Javfly33

I have very clear that I don't want to keep playing the game of chasing things (including self-devopment) and creating new problems and desires. I have been doing it all my life and to be honest I can't see my mind stopping this game anytime soon. No matter how much I try to balance myself, I already seen my bullshit ego creating more delusion and problems to keep itself alive. I am young (recently 24years old) but I think I'm pretty certain I wouldn't be miserable meditating for the rest in my life in a cave. In fact there's some kind of intuition that tells me this life I'm supposed to live it like that, finally letting go of the material game of life and going full deep into truth and silence. I work in software development since not a long time ago and until recently I have this plan of keep learning more of the industry to have a business of my own related to conscious leaving or either not conscious but that make enough money and go retire to go 100% into the spirituality ( but this is obviously very rare to happen). But to be honest this can take lots of time and nothing guarantee me that it won't be another self delusion to keep playing the game of the mind. I don't see why when I have my business there will be any difference and my mind won't create problems or stories to excuse into not going to pursue/stay in truth totally. So what is the other option. Where are really places that you can practice spirituality and for an exchange of some work they can provide with the place and food. I don't want to go to a Buddhist monastery lol. There isn't something more modern/adapted to the world of now that can provide you with this?

Don´t get me wrong, In terms of leaving traumas behind, obssesions, stories that you create in your mind, points of view...etc I have gotten tremendous value from psychedelics to cut a lot of my bullshit, in terms of introspection I am very, very in awe to psychedelics, I don´t know how fucked up I would be if i haven´t done some trips in my youth, since still my personality is not healthy as I would like, I imagine I still will benefit from them in the future in this aspect. However now even If I am very serious about becoming awake I am still plan my future, I still have plans to my future business, then why the hell for example I would do 5-MeO-DMT in this stage of my life (i haven´t tried that one yet), have an eye-opening experience but then...will my ego really abandon his plans after whatever non-dual experience I will get? No. I think psychedelics for spiritual purposes are great: For people who haven´t got a clue what an altered state of consciousness is and doing it by "sober" methods would maybe take them years (Yoga, meditation, etc). Then this way they can actually start their practice/their spiritual path because they have seen this is not just words or concepts. For people who can actually "call it a day" to everything in its life, don´t have any real plans to the future, they are retired, etc...and can really go deep, submit all the way with the direction that the psychedelic experience can give you. For the rest of us, I wonder, what´s the point in doing something as strong as 5-MeO-DMT (or big doses of other classic psychedelics?) Don´t you are a playing a kind of game there?

yeah, acid is also like this for me too. Can´t get spiritual even if i try on it lol.

I´m very irregular. I had a year with tremendous grow where i trip 4-5 times, then there´s a lot of time ago since i dont do them and I feel stagnated in life tbh. But its been so much time the stuff scares me a little bit and i end up "procrastinating"

Or at least, if this is not hell, if this is not negative then why I would imagine it to be it? I just make a summary about my life and I realize I have been creating a story, each day, each hour, each minute, each second maintaining that story alive. Why would I do that? I don´t mean precisely the fact that consciousness created an identity."I" know that. Ok, I am trying to wake up from that dream. The dream of nothingness mistakenly confusing his identity for "a person". Waking up would mean liberation, sure. But what about what had happened until know? And please don´t say "the past doesn´t exist, you are creating your memories right now" Because sure, I don´t need to go to the past. Right now. Right now this moment I feel I am not in power. This experience is not being felt from a perspective of power and control. Yet everything tells I have to be the only who created all of this (the world of forms, of concepts, of stories) in the first place. Who/What is the one who is the only one alive right now? I have been trying to "search" for the Source, but the source is just nothing. I want to know the one who is in power, the one who created the story and still maintain it alive. Surely nothingness can´t. Nothigness doesn´t do anything. I´ve been there. It´s a beatiful place but what about my word.

Shit, i´ve been trying to do this but I think I have always been doing the number 3. But i can´t see different between number 2.... What do you mean "replace it on said pan". Sorry because english is not my first language

So far I have realized this meditation just 2 times, and the results have been amazing. I have done it only 11 minutes, the recommended minimum time, and I have experienced spontaneous physical movements, sometimes violent but nothing to worry about. In this meditation there´s a point in which you transition from being "You" chanting and meditating, to just your body be taken by something. I am not saying I am channeling an "entity", but that there comes a point in which the "You" is no longer "You", is just a part of the experience. An observation arises of the one who is chanting. In that moment I can´t say "I" am chanting. There´s something chanting the mantra. I´d like to know if there´s anyone here who practice this meditation and what else can tell me, it seems an interesting meditation and I will keep on doing it.

