Javfly33

Ok, so maybe I really misinterpreted you. In what term exactly your life has been opposite to improvement? Have you gotten addicted, depressed, anxious...etc?

I can relate, more or less to you, in a less intense way but overall in the last year. The last year every fucking weekend I had to be high or numb on something. Like I wouldn´t conceived have a sober day on a weekend. I have realized it was my monkey mind. I was just trying to escape my monkey mind. Inspect what really doesn´t let you be Ok with just taking just a sober walk around town or nature. Maybe it´s the monkey mind telling you stuff? Probably it is. Most of cases that people say "man i Have ADHD!" It just an endless internal monologue of negative things or beliefs happenning that obivously, can´t let you be/concentrate. I mean I am not going to lie to you, some people are definetely driven to make their lifes more intense and profound because they can´t get satisfied with simple things all the time, and that´s why things from art to enlightment exist. But... that shouldn´t be confused with the need that you say that you have to be numb or high every night so you can sit still and be comfortable with yourself.

Have you tried 3-MeO-PCP? I found it a little addictive so I end up ditching it but I found it extremely interesting and I wonder if its possible to breakthrough on it. If you do so you should do a video on your Youtube about it. Just subscribed!

Spiral dynamics It´s not related to what I am saying. You don´t need to be Buddha to be honest with yourself about why you are doing meditation or yoga. Are you doing to be more confident in your life? To be more social or have sex? ...etc? To be more relaxed? That´s OK, no here to judge, but then consider that maybe there are other practices more effective to accomplish that! You could maybe get more sex if you do pick up, or maybe start travel to meet new people, or maybe work with a good therapist some particular traumas or shadow work withouth cuesitoning your identity too much to overall reduce your stress or anxiety in life, rahter than putting all of your eggs on Spirituality.

If you are doing enlightment for your own interest/agenda then better stop it. Is not about that. The OP is complaning but he is not realizing that Spirituality is not self-improvement. It trascends it. It doesn´t make sense to say "I wasted x years of my live by doing spirituality! Oh man I lost so much experiences, meeting new people, girls...etc!" You should be ready to "waste" the rest of your living live if you go doing Spirituality serious. Of course "waste" is used in the language of "material things". I don´t see it as a waste. I see it as actually improving one´s life. But the OP measures life success in terms of achieving basica material stuff. If you care about all of that stuff, then what are doing a practice which is intended to actually trascend and let go of all of that stuff?

It´s possible because all laws and rules are imposed by Reality to itself. God chosed/created 5-MeO-DMT to awake himself. He would easily have chosen a certain rock, or a beatiful crystal. It just coincides that he choosed something called as "psychedelics" as one of his methods to remember himself.

I stopped watching when he said "physical reality".

Is not going to be very useful to you because it was super-low. I snorted two small lines (could be 30-40mg total). It was a dose that any other day I would have been able to function and speak with no problem, but that day something weird happened LOL. Normally you will need to dose much more for an ego-death.

Yeap, I had my first ego-death on that chem. See: I still consider classical psychedelics more reliable and effective for consciousness work, but 2F-K it can be helpful too if you are responsible enough. I found that I could use it in a recreational way too easilily. So I am probably not going to research it much more. But for some that might not have the opportunity or time to do 8-hour long lsd/mushrooms trips, this chem can be an interesting choice.

This is my experience so maybe other people don´t apply this, but I found it quite interesting so I thought in sharing it. Recently I´ve been increasing my meditation practice and I have discovered something. When observing the thoughts, i´ve been trying to be very conscious on WHERE do they appear. Literally. Not "it feels like" but literally where does a damn thought appear. I have observed that the "ego" imagines that the thought appears/it is being reproduced in the TONGUE!!! That´s right, it seems a lifetime of believing yourself to be your thoughts, makes the ego to actually believe it is "producing"/speaking in a way the thoughts when they appear. Today I spend much of my contemplation practice just basically not moving my tongue and seeing thoughts arise, trying to make myself see that the thoughts can´t possibly be created/speaked internally by the tongue, since the tongue is not fucking moving. Anybody can relate to this? I found it outlandish when i discovered it. ITS THAT OUTRAGEOUS THE DAMN ILLUSION!!

This won´t answer your question straight, but maybe will make you being able to explore other approach... Why do you assume that there must a perceiver, watcher, or witness to this thoughts, feelings, fears...etc? Maybe that´s all there is... But you keep looking thus maintaining the illusion of the "perceiver".

It´s a Winner!

That's supposed to happen. Is not a bad thing lol. Don't try to suppress energy release!

I had a dream last night and I don´t know what happened but when I woke up I considered a radical possibility. The possibility of my POV as a person is being imagined. I don´t mean that my body is being imagined, I can accept that, But what I mean is the whole thing. This whole Point of View/Perspective is something is being imagined. You promise if I have a mistical experience this will be totally clear for me??

It´s definetely not my experience.

Realizing enlightenment is already, and has always been the case ❣️

Imagination is the only thing possible. ❣️ It's You ?❣️?

You are trying to understand what the hell is reality and what in the hell story have you told yourself to explain why you are here.

Omg i got emotional that was beautiful. There's no confusion...it's all one ❣️

I have lost all hope in the person. (LOL) Nearly all of my energy is going towards trascendence atm.

Is made out of imagination.

There's nothing outside imagination!

Damn you haven't had any mistical experiences of the real Self before that? That have been brutal recognizing that truth in a 15 hour high dose trip. Jesus!

Yes, I have actually tapped into childhood memories, trying to heal with love and acceptance my inner child. You wouldn't believe the amount of shit you might have in your body in form of tension. When you start liberating tension and blockages memories from DECADES ago can arise, then in those high states you can let yourself accept, forgive, love uncondtionally this stuff, finally letting it go and tracending it. Make no mistake this is true healing. The integration happens in the same moment the blockage or "trauma insight" arises. In that moment you are conscious so you either accept it, love it, scream, ...etc This will happen automatically by the body, if you have done shamanic breathing then you know it's not something really you control. One word = SELF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! Go for it bro!

It's interesting you say this phase pases in a few months, in my case I would say I've been in this "dark night of the soul" the last 4 years it seems it never ends, but maybe it's because I have a very strong ego. Thank god in between I get glimpses of the truth that I am a fictional character. That makes it bearable, that God takes a peek from here to there. Sometimes I wonder if really was a good choice to go out my basement playing videogames to know the world, since that moment I start becoming conscious of all of my demons, before I was so unconscious I was happy (ignorance is bliss?) But I guess this life was the one I was suppose to awaken from the dream, yeah. (Oh wait, now they say past lives are imaginary). Hey. Good luck with you processs brother! Happy for you you are making progress, it looks like it!