FindingPeace

I tend to agree here. I don't really see much evidence to suggest that older people are more wise. Although it depends on how you define 'wise'. Some people grow out of their younger 'ways' and through life experience gain a natural insight in to the neuroses of some of the pursuits of younger people. And yes, life experience will provide more insight than less experience. But I would say that this is fairly limited in terms of 'wiseness'.

There are ways to reduce fear or anxiety in situations. But I think the most cruicial first step is to stop figthing these emotions. We all do it. Perhaps we know a situation is comming up and we expect that we're going to feel anxious. So we try to deny it and fight it. We try to tell ourselves that we're not feeling it. We try to make it go away. We worry or panic about it. We get so focussed on it that it almost consumes us. The more we try to fight and deny the emotion the more it feeds in to and perpetuates it. The thing to do is to accept it. Accept that it happens, that will happen or that it is happening. Let it be. Acknowledge it whole-heartedly. In fact feel in to it. I've actually come to find that by doing this, by letting these emotions just play out without resistance, that they lessen by themselves on their own. But either way I become detached from them. A good way to help reduce anxiety, fear or nervousness is meditataion. And I don't necessarily mean sitting down for 30 mins to an hour. I find that if I'm feeling anxious about something, just taking 5 or 10 minutes out on my own to sit and meditade, just quieten the mind, works wonders. Another thing I've noticed with these emotions is that they tend to happen more in the run-up to a situation than in the moment itself. How often do we sit around worrying about something only to feel fine once we get in to the situation? So sometimes, just realising this can help reduce the intensity of the feeling.

I have to agree to some extent - children are likely no more englightened than most animals. But, however, before they are old enough to learn language and become 'programmed' by society, they don't have much of an ego to speak of. So in a sense they are pseudo-enlightened because they have an undeveloped ego. But my understanding of enlightenment is that you first need to pass through having an ego before you can break it down and reach the 'no-self' state. That said, young children who have yet to develop an ego and yet to take on all the stories and BS that society feeds them, have a clear view of reality around them as it is, without any story to tell about it or ego/agenda to distort it.

'Irrelevant' and 'emptiness'. You're still looking at reality from the paradigm of evaluation. Both those terms are 'negative' evaluations. 'Emptiness' implies a 'fullness'. 'Irelevant' implies a relevence. Just suppose that there were no evaluations. That everything was just as it is. No meaning or value. Just 'being'. Then think about your question again. In any case, who said that life was irrelevant and empty? If you remove all judgments and evaluations then you are free to live life however you want. Whether that be living in a cave meditating, or living the high-life of success and achievement. There are no rules, no conventions or protocol. No positive or negative evaluations to interfere with you. So why should we do anything in life? Why not?

My immediate thought was "what is success?"

People missunderstand what 'happiness' is. In the dualistic world happiness is seen as a positive emotion with respect to negative ones. In other words, it is taken to be things like joy, stimulation, excitement or any emotional state that is 'positive' with respect to the 'norm'. It is none of those things. Happiness is actually a neutral state of complete peace of mind. It is the absence of negative emotions. It isn't actually an emotion. It's the 'being' state when there is nothing to be emotional about. True happiness is non-dual. It isn't a 'feeling' in comparison to another. It just is. It's peace. It being at peace with yourself and reality. Nothing can purturb or disturb you. It is the complete acceptence, non-judgemental and non-critical view on reality. This is the reason why people fail to 'find' it. They are looking for it as some kind of positive emotion, some sort of positive evaluation of reality. What that is, is hedonism. That won't bring you happiness. Happiness as people believe it to be doesn't exist because they have a missunderstanding of what it is and what they want. Much like 'love'. Another concept that has been missused and missunderstood.

It find it amusing when people talk about 'having a baby'. The reason being that babies quickly grow out of being babies and become toddlers, then little boys and girls, then adolescents, then adults etc. Actually, I wonder how people would think differenty if instead of talking about having 'babies', they considered having 'humans' or rather 'eventual human adults'. Because that what they grow in to. People talk about babies like they're a species of their own. Like a pet cat or dog. Not really giving much thought to the entire process and end result. Imagine if instead of a baby, you gave birth to a fully grown adult. How would that change people's considerations I wonder?

