Widdle Puppy

I don't understand. If we don't have free will then what's the point of even trying or doing anything? Why don't we just live from our ego and do pragmatic stuff then cause it's all just an illusion and those that are destined to be enlightened will be and those that don't won't be enlightened. I'm going to continue to meditate cause it makes me emotionally better and improves my life but I don't see any point in being enlightened if non duality is a thing then it doesn't matter if we are or not. Why would it matter if the illusion itself realizes something cause nothing was realized if nothing was realizing it. I'm cool with this paradox but I think for some of us to make progress or even live our lives it's not worth doing any of this stuff and just living our lives normally.

dhamma.org is turquoise

so what happens when this body dies or whatever we have labeled as death? if there is no such thing as bad or good okay I can see that and I can also see this ego logically and how i'm a slave to my desires and aversions. I have meditated quite a bit and do see the benefit of that and doing this work. But at the same time I see it as being pointless as well. if there is no point to anything and no good or bad or no shoulds then whatever, why not just chase my cravings and live with my ego? I'm fine meditating and learning about my emotions if it makes me happier and a better person. why do all this super hard spiritual work and give up though and just settle for a decent life? won't this ego illusion disappear when the body it seems to be in is dead anyway? and if there is so free will then isn't it all something i never did in the first place? seems like my life would be better focusing on raising myself, getting more money and ensuring a long and fun life

but i thought nothing actually exists .... how am i something if i am nothing ok...

it's some strange paradox that exists that doesn't exist but at the same times does.... and it can't be expressed through language... and you already are it but at the same time you aren't.... I don't understand any of this shit and I've had one or two brief experiences that got me out of my ego I think

I don't even know what to do right now myself... I haven't been this down in years.... Literally every thought and label I'm placing on myself and my life is so bad right now.... I feel completely helpless... what the fuck...

I think pushing myself out of my comfort zone and having a a good grounding works, also taking risks and willing to push through the discomfort.

woke up today and felt particularly awful. I hate how I can go from a place were I feel like I'm conquering the world to being the lowest of the low... I don't understand why... I'm going to get through this I know but oh my god it's so fucking hard right now I hate myself but I'm going to try and love whatever this hate is or the part of me hating myself.

great video. very helpful during this hard period im going through.

I feel like a complete fucking mess right now too. I'm neurotic and just feel worthless as well. Don't know why I'm a mess, wish I wasn't a mess on the inside. I don't understand why these emotions can exist but then at times not feel this way and feel like I got my shit under control. I hate it...

why does love sometimes feel uncomfortable and you feel like retreating from it? Like you can feel yourself dipping your toes in but it feels foreign and it makes sadness sort of come up?

Does anyone else have problems finding one method and sticking to it? I think it's possible to try these different methods only for about a few days/weeks/months but slack around with it and then go off to another method. It's a distraction of sorts. I think part of the process is maybe finding one or two things and sticking to them consistently. It's kind of like going to the gym. For sure it will be hard at times to do them consistently and there will be times you wont want to or you'll be in a place emotionally where it feels like hell but you need to just show and be present in some form and know when to push yourself. I don't think there is a single method where you start it and it just flows completely effortlessly for you and you make progress every day. It's a long term commitment which does require grit if you want to make those big leaps and at the same time requires patience and accepting when the going gets hard but just keep practicing. Overthinking the method can be a distraction.

I have the same problem. Sometimes it feels like I'm making progress, lots and lots of progress, and then an old habit pops up cause I'm maybe spending time with an old friend or around family or perhaps in a new/old environment or perhaps something happened that reminded me of it, whatever. I'm dealing with the same thing (around family I haven't seen in a while). It fucking sucks and I'm trying to let my emotions about it out the best I can and stay present and aware as well. I think the advice you gave is good. Just keep the flame going. Even if there is now a storm and the flame is struggling to stay it's ok. Just keep it going and remember situations change. A master meditator I admire once said "continuity of practice is the secret of success." Even if the situations you are in are causing so much inside you that you feel like you're back sliding or falling apart just keep your practice up in some form. Even if you have to scale it back because that's just where you are emotionally at and what you're capable of, just keep it going a little in some form. The stressing over the environment change just makes it worse.

yeah it is I know. It's just hard to make progress sometimes cause the situation might just be so hard and you have to rethink things to make it work.

I'm very sensitive to my environment changing and having my routine break. I'm visiting my parents and they are very negative, lazy and not the type of people to do personal development work seriously. It has really hit me hard and make me feel like I'm back sliding staying here. I can't stand being here and it makes me feel kinda sad and depressed. I don't think I'm going to visit them much going forward since I know it's what's best for me. But even then I have some more time here and am wondering what advice you have when you go from a positive environment to a negative one? How do you keep your head up during these changes?

Yes, logically I agree. I've watched this one before but I should give it a rewatch. It's just really hard sometimes. Like sometimes your projections onto that environment are too strong and keep you from doing what you need to do to help yourself and you might need to scale back what you are capable of doing in that moment.

It sounds like you are holding onto a ton of anxiety and negative emotions. Your body and mind hold onto these things and keep them in your subconscious. It's the habit pattern of the mind where it clings and clings to things it feels are important but often it is all illusory. Meditation is your best friend. Really anything that brings you awareness to your body like trauma releasing exercises, breathing, etc. I got into it myself (vipassana) because I had chronic headaches, facial sensations and was just somewhat aware of that I was carrying all this stuff around with me. I could feel it in my body. I'm far from releasing it all but it's a start.

