Aakash

yep thats why i don't think of it like a desire, because its my whole body moving towards it. The desire has underlying psychological factors as a need to find it. The desire itself is something you have to get rid of and not lose at the same time, like a snake, who knows the right time to shed it its skin for the desire to go somewhere else, leads you to a destination that is where it is not. The seeker who seeked too much.

the belief that you need to become enlightened to live a good life is a belief in itself, it's not actually neccessary for awareness, awareness will still play out awareness. (from a higher perspective that is) so for me personally its like returning home, from my individual lower perspective plus you don't actually gain anything out of enlightenment, its actually quite funny. we make it sound like some amazing big thing, but really its just realising that you are awareness. you aren't even doing it, its doing you! (from a higher perspective)

hell nahh, i think of it like returning back home, nothing to do with desire or anything. but the flip side of it , is that it doesn't matter if you become enlightened or not, awareness still plays out.

found a great video of where i am at; understood what god is; and had some experience but never a full realisation. adyashanti explains it very well. anyone else feel like they're here?

felt alot peace and somewhat bliss this whole week because i was being, but i've felt more disconnected as if i'm knowing reality but i wasn't knowing i was just being. even though i was being, i wasn't able to sustain highest consciousness level and going deeper into being (unknowing) so ironic, that i feel like its an ego backlash or should i say blissful backlash- what i'm trying to say was i felt closer to reality not knowing and with constant change, than having routine and knowing. has anybody else ever felt this after a week of peacefulness?

Yeah i'm pretty much where you are aswell, my senses go back into duality and then i realise i'm not grounded in the present moment and monitoring thoughts in the present. remaining as awareness and not thought and experience.

@ thesmileyone aka self -realisation ? i guess this was blissful back lash just when i thought i was done! or could relax and chill theres more work to go to reach infinity!

someone should do this for all episodes, help out the others who don't have time to make notes for themselves.

i'm losing my memory of awakening; its almost like non duality and duality never occured in the first place, and i'm questioning how i arrived at mystical experiences, is there such thing as even a mystical experience, is god real etc.. all the questions i answered before with non duality, they're fading away as if noting has happened. even questions like how i arrived at the fact we are all one, i'm not sure if its the logic behind it going i.e we are ...., this is A,B,C therefore 1,2,3 so F,J,H aka we are one, my foundations for the knowledge i built up are dissappearing, whats up with me?

all his content goes back to one phrase- the map is not the terratory. In the end all his knowledge is duality just very precise and accurate duality meaning in the end, if you do it correctly. you could have the potential of losing all your memory, whereas if you cling to the content then your clinging to the map and not the territory. This is the harmful way in which i understand you speak. But its 100% responsibility for the user to realise, you need it to get to a certain point and then can ditch it because all of it is in your direct experience. all his content offer thereafter, is the fact you can self improve and this is what it was initially intended for. As you would a complete full circle, that you ended up at the start where you started, wanting to improve. The only thing i realised is that sadhguru said something about self-help industry being destructive and can be in non dual terms because a person has to become content with who they are. Vice versa, leo content would describe this as fear of taking the greater jihad. both are correct, in the end because their point is the self-does not exist and point to the end of suffering.

@Preetom thats exactly the feeling, being unable to relate to what happened in life and thinking wait did all of that just happen in my head, or is it actually real :') i just laughed at myself... concepts, concepts,concepts they can only get you so far! its also like reality doesn't exsist, its only a dream- in real life! like i wake up from a dream into a dream and therejust so many vast layers of dreaming.

I was wondering that i know thinking on level of spiral is different to action on level of the sprial. However, is it healthy to actively reject things that are lower than my thinking on the spiral through sheer will power. I.e not invention something on orange or pick up at very reddish levels because of my turquoise nature (thinking-wise) is this an unhealthy and unbalanced growth? i have long contemplated and so thats how my thinking reach turquoise but there seems to be a bridge between my actions levels, but working through turqioise helps to weed things out. I.e not going bed late, meditating etc, not hunting for fame or glory?

