Surfingthewave

@Raptorsin7 Why are you looking for self? What are you doing meditation for? Who actually is looking for self? What is true identity? What is pain and suffering? What is the resistance? You are having some good insights. Someone said meditation is boring, I laugh until I cry. There is nothing boring about discovering life itself. What I love about this work is the deeper you go the more questions there are.

@King Merk I hear you. The more conscious you become the more aware you are of others unconscious behaviour. Well done for dropping judgements of yourself, that's a hard task. Or are you really dropping judgements ? When you judge others, you are in fact judging yourself. Think about this and contemplate on this.

Visiting family at the weekend brought back a lot of strong feelings and emotions, nostalgia being a big one. However I was able to have discussions enjoyably and let go of any attachment feelings that may arise. Realise there are certain traits I do in the family home, like interrupt if my parents are arguing and try and keep the peace. This time, I let it go, and just sat with the uncomfortable feelings. This was more tricky. I've been "seeing" colours around more, almost like my visual field has become heightened. I also have a strange sensation like I can feel consciousness. This morning my mind was running amok. Dreams of loneliness and being lost. Interesting.

Yesterday I had a very very powerful yoga session. As I stood up to get into a particular pose, I felt this intensity of energy all around me, right through me going from my hands right through to my feet and beyond my feet. It was like I could feel consciousness. The way it felt was beautiful, loving, safe and that it had my back, no matter what. It was so powerful it brought tears to my eyes. Something was releasing in me and I felt this love deeply. It was very moving. Last night I had a very intense dream, I was in a place that was familiar, a place I loved but I was leaving it and I felt sad. This sadness resonated when I woke up. The experience of feeling consciousness is one I've never experienced before.

@Scholar Great analogy here. Cleaning the mind to get to the Truth is a good one, and absolutely when we do the work we reveal what is already there. Rather than cleaning the window in front of us , I like to see it as shining a light through the clouds of the mind so to speak. However not many people are quite ready for the change as it means changing your personhood and ultimately who you believe you are. I agree that we may have been "mis sold" awakening as something you seek. How do you seek something that is already there? You just take off the blindfold.

@ADD Yes absolutely, you are making progress. Peeling back those layers reveals our vulnerability and more, but the counter intuitive nature of this work means that vulnerability = true strength. Your emotions are indicating feelings over thoughts, stripping you back to the source, pure energy, pure love. That is what makes us shed tears. Good luck and keep peeling back those layers.

@Focus Shift love this

@Surfingthewave Letting go was harder today, realised I get easily bugged by people's personalities, could be due to inner conflict about own. I'm finding it more easy to let go of when things go balls up or don't work out or "I" don't necessarily get the outcome I want. However where I'm getting more stuck is if someone says something to annoy me, I can hold onto this. I'm getting better at caring less about what other people think but in a professional capacity, when I've got my work "hat" onthis can be harder to let go. Also letting go of "soft" addictions much much harder, procrastination, laziness, avoidance, social media, gossip etc.

@Charlotte Lovely post, thank you. ? What we are searching for is right in front of our noses, but we are distracted by what is in our minds. I'm a bit wary however of the You're God part, I think these kind of statements are confusing people on the forum.

@CreamCat I agree with the letting go part but not necessarily the unconditional happiness. I think you could be setting yourself up for failure, particularly if you have mental health problems. In my experience and through other teachings it is about letting go of your attachment to whether something is good or bad. It just is. That way you will naturally feel happier, perhaps more fulfilled. Happiness like any feeling is temporary, however fulfillment is a state you can reach more permanently.

@studentofthegame The tone of your post seems like you're quite hard on yourself. Have you tried any practices to get to the source of your fear? When I've looked fear in the eye (turned to face it directly) it dissolves. My take on fear is that it is trapped energy in our body wrapped up with intrusive thoughts. A challenge and/or threat is still resistance to what is. Accept your feelings of fear, drop the challenge /threat (fight or flight?) and work on what beings you joy in your life. Yes fear of death of a loved one is a real fear but if it is impacting on your everyday joy, think about other ways you can work on it.

