Javfly33

You need to transcend that red/blue stage if you want to get anything interesting done with your life in this life time buddy. The definition of strength and weaknesses changes depending on your perspective and values about life. There's really nothing accurate about strength or weaknesses apart from what gets you closer to the truth on how reality works or puts your deep into the hole into delusion.

Just expect some emotional pain as well some unexpected success. The key is that you are doing it for growing, not for an specific result in your mind.

That's a start. I've had full afternoons of self-detattachment to the body/mind after some gold streak of successful self-inquiry. Still it feels like something is lacking, there is this effort of maintaing that state that ironically makes it impossible to actually completely transcend that sensation of identity.

It's nice, although I have never tried with acid. What I like to do with psychedelics if I feel anxiety before taking them, is taking a light dose of a benzo 2 hours before dosing. That way you can take the psychedelic with no impairing anxiety/ normal excitement, and by the time it peaks, the effects of the benzo are even lighter (+4 hour if it's acid) so I have never felt it ruined the experience. I recommend it although you must take a light dose. If you take too much of a dose you might find yourself to fearless to dose a lot more of the psychedelic, and by the time the benzo starts to wear off you might be hit with a train in the face you weren't ready to encounter yet ?

@Cykaaaa Yes, that's exactly that I've been trying to avoid a long time. I guess it's time to become ordinary! @JustThinkingAloud

How to not have superiority complex? All of my career and other type of goals are driven towards me imagining getting them will make me feel more superior to other people/society I compare with. (Except getting a remote job and in the future being self-employed which I really want) I am working on my self-esteem. Will enough work on self-esteem remove superiority complex?

@JustThinkingAloud i Agree with that intellectually. However I can't seem to really integrate it in my soul

I think you are confusing God for god's false identity. I do ask myself too the nature of suicide, thought. It's a very taboo aspect, even in spirituality.

You seem happy though :D. Please keep us updated .

Because being neutral feels bad to me.Like I'm not achieving anything. I imagine because in the inside I feel inferior? But I haven't gone that deep yet.

@The Don Depending on the dose. At a small medium dose even if childhood trauma arises or something very difficult to you to digest it won't probably traumatize you since you are expecting it. However most trips are fun. Even the ones you do for introspection. Bad trips are never expected, because if they would you wouldn't have took it in the first place. Also beware that even for negative stuff an altered state can give you even a good experience. I remember the first trip that I discovered my low-self esteem and lack of love to myself I had tears of joy running by my face by being conscious I was not a victim. It was the unconscious state (the rest of my life so far) that was actually the BAD TRIP

@Nak Khid Yeah they feed you 2 meals a day but I imagine you'll have to pay in some way, right?

I understand know self-inquiry clearly. The goal is not to get to an answer from the mind, is to get into a session of questioning that makes SO obvious that you can not answer the question who I am, that your True perspective stops assuming it's the one who is asking the question!

I call porn addiction really "SLIDING ADDICTION". That means, is not really different than scrolling endlessly through Instagram or Twitter feed, but with a much strong dopamine kick. What you need to stop porn addiction is first be sure that you can control the most easy ones, which could be for example scrolling in this very forum. There is A CRUCIAL difference, if you are entering actualized.org or Instagram or Twitter or etc... Because you are bored or any reason that is not actually a true goal (like getting some information or talking specifically with someone) then YOU ARE ENGAGING in the same action that you do in porn. So basically to stop being addicted to porn you literally have to have a life than you don't decide you spend your time in something numbing as porn is. The second advice is if you got yourself entering a porn site then you can not unswitch that, so in that case just masturbate with whatever and get it out of the way.

