Etherial Cat

Capital maximization. Society dreams of people who's got it all. Looks, success, money, and other social capital of all sort. Typically the average woman will want a man who's got it all. If you look at popular blockbuster (Twilight, 50 shades of grey... ?) the men are always hot and supposedly confident and charismatic. That creates insecurities for everyone. Hot Chad is embarrassed because he's not successful enough, Jeff Bezos because he's not good looking enough. Egos are always insecure. Wanting more is the default mode.

Yeah yeah... I'm already anticipating the next issue: being told I'm not acting feminine!

I have no problem with men approaching, but there are ways and reasons why they should approach me. I don't like it when a guy approaches me because he wants to approach any woman and I'll do the trick because I happen to be there. And that especially the case if he wants to straight up go on a date or something like that. It's a bit like if someone is applying for a job and try 1000 companies and see who gives them an answer. I'm very open with men approaching me when it comes to normal interactions though. This, I very rarely turn away. But if he's interest in me is a mere gender acknowledgment or an attraction to my flesh, I'm not interested. About Swiss men: I don't think weak is a fair adjective to talk about Swiss men. Mind you, as a Swiss woman I'm also not keen at all on making such a pejorative generalization about men whom some are my relatives, friends or acquaintances... Like the Israeli, Swiss men all go to the army. It is compulsory. I see their tasks (ranging from civil protection acts during Covid to special exercises that requires them to shoot to defend the borders or jumping from helicopters with bags) on a regular basis on social media. And for centuries, they have been praised for their exceptional warrior skills. When my Swiss male ancestors fought a battle, other European nations wanted them on their side. And that's why the French kings were defended by some Swiss knights, and the Pope is still guarded by Swiss guards. Also, I'm not sure if I'm proud of stating this but Julien Blanc from RSD is Swiss. So they definitely know pick up.

Each time there is a conscious boundary violation and they don't make amends or try to understand why I've been upset, I kinda have a break of trust/faith in that person I think. Then it depends if it makes the relationship still viable or that limitation makes it unfulfilling for both.

The same way you do when you feel threatened as a man by someone who overpowers you largely. Either you snap back at them (mostly possible if there are people around and they don't look totally batshit crazy- so there is a risk evaluation going on) or you shut up and try to make yourself small. I remember that once, when I was 17-18, a guy entered a bus and tried to kiss me right after. I told him to fuck off and let go of me. He threatened to slap me if I wouldn't apologize for that. I decided to apologize to avoid being beaten up (!!), but if I were a guy, I would have probably tried to make him lose all his teeth. Back then, I was so frail (46kg for 1m70) that I had just no other choice than to accept his condition to avoid a physical confrontation. -- Also, you'll notice that there is a difficult line between street harassment and a guy trying to pick up girls. Sometimes, I get afraid because a man stalks me or come very close to me. And I get relieved when I realize it's just the good old pick up and not a full stack psycho.

Yes, I totally agree. But then, does it still deserve the pick up appellation? Another thing that I don't like about pick up is that there is fundamentally manipulative element about it. Like an oddish desire for control. Also, it's mostly directed toward several women (like literally the art of chasing women). There is a factory farming style that I really dislike about it and find untrustworthy. I know! There are plenty of extraordinary men out there.

Yes. Boundary violation is probably one of the most common plague in our society. And you are totally right about female violating often emotional and psychological boundaries. Our biggest issue as a collective is that we all act more or less from needy perception and fail to see the needs of others. And it's how a lot of the social violence is perpetrated. What the world needs more is intimacy. The problem with a lot of men is that they aren't encourage to dive deep into their emotion and a lot of them lack emotional intelligence. And society (which is led mostly by misaligned masculine energy) teach men how to suppress their feminine side. So some of them become very bad at respecting boundaries.

I haven't been out in a while due to corona. This exemple was from last year. I also got flashed by a man in a park who showed me his dick while I was walking last September. He started masturbating in front of me. Men who hold incellish beliefs about women are more common than you'll know. Incels are an exaggeration, but males tend to spread crazy narrative and rumors about "how women are for real" and it misses a lot of the underlying reality behind. Yet, they are adamant that they are true.

Yes. I don't know if a good pick up artist would manage to be of any help with my emotional needs. I need people to be genuine, authentic and be interested in my welfare. Most pick up artist are just interested in lowering down your boundaries for a while and then will go hunt another girl. I'd say, I am too emotionally intelligent and sensitive for pick up to work. The pick up is only a facade that is hold for a while, until the guy shows his true face. I'm always interested in someone's true face at the get go.

Was it really that complex? Tldr : Men act often from needy perception, and do not perceive the subjectivity/needs of women and tend to trespass the boundaries consciously or unconsciously. That's also why a lot of woman complain about being "objectified". This is derived from "being not seen". Exemples: 1) I say the blackball/redpill is garbage. Right after that, a man comes and tell me that if I say that is because I'm a delusional femoid and my fate is to enjoy the cock carrousel in my 20s until I'll settle down for a beta cuck when I'll expire. I try to argue that none of my friends have been riding the cockcarousel in their 20 because we've all been in LTR. But still, blackpill it is ! I'm told my dream man is Chad psychopath and there is nothing to avoid my condition. <- My subjectivity is totally overruled by his insistance that I am how he imagine I am. Intimacy is not working. I can't feel good around this person and I close off. 2) I walk in the streets. A pick up artist comes to me and ask me to remove my headphone to have a chat. I clock him and we talk pick up. After a while of discussing pick up technics, he tries to test if I'm down to fuck by giving me a big hug. That's a technic see if I'm ready to get physical but I guess he didn't know I also knew about that one. It's corona time so I tell him I'm not interested. He still wants to test my receptivity and proceed anyway. <- My personal sovereignty is totally overruled by his desire to fuck. My boundary has been trespassed. I can't trust this person and I close off. I hope it's clear enough.