Achieving things is life is rarely straight forward. There is always going to be some struggle involved. Unless, like most people, you take the easy option - which is why people tend never to reach their potential or their dreams. More often than not, to get results in life requires taking the difficult options, particularly the emotionally difficult options. If there is enough motivation, and you believe strongly in what you are doing, and trying to achieve, then the effort and pain involved would feel worth it. It is doesn't then perhaps you are not motivated sufficiently. Which could be a sign that your heart isn't in it and it isn't an authentic goal. On the other hand I am also a believer of not focussing exclusively on goals. The problem with being goal orientated is that goals are a point in the future when something is hoped, or expected to be achieved. The problem with this is that noone knows what will happen. A goal may never be reached, or, even if it is, it may not be as good as you expected it to be and/or it may not even last. I prefer to be process orientated rather than exclusively looking at the goal. The process is the only thing you have until the goal is, or isn't reached. It's the only thing that exists in the present moment. Therefore, it seems to me that the process should be something enjoyable and fulfilling as an end in itself. That way you are independent of the outcome. If you reach the end point and loock back and can say to yourself 'I enjoyed the process and learned a lot from it' then that, in itself, is a success despite the goal being or not being successful. So on the one hand it's good to aim for some fulfilling goal, but if the process is a lengthy one, and largely unfullfilling in itself, then perhaps a rethink is in order. Ultimately I believe that the whole process from start to finish is an end in itself and should be as enjoyable as the ultimate goal.

There's a certain irony to this statement. It is suggesting that someone has to deserve authentic love. Which would make true, authentic, love conditional on them deserving it. Which wouldn't make it authentic love at all. You're still looking at authentic love from the paradigm of traditional love. As something that can be given. Love isn't a giving or receiving. It isn't a transaction. Authentic love is an attitude to life and reality. It isn't an agenda-based action. It isn't an action at all.

The problem here is that you want to change other people's behaviour and world views. You can't do this. You can't make other people do or be anything other than what they are. People only change when they derive the motive for that change internally, themselves. No external motive is going to have lasting effect and will most likely be met with resistance. The only thing you can do in life is work on yourself. People will either see what you are doing, become inspired by it, and perhaps follow your lead, or they may dissassociate from you altogether and leave you. The only way to promote change in others is to set the example by concentrating on yourself. And have no expectation that others will follow suit. The more you want and expect others to change the longer you will live a dissapointing life fighting their resistance - which will be counter-productive and a distraction to your own personal growth. It's a common mistake getting caught up in what other people are doing with their lives. We can waste years of our lives focussing on others when all the while we should be focussing on ourselves. As you do more personal development you will find that you become less interested in what others are doing and more interesting in creating your own fulfilling life. And, if people notice the quality of your life improving, they may just come to you for advice and inspiration. Or they may not. Either way, be ok with it.

People will believe what they want to believe. It doesn't matter how much evidence you throw at them they will decide whether or not that evidence is, in fact, evidence according to their own world views. The truth is, that just because an article makes a good case with plenty of references and studies to back it, it doesn't make it any more 'true' than anything else. Not that I'm saying that your article isn't fact based. But simply that people don't have to believe anything they read just because the author tells them to. The best you can do is put your case out there and let people make up their own minds. Don't expect people to like it, or believe it, or to adopt it in to their knowledge base. Some will, some won't. Many people don't like to give up their own perspectives as it challenges their ego, so instead they will try to discredit the information in order to validate their own view.

I look at worry like this: I think back to all the times I've worried about something only for nothing untoward to have acctually ocurred. Therefore proving to myself that the worry was for nothing. It also serves no real use. It doesn't contribute in any way to a situation. If anything it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as excessive worry can actually cause you to flake out and create a problem that would otherwise have not happened.

This is a common realisation when doing personal development. In truth, most friendships are fairly superficial. Based on neurotic needs or insecurities. It's only when we embark on personal development that this get exposed and we things for how they really are. Hence why it's a natural stage in personal development to start letting go of existing friendships and forming newer, better quality ones, or even not bothering with that. The subject of human interraction and relationships, be it friendships, family or intimate partners, has interested me since going on this journey. It has brought in to question the true motives and value behind relationships. There would have been a time in history when our interractions and relationships were a matter of survival, but in this modern era, that isn't really the case any more. Most of our interractions have little to no value and contribute nothing more to our lives than to fill our heads with endless 'stories' and beliefs, opinions, judgments and mindless chatter and gossip.

There comes a point after sufficient raising of awareness when you will see how little value and meaning the 'things' that you 'do' have. At this point you will naturally become comfortable and even enjoy doing nothing and will be less motivated to do the things that you do. You will reach a point when you would rather be than do. Acheiving this level of awareness is the key.

Your life is a story. The problem with stories is that we like ones that have some 'meaning' running through them. Some plot. Something entertaining and gratifying. Something with a happy ending. If you've ever tried writing a story you know how hard it can be. So trying to write the story of your life.. Wouldn't life be nicer if there was no story to write or to remember (especially if it's a bad one). Just the present moment. No history to ruminate over. No future to worry over. Just being. The more my awareness expands the more I see how wrapped up and absorbed humans are in never ending stories within stories about other stories. Every second of every day. We're obsessed with them. We live our lives through stories rather than reality in the present moment.

