Javfly33

@JustThinkingAloud i Agree with that intellectually. However I can't seem to really integrate it in my soul

I think you are confusing God for god's false identity. I do ask myself too the nature of suicide, thought. It's a very taboo aspect, even in spirituality.

You seem happy though :D. Please keep us updated .

Because being neutral feels bad to me.Like I'm not achieving anything. I imagine because in the inside I feel inferior? But I haven't gone that deep yet.

@The Don Depending on the dose. At a small medium dose even if childhood trauma arises or something very difficult to you to digest it won't probably traumatize you since you are expecting it. However most trips are fun. Even the ones you do for introspection. Bad trips are never expected, because if they would you wouldn't have took it in the first place. Also beware that even for negative stuff an altered state can give you even a good experience. I remember the first trip that I discovered my low-self esteem and lack of love to myself I had tears of joy running by my face by being conscious I was not a victim. It was the unconscious state (the rest of my life so far) that was actually the BAD TRIP

@Nak Khid Yeah they feed you 2 meals a day but I imagine you'll have to pay in some way, right?

I understand know self-inquiry clearly. The goal is not to get to an answer from the mind, is to get into a session of questioning that makes SO obvious that you can not answer the question who I am, that your True perspective stops assuming it's the one who is asking the question!

I call porn addiction really "SLIDING ADDICTION". That means, is not really different than scrolling endlessly through Instagram or Twitter feed, but with a much strong dopamine kick. What you need to stop porn addiction is first be sure that you can control the most easy ones, which could be for example scrolling in this very forum. There is A CRUCIAL difference, if you are entering actualized.org or Instagram or Twitter or etc... Because you are bored or any reason that is not actually a true goal (like getting some information or talking specifically with someone) then YOU ARE ENGAGING in the same action that you do in porn. So basically to stop being addicted to porn you literally have to have a life than you don't decide you spend your time in something numbing as porn is. The second advice is if you got yourself entering a porn site then you can not unswitch that, so in that case just masturbate with whatever and get it out of the way.

I became consciouss, or better said I was able to recognize to myself that I have what they call now social anxiety about 4-5 months ago. I am in my twenties and I can not fucking believe I´ve lived almost my whole life in this state withouth knowing it. For maybe a decade until months ago, I got my "stories" to make sense in why i didn´t never got much friends or social life or why i´ve never had a girlfriend. I believed 100% this stories, I criticised certain people and hold certain beliefs all my life in order to support my worldview. My fake self image. Now I realize I´m SO FUCKING SOCIAL and i would have loved to live such a DIFFERENT life that the one I lived THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS Why i did this to myself. Now I can´t lie myself anymore. It turns out I´m not superior to other people I´m in fact less than other people. At least that´s what my mind perceives now. Because now I have to destroy my mental image of the guy who tryed all kind of devilry to (who knows why) feel superior to other people like wearing designer clothes to not doing certain "mainstream" stuff to etc... See, the problem is before I lived in a state of complete delusion for years so I would be allright most of the time except when I would met a girl which I liked or some special social scenario which would call out the lack of love to my self. In that day i would have a very emotional crisis but I would "make it through" coming with more rationalization stories and so on that they suck blabla. Nowdays although my social anxiety has reduced dramatically I am almost in a constant state of "being destroyed" like constantly letting go of my image, of my image of being confident and superior. Like it´s scary because everything that I judge of people now if I want to dont have social anxiety i have to totally let go of my identity and it feels like an humiliation. I dont know if somebody that had went through something similar can relate, please.

I want to now if this is normal of Human beings or might have been an illness of my personality / having way too much ego from birth. All of my life I have took choices. But then there has been moments in my life where my choices have been clearly driven for "let's see how can I win reality, reality won't have it it's way, I'll have it MY WAY". Of course that never worked out. It never does and now I'm starting to really grasp it. With this understand however it feels like an annihilation of myself. I have done meditation..I have done some psychedelics. They both have helped tremendously to let go, something I have always sense it's the most painful thing I can experience. But still it seems I have a very strong personality or better what I call an "adversity" to reality. If I could summarize my life, it would be like this: -Me trying to have it "my way". +Reality showing me a way that seems more easy/with ZERO suffering -Me rejecting it because accepting reality's way would be an humiliation/annihilation -Me suffering +Reality waiting until I suffer enough that I actually do it his way. (Lol) It seems im in a constant brutal duality between myself and the "outside". Recently I self inquired because if I could answer this it surely will be the end of my suffering. I tried to see how could I prove I was "separated from reality". I couldn't. However I wonder if feeling such an strong duality might be an illness of the mind.