I became consciouss, or better said I was able to recognize to myself that I have what they call now social anxiety about 4-5 months ago. I am in my twenties and I can not fucking believe I´ve lived almost my whole life in this state withouth knowing it. For maybe a decade until months ago, I got my "stories" to make sense in why i didn´t never got much friends or social life or why i´ve never had a girlfriend. I believed 100% this stories, I criticised certain people and hold certain beliefs all my life in order to support my worldview. My fake self image. Now I realize I´m SO FUCKING SOCIAL and i would have loved to live such a DIFFERENT life that the one I lived THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS Why i did this to myself. Now I can´t lie myself anymore. It turns out I´m not superior to other people I´m in fact less than other people. At least that´s what my mind perceives now. Because now I have to destroy my mental image of the guy who tryed all kind of devilry to (who knows why) feel superior to other people like wearing designer clothes to not doing certain "mainstream" stuff to etc... See, the problem is before I lived in a state of complete delusion for years so I would be allright most of the time except when I would met a girl which I liked or some special social scenario which would call out the lack of love to my self. In that day i would have a very emotional crisis but I would "make it through" coming with more rationalization stories and so on that they suck blabla. Nowdays although my social anxiety has reduced dramatically I am almost in a constant state of "being destroyed" like constantly letting go of my image, of my image of being confident and superior. Like it´s scary because everything that I judge of people now if I want to dont have social anxiety i have to totally let go of my identity and it feels like an humiliation. I dont know if somebody that had went through something similar can relate, please.

I want to now if this is normal of Human beings or might have been an illness of my personality / having way too much ego from birth. All of my life I have took choices. But then there has been moments in my life where my choices have been clearly driven for "let's see how can I win reality, reality won't have it it's way, I'll have it MY WAY". Of course that never worked out. It never does and now I'm starting to really grasp it. With this understand however it feels like an annihilation of myself. I have done meditation..I have done some psychedelics. They both have helped tremendously to let go, something I have always sense it's the most painful thing I can experience. But still it seems I have a very strong personality or better what I call an "adversity" to reality. If I could summarize my life, it would be like this: -Me trying to have it "my way". +Reality showing me a way that seems more easy/with ZERO suffering -Me rejecting it because accepting reality's way would be an humiliation/annihilation -Me suffering +Reality waiting until I suffer enough that I actually do it his way. (Lol) It seems im in a constant brutal duality between myself and the "outside". Recently I self inquired because if I could answer this it surely will be the end of my suffering. I tried to see how could I prove I was "separated from reality". I couldn't. However I wonder if feeling such an strong duality might be an illness of the mind.

I'm becoming more aware that I have projected everything. Is that what you mean about stopping to tell the same story?

They are beautiful as whatever you want to project that they are.

An enlightened person with a physical addiction to heroin wouldn't be enlightened anymore

Interesting technique. I'll try it out thanks! I consider myself some how addicted to porn and I gotta say what really has helped is consciousnesss work. My porn tastes were/are driven by differentiation between human beings and consciousness work has shown me there are aren't. In fact I'm proyecting everything from my mind. So lately when I go watch porn if im conscious I just won't be able to finally use it since it's just so evident it's all so fake (I'm constructing the fake, as so are you!)

From what I read, being "nice guy" is really just trying to appear (very important word) nice in order to cause a good impression on the girl and trying her to like you. Notice that the self decepcion is so strong that you probably are not even aware of it and you probably think you really are angel and not a devil. If you are being "nice" as an strategy to mate, it won't work for women since they are pretty smart to call out this fake behaviour. The reason why in other common social situations you can get away with it is since the implications are usually not so heavy. In mating the woman has much more at stake so it takes serious your devilry and notices it quickly. Here's what I mean, you just said "becoming a confident man" it's what you think it would be the key to your success. Well I agree, too. It's not 100% but it's definitely one of the most important parts. When you approach a woman, why you are not 100% confident? Surely because you are trying to hide some aspects about yourself to her. Surely with this attitude you need "an strategy" in order to show her some aspects of yourself but not others. Do you call this being "nice guy"? Or you can consider you are maybe lying to yourself? Some questions to make you think before anything. Note that most of this information I took it from a famous pick up book and part of my own experience, but I could be biased in some aspects. Take what you think it could be true and put it into the real world to see if it's true for you.

Yeap, I guess I'll have to have more patiente and let it sink

Holy cow I'm so happy for you.

Wow that inspired me. You seem very wise. Much thanks for the words.

Beautiful and powerful. I hope you learn much from the experience.