Solipsism, fear that I am alone in my experience and there´s nobody and nor will be to "attest" or "justify" my experience. If I would let go of it I probably would solve 90% of my problems, but hey its a big step. Total responsability, you know?

Good luck. Wheter you make it or not, you sure as hell will learn something. And hey, New York is great in the summer

Since I tried psychedelics one thing that strucked me is how so unestable your reality is under the influence of it. With similar but maybe less potent substances also this feeling is very palpable. When I am on them I always think how I know that the experience and perspective I have on drugs is deluded and the sober life is the "right one". The fact that the sober life is stable, is what makes me feel still that the sober life is "the truth" and experiences with drugs is delusion. However this is not be confused with rare puntual spiritual moments of psychedelics or similar substances. I don´t think those are/are not a delusion more than life might be. Sometimes I feel this "stability" is a creation the Ego creates to keep himself and his story alive. However this seems too insane to be true. Because for this to be true Ego had to be doing this 100% of the times, always. There´s not a moment that you comedown from a drug, and you are not back into your old-sober view. Only something that is natural and the truth could be this reliable, don´t you think? So perspective under sober life must be more Truth than perspective under substance use. ---Sorry this might have to be moved to the Spirituality subforum, but I was not sure where to post this since this subforum is also about Philosophy.

stop trolling and try go start building your life Actually an LSD trip maybe would be good for you but don´t do more than 150ug lol

Yes, as far as I know, basically my main "fetish" only exists in Twitter. There´s quite people/models who basically make a living out of just doing that. Sharing particular content and particular services basically only inside Twitter, or similar apps. Not going to say which is here publicly however, because I dont think its the place haha, and also because i don´t consider it "my fetish" anymore.

And I don´t know if its the correct one. I don´t know if this might be delusional and that is why I need your insight for this. I am beggining to realize, more and more, that in order to: 1. Be able to express myself freely in front of others, 2. Don´t judge myself/my decision in regards to what other people might think of me, or particularly, how they might affect them (obviously not taking it to the extreme, but that´s why I have a rational brain, I don´t mean "you want to piss in somebody´s face, go ahead and do it"). That in order to do that, I have to ground myself in my experience. I only had one big, very intense insight one day where for some hours, I was nearly all free of judgements and anxiety-free in front of my father, whom I have behaved around all most of my life scared, not freely, and constantly my mind asking "permission" to the other person´s perspective (imagining , of course), before actually doing my action, whatever it would be. Now, when situations where I feel I am not being authentic to my self arise, I feel, after all of this time, that I have actually have a choice! This choice means listening to me, ground in my experience, feel that "this" is the one who is now living this experience, and go ahead with that. But in doing it arises a very large fear of being ALONE, of, if this works, and it does, it just feels like a rabbit hole that if i go all of the way, woah, a lot of my perspective is going to be dramatically different. Feels like Solipsism. TO be honest i have been suffering some kind of Solipsism monkey-mind talk for a long time since I started taking Spirituality serious (like doing a lot of practice) And then I could become delusional and start behaving totally like a madman. And I would be alone in my experience. I always have been, but. This feels like more real.

You´re not going to be in a state of MDMA loving&Kidness because you are an Ego trying to survive, and survival being can´t love everything lol is not good for survival. However as Leo said, Kriya or Kundalini Yoga where heart chakras are awakened (metaphorical or really, at this point, there are just concepts and the bottom line is if they make a difference in your life or not, and they do) is your best bet. Also because in this way you will developing your love and empathy on a progressive, coherent level. MDMA and similar empathogenic drugs are great for discovering points of view similars of psychedelics, but, even if you could be on an eternal high of m it wouldn´t be very good since that love would be "forced" since deep in the inside you really don´t love or understand empathy.

Lol if you think Twitter is destructive, try Twitter porn. I am not that "addicted" to surf twitter "porn" but when I did, I remember if I would be like 7 days withouth entering twitter, the dopamine boost was so fucking high I got body temblors. I am serious, not metaphoric, my body would shake of excitement at how much dopamine clicks it have ahead of it.

Thanks for the tips. Some of them I find them quite useful. However the CSS one made me laugh...like anyone knows how to code CSS, right?

If you use it following a minimum of safety use (3, 4 times a year ideally maximum) it won't cause you depression. But you used it WEEKLY for 2 years and now it results it's the drugs fault lmao Although I agree with you in the effects, it's probably not as special nor profound as psychedelics. However you have to take in mind that when use almost anything very regularly, it stops working they way it should. Like if you do acid each week too it won't give you insighful trips for ever.

