electroBeam

pretty fucken good when it comes to truth and spirituality. But not so good on other fronts.

Fucking a girl and getting in a relationship are 2 different things though. Some guys wanna fuck a girl, some girls wanna fuck a guy, some guys wanna relationship with a girl, some girls wanna relationship with a guy. You're comparing apples with oranges. You can get ultra good with pickup and somehow fuck every 2-3 billion women on the earth. That's different to a relationship though. I think what emerald is talking about is a relationship. You can condense it to 4 hours, to get sex, but to be in a relationship, it could actually be even better game to have patience and allow things to boil over time. There are studies done that show relationships don't last as long the more sex you have. If you have less sex, the relationships last longer. You're too narrowly focused on just sex. There's more to relationships then sex, and this narrow focus doesn't help us guys build good relationships. We need more talk about compatibility and finding common interests. We need more talk about making a relationship last. You can fuck a girl extremely well and if all you got is pickup and amazing sex (and you dont have a life) then she'll leave you. And its perfectly possible to be extremely attractive and master pickup as a serial killer, murderer or rapist, good luck to those guys though in making a relationship last. The thing is, is that if you don't have much feelings for a girl and you just find her hot, you'll have the motivation to learn pickup and fuck her, and you probably will end up doing that. But if you have feelings for companionship and relationships, you probably wont wanna fuck her because you'll want to keep her in a relationship. You'll feel more like getting into her soul then her pants. And you also don't mention that no matter how attractive you are and how much of a sex or pickup master you are, there are gonna still be heaps of women who don't fall for it. There's heaps of asexual hippies out there who only sleep with guys she knows well. Don't delude people into thinking pickup will allow you to sleep with everyone, infact even extremely good pickup artists can only sleep with 30% of the population, that's highly ineffective. The rest of the 70% said no due to them having different types, tastes, compatibility, etc. This hasn't been proven by studies or talked about, but what I've also noticed is that your attraction is affected by common interests and what your passions are and what hers are. Its also affected by the type of life you have... stuff outside of pickup. So I find it a bit dishonest to make out that pickup makes you so so so attractive that it will allow you to do all this amazing stuff like condense shit to 4 hours when there's a lot more to attracting women then just pickup. If you're only giving guys a quarter of the picture, and making out its the entire picture, you'll have guys trying to get successful with women and failing.

Is it possible for a girl to like you in warm approach even if you don't initiate shit loads of flirting. Traditionally I've actually been way better with warm approach then cold approach. I found it easy to pull off naturally. I've found it much harder in newer circles I've become apart of. In the past I didnt even need to flirt to get girls in warm approach, maybe now its different? thanks yeah im getting the gist that my problem is im still not sure yet of who I am and what my passions really are. And therefore im failing to really get clear on whose compatible with me and who isnt.

Haven't visited here in a while but felt the urge to. Feeling extremely rejuvenated, like there's just pixie dust all around me and I'm playing in it like how a kid plays in a sandpit. There's a very strong energetic pathway from the root chakra to close to my eyes and forehead, and the energy pathway is causing tears to swell up my eyes as I write this. I'm listening to a song that at this moment is reminding me of a breakup I had, all of the memories of what my life was like, what my worldview was, etc which is creating a huge flow of nostalgia. It represents to me a closing of a chapter, and an opening of another, which is what I'm going through right now. I've just, without a doubt, just fully realized a life purpose for myself which will provide me with the grounding needed to keep focused on maintaining and generating more bliss in my life moving forward. Its a gateway to insanely deep clarity, and the collapse of huge fragments of confusion, confusion which is the substrate for mental masturbation, more seeking, more ego, more dogma and more confusion. It took a while to find it, 6-7 years of very intense searching, yet its finally come to fruition now. The life purpose revolves around a deep satisfaction with progressing through life without the need to achieve anything. Achievement misdirects your karma to point towards focusing on illusory thoughts about things you have no evidence or idea about, like what will happen in the future, how you will feel in the future, etc, rather than the bliss in the now. And with fully letting go of the need to achieve or fully realize goals, allows you to work on things which have no benefit (or at least immediate benefit) in the future, yet a things which have deep resonance with the bliss of the now. For me this will be embarking on a journey of learning about, embodying energy work, trauma work and psychedelics with the core focus of healing as deeply as possible. Traversing so deeply that the point will not be healing others, or making the world a better place, but to simply explore, learning and travel as deeply as possible into the foundations, mechanics and techniques of energetic healing modalities simply for the sake of a love of mastering techniques and exploring the depths of consciousness, and sharing my perspective of view of those depths for those interested simply through the eminence of my character. Along with energetic healing modalities, traversing as deeply as possible in the area of mathematics, artificial intelligence, and any engineering disciplines very related to mathematics such as computer kernels will happen at the same time in parallel with the learning of energetic healing modalities, with the intention of merging them together, like yin and yang. Not strictly career related, but my life will also involve exposure to as many different diverse, strange, interesting, fascinating, amazing, challenging, amazing experiences as possible. With this purpose, I now have a grounded and stable goal and focus to achieve that I know for sure will make me blissful 24/7. @flume missed this message, thanks for the compliment, loved it!