I like this question. And I like this topic. It's good to see people questioning these things. Especially things like this. I don't think enough people discus this particuar topic nearly enough and just end up going in to parenthood, creating more dysfunctional, suffering humans because they were selfish in their motives to have children. Yes and no. It depends on your motives. If you do it out of instinct alone and not for any other agenda then no, it's not selfish. But if you have a list of reasons why you want a baby, then yes it is. Ultimately, if you feel the natural urge that nature programmed in to all animals, and you continue to have a chile and raise, nurture and love it unconditionally then that wouldn't be selfish. On the other hand, you are creating a life out of nothing. So someone that doesn't exist suddenly starts to exist, and then may go on to suffer like everyone else.. thanks to you. It's an interesting debate. One I've contemplated time and again. I don't see creating life as 'magic' or even particularly 'special'. It happens all the time and has been doing so for millions of years as part of reality just 'being'. It is no more miraculous than anything else in reality. A rock on the ground is mirraculous. Reality is reality and all that come with it is equal and non-dual. It's funny how we value life above that of non-living things when in fact we all part of the same stuff. Yet, you don't feel bad when you drop a rock on the floor and it breaks in half but when life begins and ends it has significant meaning and value. But doesn't this come back to self-agenda? After all, we are all living being beings and therefore to each of us individually, life has significant importance, therefore we 'value' life in general, only because we value our own.

I would say that the ego is actually developed from a combination of language, memory and social conditioning. Things which humans have that few other animals have. The ego is a story, told to us from childhood that we then take on and develop further for the rest of our lives. It's tied in with our self-image/self-agenda. It's that part of our psyche that desperately craves for a sense of purpose, meaning and identity, and goes to any length to maintain those things, even self-deception. I don't think it developed as a purposeful aspect of evolution, rather than developed as a side-effect of our higher-reasoning and ability to conceptualise abstract thoughts through language and memory. As soon as you start referencing the developing mind and body, as a 'self' with a story, with likes and dislikes, with beliefs and values, with inherent value and aproval etc you start building an ego in it. I would propose that if you did an experiment whereby you took a human child and raised it in such a way that you never referenced it as an 'individual', as a 'self', then it would be unlikely to develop an ego at all. It's as though, once we developed the ability in our evolution to conceptualise and abstract reality and describe it as a story (which is all our thoughts and memories really are), then we suddenly had the ability to conceptualise the question "who am I? and what's my purpose?". And hence the ego could be born. There's no such thing. The ego only has self-interest. Any interest in helping others ultimately comes back to some sense of validation and approval of the self. And 'unselfish love' doesn't come from any kind of ego. It comes from what remains when you put the ego aside. That's a difficult question to answer. Some seem to exhibit egoic behaviour, but sometimes this is purely stimulus-response defensive behaviour. Some animals are as intelligent as humans (but manifest it differently), such as perhaps dolphins and even magpies. Do they have an ego? We'll never know. I would say not, as I feel that the key ingredients of language, memory and the higher reasoning of being able to conceptualise and abstract are necessary. The ability to have a 'sense of self' in terms of the 'story' that a being has of itself.

How true this is. A sad truth. And once aware of this fact it's hard not to see it everywhere. But this is the ego, the human condition. Everything we do is motivated by the promise of reward, of benefit. You wouldn't breath if it didn't benefit you. So we use and abuse reality around us in any way we can to gain benefit to ourselves: comfort, security, validation and approval. And we do this most noticeably with the other humans that come in to our lives. Even worse than that: we often disguise it as 'love'. But, that's just the human ego for you. Something we have to accept and not to judge or criticise. It is what it is. It's the fundamental operating principal of being a living being. A fox looks as rabbits and rather than pondering the beauty of another living being, sees them as food to be killed and eaten for it's own survival. That's the nature of reality. Only we create a story that labels this as selfish. In reality it is nothing. It is reality just 'being'. So people 'using' others as 'tools' is just a story that we tell because for as long as we live our lives as a story of being a 'someone' the story has a 'value' to it that means something in relation to our own self-agenda. When we stop identifying with the stories of ourselves, then the stories of everything else become irrelevent and you are left with just 'being'.

All of Leo's videos help to build awareness. Most of society helps to destroy it. Build it by disconnecting from the things that destroy it: entertainment, media, social networking, sociallising, chasing success and acheivement etc Leo's video "How society fucks you in the ass" provides a good answer to this topic.

This is my interpretation, yes. But you can still make decisions and take actions. What those will be when you don't have an ego, I don't know.

