electroBeam

Just pointing out that your sex drive might be stupendously higher than average. I'm straight, when I see a hot chick, I do feel like having sex with her but I don't feel like fucking her brains out.

Yes that's very normal in Chinese culture and if you disagree with them they think youre an immature baby. All of them. Women there seem to only date for money. It's like the West in the 1800s where they dated for wealth. That's exactly what it's like in China. That's what my cofounder is like. Love marriages are frowned upon. Arranged marriages are the norm. The culture shock hahaha. Chinese people care a lot about family. Their family comes first, then their wife. So marriage to them has nothing to do with their wife or husband, but with pleasing their family. When looking for a wife they look at the wife's family, the wife's cooking and cleaning skills, how submissive they are, and whether their family will think it's a good deal(just like the 1800s). It's all about increasing their family's wealth and propagating their family's heritage. So their relationships have nothing to do with love. It's almost and arranged marriage. I've told them this, that they dont love their wives, and they get deeply offended. They try to tell me that they love their wives more than westerners because our love is lust while theirs is true love. They are forced to work together because its about their family not them. Of course that's bullshit. But yeah try convincing people like that that you need to live and see your wife. They don't get it. It's very tough. But you don't have to change countries? You've just got to go to conferences for a few weeks? That's because you're in the US. Try doing that in Belgium or Spain or a poor country. Then you would have to permanently migrate for your career. I come from Australia a country where they spend less on grants than Belgium and Spain. You either have a mediocre career or migrate.

Thanks guys for the responses! They were great and really helped me get over the few days. I've had a few days to sit down and reassess my situation. @Raptorsin7 yep looked at your past and amazed to see how you've changed. really inspiring. @Nahm maybe I'll give you a call for a few minutes some time this week if you don't mind? @Elisabeth I think there are some important contextual points I should have pointed out. Because on second look someone who doesn't know my situation personally would read it as bizzare. its a really strange situation to wrap your head around if you don't know me or my situation personally. Aren't you a quantum physicist? From an academic perspective partnering with such a CEO sounds crazy. But you need to appreciate that almost all succesful CEOs are sociopaths. I read a study once that showed that the most common trait that all CEOs have with each other is lack of empathy. You need to appreciate that business is extremely cut throat beyond imaginable. And China is 10x more cut throat than the US. 90% of startup fail. Unfortunately 1 big reason is because CEOs are too empathetic. Besides, when I first partnered with him, he was highly charismatic. I had no idea he was this way. I was manipulated and abused a bit by this guy for about a year or 2 before i realised he might actually be a sociopath. It was too late, I gave up too much before I realised. And even still hes not that bad of a guy really. You also need to appreciate that the Chinese culture is extremely brutal. They all lack empathy. Go there and live and work with them. Go and work in a 3rd world country. You will see and be forced to do some shit that will give you PTSD. My ex (or is she an ex? I don't know) loved me and dreamed of living together with me in my home country, starting a family, enjoying life together, etc. I never knew or realised that startups had to work overseas and I always planned to stay in my home country. I come from a country town, where people are all hobbits who stay in their own place and farm and live normal lives until their death. I was about to do the same, with my ex wife. But as I grew older I realised that to fully grow into the person I want to be, I need to explore the world and put myself into positions that make someone grow. Plus my cofounder has pressured me severely to move country. The startup was like the old wise man in the hero's journey: I first rejected entering the startup, because I didn't want the responsibility, but my cofounder insisted, saying I was bright and smart and had a lot of potential to revolutionise the world. So i took on the challenge. Also my ex believes it's also best for me to leave my home country because I'm very sheltered and inexperienced with life. I need to grow up. But this is what her logical mind is saying. Then her emotional mind gets a hold of her and tells her to keep me with her for the rest of her life. So she oscillates back and forth between these 2 states. Not knowing what to do. Last year I went to China for 1 month. My cofounder was upset saying that I'm not dedicated enough. 1 of our employees had not seen his wife in 3 years. My cofounder's business partners were talking behind my back about how westerners are dedicated enough to their future. I was in this guy's house and I felt lonely, insecure and threatened. My wife couldn't handle that i was gone for 1 month because she's extremely clingy and attached to our physical intimacy. I was working long hours in China. 1 day I forgot to ring her(forgetting to ring her is like cheating). She got extremely angry with me for it. Then i cracked and told her "look if you can't handle me leaving for just 1 month, this relationship isn't going to work!" As expected(women's immortal memory) she's never forgotten this statement. And this made her question whether or not we could have a future together. A year after this month she thought and thought and thought. And finally she made the decision that we aren't meant to be, because For the next 5 or so years I will need to travel to a different country for my career, and she needs someone to sleep with and cuddle every night. She went back to her home country and talked about it to her friends. She was still deeply attached to me, but had to break it off because me leaving her physically is too hurtful. So her friends advised her to be best friends with me. That way she can still have that emotional connection, but her stress anxiety and fear of me leaving the home country can be let go of. Her friends specifically told her not to have sex with me because she will get attached again. But she hasn't listened to that advice hshshahaha. So she finally told me let's be best friends of benefits until I have to leave. (Maybe next year I'll migrate to China?). So in the last few days we have tried being friends of benefits. But honestly what we say and what we do are 2 different things. We live together and we are basically doing the same thing a couple is doing and we are trying to draw boundaries but it's not working. We are just too intimate. So now we are thinking maybe we should just be in a relationship for another year then break up next year. But that sounds like delaying the inevitable. So now we are thinking maybe we should downgrade our relationship to an open/casual relationship. And If we find someone in the future that we like more than each other, then we downgrade to friends. Although this has problems because what if 1 of us finds someone and the other doesn't? The other will be deeply hurt. It's still something we need to put some effort into resolving. I'm thinking casual relationship is best and we slowly live our own life. IDK. If she doesn't get the visa, she won't have enough money to bring her mum. She loves her mum and regrets putting her through so much stress eith the money on migrating to my home country. And she relied on my this way because it was 100% certain that we would live happily every after, so it wouldnt be a problem. But things have changed. So now everything is screwed up. We've tried breaking up but it didn't work. Because we really don't want to. But we sort of have to because I may need to leave the country for the next 4 to 5 years.

