I know my friends have good relationships. And while I cannot imagine having my significant other treating me in a crazy way or the possibility that my significant other and I aren't friends, there is a part of me that feels lucky to be in a healthy dynamic where we both like and care about each other and are able to be emotionally vulnerable. I kept telling this to myself as well. There are soooo many of these dudes around pandering to the other male's gaze . Like, especially the Andrew Tate and the like, they are OBSESSED with masculinity and hate us demonic femoids to the point that I am finding it sus It's either that they are gay and can't tell themselves or that their are sooo terrified to expose their vulnerable part that they do not allow for any real connection with a woman able to truly be intimate with them. I also hear stories from older women on how they end up taking care of the bulk of the house work, on how they cannot rely on their HUSBANDS to take care of their kids (and if anything their husband is like an additional child), and the amount of weaponized incompetence that is utilized. I also know of the statistic on how if a couple gets divorced, odds are the woman is the one who is initiating the divorce. At the same time, I do realize that because of my age, that I'm mainly encountering these stories online and that I have yet to see this in my peer group and I'm most definitely not naive in thinking that this doesn't happen irl. I suppose I'm only privy to a certain extent of what men behind closed doors discuss amongst themselves. Yes. I suppose we are all trying to see what are the challenge at other stages in a woman's life to try to dodge the bullets. There is this absolutely killer book by the swiss writer Mona Chollet, which is named réinventer l'amour and talks exclusively about love relationships in the context of patriarchy. It's only available in french as of now so that's too bad, but otherwise I think you would have found it great. I suppose it will be edited in English in the future, so you might actually get a chance to read it. I'm glad that leaving this website has helped in your mental well being and that this is serving your goal for self love and development. We all deserve a better environment to flourish and develop. Yeah it did. Though, it's been also a great resource in the past and I am thankful for having met most of the people I befriended here. The learning curve has been insane for me. I'm not going to take this away. But my impression is that I have seriously outgrown this space and need other environment where I can actually grow without having to make myself small. Usually, one needs to make room for something new to come by discarding the old. Anyway, goodbye *here* Soos.

Overall, I believe I have expressed everything that needs to be said. Repeating myself would be futile as the intended message seems to fall on deaf ears. This is not a flaw, but rather a deliberate aspect of the situation. Just like the abhorrent harassment was never recognized as problematic because it serves the male-centric culture of this forum by silencing a woman's viewpoint. Having a unique perspective, voices, opinions, and being treated as human generates discomfort for a group of men who prioritize their own needs and desires. It surely can be quite uncomfortable to be confronted with one's blind spots and narcissism, especially when someone wants to appear on its best "Chad" behavior around. I'm not entirely sure how common this is, but in my experience, it tends to be worse here because many of the people who frequent this space have a proclivity towards arrogance and are quick to project their deep-seated shame onto others instead of engaging in introspection. There is really little ability to come clean with one's shame and vulnerability. This creates a toxic environment that fosters contempt for others and often leads to a lack of self-reflection and a reinforcement of problematic behavior. It can be challenging to admit when one is wrong, so individuals may double down on their behavior instead of taking accountability. They'll also come up with plenty of justification to rationalize it all away. However, if you're wondering to what extent sexism is rampant among men outside the forum, I'll just recall you that your country has overturned Roe v. Wade which tells a whole lot about the current situation. It seems to be particularly fueled by the dreadful economic cycle we are going through, which make men feel even more inadequate so worried about their ability to build a life. Which I have plenty of compassion for... but it shouldn't backfire on us. But it tends to because it's easier to ressent those you see as below you than the one you see as above. Especially when you seek to join their club, which a lot do. Also, for what I do know and observe in my real life, the majority of couples I see suffer from a dynamic in which women are constrained to hide their inner lives from men who either can't or don't have a genuine desire to take seriously their thoughts, emotions, and perspectives. It's just that same pattern on the forum, but IRL. And this one nightmare of a dynamic is like HYPER prevalent. Lots of women do not even realize it because it's so normative, until they get sucked dried and realize they've been pissing their life away. Generally, the societal contempt for the feminine translate in a contempt of a man in a relationship for the perspective and interest of the woman he is with, which leads to a total absence of attunement and intimacy. I cleared my journal because it made me want to come back as it was an attachment. I regret it in the sense that I wish I had saved the content before doing this impulsively. But overall, severing the ties with this website has improved my mental health significantly and exiting the relationship made me feel empowered and in charge of what I tolerate and what I don't. I basically dumped that place because I love myself enough to know I deserve a better environment to flourish and develop, and because participating in it made me feel as such as I'd still take part in something I actually don't approve of.