Rigel

Well that was a trip if i’ve ever had one. The come-up was anxiety inducing as always but once I remembered to surrender and I followed my breath for a while it settle into this abstract mindfuck. I struggle to put words to it honestly. As for my intentions of uncovering the root cause of my weed addiction, I didn’t resolve anything. I didn’t come to an understanding of why at all. What happened is that I just basked in the pain of withdrawals. Trying to make sens of it wasn’t working. My reslove to not use it again is still strong. I think I am coming to the realisation that the pain I am trying to get away from isn’t going away anytime soon and I need to accept that. There will be no moving foreward without making time and space for the pain to exist. Eventually, as with all things, it will exhaust itself & something new will come up. I think it’s my inability to accept that life is just hard and that’s it. Trying to sneak away from it just doesn’t work. I have been doing that for far too long already. I expect my tendencies to avoid difficult emotions to manifest in some other form now that cannabis isn’t there to blanket me anymore. Probably the internet since I have a history of struggling with that as well. It’s crazy how the insecurities I usually have regarding my art & my work are getting eclipsed by this pain. I think I was using cannabis as a way to deal with those. I expect them to come back once I am out of this. I’ll go eat some pineapple now it looks declicious.

Sorry that wasn’t clear I am talking about using mushrooms not cannabis. I never had any problems with mushrooms. I need to get my courage up to take them and it’s always been positive even on harder trips. I am done with cannabis.

What I found helps a lot with the withdrawals include: -Scorching hot baths -Sun on my skin -Physical activity & movement -Journaling about them -Breath work -Crying I am planning on tripping off 2g tomorrow & digging for the root cause of this addiction as well as making peace with the substance itself. Like if I am being honest I loved cannabis & it had a positive impact on my life until it didn't. I want to acknowledge everything it gave me and everything it took from me as non-judgmentally as possible.

To me it doesn't really feel psychedelic at all but I think there's a point to be made about the synergy that it can have with psychedelic compounds. I love them anyway. My holy trinity of the mushroom kingdom is Cubensis, Lions Mane & Shitake(those suckers taste amazing as well) Only the psychedelic kind taste like garbage ahah Just kidding we kinda get used to it.

Yeah I make my own capsules and I use lions mane as a filler to make them full. Last batch I made was 70mg cubensis and the rest was lions mane. It might be cause I made them with cubensis aborts which are stronger than normal fruits but they are too strong even at 70mg. I am thinking that lions mane has a potentiation effect but I could be wrong I haven’t tried this specific batch without lions mane. What I know for sure is that they are so tasty sautéed in a bit of olive oil or butter ?

I love me a nice cup of green tea in the morning ? Coffee is way to strong for me. I can’t take it even though I love the smell and taste because it turns me into a vibrating pill of nerves.

I have been consistently chewing this very hard gum that I have found a couple months ago. I am serious it is transforming my life. It's totally changing the bone structure in my jaw & my airways! Making more room for my bottom wisdom teeth who are still coming out! I love chewing very stiff gum intensely. I am still not enlightened tho lol

Yes it is very hard. My point was that the line between playing and listening is razor thin and that’s what you realize after thousands of hours doing both with full awareness. All of that was in response to your comment about Beethoven being different cause he’s creating, not just listening. Well he’s not. The dude fabricated his work inside his mind in a way that is spooky-shly close to active listening. Thus placing your premise into question again(it’s false by the way). But even more important than that, who the heck gives a shit about your IQ? IQ is like the leftover bits of dried crumb in the bag when you are done with the loaf of intelligence. It doesn’t measure actual intelligence.

No that’s not what I am saying. There is such a thing as listening with active and passive awareness. Why you would bring torture as an analogy to justify staying unconscious is beyond me.

That’s a very nice straw man lol

Well then isn’t your problem lack of awareness and not music?

Creating and listening are very close to each other. Assuming you are actually listening with full awareness. Jazz cats only play what their ear is feeding them internally. They play back the stuff they hear inside their mind on their instrument. They are listening to their own music as they play.