@Matt8800 Great post, thank you. I can totally relate, I used to get mental fatigue and insomnia from over thinking almost obsessively. Finding yoga and Reiki was my savoir actually as I had nil body awareness. I'll take a look at that book. When you tap into the bodies energy fields, wow the shift in awareness is amazing.

@jj40 You think a lot. Meditate more. Surrender. Let go. Take advice from the lovely people on this forum. Life is too short ? and sometimes there are no answers, just questions.

@ZenAlex I feel for you. Try to get to the source of the thinking. Your thoughts are running wild but don't get on the horse, just continue to watch it running wild. What I would suggest is massively increase your physical activity. Use your thinking in different ways. Rather than sit and have conservations put it to good use. Art is good for self expression. Do you socialise much? Also have you tried yoga? As soon as the 30-60 minute conversation starts, you either sit in meditation and observe the conversation (transcend it) or just let go, walk away and do something else. You're doing the right things and well done as you're seeing the results from meditation. Perhaps think about trying different meditation techniques like concentration practises, labelling etc. The more you meditate the more you're penetrating through all the layers of conditioning, keep going.

Ps an additional. The most difficult part is letting go of goals and dreams. I hold onto these for dear life. These are wrapped up in my identity, my oxygen, becomes the air I breathe and what helps the day go fast. (I'm clearly not living my life purpose just yet but working on it). I know I need to rest in awareness and let go. Easier said than done.

It sure feels strange knowing people are reading this. I'm used to scribbling down my inner most thoughts in a jounal and locking it away. Today was the first day of fully surrendering to what is, after a meditation in the morning and being more conscious of the technique of surrendering I was able to have a productive day at work. Interestingly I seemed to become a magnet at work with people talking about their problems to me so it was a bit of a test. "The events that happen in the moment belong in the moment, they don't belong to you" Michael Singer (The Untethered Soul). I'm reaching the edge, or the comfort zone in a lot of my practices and can feel a push to just jump. Ironically this weekend I'll be visiting family, so this is where the fun really begins. Can I fully let go of who I am with the people who have helped define and shape me? This will be interesting.

@saffron What are you hoping to get out of this forum? The ideal man you so describe doesn't exist. I'm sure you are good at many things but you cannot see this yet. Where there is dark, let there be light. Perhaps the trauma you have experienced will make you more of a person as you may be able to help others going through something similar.

@mandyjw Love this. Thank you, like a gift this came to me just at the right time. Magic is all around us, you're right, we just have to see it. Most of us (including me until recently) are blinded by shoulds woulds and coulds so don't see it.

@saffron You are good enough for this world, in fact you're amazing. You are the world. It's a shift in perspective that is needed. Are you willing to make that shift? If you are you've got to be aware of your projections onto others and really really look inside. But that's tough so we tend to just continue blaming the external world. To quote Tolle, "The truth is you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it".

@dimitri Yes I'm going to look into this work, good suggestion. @VeganAwake I struggled with Eckharts methods, probably because I felt I had to choose out of three things, and changing something felt like I had to do something. The surrender experiment feels a bit more like the letting go method, but you're letting go of the positive /negative ideas of what happens and just let things be as they are.

Has anyone else tried Michael Singers methods of surrendering to life /god /consciousness? Not in a passive way but in the way of fully trusting reality and your experience. Interestingly amazing things have happened since I've begun this (recognition at work, deepening my relationships, life purpose results etc). The key is to be patient, let go of any resistance, any positive and negative judgments and trust the path life brings.

@khalifa Good to hear and thanks for the update. This is particularly good to read for people experimenting with psychedelics. I hope you are still able to engage in softer practices e. g yoga/meditation.

Words write on paper Dots, crosses, lines, swirls and breaks Until silence speaks

@ajasatya Great, I shall look forward to what life brings, and yes it is an amazing book. @Nahm Ha, yes very familiar, he just wrote a book about it! Although the Step by step part lacked some clarity.

@zeroISinfinity This is said with love but I hope you are ok. Your posts are somewhat confusing, erratic at times. It can be tricky to recentre, to balance the person with consciousness again once an awakening has been experienced.