People on here seem to not be appreciating the difference between relative and absolute truth. You're not gonna get to absolute truth without meditation or yoga. Western science won't do that, and so won't chakras. The only thing that gets you there is direct experience. So debating whether science will get you truth is stupid. Of course it won't, so won't chakras. But if you're talking about relative truth that's a whole new ball game. Western science can get you to relative truths if it's done right. If it's done correctly. Western science, when done properly, can explain and give insight to paranormal activity. There are theories, scientific explanations and formulas out there for paranormal activity, if you look. Rupert Sheldrake has made an entire scientific journal documenting them. There are also some really deep, insightful theories on metaphysics: the chakra system, phenomenology, Hegel's theories, etc. I think we are conflating absolute and relative truths here.

hahahahhahahahahhaha "oh you Americans have such big penis. Omg so big. I have very small penis, so small, not like you Americans"

You use the word science too concretely in your discussion. This is an important mistake you're making. You intertwine science with Western bias and materialism. You don't appreciate the essence of science, which is far more effective at gaining insight. Science can be done right(even though 99% of the time it's not). You can use science to explain paranormal phenomena if you tried. It can happen, because science and western dogma are 2 different things. When you fundamentally understand science in essence, what you begin to understand is western science is actually just 'cosm'. It's the idea of order and consistency. In other words it's fundamentally Infinite intelligence. The chakra system is a form of western science(if western science is separated from the materialist dogmas). So is quantum mechanics, and so can be paranormal phenomena. Yoga is a form of this sort of science too. It's important for people to realise this because we cannot be lead to thinking that science cannot evolve. It can. It can evolve to help us explain metaphysics, phenomenology, paranormal psychology, etc. Most critiques you and others have against science is actually critiques against materialism, which has nothing to do with science. What part of the chakra system is materialist?