I've been doing some courses on the deep mechanics of relationships and attraction on a more subconscious level. What's fascinating is we tend to look for partners that remind us of unresolved traumas of our past. We seek to resolve those traumas through being with that partner, or exposing ourselves to that partner. When the other person rejects us, we get really hurt by it, because it triggers the trauma again in us. It kinda reinforces the trauma, makes it seem more real. If they accept us, it makes it seem less real. I'm wondering, how do you release this trauma when the other rejects you? How do you kinda make yourself more aware that the attraction with the other person has got nothing to do with how special that person is, but more to do with you trying to heal yourself of something that hurt you in the past. How do you kinda explain that to your subconscious mind. Specifically, I've realized in myself that the girls I'm attracted to, tend to be girls who I believe have the potential to make me feel valued and important. I seem to have had a past where people didn't value my ideas, contributions, my boundaries, my beliefs, my views, my needs and wants. And so I tend to date girls that have a very motherly figure who tend to like to be the boss. I enjoy when a girl gets me to do tasks, or asks me for help, because it makes me feel like a valuable contributor to her life, and appreciated and respected. I also tend to be super attracted to girls that do the exact opposite, persistently not value me at all, and go out of their way to prove it, and I just keep getting burned over and over. Its like im addicted to keeping the trauma in my system.

I wanna develop intimacy, both for sexual/romantic relationships and friendships. I need to understand more the difference between an intimate friendship vs an intimate romantic relationship. I need to understand the differences between developing intimacy between guys and girls, etc. Goal is to get better at connecting with people (developing closeness) and better at controlling the ways that closeness goes (being able to control whether it gets sexual or non sexual).

I discovered this insight a while ago and have been using it since. Ever since using this insight, my behavior has changed dramatically, and my approach to life has been radically different. The bottom line is, the traditional way of looking at desire is wrong. We've misunderstood what desire actually is. Even the buddha. The traditional way being, we want something, and so we must manifest it to quench our desire. If we want a million dollars, then we must manifest a million dollars to quench that desire. After we go through personal development, we sort of realize that we are on a hedonic treadmill, and so we become less materialistic and desire less things. Yet even in this state, we still desire stuff. We still desire relationships, keeping our identity, etc. And so I'd argue that we haven't really nailed this desire thing on the head. I'd like to introduce a new framing or way of looking at what desire is. Consider the possibility that desire is not quenched once you manifest the thing the desire is pointing to. Consider the possibility that desire is a signal from God saying you're not doing the right things right now. And when you start doing the right things, you then quench your desire. I.E. desire is not quenched in the future, its not quenched after manifestation, its quenched from doing the right stuff now. Whether a desire is quenched, and the extent to which the desire is quenched, is based on how well you align what you're doing with what God wants you to do. In other words, how well you get the choreography of the cosmic play down pat. The better you get that choreography right, the more quenched the desire is. And also consider the possibility that the suffering you feel when you notice that your desire is not manifested right now, that suffering has nothing to do with the desire not being manifested right now, its a slap from God saying "silly! Remember how this desire has nothing to do with the result, but with the choreography???" Every time you feel suffering from a desire, you can remind yourself that thats because you have again confused the signal from the desire as to meaning its about manifesting something when its actually about refocusing your effort on getting the choreography done perfectly right now. So when you want a million dollars, reframe the desire by asking "what do I feel like doing to get that million of dollars" then contemplate and visualize your way into determining the thing that makes you the most happy. Then DO IT! If you start to feel suffering again, then repeat the steps and find and pick something that feels even better. I guarantee you that the need for the thing to actually be manifested will drop away, just like how the need to have sex drops away after a male orgasm. When you want a hot chick, reframe the desire by asking "what do I feel like doing to get that chick?" then again contemplate and visualize your way into determining the thing that will make you the most happy. Then DO IT!!! The cool thing is, its completely result independent, it doesn't matter if the woman rejects you or if you look stupid trying to pick her up, because your satisfaction doesn't come from getting her, it comes from doing the pickup perfectly, aligning how you do the pickup exactly with how God wants you to do the pickup. Like you got the choreography of the cosmic play down pat perfectly. The entire pickup stack will flow like a divine dance. And after the pickup run, you'll feel so satisfied just from doing it the way God wanted you to, that the desire to text her or call her wont even cross your mind. Maybe you're horny as fuck and so you will, but again, you'll be 100% satisfied from the doing then the result.

