Javfly33

I'm discovering I as a self do not exist and this (thoughts, ideas, sensations, feelings of being like this or that) is just a mechanical process. It's becoming to me quite clear that nobody "owns" this process. However this "process" shows certain traits of malfunctioning. What Western psychology calls self-esteem or confidence issues etc. Again, nobody really suffers this lack of self esteem. This process just creates an illusion of an I suffering this lack of self esteem. So I'm confused. If I try to have control over this life, I'm playing the game of self-delusion, if I don't, I settle for having a malfunctioning mind. I guess if I would be totally awake I could actually let go of any desire to self-develop my mind because it would be clear nobody is victim of the mind. So really who cares if any malfunctioning trail arises since there's nobody there to suffer it? But since I'm not there yet, I feel this ilusion of self should keep having thoughts of control and strategizing to "fix itself". Is this right? Or is it falling to a trap? I just not sure if I don't do anything how the mind will stop being malfunctioning. I'm sure I need to do a lot of shadow work and for that I need strategy and control Then again, I'm not sure control and strategy actually is what gets results in self-development. It it would be that simple everybody would have a clean and purified mind so it cant be that simple. Help me out guys.

My question is that for example when I am walking down the river, how is possible that objects like rocks (for example) exist. I get that biological and quimical reactions had happened to stone and whatever, and that´s why rocks are there, but I am not so sure how is it possible that when I am not there, the universe is actually maintaining that rocks and making them "possible". Is because there is "awareness" to rocks? But what about a thought? The rocks arethe same as the thoughts that I am aware of lately. "My thoughts" are at the same distance as the one who is reading me right now or the rocks I´m talking about. It seems that objects arise when I AMness there. It´s difficult to maintain the belief that there´s something outside I AMness anymore.

@SerotoninluvI might take another perspective, you might have a point. Suddenly if I stop asking the mind and start listening to silence, it actually speaks more clear than the mind, something way way way more clear than all of this thoughts stories and twisted understandings starts to unfold. Although once I try to grasp it I lose it. I guess there´s no need to grasp it haha... Thanks for your messages

@Serotoninluv It seems there´s a lot to explore but I keep trying to do it with the mind. I´m not used to explore in that way

I´m just saying you are in I AMness. Is not You are in My world. It´s more like Me and you are in I AMness

@Nahm Haha no... I Am always here edit: In fact is not even an I. Is just Amness. Is impossible to not be Amness

So I´ve been doing Spirituality 2 and a half years on and off. First it was just my first experiences of just not having thoughts thanks to meditation. From that moment and doing Yoga and similar stuff, I started to have many time through my days where I was "observing" myself. After that I always struggled to dis-identified with "myself" and to stay in awareness. I thought always that this was the supposed dance, the more you are in awareness, the less you are in ego-mind, the more free you are. This dual existencial being, either you are in awareness, either you are in personhood However this last days I am having a breakthrough, there´s NO ONE in the mind!!! There´s NO ONE who is having this thoughts!! This is not a metaphor, literally I have to accept NOBODY has suffered a single second. @Javfly33 hasn´t suffered or lived a single second in all of this life because Javfly33 does not exist literally. However I haven´t had a mistical experience, this has been just an intuitive observation that has gotten more stronger the last days, so I haven´t had a liberating experience or enlightment, just moments of more realization and moments of course more identification. The difference now is that before I thought "i was losing myself in thought" , now I fast I realize that nobody is really losing itself in thought. There´s only thought. There´s nobody attainning enlightment, there´s nobody losing enlightment. How much work do you think i got left to Awaken? At the same time I do this question I laugh because there´s nobody who is going to awaken lmao i dont know how to digest this

Stay as you are. As your true being. You really can only be awareness. The difference is now that when I get lost in ego , I realize there's nobody in Ego. There's really no ego. It's difficult to explain.

It helps a lot, thanks for the detailed and it looks very real answer.

@LfcCharlie4 Yeah I was exactly saying that, I am aware "ego" this morning was using a belief to not feel negative emotion/pain

Go to a detox, seriously. Nowdays there are free ones, at least in my country. You'll stay with plenty of other people with addictions and you will learn a lot. I remember my father when he went to detox he recommended me to go (even though I didn't have hard addictions) he said I would learn a lot being there for a good couple of months. I don't know about how bad might be your porn addiction, but all I can say is that much of the problem of it when away when I realized much of the bad vibe if it were due to shame and self-esteem deficiency beliefs. I still absolutely hate how my mind/body feels after I binge on porn, but I just don't pay it that much attention. Even more, when I actually let go a little bit of the shame of porn and accept it, I automatically stop watching so much porn. Literally my porn use was linked to self-hate, I would relapse when I feel particularly helpless. Having said that, there are days that you are particularly horny and its way more enjoyable to use porn in that moment, but that can be like 1-2 times a week. If you try to get it out of your way fast, then it just 1-2 times a week when you feel a little bad for a 3-4 hours. I know it's not perfect, but if you are honest you can perfectly be happy even if you feel bad 8-9 hours a week, there are plenty of ill people who are in pain more hours a week and they are able to appreciate and be ok with life. Having said that you shouldn't settle for reducing your addiction!. Sure keep working on it but realize that sometimes you really really have to change your life in order to let go of such big long term habits like porn, and second in the meanwhile don't get destroyed by it and fall into depression. I've found that the 'nocebo' effect of porn in people who are on the no PMO way suffer tremendously more because they make the release worse than it is .

