Javfly33

do no-fap for +10 days on you will be able to do eye-contact easy peasy

Yeap, I agree.

First of all, this is not a post encouraging the use of drugs. Once i you read my post you Will understand correctly why i said that. Ill try to make my post as short as possible. Currently Im working in a job Im not happy in It, 90% Im stressed due to my habilities being less than its required , and once i máster the Job, i know i Will be bored, with short periods of time of stress. Additionally, i believe the company is stage red/Orange and Im not comfortable selling my Life skills to this company for the rest of my Life. Even though its a stable job, i Dont think its a wise move to stay here for ever. The more time It passes here, the more the company has you by the balls. Why? Because the skill you gain working here you Will only be Able to do It in this company. If suddenly this company start to get worse and worse conditions for the workers, you are just fucked. You wont be Able to offer yourself to other better companies. This is the additional main reason i believe i should change careers. However, today i took a benzo ( i had taken occasionally through this month to deal with the stress because It was a new role, my first management Role with +20 persons under my lead, and Alone in an Office there is supposed to be at least 1 manager more, if not 2) and i also i had the idea of taking too with It a microdose of Lsd. What happened is that my experience of working there almost completely changed. The job wasnt anymore stressing, But rather stimulating, the job wasnt just meaningless and Boring, But entertaining and useful to make the customers Happy. So What now? My whole change of career is based on my inability of my brain chemistry to produce good feeling chemicals? Im going to do a career change based on a lie? But its also true that almost nobody walks around on a microdose of Lsd and benzo . Like...yeah its just Brian chemistry BUT WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD No Matter the consecuences. Which is What drugs do. They make you realize its not so much the external consecuences But you. However since humanity is locked into a less good-feeling Brian chemistry and a more survival oriented based brain chemistry, stress happens a lot. And Boring happens too. That way you can search for more (imaginary) meaninful Jobs. I Dont know...Im confused...

YES

Yeah man, you seem kind of resentful. Look, men / women world is not EQUAL. In some aspects men are way too priviliged and have It easier, and in other aspects women have It way easier. If reality was the same for all of us then It would be One. The differences is where the Game is at. For example yesterday i took a look at my ex(domme for some days) profile and she took 400$ from a financial submissive. This Girl started from Nothing and we used to Talk. Although she kinda blocked me fast when i stopped paying her and arguing with her. Anyway money doesnt even But happiness and she has to show her ass Lol so what. People Who sell fentanyl are worse and make more money btw

Yeah, however i Dont plan to take benzos daily or even I cant get addicted to benzos easily because is the most Boring lame drug ever. There is people that find them euphoric, for those i Guess its easy to get addicted. However in my case It was 1 month in a position super demanding so i wanted to tkae them occasionally to make the work less stressful. But to be honest, Im quitting the job Next week, so i Guess It was kind of a waste of time.

You havent understood me then. Of course Im planning (Im actually quitting my job this week to study and find a job in a career i want). I just wanted to say, sometimes you wonder, how much of the anxiety is produced by you and how much from your job. And no, i didnt force reality to be exciting. I just had a benzo because the anxiety at the point i was was basically imparing and i wasnt even Able to get the work done.

It seems awakening its something very deterministic on genetics. If you've been in this forum for some time, you Will see that there is this Group of members Who has apparently awoken ( for example a lot of the moderators which are regular on this subforum) and they are always very sure on What to reply on spirituality tópics. First i dismissed this people As deluded and narcissistic, But recently i have opened my mind that they might really have awoken, and we just havent (the rest of us). Having in mind that these people havent neccesary meditated more, taking more Psychedelics , or suffered more than me, YET THEY HAVE BEING ABLE TO AWAKEN and not me, then i can open myself to the terrible possibility that i Will never understand reality or that "death is an illusion". I probably Will be Able to live Happy and find Joy in Life, in fact my plans i have for Life doesnt include as mandatory to reach Enlightment, But honestly its really really fucking sad that knowing that i always had this inclination towards knowing that is reality, ill never get It.

His job is to value the risk to open their legs, which is not Litlle precisely.

Why you say that?

LOL You aint talking about jumping off a bridge too right?

I entered this forum when I have already meditated for maybe 4,5 months and have done 2 psychedelic trips.

That makes a lot of sense i agree ?

Maybe, or maybe not. I think Awakening should be more than just plain Solipsism...

Yeah, uh. Its really like that. I have done it very few times but I remember one amazing time that just everything else has been worth it for it. I was just going around this area in the street where people are in small groups, and suddenly I hear 2 girls arguing, and suddenly I enter up and say in a cocky tone "Uuuu no need to take it that serious!" and instantly one of the girls just takes me by my hips putting all of his body against mine smiling. Lol. I felt like such a fucking alpha Lol. ( Of course to get that cocky in the moment improvisation vibe, I had before to do 5-6 lame approaches until I built up to that state) obviously that can't happen almost never in Daygame. So I guess the bads are equilibrated by the highs. Yeah, I am beginning to see this is going to be a brutal journey. Like what Lol

You are an inspiration, thanks for the post man!

Yeah right, If I open my eyes, the "perceptions" come back. Dude, there's no void. You are imagining the void. Perceptions are Truth. Stop running away from them.

Fair enough. What if i Dont believe the thoughts? Will i be Able to even get to work tomorrow morning?

Not-knowing ?

@Nahm What is reality?

??? You mean the physical difference is just a thought/imaginary?

The physical difference? They are obviously different. That cant be right. @Leo Gura

"Because you think torture is going to mean something bad for your Life therefore you have created a bias against It, however with ice cream you have a bias towards It because culture has created a positive meaning (sugary-fatty) therefore you literally create pleasure when eating It because you have a meaning of intense positive bias towards It. The prove that everything is imaginary is that if we woud Tell you that that ice cream you are going to have is made of excrements of a diseased alien with AIDS, suddenly eating that ice cream would be torture for you. Yet notice is the same ice cream, the same taste, it only went from pleasure to torture once you attached a meaning of negative bias towards It." Its all in the (imaginary) meaning you put into each object ( or person). Have i got It right? @Leo Gura

We all know or can find Love very easily in the unity singularity non dual peaceful Light and call it Love... But what about the separate self/illusion/personal story. What if the punchline is that That was also Love? What if suffering was also love? What if being poor and not rich was also love? What if all of the "dramas" and "this shouldn't be like this but like that" of the ego, were actually perfect (and the ego actually is in love with its Dramas) and Love? Sometimes I find myself listening to music and remembering hard or difficult parts of my life and actually like...enjoying them, like bathing myself in that nostalgic suffering memories and seeing them as a perfect part of the movie, as a necessary part of the movie, its like I see they are perfect on its own. Basically what if all was Love, not just what the ego likes, but the whole spectrum. What if the personal story , illusion, Maya, etc, was perfect and Love too? (But the ego can't see this yet) ? hope I make sense. If not, you can discard this thread...

@WaveInTheOcean "The mind speaks but knows nothing, the heart can't speak but knows everything". I think it was that what he said.