now is forever

forever ever

also think i start to understand what determinism really means, a lot deeper than ever before. well i never really went deep into determinism reflection. but it’s pretty much including codependency and synchronicity in a broader sense. i only understand it deeper though after integrating the nature of reality as non material but spiritual in that sense a spiritual determinism. what doesn’t mean i‘ve integrated spirituality enough - i can def improve. but the thing with codependency is, i pretty much will probably return to material spirituality - as this is kind of essential for my profession. i will need to track and improve somehow on oscillating between both.

when i woke up today reality entered my mind and with it some fear and i realized how my mind wants to go hiding behind dreaming again. but handling external reality is what i didn’t want to run away from again, even though if reality and dreams seem to have two different directions at the moment. i‘ll try to move on with reality and handle my shit, because it’s starting to come flying again. my self absorption is holding me from working on necessities, to the point of ignorance. this is a turning point. ???‍♀️ i‘ll try to do that with grace - i‘m still not there 100% still far away from handstand and further from walking on the hands, quite litteraly, and maybe never will be, but it’s ok - somedays are better an some are worse. as last night was maha shivaratri - how i learned in the forum, it’s a good way of filling the heart again with the power of disconstruction (disconstructing problems) the power of shiva i didn’t understand for a long time completely.

a chameleon is only a colour shifter. growing is shapeshifting and when children throw a fit they can also be colourshifters. that might happen because of shapeshifting... but that’s only a concept... until there is no confirmation bias anymore.

@Highest yes for you quoting yourself it might be...

@Highest well if someone tells ego is liked and so on - why would that not trigger ego? either you or i made it a personal thing after the concept died. why do you think it triggered my ego?

@Highest mh - it is more about the blue lines you know. either you seem to know me or you know how to trigger my ego.

@Highest i am complicated and i get confused very fast. that’s because you are playing cat and mouse. and i have reasons to be confused...

@Highest i try to. i just don’t get the situation. too many thought loops.

@Highest do i need to understand that? what exactly am i not getting about this situation? ?

@Highest do you mean the concept of me? or the me me (not the meme)? confusion (is this concept death?) if you would be my shadow, then who would you be?

@Highest i know who i am but you don’t want to be me so you must be my shadow

who am i?

yes of course there has nothing been before me and nothing will be after me because i will just go on forever. although i‘ve been born and reborn and died a million times and i am still dying horrible deaths although i try to forget and try not to forget at the same time so i live on in myriads of moments but try to incarnate only a better version of me and the most beautiful moments - they are not a lie but they hide some shadows and thus the shadow is growing.

how can you stay awake when your eyes are closing every couple seconds and you fall asleep again? how can you die if you‘ve never really been alive? how can anybody die completely? when is the moment of death? when all traces are scattered? or when your heart stops to bump? in who‘s experience will you die? will you live on in another being? and if are we not all one and the same being that lives on in us?

cilantro is supposed to help a lot to activate the release out of the tissues. it will then flush in your blood and from there into digestive system and organs - where it has to be bound by chlorella or ramsons. if you detox from aluminium it’s important to have a good magnesium supplementation. it‘s difficult to say as there are different substances that chelate or flush different substances each in a special biochemical/biodynamic way. the process has to be seen on a body level. usually it’s one herb for the separation process and one to sponge the metals up so they can’t sediment somewhere else. flushing heavy metals off the tissues can lead to intoxication symptoms if you don’t have a proper sponge/chelate to transport it out of the body. in ayurveda they also use massage technique during cleansing process to activate release from the tissues.

@Truth Addict yes thats it, it is a constant shifting between perspective and body movement - it’s a process that connects movement to thought and emotion. if one is not in balance it’s probably because we need to work on it, for example working on externalizing beauty by creating space, happens when we manage to act out internalized beauty and the externalized beauty will come back to us in powerful emotions. like shit. that’s when karma hits the fan.

@Truth Addict the equation? i mean the thing we don’t understand.

no unfortunately (in sense of effectiveness) we talk a lot about it, i mean a part of our society still does. but the problem is they don’t disappear, they still exist not only in all of our memory but they or their ideological children still exist, what means we are not allowed to fall asleep like everyone else does and that’s why it surfaces on the walls of our buildings. what is uncomfortable for the ego is that it has to remember the past to be a safeguard to the future because some humans are the lesser animals. there is not only collective ego there is also collective memory - so what is a little suffering compared to the suffering that could happen without it. unfortunately the watcher in all of us is mostly stronger than the rebell, there is not only the little nazi in us but also the little bourgeois, what is understandable but obviously doesn’t help against the world going mad again. one other problem is often the sticking to guilt instead of openly discussing what similarities happen right now everyday at multiple places on the world. of course it’s alarming, so do words on a wall or words on a screen or spoken words help anything about it? words don‘t surface on walls, they surface on souls.

@Truth Addict yes but i know about things... so i also know some things. things like that real change doesn’t just appear. it must be made, while difference happens naturally even though it’s made, too. you are right even differences just are. moving on has never been away from light, it has always been towards.

but things don’t just appear, because they are not things, they also don’t just disappear, because they are things, they are also not just an illusion. there is a cause for everything - and this cause can only be the will to make a difference. but then the difference has to be made, too. but what for if not for those who make a difference. and you might ask who makes a difference?

in my experience thought makes the difference. if it was only appearance then why would you make a difference?

@Truth Addict it seems someone is a good shopper, a photo shopper well most of us are in a sense if you forget the tool behind it. so a cloud is still a dragon. and actuality might be a cloud. but at the same time a cloud is just a cloud and that’s what’s actuality as long as the phrase is just a phrase. that’s why we actualize in the first place.

today what brushed my mind, was the understanding of the following situation: i own some things, or maybe these things own me - and this relationship will never change as i am in a relationship with them. and i‘m sometimes pretty lost in this relationship with them, because i wish to have everyone to have a better relationship to things. i can‘t imagine a world without things as things have some value in their use. loving things means in reality loving yourself. but then on the other side having too many things means the things own us, also the wrong things own us - so it‘s a matter of understanding what things own us, in a good sense and what kind of things don’t. and how to replace the bad ones with good ones. i also realized that i always want the people in my sourounding to take or not take influence on handling these things. and i‘m sad if they don’t sometimes and mostly they don’t. and sometimes i get very intimidated by them trying to change them. because in reality i can only handle my own things - but i also want to learn to treat myself better in learning to handle things and replace some things with better ones. and thats why i would basically intrude everywhere in telling others how to handle their things or handling their things my way - i realize that especially in sense of my mom. i‘d love to handle her things, because she has her issues with it, but it’s her things, so i can’t handle them as long as she won’t let me. that’s what’s keeping me from intruding into others privacy kompletely. why then i am always only talking about myself. because i always just want to give, i also can’t just recive. that‘s why i think it’s so important to live with other people - so maybe i‘d never move into an apartment by myself anymore, because yes of course other living beings are annoyingly intimidating sometimes but that’s exactly where we learn best.

@Truth Addict in this thread it would mean the more we talk about the not understanding the further away we get from not understanding. or do you mean the further away we get from understanding?