Etherial Cat

Intimacy. As in seeing through. I believe awareness itself is what is capable of intimacy and self-realization is intimacy with the whole. In the common language, it carries this sense of familiarity, an ability to relate and remove a barrier between a subject and an object. Generally speaking, intimacy between humans can be divided in several categories: Emotional intimacy- the ability to be close on the emotional level. Feeling safe to reveal one's vulnerability and feelings. Intellectual intimacy- the ability to be on the same page intellectually/conceptually. Communicating views, thoughts and believes safely and being met there. Spiritual intimacy- the ability to share the same level in awareness/perception. Resonating on the spiritual level. Experiential intimacy- sharing moments, life and experience, the same reality Physical intimacy- the ability to feel a sense of sameness/closeness on the body level/ physical form level. The end game of intimacy is recognizing Oneness in all there is. Seeing how everything is only one. It is what fosters unity. Love. Wholeness... Of course, the whole game of awakening is also recovering intimacy with Self (in all its dimensions!).

A lot of racist sexual preferences are tied to maintening survival capital within a group. The group is a collective ego which co-opt its member through a pre-set of ideal physical features among other identification factors. All groups kinda have a "poster child" of what is the ideal look. Having them will enhance the privileges given. Not having them will increase the rejection/hardship to get approved. As a consequence, individual tends to screen out ahead who is good material or not and that is what translate into attraction. Also, depending on the group's SD development, it will be open or not to other features. When the group gravitates around Blue or even Orange, individuals face potentially a significant amount of hardship for going against the flow. In average, they naturally seek the approval of their peers. So usually, there is a lot of racist preference there. It gets much easier at Green.

Yes, I think it might be possible. Women aren't meant to claim men physically, but men certainly are. Guys seems to have a whole dynamique around occupying the space around her and get her to surrender. Sex is a very important component of this, like some sort of culmination point. If the match is good, she'll show great receptivity, openness and be completely surrendered. Great sex makes her give herself completely away. So maybe you'd want to be the one she's the most surrendered to? As I said before, women don't claim men physically, but internally. It's through the emotions, the heart. Some sort of masculine weak spot. It's what makes him come to you in the first place. I don't care much about the meaningless sex he can get, but a woman with the power to sway the man I love away because she's more interesting to him is the best way to get jealous.

@HypnoticMagician Even when it comes to human justice, there are several types of justice to be identified. There is the distributive justice (determining who gets what), the procedural (determining how fairly people are treated), the retributive (based on punishment for wrong-doing) and restorative type of justice (which tries to restore relationships to "rightness.") Seeing justice as what gives/should punishment for a "wrongful behavior" is concept inherited by the Patriarchal religions, gired towards a Masculine, meritocratic and conditional form of spiritually.

@Michiryoku I had a natural enlightenment a few years ago. What I recall is being unity. I became infinite love and saw the perfection in the all. I had no more self-concept and I carried no more wounds. I was whole and was the whole. And all the suffering was illusory. I also recall having no more will. And no more fear.

@Nahm Hm. So...Would you make a will or not ? I don't get it.

That's mostly ego + the whore madonna complex coming together. The ego compares itself to other men/women on a constant basis and project it's insecurities on them at the first chance. It does this already in daily life but it is particularly difficult when it does this in relation to the person it "loves" (it deserves the " in this context cause that's just ego). In a nutshell, you want this person to be all yours and hate any conceptual threats going against this idea, whether it is past, future or just imagination. To the ego, previous lovers possessing the "beloved" cheapens how special one must be to be with this person. So in this context, the ego doesn't feel exceptional anymore. Plus it also change how high value she/he is in the ego's eyes. If many had what you had, then how is she/he not just something easy to get? Then, it also increases the chance of the lover actually enjoying someone else better than you which feels wounding. Because the ego wants to be the best, the most admired, the most coveted, yada yada. That's named jealousy. ... I still do feel jealousy nowadays but it's more of a distant background feeling than something having control on my decision/affecting my relationships. Also for me it's not so much on the sexual level. It's more being envious of other women who got his heart. The jealousy is mostly about the good time spent together and intrusive thoughts of intense passionate/intimate sex (cause I wish it all for myself ?). But I recognize it for what it is and I am glad the person I love had experiences before.

Awesome work, plenty of good things there. Though, isn't neediness used as a corrupt version of a healthy need in a lot of spiritual circles? In one case one is bereft and want to take, in the other one receive and it is gifted. The attitude makes the difference.

