zoey101

Thank you. I agree, it's a great story to help expand your thinking it's a comforting story as well, at least to me.

I never thought of it like this, personally. But this kind of helps me understand what everyone is talking about when they say "we are all one" We literally are one, according to this story, because everyone is me, I am everyone

You are, it is inside you, you just have stopped identifying with it. I am working through this in my own way, but it takes work. You have to dig deep and rediscover yourself to make yourself whole again. It's not easy, if it were, there would be no problems for anyone. Why do you avoid hard things? It's kind of a simple question with a pretty basic answer, isn't it? If it were possible to make it "big" and get EVERYTHING you ever wished for by doing nothing, the whole world would be right there with you. You might have just reached a comfortable point in your life. Nothing wrong with that, enjoy it some. Just don't arrest your development here, enjoy the comfort, but prepare for the next step I hope that makes sense!

I love how much wiser this comes across because of your Profile Pic I swear I heard Yoda's voice and then an explosion at the end (mind blown!) lol My reaction^

Entry #4 These are some notes I took down for some meditation tips. I'm sorry I forgot to keep all of the sources, but the first couple of pages are from the link in "Post #3". The rest I found from an article off Google when I searched "Meditation Postures" Meditation Tips.docx

Entry #3 This is a great quote I found on this site: https://www.yogaindailylife.org/system/en/self-inquiry-meditation. It really touched me and gave me a nice sense of hope. "In the practice of “Self-Inquiry Meditation” we explore our inner world and learn to understand that function of our psyche which is the connection between the subconscious and conscious mind. The mind is like a mighty river. A river cannot be dammed for long or be brought to a standstill. If we erect a dam without providing a spillway, then sooner or later a catastrophe occurs. The dam bursts and the land is inundated by raging floodwaters. If we curb our mind too strongly and totally suppress our desires and feelings, the resulting tension in the subconscious goes off like an explosion - the inner pressure becomes too great. In fact, we cannot command the mind to stop - we can however, give it a direction just as one can redirect a river in order to avoid floods and damage. In the practice of “Self-Inquiry Meditation” we learn to control and regulate the “instruments” of our consciousness - the mind and the senses - without suppressing their activity. The necessary prerequisite for this is to learn to recognize and understand our Self and our inner motives. Through this, we can in good time, intervene and prevent our thoughts from taking a direction which would otherwise give rise to problems and sorrows. In “Self Inquiry Meditation” we learn to understand ourselves and others. We learn to forgive ourselves and others. We purify our subconscious and gradually lose our inner inhibitions and complexes. Our thinking becomes well ordered and clear and due to this we are able to overcome and avoid many difficulties in life. In the end we recognize our true essence and our goal in life and bring our inner Self to unfold. Examine your own life. Do you only seek material pleasure, or do you strive for Realization and spiritual knowledge? Eating, drinking, sleeping and procreating fill the life of each animal. If we only strive for the same, and nothing higher, we waste our human potential. But those who are conscious of the opportunity of human existence, take the time for spiritual practice - to meditate and pray, irrespective of their religious faith. God is everywhere. God is the Omnipresent, conscious energy, which permeates all creation and all living beings."

Alright. I'll try, thank you.

I know the ego is me. It just helps for now to talk about them like "separate people" because of all the terms there are for it. It' keeps me from getting confused, I guess. I'm thinking along the lines of the Trinity. Three entities in One. If that makes any sense lol

I do hope so, thank you

Hey guys, I have been working on "self-development" for a little while now and have been trying to dig just a little deeper these past few weeks. Things have been going pretty crazy around me and I just want to feel in control again, so I have been trying to focus. Thanks to @Feel Good I dug deeper than I ever have before in just these past two days. I stripped away the superficial and external things and did everything I could to get right down to the core of "me" and made a pretty big discovery... I hate "myself".. Now, I know how dramatic that sounds, but it's the most honest I have been with myself in a long time.. It really is a depressing thing to consider... but I feel a little relieved too, because I feel like now I at least have something to work from. I remember replying to a post a wile back talking about the "beast nature" in us all and I guess I understand it now.. The person I was before is still in me.. that "monster" can still come out at anytime.. it's just as much "me" as the "good me".. It sounds confusing but this is the best way I can describe it... So I guess my question is, what do I do with this?

