Dan502

Sometimes "How can I interact with lower stages?" might mean: "How can I responsibly deal with my own emotional reactions to people who hold and manifest different beliefs?" There's an element of fun to be found in this work. I find it can help to share your accounts of interactions with a third person. Someone fairly neutral. Even if they aren't familiar with spiral dynamics.

@Skanzi what a long post! I like that you're taking a holistic approach that gives some weight to your direct experience, rather than just demonising certain "bad" foods. If we become overly cautious, we might miss out on life. I also agree with Leo that direct experience is not a completely reliable measure of whether a certain food will be good for your body. In fact, in many cases it may be misleading.

1) Don't pursue money. 2) Pursue what you're interested in. 3) Maybe you'll make some money. 4) Maybe life will fuck you in the ass. Points 3 and 4 are true either way.

I like the comments on this thread.

To me, the sum 1+1 seems to occur here in a different position, on my phone screen, to the answer 2. It also has a different shape. To be absolutely equal, would they need to be the same in all respects, so that they would be indistinguishable from each other? Or would I need to drop my assumed identification with myself, my perception and my distinction? If I (or more likely one of you more developed members let's face it) managed to do so, would these things become paradoxically distinguishable and indistinguishable? Are they already?

Would you feel less terrified if the girl took the lead and kissed you? That's pretty much how I lost my kissginity. It was NYE 2000, she was 16, hammered on Hooch (vodka lemonade) and pretty much forced herself on me. Drunk bimbos aside, if you want to develop confidence with women, I'd suggest starting with actions that are within and/or on the edge of what feels comfortable. I suppose a person might work up to it in steps over time, like: Messaging, meeting and talking, holding hands, cuddling, a peck on the cheek, a lingering peck on the lips, french kissing. One thing I've found useful is to slowly practice telling the girl how you feel and letting her know up-front if you're nervous or inexperienced. Most women are very understanding and might even offer to help you overcome your fear. You might find out that she has fears too. I'm not saying you have to do any of this though. Do what feels right to you.

@crab12 I like the thought of taking small steps in the practical directions that you helpfully suggested, while keeping Nahm's advice in mind.

Every so often at work, I get asked to do something, like review some documents and unless they're introduced to me clearly, I get overwhelmed with fear and anger, refuse bluntly and get into trouble. This pattern happened for years. It threatens my survival. I doubt it can be fixed. I suspect it's deeply linked to my problems relating to people. I'm very introverted. I can't do romantic relationships at all. Was a virgin til 29. I have an IQ of around 130 and did well at school and university. I've seen two psychologists who couldn't find any obvious disorders. I'm within the border range for an autism spectrum disorder (who isn't?) and have already had psychodynamic therapy for two years, to the point where I ran out of things to say. Big 5 personality tests show low agreeableness, high neuroticism, low conscientiousness, low openness and low extroversion. Any thoughts welcome.

@Nahm thanks

@crab12 cheers, it's fascinating to me that people see this as an intellectual problem. I may take a look at the book.

Thank you. My brain's saying why can't we bundle love and happiness together with all those negative feelings/experiences you listed and call reality neutral? I'm not suggesting my brain is any kind of authority on such matters.

I always forget love.

Thank you so much @Melwyn, @Bill W and @Nahm I think it would be great if I could pinpoint a moment in the pattern when I could intervene. I don't think it's work-specific, let's just put it that way. I don't *want* to work anywhere, I came here looking for comfort; an easy job. I don't like work at all in general. I saw a career coach last year. I've applied to study psychotherapy too although that takes years, costs a bomb and may not even work out so I need another job in the meantime. @Nahm to me your posts stand out on this forum as exceptionally wise although that's just my opinion. I got bullied under ten, hated preschool (just sat around crying while other kids played), under five I was left unattended three times, once I set fire to a sofa, another time I tried to shave and cut myself, the third time I cut my lip when I fell on a bedside cabinet at 2 years old and needed stitches, I was also in a pushchair accident (my parents' friend was running with it, tripped, and it flipped over and landed upside down in nettles). I was born six weeks early because I wasn't getting fed correctly inside the womb. I was put in an incubator and my mother couldn't be with me for the first few days after I was born. I also doubt I got enough cuddles.

Responding from a different angle, I've tried to list here, in as few words as possible, what must be "moved beyond" or in some sense transcended, to move past (or perhaps "integrate" would be a better way of putting it) each level. Beige - Base instict Purple - Tribal identification Red - Extreme egocentricism Blue - Mono culturalism Orange - Individualistic materialism Green - Idealistic environmentalism Yellow - Conceptual distinctions

How do you think the US president will handle the recession, beyond the obvious response of blaming people for it? Britain's planned departure from the EU pretty much means America has itself a lapdog.

@yangmilun what is true for you?

If you didn't do it, what else would you most likely do instead and how does that compare?

I fear for my future self every day and the horrible experiences I will probably have when, like most of us, I inevitably get cancer or diabetes or heart disease and then perish, suffering intensely, under the "care" of incompetent health service staff while my "family" make stupid comments to make themselves feel better. I am not worried about being dead or being reincarnated. Both sound quite nice as a matter of fact.

I struggle with this too. After work every day I feel like relaxing but I also know that if I want to pursue a new career, I'll have to do something about it. At the moment I'm just sort of doing very little bits here and there. Essentially, I'm doing what I can. Erm. Yeah. This probably isn't great advice, I'm just sharing!

Make sure your diet, relationships, work or study routines and living environment are serving you well. The therapy should help with this too.

I sort of have a vague idea about studying psychotherapy. Otherwise I live a very plain, simple life and work an administrative job. No stress, no achievement and no love.

One of my favourite sayings is "never let anyone else tell you how to feel about something". It's sort of a clunky phrase in that people will tell you how to feel, inevitably and it probably is best to let it happen some of the time. It's also not particularly true because some of the best advice ever could effectively be a way of showing you a new perspective, in order to generate within you a certain kind of feeling. However, I've always liked the saying. Probably because it appeals to my ego. It's also a reminder to be sceptical and mindful.

Are there any particular themes? For example, you don't care what they think about what you wear but you really care what they think about your political opinions.

Thinking of you @lukej. Thank you for sharing this and all the best.

It wouldn't be an Actualized.org video without slamming the egos of the usual groups, some public figures and of course the viewer. If you don't like getting told over and over again how selfish and deceptive your mind is, this channel probably isn't for you Although yes I shared your feeling of repetition when watching the self biases video. It felt less like a new topic and more like a reminder to look at our biases.