There is an research chemical similar to Mdma, not sure if you would find it as helpful as mdma, but having only tried this one myself, I find depending on the "set and setting" there's almost no hangover/crash the day after.

With responsible use, on a healthy brain, there's no evidence still of neurotoxicity (or at least, significant neurotoxicity, alcohol can be neurotoxic too but everything is in about moderation) Although if you refer to drugs in general, yes, probably almost ant drug **can** harm the brain and cause serious mental problems

Nice, thanks a lot for the info hehe

Some days I eat half a kilo of Broccoli. I make sure I wash it enough of course and either stir fry it or vapor it to make sure I don´t get any pesticides/illnesses I eat it almost every day.

I have them. There is indeed a plant that I know for induce/start developing an habit for lucid dreaming: Kratom. I started having lucid dreaming because of using Kratom. Just take a relaxing strain at night, be sure you go to sleep while you are still on the substance effects. However, I wouldn't recommend it. I think it's " a pain in the ass " because usually if you lucid dreaming is because you remember your dreams, and if you remember your dreams and most of them are tiring and stressing your sleep rest will be very poor. Is what happens to me, and I hate it.

I want to know, for those how who have healthy relationship with your partner, and watch porn, how would you say porn affects you relationship and / or in sex? It is widely known that abuse of porn can cause sexual disfunctions but I am talking about a normal use of porn. Not a daily 2-hour binge addiction. I ask because since I discovered Nofap/NoPorn movement, when I abstainede from porn I felt pretty good , so I start blaming porn for everything related going bad in my "datelife". However after being in this state of quitting/not quitting for over almost 2 years, I'm starting to think that: 1. The positive effects when I abstain from porn some of them are placebo 2. The negative effects (like how I feel socially after binging in porn the previous night) are some of them definitely "nocebo" . 3. And, mainly, that while obviously you don't feel very good after binging on a dopmaine session of porn , if go out running afterwards for a long time and I wait 6-8 I am already back at baseline of feeling more or less the same that when I peak into porn previous in the day. Yes, I feel more healthy motivation speaking if I don't watch porn but if do it about 3-4 times a week, let's say an hour and a half each time, I more or less can maintain a functional life and still have sex drive. Yes, the sex drive compared to abstaining from fap+porn obviously is 100 times stronger but that sex drive for me really haven't benefitted me really rather than feeling all the time wanting to fuck. However I see that I find myself blaming porn for stuff in my personality, and I cabt help but to think what if this tell me I'm full of shit.

I agree with much of what you said in your post. However it doesn´t answer the question "why sexual mastery is not an option". I can´t see how is not an option. Healthy sexuality important sure, but If you need to have mastery in ANYTHING in order to feel respected by your girl, then you should check again. (i´m not talking about you, im talking in general) There´s just something wrong about it . A human being doesn´t need to master anything to be respected. It´s about his values and his self-acceptence. That inevitably gets communicated in form of confidence into any other human being he/she comunicates with. Again, this is not be confused that you shouldn´t do personal development/mastery of your psychology, traumas, etc. But there are´nt neccesary. A consicouss human being knows he/she is 100% whole whatever his life situation is. This is about you are as valuable as a human being wheter you cum in 5 seconds wheter you do Tantric Yoga for 2 hours giving your girl 5 full blown orgasms.

Last night I had one of those awful nights of such a poor sleep rest and full of weird, intense, vivid dreams. At this point almost all of my dreams are always Lucid, meaning "I know" I am in a dreaming and I can´t wait to get the fuck out of it because im so tired of them. So last night in one dream (lucid dream) the "reality" of the dream was so intense that I was going really shocked at how that could be possible. I then woke up and I had this sense of, "fuuuck me" how this is possible. I went again to sleep. Then In the following 2 dreams I was so LUCID, I started doing self-INQUIRY in the dreaming, asking "Who is the one who is dreaming right now"? I tried to totally ignore the "narrative" of the dream (someone chasing me, someone to fight etc) to try to focus on the feeling of "I" i was having in the dream. Just like in "real" awake life. I couldn´t get anywhere however. (meaning i didnt get any insights) This seems totally insane but happened lol. I obviously couldn´t figured out shit. I had a sense that the "I" behind the experience it was awareness also, just like in awake life. The fact that when you are also dreaming there´s the untouchable awarenss also there seems to me absolutely crazy. I´ve never thought about awareness being also in dreams.