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Everything posted by Dan502

  1. @crab12 I like the thought of taking small steps in the practical directions that you helpfully suggested, while keeping Nahm's advice in mind.
  2. Every so often at work, I get asked to do something, like review some documents and unless they're introduced to me clearly, I get overwhelmed with fear and anger, refuse bluntly and get into trouble. This pattern happened for years. It threatens my survival. I doubt it can be fixed. I suspect it's deeply linked to my problems relating to people. I'm very introverted. I can't do romantic relationships at all. Was a virgin til 29. I have an IQ of around 130 and did well at school and university. I've seen two psychologists who couldn't find any obvious disorders. I'm within the border range for an autism spectrum disorder (who isn't?) and have already had psychodynamic therapy for two years, to the point where I ran out of things to say. Big 5 personality tests show low agreeableness, high neuroticism, low conscientiousness, low openness and low extroversion. Any thoughts welcome.
  3. @crab12 cheers, it's fascinating to me that people see this as an intellectual problem. I may take a look at the book.
  4. Thank you. My brain's saying why can't we bundle love and happiness together with all those negative feelings/experiences you listed and call reality neutral? I'm not suggesting my brain is any kind of authority on such matters.
  5. I always forget love.
  6. Thank you so much @Melwyn, @Bill W and @Nahm I think it would be great if I could pinpoint a moment in the pattern when I could intervene. I don't think it's work-specific, let's just put it that way. I don't *want* to work anywhere, I came here looking for comfort; an easy job. I don't like work at all in general. I saw a career coach last year. I've applied to study psychotherapy too although that takes years, costs a bomb and may not even work out so I need another job in the meantime. @Nahm to me your posts stand out on this forum as exceptionally wise although that's just my opinion. I got bullied under ten, hated preschool (just sat around crying while other kids played), under five I was left unattended three times, once I set fire to a sofa, another time I tried to shave and cut myself, the third time I cut my lip when I fell on a bedside cabinet at 2 years old and needed stitches, I was also in a pushchair accident (my parents' friend was running with it, tripped, and it flipped over and landed upside down in nettles). I was born six weeks early because I wasn't getting fed correctly inside the womb. I was put in an incubator and my mother couldn't be with me for the first few days after I was born. I also doubt I got enough cuddles.
  7. Responding from a different angle, I've tried to list here, in as few words as possible, what must be "moved beyond" or in some sense transcended, to move past (or perhaps "integrate" would be a better way of putting it) each level. Beige - Base instict Purple - Tribal identification Red - Extreme egocentricism Blue - Mono culturalism Orange - Individualistic materialism Green - Idealistic environmentalism Yellow - Conceptual distinctions
  8. How do you think the US president will handle the recession, beyond the obvious response of blaming people for it? Britain's planned departure from the EU pretty much means America has itself a lapdog.
  9. If you didn't do it, what else would you most likely do instead and how does that compare?
  10. I fear for my future self every day and the horrible experiences I will probably have when, like most of us, I inevitably get cancer or diabetes or heart disease and then perish, suffering intensely, under the "care" of incompetent health service staff while my "family" make stupid comments to make themselves feel better. I am not worried about being dead or being reincarnated. Both sound quite nice as a matter of fact.
  11. I struggle with this too. After work every day I feel like relaxing but I also know that if I want to pursue a new career, I'll have to do something about it. At the moment I'm just sort of doing very little bits here and there. Essentially, I'm doing what I can. Erm. Yeah. This probably isn't great advice, I'm just sharing!
  12. Make sure your diet, relationships, work or study routines and living environment are serving you well. The therapy should help with this too.
  13. I sort of have a vague idea about studying psychotherapy. Otherwise I live a very plain, simple life and work an administrative job. No stress, no achievement and no love.
  14. One of my favourite sayings is "never let anyone else tell you how to feel about something". It's sort of a clunky phrase in that people will tell you how to feel, inevitably and it probably is best to let it happen some of the time. It's also not particularly true because some of the best advice ever could effectively be a way of showing you a new perspective, in order to generate within you a certain kind of feeling. However, I've always liked the saying. Probably because it appeals to my ego. It's also a reminder to be sceptical and mindful.
  15. Are there any particular themes? For example, you don't care what they think about what you wear but you really care what they think about your political opinions.
  16. Thinking of you @lukej. Thank you for sharing this and all the best.
  17. It wouldn't be an Actualized.org video without slamming the egos of the usual groups, some public figures and of course the viewer. If you don't like getting told over and over again how selfish and deceptive your mind is, this channel probably isn't for you Although yes I shared your feeling of repetition when watching the self biases video. It felt less like a new topic and more like a reminder to look at our biases.
  18. When I visited the US for a holiday from the UK, I was shocked by the pharmaceutical adverts on TV. It felt really dystopian. Here, there is none of that advertising. If you have a condition, you visit your national health doctor and he/she writes you a prescription. Yes it might take a couple of weeks and yes they might get it wrong, yes we have some private health here and yes you still have to pay for the prescription but it still feels more like a community service and less like a giant corporation can't wait to profit from your illness.
  19. How to tackle the obesity of wealth. We're not here to tax abundance, although we may raise taxes. It's about regulating and inspiring the wealthy to change their relationship to money and get fitter. A healthy business doesn't even want to sit around and get richer. It wants to create and compete. The government is responsible for creating the environment in which businesses will operate healthily.
  20. A part of me probably seeks the stimulation that comes from the unusual discussions that take place here. Through posting here I may also be pretending to myself that I'm wise and perhaps I get a certain amount of pleasure from that. I suspect I try to post non-controversial comments in order to maintain that pretence. I may like this forum because I think enlightenment is "cool" and because I believe, religiously, that there is something to attain here, even though I make virtually no effort to meditate, at least not for any length of time, and wouldn't touch psychedelics with a barge pole. I might also like it because I have some tendency to seek truth, in my own way, and because in some ways I have some spiritual maturity relative to the average person, some open-mindedness, intelligence, some sense of some of the things that are talked about. Some hope. Some potential. Some desire to learn and some humility. There are also other perspectives from which this question could be answered.
  21. I love the thought that I could... bring that feeling here, now. Then I reflect upon the fact that it's a feeling. Can we create it? And what is it? Where is it?
  22. I like @mandyjw's response about finding inspiration. Medium.com is a wonderful platform for writers and writing. Share you work. With anyone and everyone. Go really minimalist on your word count and write about stuff you care about. OR write about very ordinary things but in a way you care about. YOUR perspective. YOUR style. Reading stuff you wrote should feel like getting punched in the face. BAM! BAM! Wait, whatthefuBAM! Work out your preferred tools. Laptop? Phone? Notepad? Biro? If you like writing with a quill feather and parchment, get a quill feather and parchment and carry them everywhere. On the bus, on the train, in the bathroom. A writer will get out of the shower to write and then get back in again rather than waiting although if that's not you, don't worry everyone's different. Find your behaviour, find your niche.