What is very common is that some men don't perceive you properly but the representation they've got in their head. It acts like a screen which precludes intimacy. And in this specific aspect becomes problematic because they come from a place where they expect things consciously or unconsciously, and their agenda doesn't fit your needs/well being. But they don't see the lag between the two aspects. It's almost like people like in parallel realities. And that's where a lot of boundary trespassing occurs. Illustration of this point goes from being flashed in a park to simply having conversations on the forum and being unrightfully unvalidated by individuals who unconsciously have a stake in you being wrong. So it's pretty wide. That said, men are not the only ones who act like that. Women do it also. But men are more difficult because they tend to be a dominant force in social context and they have a capacity to set the tone for what the standard perception is going to be. Men tend to have more potential for aggression and energy directed outwards, and when you do not conform to what they expect you to be, sometimes when their masculinity is shadowy they'll direct it at you and try to make you pay.

@soos_mite_ah I wish I had done it when I was around your age. I think it's a great idea ! Go for it! Have you tried Leo's life purpose course yet? I haven't read you mention it as far as I can see? @Emerald is a great coach. I'm not sure if she specializes in LP but she's awesome.

Hihi, sorry Shin. I anyway got to go. Gonna block the forum with Self-Control because I've got a pile of work to do.

I also found rude how you told @ivankiss his post was "off topic". And that has nothing to do with being biased towards women. But If you want to talk about gender... You've got also a domineering way of addressing women in particular and that's pretty obvious. Usually, it's an attempt of taking power in indirect way as well as in more direct ones. And while this behavior is very common outside of the forum, people here are trying to open up and develop themselves. Your pattern is like "I'm here to win the argument and prove I'm the best" when most are interested in sharing. And it's problematic because this is pushing people to close off and feel unsafe.

It has nothing to do with being partial and/or siding with @soos_mite_ah. If you call someone dull-witted, don't be surprised if they answer you something unkind right after. ? Your attitude is quite offensive to other forum on a regular basis. So that's not an isolated event. I've read a lot of thread where you interact and you've also been low-key rude to me before.

I'm sorry if I come off as blunt with you Harlen Kelly, but you've got a very arrogant, displeasing and aggressive way to state your opinion - and this on a regular basis. It would be nice if you could tame these aspects because it's not worthy of this type of forum.

It's not a question of gender. It's a question of being loving to your partner. This is better done when you're not being a selfish ass just interested in taking. Sex if done consciously is also applied spirituality and an art of love. Ideally, both partner take pleasure from giving to one another. It anyway result in all needs being covered.

In this case there are no difficulties. If she's horny and you can read it -> she's consenting.

Think about it, it's not because a girl gives you a finger that you're entitled to take an arm. Just pay attention if consent is being actively retracted. It can happen. Or maybe she's not into a particular thing for X reasons. If you want to really have great sex with her you anyway will need a high degree of intimacy and attunement to her needs and wants.

You've got to read it. You cannot miss a woman when she is into it. If it feels like a yes, it's probably a yes. And a lot of time it will be implicit rather than explicit. But you can also ask if she is into it if you are not sure at the beginning of the interaction. It's more like if she's tensed and try to avoid the sex that you've got to be worried.

These type of graphics are nice. I've hard they are now very common in sexual education classes.

Very much so. I get the chills when I hear men talking of hard close, because if I think about it, a lot of rapist will perceive their action as being a hard close and not a crossing the line action. Consent doesn't mean stopping when you get shouted NO. It is looking for a YES. Are you aware that a lot of rape victim do not say no out of fear or freeze up?

There are several qualities of consent and degrees of coercion. I think this is why it can be so hard, unfortunately. The best is obviously a big yes .

Women having sex when they don't want it is much more common than just a rape by a stranger. I know women/girls who've been put some pressure by their boyfriend and/or husband to have sex even when they would rather not. I had a boyfriend who would extorcate sex from me by telling me normal people had sex a defined number of time a week, and turn to me like I owed him the weekly quota.

@Shin Thanks for creating these threads. I just watched the video and It's really accurate. Since most of this is occurring on a subconscious level, I also got the chance to learn a few things there as a woman. I've been contemplating on the importance of trust in female/male relationships before and I've found it to be one of the corner stone of a functioning dynamic. I'd say that there are two dynamic with men in general. Either they make me feel safe and I trust that they respect my needs, or it's the opposite and I fear their agression. A lot of time, it's a spectrum... but I'm only fulfilled in scenario one. A good man is a man that I perceive as trustworthy, protective and able to emotionally relate to me so I feel protected on several level (physically, emotionally, intellectually...). I guess that's what Teal talked about when she described attunement. When I feel aggressed I withdraw. I can't be open. I get defensive and I sulk. Because I'm just not safe to be me. I don't feel loved nor protected. And this happens as soon as there is a violation of boundary. I get especially displeased if I realize that there is no intimacy going on and depending on the level of it, I just decide to sign off to the relationship. On the other hand, when I feel trust, I'm open and able to be in my feminine. My femininity depends highly on how much I am able to be made feminine in an environment. If I spend a lot of time protecting my emotions and my boundaries, well, it's all that energy not used on the "right tasks".