@Feel Good Thank you I am honestly feeling a lot better now. I'm trying to stay fired up and encouraged to grow. I want to feel whole again, not like two separate people... I know it's only been a few days, but I feel like I have discovered so much about myself and I am making more progress now than I have in my whole life. Side Note: I felt very silly today because I was walking in my apartment complex to get to my truck and I suddenly remembered how I "used to walk". And how I felt when I walked. I tried it out and felt confident for about 2 steps then felt so embarrassed and weird lol I think my original reaction would have been to ask myself "what's wrong with you? What the hell are you doing?!?", but my first thought was "I guess that would be my "ego" trying to make me feel that way" . Although, I could just be overthinking it, I was just walking after all lol

Entry #2 Personal Bookmarks Sources and Words of Wisdom to go through and Study on: **NOTE: These links are all very specific to my situation, so sorry if there is some confusion!** https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Four_Agreements.html?id=hzVxiw2DiOsC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false https://books.google.com/books/about/Born_on_a_Rotten_Day.html?id=AzF4BNUaa5kC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false

@Feel Good

God.. now I'm crying lol thank you

Still really awkward, but I'm trying to see the good parts of my past self. I want to identify with her again.

I do hope so Thank you I have been trying to think of at least one good thing to say about the "past me". And I did discover one thing I do want to get back, even though I was acting crazy, I was independent, strong, and sexy. I had my own place and car, went wherever I wanted to go, didn't have to answer to anyone. I thought to myself, 'I was very sexy back then' And now I can't stop blushing from saying that lmao!

That's funny. I actually kept this in mind yesterday when he first started getting upset. I didn't want to escalate the fight so I just decided to drop it and go start dinner. I honestly was not feeling mad about it the second I entered the kitchen. I decided to drop it and just keep going, with or without his "approval". HE came into the kitchen and blew up because "he knew I was mad". But I wasn't, at least not at that exact point. I can't say I didn't get mad when he started making it about him again... @cetus56 @Nahm

@Feel Good @egoeimai @tsuki @Key Elements @Nahm @Colin @Faceless @robdl @Serotoninluv @cetus56 @Jack River @Arman @Athena @John Iverson (I think that's everyone) I am starting a new Journal so I can "document" my journey and share my "techniques" as well as add all of the videos and book suggestions you guys gave me so they are all available for anyone else feeling the way I do. I would love all of your guys input, advice or anything else. Please feel free to repeat any advice you think would be helpful to others! I am not happy with how things are going right now.. but I am not going to stop. I want to do this and will do it for me. Thank you guys so much for being here for me. This shit is hard and scary, but it helps to know you have even just one person that believes in you.

Entry #1 Who am "I"? What to keep in mind: Detach from all preconceived ideas and opinions "Do not cling to well worn tracks, Do not repeat "well known lessons", Do not get stuck in emotions"-https://www.yogaindailylife.org/system/en/self-inquiry-meditation Discovery Goal: Create a timeline of the "major events" that made me "who I am" today. Write down the Positives and the Negatives at each "stage" (I created a Template for myself, here it is if you would like to see/use it for yourself: Life Timeline.pdf)

@tsuki This is the timeline idea I was talking about. It was Nahm

@Key Elements Thank you

My church did a lesson on this for the kids. It was much more simplified, of course. But that's pretty neat Thank you!

okay... thank you...

Because my husband is very particular about downloads... He told me to ask him so he can make sure there are no viruses and I don't know how that shit works so I just listened to him... But I am going to try and just do it... @Feel Good I tried to... but he never lets me talk... the second I say "I" he gates super defensive and makes it about him and says that I am being selfish... I can't fucking stand it... I tried to be open and honest with him about it.. this shit isn't easy to admit because I know it's hard to understand... but he just wants to say shit like, "I'm sick of the shit you did in the past still causing me pain, even years later"... It's not about him... I know it isn't easy for him... but he keeps making it about him when this is something I am really struggling with... I told him that I feel like I hate myself and he just said I was making excuses... I don't want to quit this shit... What I want to quit is doing this for him... He has so much control over me... I love him to death.. but I can't be what he wants me to be in the time frame he wants... if it were that easy I would have fucking done it already... I just want to do this for me and my daughter... If he leaves... I guess I'll just have to live with that.. I just wish he could understand me... Okay.. I will write everything down as I think about it... As for the timeline, it was a suggestion I received from another member. I want to say it was KeyElements or Nahm... I honestly can't remember straight right now, I'm sorry... But they said to make a Timeline of all the major events that made me who I am today. List all the good and the bad and then once you reach the present, list out your future goals and then circle where you are now. A way to see where you have been and where you want to be. I liked the idea. I do love him... so much... I don't want to believe this marriage is wrong... but I'd be lying if I said I never thought that... If he could just give me a little more time... I could fix this...

@Key Elements That's really cute