The voice is a delicate instrument & progress isn’t linear. Give yourself time to rest, time to breathe and time to practice. It’ll change and transform every step of the way & you need to let it be what it wants to be. Sometimes we are so critical with ourselves that we stifle the JOY that is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to play at our best. And keep in mind it isn’t possible to always play at your best. But the more you practice, the more it’ll fall into place. Warm-ups and good technique goes without saying. No shouting obviously. Plenty of water. Good sleep. No smoking. Healthy eating. Exercise. How old are you and what’s the extent of your musical training? Edit: If your voice hurts when you use it then it’s a code red. You need complete vocal rest for an extended period of time and ease back into it extra carefully. If, as you say, it’s like you have lost power and sparkle but your voice is still there and it doesn’t hurt to use it in this way, then I’d actually encourage you to explore this “unpowerful” & perhaps “duller” sound that you find yourself with right now. I am suggesting a very open and non-judgmental investigation of the sounds that are actually coming out of you. You might find that you actually like them. And when your full range comes back(with adequate care, practice & rest) you might even want to retain some of that gnarlier tone that you’ve been feasting on. It’ll become another means of expression. More toys for you to play with.

My birth name is Tristan. I’m a m7b5 chord if I recall. Not that it matters.

As a musician I fully support your addiction to Music.

Mankind is the bullshitting animal? Something close to that.

Aaah yeah I remember the bullshit episode. It was so much fun?

Don’t you love brushing your teeth? What are you trying to accomplish by skipping that? I don’t get it. edit: oh I see you started brushing them. Good for you?

I love getting triggered by you guys. Makes it easier to drop my ideas of what anything is & who’s right about anything on the floor and let them bleed to death.

I have read all of that and I still don’t understand what enlightenment is

I am going through it right now it’s pretty entertaining. He is a genius with words but of course none of that comes even close to being in the thick of a deep psychedelic trip.

When I was young I always had one nostril clogged. The doctors said it was allergies which it wasn’t(what a shock) cause it all went away when I started valuing my health and eating actual food. I wanted to sing so I had to learn how to breathe and open up my nasal cavities to do that. I am glad I did. It was very much and still is a conscious effort. People have their lots of methods, tips, tricks, guidelines, practices and stuff which I have read a few bits here and there(including James Nestor’s). But I like just focusing on it and asking myself:”ok how do I breathe? no bullshit. What the f is breathing and what is the optimal way to breathe?”. By trying every possible way to breathe and noticing which one does what, one increases awareness and mindfulness of the breath which is really the thing that transforms it. Like 1 through 30sec inhales and exhales or 10sec inhale 15sec exhale and every combination and permutation of depth, ratio and length coupled with acute attention to what it all does to the body-mind. General relative truths about breathing include: -Slow is calming to the mind and body -Slow is sustainable and desired for long periods of time/most of the time. -Slow decreases heart rate. -Fast is electrifying. If you need to run away from a bear you’ll breathe fast. -Fast is anxiety inducing & damaging in the long run. -Fast increases heart rate. -Deep & Relatively fast is what can make you have insane psychedelic like experiences and energetic overloads or releases. -Shallow breathing is a problem at any rate or speed. It’ll cause tiredness and fatigue among other things. -Breathing through the nose is crucial but even more so on inhalation. -Breathing technic & physiology is important but so is air quality. There’s no technic to make you breathe well in a dust and smog cloud.

I mean play drums. It’s gonna cure your fidgeting. If you want. Create a regular pulse at the center of your chest and relate your fidgeting to that pulse. I think dancing could put your rhythm into coherence as well. Fidgeting and shaking is untamed rhythm.

Even if that was true(which is debatable) you wouldn't know what your specific genetic potential is without doing the hard work. Everyone can improve their confidence & self-acceptance if they want to & if they are willing to do some emotional labour.

Mmmmh I like a good tragedy sometimes!?