Nidsson

So I will try to make a long story short. So bear with me, Im pretty desperate at this point. Since eight years ago I have had this problem, And my condition have gotten worse overtime. 1. My condition started to make notice very subtle at first. There's a coincidence that it emerged after I got a tattoo on the inside of my left upper arm. With my girlfriends NAME. (We are not together anymore) (and the tattoo is lasered and now a tattoo over it) 2. My girlfriend at that time had a lot of fears that she projected on me. A lot of ideas of how everything should be. Demonizing, controlling, manipulating, etc... And I was mr flexible that change a lot for her. So, I was exposed of emotional abuse every day for three years. (and no pointing fingers here. I had my own roll in this of course.) 3. So I sacrificed a lot of my needs and my identity for her. And eventually my body started to disfunction. My upper left shoulder and arm are in often pain or should I say discomfort, I cannot train any heavy or static for that matter with this side. 4. The concrete issue I see is that my left Pectoralis and Bicep is Hyperactive which prevents me to make my left upper body work again. When I have tried to rehab I first 1. Feel discomfort and then 2. It starts to feel better and more like myself again. 3. Eventually I hit the threshold and it rays/radiates through my hole arm and my left pectoralis and biceps get a discomfort that they are not enabled to work properly. Now I've gotten so bad that this threshold does not even exists anymore. I’m in the bad zone all the time... 5. I never felt anything like these sensations in my body before. And I never felt these sensations on my right side of my body. Which works just fine. 6. So, there's an idea that it may be some kind somatoform disorder. Something that hurt my psyche, my psyche unconsciously manifested in my body. PSHYCOLOGY My body have responded in very discomforted way when I talked about my past in a psychology session. And I also did an affirmation thing with a kinesiology. And how strongly my body responded just makes me confused in a way. But it feels purging. But it never made my body any better. But it's something I need to explore more. But how do I know when the purging is fully done? I cannot know that I will feel when I’m talking about it, but when I do (in the right settings) my body feels discomfort. I also feel a lot of stress/discomfort when I’m talking to my leaders at work. I guess it's something my body memorized, since my ex-girlfriend always tried to manipulate and hold authority over me. MY QUESTIONS But I’m also wondering about psychedelics. What would you recommend would be the best to try? I’m from Sweden btw, but I am willing to travel anywhere if I can get helped in some way. I think, like a ayahuasca session or 5-meo-dmt session with a shaman. But i dont know if it's something I need. Anyway I'm very curious about it. Or do you have a better Idea? And of course, is their anyone out there that have similar experience or knowledge about this. Thank you for listening.

So I guess it not ends up in what we do but rather how we do it. I don't know if this quote applies to the subject. But I just it love so much. "Trues don't come from authority and hierarchy, Trues come from thinking of it yourself"