it's not brutal enough

Just felt like sharing an interesting enlightenment experience. I don't need help with techniques or anything, just felt like sharing. So I was having a conversation with my ex, telling her that we can now be friends because I've done the inner work to get over her. Since the beginning of our relationship I hated my country of birth. It's too unambitious, and I feel like I cant make an impact on the world there. Since I was a kid i wanted to migrate to the US. During our relationship I had been vocal about this and tried to convince her to come to the US. She (an international student) fiercely refused because she hated the US. I always had a strong purpose, and flew to the US every 3 months, because I'm a cofounder of a company that's based there. I dreamed of being there, the ambitious people, the skill, the drive, it was heaven. Felt like I belonged there. But because my ex didn't want to go there(and she always tried to stop me from going there and build the company in my home country). I accepted and tried to keep working from my home country. I had a lot of fights with investors, and my cofounders, but managed to find a way to keep working from afar. About a year ago, our relationship changed tune. She became a lot less clingy, and was ok with me going to the US more. I just thought she was maturing. She broke up with me a month or 2 ago. She told me that it was because we have different hobbies. She weirdly wanted to be best friends but no sex and able to have partners. I was deeply offended and hurt by this. I sacrificed my company for this??? These problems are fixable! I tried to get back with her, she didn't let me. I finally decided to tell her that I got over her, and that I wish her well in her future relationships. She finally told me that the real reason why she broke up was because she saw that I wasn't happy in my home country and that broke her heart. So she decided to try and detach from me over the year, and she tried to get me detached from her, because she felt it was very unfair I couldn't achieve my dreams. She couldn't break up with me and tell me that it's because of this reason, because she knew that I would change my company's plans to be with her. So she had to wait until there was no turning back. She told me that now that I know this, she's ok to have sex with me so long as we don't have partners. We can continue being together till the end of the year. I just found this experience to be the definition of unconditional love. It's harsh, cruel, but also deeply loving and kind. Forward thinking, and doing what's best for the greater good. The entire thing was specifically designed to maximize love. This was the way of maximizing love. I then descended into a spiral of depression for a moment, as I just realised I lost someone I love because of my career. Someone who is as forward thinking as this. I mourned at the 'fact' that 99% of women are not like this, and I'll never find someone like that. I just marvelled at what she had done, how she planned this for an entire year, all for ensuring we have a better future. As I thought I would never meet someone like this again, and marvelled at the act at the same time, I had this realization that this entire thing was not done by her. 'Her' became an idea. This entire thing was done by the raw intelligence and love of the entire universe. Her was not a woman, her was Myself, literally giving love to Myself. Her, was actually Me hiding/playing hide and go seek, behind a veneer of a 'woman', and it revealed itself to Me, like a child playing hide and go seek revealing their location. Her was God's way of structuring life to maximize love and happiness. The entire thing orchestrated to maximize love to Myself. I thought that there would be no other women out there like this, but this experience showed me that there can be an infinite amount of women like this, with this calibre, because this women is Me. Behind 'Her', or another way of saying it, I saw through her(as if she was a window) a DMT alien like being that has the soul goal of loving and connecting the entire universe. All this time I thought I loved her, but actually I was loving Me, pretending to love her.

It's not debate, it's correct understanding. It's figuring out whether the work resonates with you and is correct for you You may be right or totally full of shit from a certain perspective. Thankyou for the response, its probably great for some advanced people on here. I think we have the same goals, but that way of getting there isn't for me right now. I will try your expression of creativity technique though to try and increase femininity.

Leo's gonna smash you for posting rational wiki on his forum. Just a heads up.

@Martin123 I still don't understand how your approach is different to loving all beings as if you're enlightened. They only reason why you choose 1 girl over the other for love is because of expectations. If you fully surrender and accept people for who they are, you would choose anyone. You would be totally liberated to choose anyone. When you 'end the relationship' you're allowing yourself to dare someone else. If the relationship will eventually converge to a point where the person can be anything, and you will totally accept them for who they are, then what's the point in starting a relationship? IMO you only start sexual relationships because of expectations. That's what drives them. Otherwise if you had no expectations you would just love all beings equally. There would be nothing to differentiate them. If you 'end the relationship' and be committed, you are removing your codependence from the other person. If you leave this person by following this approach, and go live your own life, you're still committed to their happiness. It just sounds awfully like a spiritual altruistic drive to love all beings unconditionally.

I have tried for many hours, to contemplate and meditate on the fact that everything that I love in a woman is already within me. While I'm aware that all of the infatuation, bliss and love is happening within the present moment, it just does not have that same level of energy you get with doing it "for real". What am I doing wrong here? How can I channel all that love I have for others into myself so that I don't need women to get all the satisfaction I want from women? How can I put the women within me? When my relationship ended with my ex girlfriend, I suddenly felt no more desire to talk to her, or to be with her. It gave/gives me no satisfaction. I only have a desire/am drawn to supporting her and caring for her in the breakup to ensure that she feels loved, cared for and is happy. But i don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. According to your post, should i be feeling/drawn to talking to her and being best friends with her? Your post is very inspirational, and i would love to have that sort of committment to the one that Ive just been broken up with, but I have no desire to. What should i do to cultivate that sort of commitment? Can you have this sort of relationship with someone you commit to, but the other person doesn't commit to back? If the other person still imposes constraints on you?

What's the point in being in a monogamous relationship if one holds this perspective? If you hold no expectations with your girl/guy, and love them for who they are, no matter what they turn out to be, what makes them different to a beggar, Donald Trump, Hitler or your next door neighbour? You can also commit to the entire human race, and from the perspective you have, committing to 1 person over another doesn't make sense, because you hold no expectations for both. Is this just a sneaky, charismatic way of showing people how to be a Jesus, Sadhguru or Buddha?