Pretty much all of them, many times over. "How to stop being a victim" and "Responsibility vs blame" The two listed above I rate as the most significant to start the journey of self-development. Some of my more recent favourites would be the discussions on knowledge, free will, society, awareness, morality...etc. Thing is, there is something to be learned from every one of Leo's videos.

Two things here. firstly you are expecting appreciation and to be valued for the things you do. Secondly you need appreciation. The truth is you weren't put on this planet to serve others. You can choose to do that though and many people do. But to do so with authentic love is to not ask for anything in return, not even appreciation. You are doing everything to gain appreciation, otherwise you wouldn't be feel unappreciated. If you were truly doing things for your self and out of your natural generosity and giving nature, you wound't be expecting anything in return. You are looking for a transaction - 'I do this for you and so I would like something in return'. Expecting anything from others in this world is a fruitless task. Your expectations are your own and reality doesn't know of or even care what they are. It, and the people in it, will do whatever they do regardless of your expectations. But it seems to me here that all though you say otherwise, you actually need recognition for your endevours. This is where the work needs doing I think. Ulitmately, though, you don't have to do anything for anyone if you don't want to. You're not a personal assistant or a slave. You're at liberty in your life to live for yourself. Sure you can help others whilst doing that, but in the end, live life for you and give yourself appreciation and recognition for the things you do, even the things you do for others (even when they don't appeciate it). Take pride in it. Instead of feeling unappreciated by others, appreciate yourself and take pride in yourself what what you do for them. Also know that it's a choice to do these things. You can choose not to any time you like. So when you choose to do them, choose to regardless of any feedback or appreciation.

This is an ideal and a rarity, But I support this idea. However, do most people enter relationships with these motives in mind? This is more often the case though. The reality for most relationships. Although it gets disguised by the veneer of romantic 'love' (attachment and attraction) on top. I'm only appearing cynical because the reality is cynical. If relationships were as you described above then people wouldn't be having so many of them, getting through so many partners, going through endless divorces etc. Just take a look around. Every time you see a couple arguing about something listen carefully to the argument - hear the selfish 'I'm not getting from you and you're not giving to me' talk. The 'I wants and you're not doings'. The 'my way not your way'. It's always there in one form or another. Edit to add: just to clarify, I'm not condemming 'selfishness'. It is not a simple black-and-white thing and it is also inherent in being a living being. It is fundamentally unavoidable, a fact of life. Something to be accepted.

I couldn't agree more with this statement. And it ties in with what I was saying about being content with solitude. Solitude isn't just about sitting in a room alone and being happy, it is also discovering that you can enjoy pursuing 'amazing things' just by yourself. Not every experience has to be shared although I admit that an experience shared does have a better feel about it. When is too late? Granted, we never know how long life will last us, but there is nothing ahead in the future that is waiting to tie you down and prevent you from exploring the world and having adventures with or without other people. Unless, of course, you hold a belief that other things will take priority and that this is the only moment in time you have to 'do' anything. How you prioritise your future is up to you. But if doing 'things' is important to you then factor it in as a priority. Your future, and what you choose to do with it, is entirely up to you. So if you want do 'amazing things', then you can still do them in 10 or 20 years time.

A standard would be a preference or an ideal which you like reality to be in alignment with. An expectation is the belief that something will happen or be the case. Or something you want to happen. I have very few expectations of people or reality. I see the concept as arogant and non-sensical. Expectations are just stories in our own minds. They are a reflection of our self-agenda imposing itself on to reality. When we 'expect' something we are really wanting reality to suit our own personal wants. Reality/people/situations don't care what are expectations are. And reality doesn't try to align with them. I saw this early on in life. Whenever I find myself having an expectation I remind myself that it has no basis in reality. That it is the ego imposing my self-agenda on to the world. But as a rule, I expect little to nothing from people and situations. It is arogant to do so. As if reality should fall in line with what I personally want. It's laughable. Sure I still do it to some extent - I expect not to fall through the floor when I get up to go to the fridge. But it could happen and if it did, I wouldn't be indignant about it. It's just reality doing what it does irrespectively of what I think. More importantly is taking responsibility for what happens and taking appropriate action to more forward. I still have some level of standards and expectations because it's inherent in having an ego. There was a time when I may have been indignant, judgmental or critical if something or someone (or me) didn't meet my standards or expectations but as I do more inner work I see the fallacy of it all and have become far more accepting of what happens in reality. It is what it is, regardless of what I think or want. To resist it is to create stress and suffering. Removing expectations and standards from my life has reduced suffering and made may for so much more peace of mind. Having expectations can only lead to dissapointment and suffering in life. Not having them creates much more freedom. There is no need to go through life expecting anything. What is it what is. Respond to reality in a constructive way whatever happens, regardless of whether or not it meets your expectations or suits your self-agenda.