I'm becoming more aware that I have projected everything. Is that what you mean about stopping to tell the same story?

They are beautiful as whatever you want to project that they are.

An enlightened person with a physical addiction to heroin wouldn't be enlightened anymore

Interesting technique. I'll try it out thanks! I consider myself some how addicted to porn and I gotta say what really has helped is consciousnesss work. My porn tastes were/are driven by differentiation between human beings and consciousness work has shown me there are aren't. In fact I'm proyecting everything from my mind. So lately when I go watch porn if im conscious I just won't be able to finally use it since it's just so evident it's all so fake (I'm constructing the fake, as so are you!)

From what I read, being "nice guy" is really just trying to appear (very important word) nice in order to cause a good impression on the girl and trying her to like you. Notice that the self decepcion is so strong that you probably are not even aware of it and you probably think you really are angel and not a devil. If you are being "nice" as an strategy to mate, it won't work for women since they are pretty smart to call out this fake behaviour. The reason why in other common social situations you can get away with it is since the implications are usually not so heavy. In mating the woman has much more at stake so it takes serious your devilry and notices it quickly. Here's what I mean, you just said "becoming a confident man" it's what you think it would be the key to your success. Well I agree, too. It's not 100% but it's definitely one of the most important parts. When you approach a woman, why you are not 100% confident? Surely because you are trying to hide some aspects about yourself to her. Surely with this attitude you need "an strategy" in order to show her some aspects of yourself but not others. Do you call this being "nice guy"? Or you can consider you are maybe lying to yourself? Some questions to make you think before anything. Note that most of this information I took it from a famous pick up book and part of my own experience, but I could be biased in some aspects. Take what you think it could be true and put it into the real world to see if it's true for you.

Yeap, I guess I'll have to have more patiente and let it sink

Holy cow I'm so happy for you.

Wow that inspired me. You seem very wise. Much thanks for the words.

Beautiful and powerful. I hope you learn much from the experience.

This might be a retoric question, because I "think" it´s the only one. But hear me out coming from a yet spritual newbie: So I am experimenting something interesting this last months I´ve really trying to heal myself in areas like relationships, confidence, my self-love (or lack of)...etc. I have seen that I what I did saw some years ago as clear diferentitations between reality: -What you can see/experience in Meditation --What you can see/experience with Psychedelics -What you can see/experience in Therapy (Psychology approach) etc... Were obvious clear to me. Specially since I did study 1 first year of Psychology Degree. After discovering meditation and did a couple of trips on acid I thought Psychology while being useful on some sense, it was "materialistic" approach and my recent worldview in altered states of consciousness made me very much skeptick in what therapy would do to me. However, I am discovering it all just might be interconnected. I am working on and off in the three approaches and It seems like with more Healing I do, there comes unevocally, a change in self. Like literally I´m starting to observe that I can´t do healing in any of my personality unless there´s this activity of a somebody being Consciouss letting go of beliefs. And where you actually let go of the belief or either you clearly see its not true then Healing gets done. This days It doesn´t matter where my "change" is coming from, it seems it comes from only one direction: it seems everything has to be related to my beliefs, the more consciouss, the less beliefs. The less beliefs, the more healing I am experiencing.