Hi I've been dating an introverted smart girl for about 3 years now. She has said that her feelings for me has changed in the past 6 months. She doesn't see a future with me because I'm not similar enough to her. I don't enjoy playing piano, or learning new languages. Which makes me different. Because I don't like doing those things, and rather like doing spirituality(something she doesn't like much) her feelings have changed. She told me she now sees me more like a family member. She likes to cuddle and kiss me still. But she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore and wants to (in 2 years) find a boyfriend. So she basically wants to kiss(on lips too) and cuddle with no sex for next 2 years and then when she finds a boyfriend transition to a best friend sort of arrangement. I thought this was retarded so I told her let's just go our separate ways. She was a bit sad about that but preferred that to staying in the relationship. She still wants to hang out with me though because she said she loves me still and can't handle going cold turkey. But I do love her a lot and she has a lot of qualities that I think are perfect for me. I'm starting to think maybe I should try to get back with her somehow... or maybe not. Maybe this thing is well past it's due date. What does this mean? I don't understand how you can want to kiss and cuddle in bed but no sex. And how you can love me as deeply as your mum(her words) but want to break up? This is half a friend zone after 1.5 years.... What am I doing wrong? She told me she loved sex with me and thinks I'm attractive, but she's turned off from sex because she sees we have no future. And she wants to break up before we have kids because it will be a lot more intense to break up then. She did admit she's confused. What am I doing wrong? Not flirting enough? Am I too boring? I basically spend my entire week meditating, growing my psychedelics and work. Back before she went through this phase I also took her out to dinner and to parks and holidays to various places. I don't think she will leave this phase if I do nothing. So I'm wondering if there are anything else I can try. It will make me feel better to know that I tried to save the relationship before giving up on it prematurely.

No one here has an issue with the pickup techniques, they have an issue with the orientation, the way it was implied it was to be used. Leo's original post strongly implied that you use the techniques to have casual sex. People who are green strongly value deep emotional connect, above sex. They see sex as limited and they may even derive negative connotations towards it. So when you use the techniques just to have casual sex, you make your self look like an ape. Reason why people here are so for mutual consent is because they know most women are not just looking for causal sex, they are looking for long term partners. So if you're using the techniques for causal sex, then it's likely you aren't getting mutual consent. If Leo rephrased the close advice to orient it towards forming a deep, intimateconnection with a women, rather than a 1 night stand, the reaction would be different. Let's not kid ourselves here, the people who reacted like seretoninluv, Elisabeth, etc. Reacted because they deeply value intimate emotional connection, rather than 1 night stands. This is the core value difference. They might deny it and try to sat they are fine with 1 night stands, and are ok with casual sex, but they aren't. This isn't ok from a green perspective because its limiting, you're not aiming as high as you could be. You're choosing mcdonalds over a very classy restaurant. Mutual consent is important, but this reaction did not start purely from mutual consent, it started from this core value difference.

@Lynnel Well the biggest reason why our relationship didn't work is because she really loved music(was passionate about it) and I wasn't. And she couldn't talk to me or connect with me about deep, meaningful music. She was also into health, deeply passionate about it, and she couldn't explore that with me. I couldn't explore psychedelics and spirituality with her, so we grew apart. A lack of common interests makes the relationship get boring, and because the other person doesn't share an understanding and passion for your interests and values, you loose that sense of connection. Maybe you're just a very easy going person who can tolerate anyone whose healthy. After reflection, the thing that drove us apart was this. We couldn't share a life together. I could never data someone who is into football, I would resent their stupidity. Martin, that's great advice! thanks!

now you just need to eat them all at once hahaha

@Farnaby I understand your version of dominance, but the dominance expressed in most PUA and by whoyouare is the macho type of dominance. Its a type of controlling dominance, where you need to get the other person to do what you want. Logistics, leading, isolation, it's all by definition manipulating a woman to do what you want. Some girls like this, but it's unhealthy because the woman is suppressed and not able to express her freedom, desires and views. Sometimes it is healthy, for example when you're having sex. But apart from sex I don't find it healthy to be controlling. Heck even in sex it's better to be mutual. I guess I just don't see controlling as a valuable strategy in general.

I actually don't get any fuzziness, lack of concentration, lack of creativity after sex. I'm surprised others on here do, so much that Karezza was invented. At the most I don't feel like having sex again, and I might experience sleepiness if it's at night time. I wonder if I'm just not sensitive enough to it, or if the whole thing is a placebo.

