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I've had episodes like those. Normally they pass, however long it takes. It's only natural you'll see through the various survival mechanisms. You just have work through it.

@Forrest Adkins Far from it.

@Spiral Wizard The book list is what I use to jump-start my practice. There's always the option to go traditional with some organisation, but I guarantee you alone is better.

@skywords Any question can receive any answer when we change the context (aka conscious state). Your job is not to like one answer and stick to it, but transcend it. You have better ways to focus your attention.

I see. Good for you.

How much of this is actually your experience? Can you love death, pain, suffering?

@Rasheed There's a very big gap between structuring your life (something that you need prior to consciousness work) and the structure of consciousness (aka conscious level). In fact how you structure your life is content /filling only to what your consciousness allows. So there's a very big difference. This does not undermine the words of Conor, they are just not applicable.

By all means go for it. If you already have a wide selection of artworks, it takes nothing to post it.

@Light Lover Painful, but very purifying. It meets the intuition I had about it in 2018. 2020...Oh, boy. I'm in for the ride

It's kinda hard to answer, because only you can foolproof your practice. The best way to do that is to try different forms of meditations, go on a few retreats and reads some books about it. Leo's Book List has some great titles. By testing out and then comparing, you'll find what's best for you. Try out psychedelics, long retreats. Meditation is not the only form of a spiritual practice.

@actualizing25 Enjoy life - make friends, start a business, travel, improve your dating game. Work first on structuring your life. You're no where in a hurry. There's a very good reason of why you're scared. It may not be the time for you and that's okay - if you force it, might as well turn out as the horrific stories.

This boils down to preference. Same a it is with spiritual teachers. The Natural Lifestyles (TNL) were recommended from a forum member a while back and I like their content. There can be other good sources, just be careful with some of the major red flags as to the maturity of the content.

@Jahmaine Try out first with normal hot girls. Attraction is not different whether you're talking to a witch, a hippie or a model. The relationships play out differently, but you get what I mean. Probably the closest to what you'll find is at hippie festivals, concerts, retreats or communes. For a hardcore witch it may be harder, cause there's a lot of stigma around the practice of Occult. Ask @Matt8800, I'm sure he can help .

@Strangeloop Asking questions is commonly perceived as the right thing to do, because it puts the light on the person you're talking to. This will work great in an interview, but it will make the people you talk to uncomfortable in every other occasion. You have to be open at focusing the light on yourself - how else can you stick out and show you're different? Otherwise you're just like everyone before. Talk about yourself, share thoughts, experiences, ideas - that of course will build your confidence, because you have to be ready being rejected for your personality - something that feels scary at first, but is the right thing to do.

That kept reoccurring in my case for years. It always seemed as if I changed nothing, but it is part of the purification. Keep on. Repeat. In the process you will slowly drop the evaluation of your growth through habits and it becomes an experience. It's literally piecing yourself back together.

@Harikrishnan Let that occurance pass your consciousness. The purpose of meditation is precisely to help clear your mind of unnecessary stories and leave you with the unfiltered experience. The need to create a story is useful for the ego, but I assume you want to go beyond that. No matter what you put as reasons, it is still empty. Like trying to hold sand with open palms. That's why I'm stressing on focusing. Because receiving and answer does not change a thing and is ultimately empty.

Your question assumes that for something "to exist" than there has to be a category of "non-existence". I'll meet you in the space beyond this abstraction. Then you can ask. Honestly, stop creating unnecessary discourse.

How does that help you?

@Florian Whether you see it as a path to infinity or as a meaningless existence it makes a difference only to the ego. For your context this story is great to have, because it's more emotionally mature than nihilism for example and will help you grow. But the end you'll have to drop it... You are Infinity

You let yourself be, because You love Yourself and it can't be otherwise. Focus in this work and experience it for yourself. No use in speculating.

@Nak Khid Drink or not - there's a perceived difference for the ego that refuses to see itself as an illusion. After that occurs - there's no difference if you'll die of thirst. Asceticism is a very real practice. Now... You are parroting the idea of an "illusion" and do not have a clue of what it points to. Humble yourself and focus, rather than posting needless posts.

@Raptorsin7 Your questions comes from the context of a personal dynamic. "What has to be done". In that case a perceived "person" would be better accustomed if he/she had the ability to communicate and exist. But the usefulness of the concept of an ego stops there. What you're asking of is in a context where no ego exists. No ego is pure enough to face the nondual - like trying to fit infinity in a box. The question will be realised as absurd once you're there. Realise that asking this changes absolutely nothing for you, even if it currently seems otherwise.

@Commodent I'm not saying you're wrong per say, but you have to appreciate the sheer complexity and difficulty to reach a conscious stage of that degree. Looking wishfully at turquoise or coral is almost always a pointer to a Tier 1 personal dynamic and an attachment to the perceived "worth" of a stage like turquoise. If the model ended at "lavender" or "rainbow" (an imaginary tier 3), then you can see how the question would have been different. @Serotoninluv has been very elicit in helping me realize this dynamic, I hope he can be of help here.

@Conscious life I guarantee you that thinking of the "limitations of turquoise" is one of the least productive things that you can do, because it's guaranteed mental maturbation.

@DMM710 Public speaking, going to a new country, trying out a fundamentally different style than yours, changing cities and... telling the truth - you'll be amazed how much we lie.