I just feel pity for people that spend their time and energy critizising other's (I hope I don't doing the same with this exact post lol)

@Aaron p yes...thanks for this message. I can definitely see the mind is falling/creating the trap, I had small realizations but today I woke up, I saw a post in social media about my ex (lol what a sincronicity because it was ages since I saw post of her) and I felt a little bad. So in that moment I saw my.ego telling the story that "oh wait but human beings do not exist" I can see the mind repeated this in a form of believe. Even if this believe is coming from a clear realization, now the fact is coming from belief/memory. I am actually not conscious that I do not exist. I think...when I self inquiry who is talking I actually can't sort out who is...so in a sense I see this is real but in another sense...I'm still coming from belief...yeah I'll be on the watch out. Thanks

Wow thanks for both answers they really help and juicy answers they are

I've found lysergamides (LSD and similar like those) are the best for introspection in my case and I've found is pretty popular opinion, although I've also talked to people who found things like shrooms also very good for introspection, I always found them quite mindfucky and more brutally spiritual without a space to do therapeutic-self inquiry in any rational or emotional way. Start very slow, I've even benefitted tremendously with very small doses with very clear-headed psychedelics like Lsd, so don't be scared to "waste a trip". Having said that, if you have an opportunity to have a full hands-on trip the benefits will be much consistent than with low doses,( it's just my case that I haven't been able to trip and I've experimented with low doses and I always recommend it for slow-paced self-discovery). Just make sure you are not forcing yourself to do anything and be humble with an open mind. It's the best attitude to grow and learn much faster.

@herghly I've been experimenting this last year on very low doses for emotional releasing and I've done some impressive improvements. Normal / high doses are way more effective/fast but low doses can be also surprisingly helpful if by any reason you can't do full trips at the moment. I haven't done visualizations or affirmations thought, I'll just plan something the previous day to do that is related to any stuff I want to touch during the experience, and the increase awareness just takes care of it automatically.

For me spirituality always felt that was going 'against me' but for against the false 'me', which anyway I don't need it because I am already complete and perfectly fine, just keep letting erase what is not real and see what its left. If you are looking for Truth then as long as you are going forward it shouldn't matter what its left in the road.

Ive never agreed You shouldnt take them ir You are in a 'bad place' in your life but rather that If you are not willing to do serious work and you are willing to surrender to the experience / be humble. For example having depression can be a 'bad place' but there are people that might have depression but inside them there is something that has still hopes / wants to change then I don't see a problem doing a psychedelic. On the other hand someone who might not been in such a 'dad place' in life but might be very stubborn, reckless, cocky or stubborn might not very reccomended to him to have a trip at that time in its life. It might occur the psychedelic go too strong on him

What would you eat before tripping dude? That always goes bad

@Leo Gura The reason of why it is so difficult to imagine that might be possible what you are talking about is because of linear-time thinking? I haven't entered intense levels of consciousness as many of guys had but I've had some experiences of the no-self and yeah what you are talking about is the only thing that makes sense to 'explain ' what I've discovered so far. However it seems "impossible" with linear time thinking. In high levels of consciousness this type of time perception changes radically enough that you can see clearly what you said? Or is just an explanation/analogy what you are saying?

No, its the body itself who owns the I "I" am sure I am the body since wherever this body moves, "I" is there!! Therefore, i am enslaved to this 'knowledge' the mind has! I completely believe my mind, it has such a perfect and believable story. @VeganAwake help me out, what am i missing

@Serotoninluv I (at least me) do not do it. I've become pretty conscious of what happens in a dream and I've come to the conclusion that there is awareness present in the same intensity than in real life. Thanks to awareness the dream can be dreamt. But that doesn't answer the question. Because I didn't chose to dream. In the same way that I didn't chose to live 'real life' as a 'devil'. It just happens. I suddenly find myself dreaming and I realize that there is awareness. However I do not seem to be very powerful as you guys say it is (God). I just find myself in all places and times, whether dreaming or in real life, but in sort of a helpless way.

Lol I actually like it backwards, can't stand the stimulation side from kratom. Of course its dirty since its an opiod feeling haha Anyways I don't know even the reason of this post. Kratom is definitely not useful for consciousness practices so... I don't OP why he posted this.

I would never reccomend smoking weed before doing any psychedelic. Well you must be one of the few people that actually can handle that combination for what I am seeing lol

What is the difference? Because thoughts come from the mind therefore can´t describe Truth accurately. But "spiritual insights" you guys said they describe some fundamental truth. However this insights people describe them as some sort of complex, again, thoughts. How to know you are not deluded when an spiritual insight comes in? For me there is no delusion when you can´t actually doubt, its impossible to doubt what you are experiencing. Spiritual insights seem to have some kind "trying to make sense/explain sometihg" implicit delusion coming with them.