One interesting problem with this paradigm is it assumes women are rational. Just like the classical vs behavioural economics problem, if you assume women leave if their survival needs are not met, and they stay if it is, then you can fall into the trap of thinking that you just need to provide survival needs and she will stay with you. That's not the case in real life. Women get turned on or off by a lot of irrational stuff. Chasing someone whose playing hard to get, chasing guys who mistreat them, making up a story in their head that the next guy is so much better for them than this one(when the next guy is a PUA) are all irrational and go against survival. There are countless cases of this, and values mis match is one of them.

So what was the problem then? What you think if you find a guy who has amazing sex, supports you financially, takes you out to dinner and holidays, that you will 100% be happy? What if this guy loves football, thinks spirituality is delusional, and loves making money and hates gays? That doesn't matter so long as he provides your survival needs?

Well that's no quite true because I wrote in my original post that I told her that I'm not touching her after the breakup. Well you might be right, maybe all I need to do is act more confident and assertive in the relationship and magically everything will resolve... but I don't see how that solves everything. Well I'm being as dominant as I possibly can now(I've basically told her im not touching her, and I'm free to talk and support her with the breakup verbally over the phone to help her get over it, but I'm going to focus my life on my career and social network rather than the stuff she wants me to do). This hasn't changed anything by the way. Shes a bit sad about me cutting things off further, but deep down she thinks its the best strategy. You might say "you're not being dominant enough because you're still supporting her - be a macho asshole and cut her off completely, then she will respect you more" but I know that's not going to happen, if anything that's just going to make her hurt, feel reject and angry. I really dont believe you should be an asshole for the sake of machoness. And I don't want to do it for the sake of her future relationships as Well. She doesn't deserve to be hurt. I don't see how thinking this way is a dominant problem. Reminds me of business people who tell me that only assholes make lots of money in business because business is cut throat - yet they forget about social impact companies that are successful.

Do you need to put significant time and money into the logistics of having a deep and meaningful conversation with your mum? When you're out with your best friends from childhood, do you need to isolate them to get their attention and talk about meaningful stuff that they are engaged with? Do you need to lead your children to have a meaningful conversation with them? Why can't you try to connect with women with the same level of depth of family and best friends, instead of acting like an ape? When you cold approach, actually do it out of divine love and respect for the You that you are. Do it with a drive to seriously want to see her grow, where a relationship with her is a means to help her grow. Do it with helping her heal, helping her get better. I've done cold approaches and this mindset is always more successful then trying to replicate the PUA shit you read on this forum and the internet. Life isn't about sex, and it's not about objectifying women(which you definitely are doing). You're not going to be fulfilled just trying to have sex with women. You're going to be fulfilled by having very deep, meaningful relationships with women. And sex is 1000x better when you have it with someone you deeply love, rather than some stranger you just picked because of her large breasts. Have some unconditional Love(capital L) for the girls you're trying to connect with. That's what girls appreciate(well the good ones at least, the shit ones are too busy being gold diggers or trying to find a guy to hide their social status insecurities)

@whoareyou actually our relationship split partially because I was too dominant: I am in love with my career, so much that on occasions I would neglect her. I knew exactly what I wanted: to be a world class leader in in my company's area of expertise. And that scared her, because she saw that for the rest of my life I will be working minimum of 60 hours a week, even though I would be extremely successful. Also she's the type that just wants to retire on an island. I'm not like that, I want to be Elon Musk. She also had to rearrange her stuff on my schedule because I was the busy one, with a strong purpose in life. I knew exactly the life I wanted, and tried to get her to follow it. She got sick of this about 1 year into our relationship. She wanted things to be on her terms. We fought a lot about it. I eventually decided to reduce my dominance to give her more freedom. This she deeply appreciated. Being dominant is just part of the equation, and being too dominant is not a good thing: you're just being an asshole. A relationship is a team sport and you need to care for the other person's feelings, wants and their growth. Life isn't all about you, and what makes a man truly attractive is how much he praises her/compliments her, makes her feel good about herself, supports her woman's growth, cares for her, ensures her needs are met, shows her how to live a better life, and helps her with her problems, while maintaining their own life, purpose and integrity. The problem with our relationship was a values mis match, had nothing to do with this macho PUA crap of dominance or better sex.

+1 man! This paradigm of getting into women's panties is limited. You're not gonna get satisfaction though that. Satisfaction comes from very deep, meaningful personal experiences with people, not just fucking like an ape at anything that moves. How is that fulfilling? Bunch of sexual moves with someone you don't know well.