My point is, I started to learn about pickup and all of this "mating-theory" stuff that I'm still very suspicious if it's bs, about 5-6 years ago. Yeah I met some women but I by that time I didn't love myself one bit, well I loved myself but in a fake way, in an egotistical grandeur way but then I would get anxious with a girl for the most stupid thing At one point I realized all of this theory, jerarchy, "you have to behave this way", "don't be needy", "don't be this", "be that", "interpret social cues"...etc was making me GREATLY ANXIOUS. I was wtf im done with this shit. But recently I realized I'll have to start meeting women of I'll get sick, I'm sooo sick of porn I could die. So I started talking to women recently, but totally in an opposite sense (although still ego tries to protect its image) I'm just being totally vulnerable, if I can behave like a needy bitch I will, if in that moment I want to be like a cute loser I will, I feel totally free and trying to accept myself 100% fully, basically doing the opposite of what a pick up book would tell you. The result? Ive only got started and already met two very attractive girls, and I feel almost 0 anxious around them, very confident. Because I don't have to protect any image, I have nothing to lose and I'll end up meeting more women this way if I try to behave like X. So you might say now, yeah but what about getting laid? Well I am not still sure about that lmao, did I just fucked up by behaving in an authentic way (even if its needy) with this women? What I know if that I haven't changed my approach I would be paralyzed to do anything. And I'm basically tired as hell of destructive behaviour like porn addiction and overall not loving yourself. Advice will be very appreciated. Don't mind if you crush my ego since this stage of my life my evolution is all about this..lol. but please don't tell me I gotta do pick up again, that I have to behave "confidently" even if in the inside in this moment of my life I AM NOT. Let me be authentic. Please tell me I can make it this way, God. For one time it does feel alright .

DM and Recommend some high-consciouss porn please lol I need to purificate my porn habits in the meanwhile i try to cut down of use...

Show i posted a similar post on reddit but I consider this forum way more advanced (not offense, reddit) and particularly in regards to nofap will be way more imparcial. I´ve been doing / trying NoFap for almost 2 years. With the main focus of quitting porn (but I´m starting to notice this might have been a self-deception, Im still have to be more mindful) And yesterday I finally have noticed very clear that I feel shame after I relapse/ejaculate. I wonder where the fuck this shame comes from, I get you might be feel a down in energy, but the emotional pain, I think it shouldn't be seen as normal. So since i´ve been more receptive to emotions lately (never been in my whole life, for a protective mechanism) and I saw why i felt shame. I noticed my mind has this attitude of fapping makes me less valid human being. I´ve started to consider the reason of why I have been doing nofap if to feel more "sexually valid" and more valid as a human being..now I see that that is indeed ego trying to feel superior because naturally it feels inferior (lack of self-esteem). I basically very very confused about my sexuality. I now pretty clear that using porn numbs a lot my sexual drive and motivation to meet women. However in the process I would want to know what is real and what is not. NoFap can be used as a self-deceptive mechanism so freaking easy. After this insight im not sure in fact that ive made any progress in the last 2 years. Just doing nofap streaks to feel that mania and confidence that now i just see as fake. I guess really my only question is... So Humans beings are NOT measurable by material things / achievements? Is not that I am not less valid for my sexual life but rather than sexuality or any other material/achievement stuff doesn´t tell anything about the value of a human being right?

Right, I was the one who didn't understood right then. I see what you are saying, OP definitely should be doing what he might feel drawn into. I don't agree that stimulation and adventures gives you happiness, but obviously if you are mature enough to do calm/still practices and live a life that way (I'm not including myself in there, but I hope I will be some day) then yeah you should go out to have fun. But it's usual that going out or doing any kind of random adventure or party stuff doesn't make people happier or satisfied, that's why people end up having calmer lives. But yeah I agree with you in that you have first to realize it.

Well shit, it doesn´t take a ** genius to see that depression might be an effect of all the things you listed there. You probably feel helpless of all of the baggage you gotta clean and that´s why depression. My advice is go one by a time. Focus in one single tick of that list and get it solved. I would advice self-esteem since In my opinion is the most important and solving that will solve probably the anxiety or lack of socialization. So when you have decided one item. You have again to break it little parts. Because you just don´t "fix self-esteem". People usually fix self-esteem by: - Going to the therapist - Reading books related to self esteem ETC. Don´t fall into the rabbit hole of implementing a shit ton of healthy changes in your life and expect your life to go 180º. Shit just don´t work that way and you will end burn out. Just pick one item and start working on it. When you feel tired relax. Dont burn out. Also if you want to talk related to this you DM. (I´m also working on my self-esteem). But i´m older than you (24). Trust me take this seriously. You are "lucky" by being consciouss and honest of all the things you have listed there. I only became consciouss like 3-4months ago and trust me the shock you get it´s brutal. I say to you from my heart that your effort will be worth it.