Just saying, but i still would like people's opinions ahah!

@AlphaAbundance this is the most conscious rap song i've heart so far

my thoughts on coral was a very reddish individualistic approach to halocracy and using systems and designing systems to serve individual needs.

@Bluebird Thank you, it makes sense that it is unhealthy this is why i had to ask another problem i have is my life purpose is ventured on helping out other people and the job i will be starting soon. However, my lowest stage is red i would say my rainbow colours are (unindulged) - 10-20% red (unindulged)- 10-20% blue (unindulged)- 20-30% orange (semi-indulged) - 30-40% green (semi- indulged) - 30-40% yellow (completely induged)- 50% turquoise a swirling mixture of all these put together, as you can see my thought psychology is yellow/ turquouise, however i believe my base actions levels and impulse rely in red. i lived in purple for a majority of my life. i only progressed to red only a year and a half ago, this is where i had an awakening. i was pretty immature and childish and due to childhood i stayed in a purple presence instead of moving up. that made my thinking on levels of red/blue/orange. after progressing to orange and working on my shadow work , my thinking has gone to green/yellow/turquoise. i believe its the problem behind alot of my undiscipline habits aswell and my need to become self-actualised to feel well rounded (not complete because i am complete already, just well rounded) really fast and skipping out steps, because my brain and my actions are working out on different levels. @Leo Gura would be great if you could give some advice on your knowledge of spiral dynamics or anyone.

I went to sleep last night and decided to concentrate my breathing, relax my muscles and just lay there until i fell asleep. it was interesting because i started having conscious dreaming, where i was trying to fall asleep, but i wasn't able to completely- but this was ofcourse the dream itself. This is not what i want to ask, during a time period where i was trying to fall asleep, my body felt electrofied to move on impulse (ego) to switch body positions from lying flat on my back to on the side, Ofcourse, this was the ego - because my true self is just being. It was then i realised how much discipline must go towards becoming a great master of this being, self-mastery lets call it. It gave me great admiration for those of you who have gone deep into self, it must have been quite difficult to just be whether it be in the present moment, here and now or simply just reject that electric ego feild that sends thoughts signals such like my examples. "I don't want to sleep in this position", "this is getting hot", etc.. etc.. So i wanted to ask, how is it you managed to gain self-control and discipline not to move, or to focus on your breathing for x amount of time, even giving up addictions and subtles ones too, these are all centered around the ego, that thinks "i am.. this electrical feeling" of course it is not. I tried to remain still, gave in and moved to my side, went again and tried again and fell asleep without realising, it into the dream or should i just say the being which was realising what the self was in a dream more deeply.

There are still many many things i fear! fear has no bounds but remember just like anything it is a great guide to tell you how uncomfortable you feel about a situation.

@Serotoninluv I've realised that genuine can only be experienced when one has realised to be content at moments notice, thus driving the wheel of curiosity out of pure genuinity. Thank you for helping love

Life is better that way

@Serotoninluv Yeah this is what i mean; sorry i don't have the vocabulary to show what i mean at this point in time, i didn't even mean it when i wrote i am enlightened. it was just the only words i could come up with!

ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO HARDDDDDDDDDD! trying to focus/discipline is easily the hardest challenge in life one can achieve! I really do commend each of you who have tried to reject the temptations by ego. well not ego just your past selves should i call it!

@ajasatya Thank you for answering my question @Serotoninluv Thank you for answering my question you both answering it in your own ways, ones say discipline, the other says bad ego. none the less both are answers to my questions. it resonates because i have had experience of the desired ground/ control wanted when you dive deeper; ill remember to just keep on diving , like a ninja, diving past all the obsticles

@Serotoninluv could you please explain in more detail what you mean thank you i guess what i'm looking for is recontextualise meaning at this point in time, non of my words match definitions anymore after realising there is no such thing as enlightenment

@ajasatya i see- this is my problem, i realised there is no such thing as an ego, it also does not exsist because a person is being all the time. so what exactly is the disciplined mind working towards in your view? to me, it would be to a quiet mind or is that to remain present?