I skimmed the OP and it reads like a troll post honestly or maybe this person is serious and this is just the faculty of their ability to express himself/herself. Either way Leo is not a Guru, or a mystic nor is he enlightened or anything like that. He has said so himself several times. He does not teach or lead any sort of specific spiritual practice nor does he have followers for some sort of school he has established. Maybe he sometimes gets a little lost in the theory side of things but what he does best with actualized is he takes these very broad concepts of enlightenment, awareness, paradigms, psychology etc which are found in many spiritual traditions, modalities, etc and loosely phrases them in a modern western-logical language that can be helpful for people with a similar mindset.

I've become recently aware to a degree that I am causing every emotional problem in my life. I have a pretty clear understanding of this logically and even to some degree experientially but there exists this force in me that completely doesn't care and feels emotionally angry and shameful and blaming of the outside world and others. I'm addicted to my bad behaviors, my adhd mind, emotions, habits, victimhood, blame and shame, mindsets of the world and I don't understand why. It completely confuses me and enrages me but I don't understand why I secretly want all the bad stuff I'm trying to change about myself. I distract myself from meditating. I distract myself from facing the negative emotions. Why? Why do I secretly want all the bad stuff I am trying to change?

Nathan does mention this. It's a bit of a paradox for me but I'm ok with accepting that and not knowing right now. I think that for some people including myself are so deeply entangled in gordian knots that you need to start unraveling your complexes on a more gross level because you simply just won't be able to build up the qualities or understanding necessary to do some really deep enlightenment work. Or it's all actually just a distraction. I don't know. I do know that 6 pillars was a very helpful book for me though so why not do both? Why not practice and learn from Nathan and do your enlightenment work even if they do in theory contradict? Nothing wrong with doing both and accepting that they are different and being ok with that and trying to benefit from the positive qualities of both.

I think to some extent different actions carry different intrinsic properties to them. You CAN increase awareness with negative actions. For instance a pick pocket has to increase their focus and concentration to be effective at what they do. From a very low conscious place a person in a fist fight needs to focus greatly on their body and the present moment in order to win the fight. The opposite would be a person who is meditating and focusing with an accepting, impassionate and loving mind. Both my meditation and fist fight example are actively practicing concentration and building awareness but only one of them will lead to higher consciousness. Having rules and morals is necessary to make progress because starting out you are usually in a lower place of consciousness and need rules and a model to follow so to speak which will keep you in the right direction. As you grow these rules won't be observed in the same way and not even held in the same way because you've embodied them and are operating where things just sort of unfold in a positive way effortlessly from one moment into the next.

Holotropic breath work seminar report: I attended one myself this weekend. My report bellow is just kind of a general mix of the seminar itself and my own experience. There is a post above which is similar in describing the seminar I attended. Read it for detailed breakdown. My report bellow is also my own reflection of my experience. I would say this technique is open in the sense where they allow for a lot of different beliefs or handlings of your experience. There are few rules regarding this technique and it is mostly meant to be practiced in a group setting. There is not much theory or instructions given either. It's left sort of open and part of me felt judgement and indignation about this coming from a place where I've practiced more monastic and strict awareness/enlightenment work like Dhamma (Vipassana). I've found sometimes that it's difficult to keep different techniques, meditations and the mindsets that accompany them from mixing but that's okay. I tried my best to keep an open mind going into this seminar and it's something I would recommend to other people new to Holotropic breath work as well. You are to breath "in a circle." Either deeply or you can just do a natural breath without pauses or through your nose, whatever. They get you going with a deep breathe and then let you go from there. I felt different within minutes. They are very supportive and caring which is absolutely beautiful especially for someone like me who feels sometimes like there is no love or any real support in my life and that I'm a one many army taking on the world. I'll never quit. I've done shorter breathing sessions on my own and my experience was similar to this one but what made this special was the feedback at the end and the supportive environment. I felt safe through the entire seminar in the physical environment however still reluctant and shameful to open and let everything out. It's a great experience however and I feel like I released some things and shined some more awareness on the areas I need to work on. I spent most of my session in a state of paralysis with numb limbs. I could't open my hands. I felt comfortable crying during the session which I did a good bit of. It felt really hard to work through this experience of emotions and sensations and honestly part of me is afraid to work through it in a group setting. I feel a bit embarrassed to cry in public and feel open around people I've never met. A lot of stuff came up in my session however I feel optimistic because I know it's part of the healing process and is a sign the technique works. I would like to continue using this technique on my own as I travel a lot and it's hard to attend seminars and individual sessions of things. I will attend another one in the future though and would ideally like to maybe work one on one with someone so I feel more comfortable to work through what comes up during the breathing experience. Perhaps shorter sessions (30 minutes max) once a week along with my meditation.

So for the last few weeks I have recently fallen into a sort of depression. I'm starting to become aware of this whole cycle I'm in and the desires that drive it. I'm clinging to it and I've realized that I don't really want to change. I do not want to change... but I do at the same time... I don't get it.... The cycle and neurotic aspects are something I'm holding onto and I'm just feeling stuck. Like how am I supposed to let this go and keep growing when I want to but at the same time I don't want to. I feel like I've been living a paradox lately. Leo has shot a number of videos on this experience. I'm wanting to gather more information. What do you do when you're feeling stuck and faced with this paradox about accepting yourself fully but also pushing yourself to change. Because it feels like the pushing aspect is forced neurotic behavior but the accepting is just lazy low conscious behavior. Another area that I feel like takes a hit but I want to improve is my meditation habit. I feel I do it lazily. I am inconsistent. I don't stick to one practice. I meditate probably 5 or 6 days a week when I want to be doing 1 hour consistently a day at the same time but it feels so forced. It's this strange paradox where it is supposed to just flow but I force myself to do it and it becomes this neurotic behavior. I'm so confused and I feel like I'm just wasting time accepting this confusion...

I believes it is such a major paradigm shift that the actions they then take are very different. basically everything we do is coming from a place of ego and since they are not there anymore many things we think make sense are completely pointless for them. they've gone completely meta so to speak.