Yep! Basically, these are all factors enhancing or diminishing your survival abilities. We stack unconsciously social capital for our offsprings and ourself.

Beside... Women love above anything authenticity and intimacy as was said. Anytime you camouflage an important part of your subjectivity, the intimacy is diminshed. Don't we wish to be loved and love back people for who they are, and not the image they've got of us / we've got of them?

Exactly! Men are severely punished for showing vulnerability. It creates a very thick wound and a fear of retraumatization. I can imagine that it hurts very badly when it comes from a woman you want to be accepted from. It's like acid thrown at a wound you just thought might be healed and expose again for the first time. The paradox is that showing vulnerability and trust again is a form of courage and strenghts.

Why frame it as a technique? It is just real. You basically don't need to fake or control it, you just naturally are that. Why this masquerade? You're masculine enough, strong enough that you can cry whenever you happen to be vulnerable. You can give yourself some slack, you've got margin before appearing like a wimp . Show me a female who knows you reasonably and think that crying in sadness and misery once or twice will make you lame?

I'm highlighting the facts, so you can see them. You see, you provide us with plenty of elements about your inner experience she didn't have. We get that you are fine, thanks to our ability to recontextualize what happened from your point of view. Now from her POV, you basically had sex, disappeared right after and only resurfaced a few days later. She only got these elements and it left her plenty of time for negative sense-making and feel bad. I don't think I would like it much either if I had sex with a stranger and he wouldn't give me clear signs of caring a bit after. It would make me feel like a "cheap whore" like Leo like to say. "A few days" appears like a bit too long, if some basic reassurance haven't been made ahead. Also, what is exactly a few days? 3-4 days?

It's not a deeply held biological conviction/impulse problem. It is a conditioning problem. She has not been able to sort out the unhealthy expression from the healthy expression because she imprinted on the first one through her environment. And that is what caused the aversion. She is still going to get what she wants from a biological memory standpoint. Look at what Lyubov has written. He's protective, grounded and definitely show very healthy masculine traits. I'm speculating from Lyubov's name that they might be living in Russia. There is a lot of stage Red shadow going on there due to fact Russia is Red/Blue/Orange. Might be a reason why. A man showing emotions there might be highly disturbing and recorded as a good way to get culled.

@Raptorsin7 I think we are programmed through several evolutionary software which makes us wary of unhealthy expressions in another human. And this is what appears to us as highly unattractive. A morbidly obese lady doesn't make you want to put a baby in her belly, because she appears as a below average survival material. Whether it's genetic or due to her conditioning through an ED, you smell something abnormal is going on. Same for the very short man who doesn't look like premium reproducing material either due to his genetic. But I've found that you can rationalize (or "consciousenalize") the need for such things when enough subjective value is created by someone elsewhere to compensate. It's even more true when the issue they have is actually a distant evolutionary memory aversion which doesn't cause so much problem in nowadays society. So what appeared to you as very unattractive at a first glance wane as the subjective value appears somewhere else. I know an obese woman who recently got married. She's got plenty of qualities and her husband loves her. I don't think he was into curvy girls and it took time for him to make up his mind and his coming out as her official boyfriend. Now they are planning for a child. On the other spectrum, I have no problem with very good looking people. But a lot of them are dancing over the surface of things which anilhate our compatibility. Now... I'm quite lucky because I have become rather much generous than I used to be with people. I'm able to find beauty in other things in life than a physic so it makes it less important overall, I suppose. It gives a bit the same sensation as being drunk in a club. Except that the alcohol is what I really like in them. Other than that... I also notice that I am much more open to diverse physics since I integrated better my stage Green.

But you can't shelter her from this delusion. At some moment, reality will catch up. Acting realistically, in a non-infantalizing way is the best card you can pull. I'd still shift my focus in this direction regardless. Why put energy and time into a masquerade? The issue is structural. You'll always bump into the same limitations until you deal with different people. Thank you.

Her reaction was malajusted. She has been acting out of trauma. She said it and pretty much everyone in here agree. So why are there so many here advising others to adapt themselves to problematic behaviors? One should either work around it, or find another partner. I'd suggest these people to reconsider doing this in their own life and certainly not encourage others in this direction. Find more compatible romantic interests instead of resorting to inauthentic schemes to make an objective limitation work. You are pushing water uphill. No mature woman except a man to be an übermensch. Leave this to Nietzsche. As a human vulnerability is part of your nature.

@Leo Gura He will anyway bounce back in his predominant energy. Crying doesn't mean he needs to immediately retaliate and get into a reactive mode to prove he is a strong dude. Doing this would look quite insecure to me, to be honest. There are plenty of occasion for a man to show up in his masculine energy and make you feel feminine. I'd say that actually, you will be very happy as a woman if you can give him some space for beauty every now and then.

Well, wise words back at you . It seems like you guys have turned this situation into mutual growth and she's been receptive to what you had to say. It's awesome! Knowing how to deal with a perspectival barrier (which are meant to happen) and manage to bridge back both POV together is very important. Seems like you guys have the both the skills to do that.

@Lyubov I'm sorry you had to go through this. Sometimes, a partner doesn't have an appropriate reaction and reveals an incompatibility in values. Women can certainly imprint into a distorted image of what "a man should be" based on on their upringing/cultural context. Then, they expect from men a specific behavior and get offended at what is actually a healthy behavior. She has obviously awaken a wound. Knowing how much men are told to repress their emotions, I would feel the same sense of betrayal. It's a retraumatisation. What I would suggest is to pay attention next time you start dating at whether or not this person encourages positive behaviors towards men and feel empathy towards your experience. You certainly don't want to enter the phony attitude where you start hiding your subjective reality to your partner. If you go that route, you'll have to put a facade and entertain a low quality connection.

It's seems to be a war at play into the human psyche. As we say, as above, so below. As within, so without. It will keep going for a while until a critical mass has integrated both its masculine and feminine side. In psychology, it is well known that someone's problematic relationship with a parent will rule its life if not healed. And while people think it only influences your relationship with woman/men, it actually shapes your relationship with the archetypical masculine/feminine in everyday life. Though, I have to add that family is not the only source that shapes your conception of the feminine/masculine. Society as a whole will add up and create an image which will define your relationship to it. We project outward the relationship we have with our conception of what femininity/masculinity should be. And when it is not conform to our expectations, it creates a clash. The ego tries to turn reality in its own overlay. There seems to be really a lot of distortion. Now, I'll say one thing. The archetypical masculine is the common language. Society values its perspective and values much more than the feminine one. There are thus much more negative bias and distortion to the female perspective and value than the other way around. That say, a lot of women have blind spot too towards the male experience. The solution to all this problems thus is reintegration. If you don't understand the other gender's POV, it means you are disconnected from the essential part of yourself capable of the polar opposite archetypical behavior.

@Roy Thank you for writing this. A malicious subconscious attitude in relationship creates negative karma. When you manipulate someone with selfish motives, you assert a form of violence on them because you are biasing their choice. It's as simple as that. If you manipulate someone, at the end of the day you are trying to game them. And that supposes that you don't have respect for their autonomy and free will. You treat the other as someone you can gain power on and exert it. And you are brushing off severe factors of potential incompatibility which are already present and might deploy later on, resulting in potential harm for yourself and the person who got manipulated. Add then the layers of self-deception you're going to tell yourself to justify your devilry, and tada! A very costly mistake. Good luck basing a loving relationship on that. Because you've been acting exactly on the opposite direction. For the little story: in contract law (civil law tradition) there are 3 elements which can make a contrat totally void based on a violation of consent. 1) The error 2) violence and 3) willful misrepresentation. Manipulation is exactly this: a willful misrepresentation of reality in order to trick someone who wouldn't consent into a deal they wouldn't make if they knew the truth behind. So I totally agree with Roy, consent issues start with how one overlooks it in rather minor situation like that. And what people hate about pick up is exactly this factor. Healthy relationships should be based on detachment of outcome and based people's authentic choice without unsustainable artifices.

@aurum Great advice. You are totally spot on the cause and effect chain .

@Human Mint + <3

That sounds very though, Andrew. It would get a lot of people depressed. I think you might be caught into a loop of negative emotions feeding negative thoughts. You should (really!) reach out to a a therapist to help you sustain new perspectives and try to meet friends. Also, are you into meditation? Your life is far from being pointless. Your perspective on things is very grim at the moment due to some rough time. And why wouldn't you start a journal in the journal section to write about why you see as failure? I think you would benefit from this type of emotional release. No one will judge you. There are plenty of kind people who might even help you or give you some advice if you request to. No you don't. There is no reason to forget about women It's just that due to the state you are in, you'd be probably better off focusing on yourself for now. You'll be totally able to get some women after. No issues. It's just prioritization.