Sometimes when I do consciousness work, I feel like I'm relieving suffering, learning, exploring, on the right track, only then to get some potential indications that I've just been traveling down a dead end path that didn't lead to relieving suffering, aligning myself closer to God, etc. For example, you can think you're aligning yourself more with God, relieving suffering by doing zen meditation when you let go of everything, but after assessing yourself for a period of time like 6 months, it can become very obvious or apparent to you that the amount of suffering hasn't reduced and you were just going down a dead end path and have to try something else. Or when your exploring your body through yoga and you get really excited by the possibility that you're getting a deeper understanding or connection with it, but after a 6 month period you get indications that you aren't getting a deeper connection with it, and it was just a dead end path that didn't relieve suffer, didn't give you a deeper understanding or connection with your body. Or when you very rigorously practice loving kindness meditation for months on end and you're no more loving at the end of it then when you started. What are some ways of relieving yourself of the suffering that such insights have, especially if such ones happen A LOT.

Im not into awakening I'm into personal development haha. But thats an awesome paragraph, must of been written by jed mckenna's brother.

Yep cool that's how it feels to me, thanks. I guess if you aren't happy with your growth curve, fundamentally the only thing you can really do is try super hardcore. Just go nuts and trying.

yep totally agree I'm probably doing it wrong or sloppily. But what determines whether you do it wrong or sloppily? Because you can practice a technique with a lot of focus, seriousness, perseverance, yet that can lead to you doing things too mechanically and you not listening to your body enough. Sometimes the suggestion of listening to your body can come across as practicing things sloppily when its actually not. For example, you can practice kriya yoga through doing lots of concentration and focus on get the technique exactly right, and then it doesn't get you anywhere, so you play around with it till it starts doing stuff you like, but then how much of that playing around is you getting sloppy? You can't just keep practicing the technique rigorously because its too mechanical, yet if you start playing around that's when the ego loves to get in and trick you and make you practice it sloppily. That video had a lot of stuff on materialistic success vs spirituality which is awesome. What I need more help with is feeling like I'm understanding how reality works more through doing certain practices, and then those understandings get contradicted and I get upset. For example I was going deep into how to have better sex by practicing sexual/spiritual exercises, and then I thought I nailed what the go was, which was something like visualizing sexual energy come up from your dick to other parts of your body, tried that, worked well sometimes, and then it stopped working and then you start questioning whether you're just deluding yourself.

@Nahm wrote something about everything being bullshit in my desire thread and it bothered me, so I decided to contemplate it a bit more hahahahahah. The part that bothered me was, yes all we're working with is bullshit, sure, but there's differences between good bullshit and bad bullshit. Like for example beautiful, well thought out epistemology, and shitty epistemology, intelligence vs stupidity. So surely its not all bullshit, or at the very least not all bullshit is made equal. And then you could orient towards "just drop it all dude! Just drop everything! You're holding on too much!"... yeah but, what about helping others? To help others you gotta deal with all the bullshit. You can't just shut your lips, ever type anything again because you'll get sad that you aren't helping people who are in need. Or your needs to create reality wont get met(like a God need, not a human need, a human need is a subset of God's needs). ... so then what's the go? Are words just good in some contexts, but not in others? Are words good but just transient (they fade or lose relevance over time), Are words, when deconstructed, just energy transfers between people? They don't have any meaning but are just used as energy vessels(this is the perspective I've held for a long time)? Well what do words give us? They give us a deeper understanding of reality. What would be the deepest understanding of reality? Would it be that the entire universe is Love? Would it be that the entire universe is a massive dmt machine elf land or something? Would it be the realization that pure understanding is a total realization? Would it be an understanding that all there is, is consciousness? There's a problem with all of these conclusions, even on a metaphysical(rather than intellectual) level. The problem is you think reality can be pointed to. Like the universe is love. But it can't, because as soon as you point, you're breaking reality up. So no the universe is not love. In other words, you can't say the map is not the territory, because the territory includes the map, and therefore, the map is on the map(if we are trying to figure out what everything is). If we are going to figure out what reality is, we must include everything that's happening now. And that means, we must include every single perspective that is currently being shared with us. But if we include every perspective, how do we point to that? What, call it the universe is Love lol? (Note I'm not putting any limits on who owns that perspective, like some assumption that each perspective is divided into different people, 1 person might have multiple perspectives, while another person might have none, and 2 people might share the same perspective at any given time, and then they change perspectives all the time so its not static, a perspective to me is just feeling good or a "juicy insight" or wisdom. I see the human construct as a way for perspectives to emerge, yet paradoxically such emergent perspectives include the human construct as a subset of them after emergence). No you can't point to every perspective by calling it "the universe is Love" lol, because that is another perspective that must be integrated! So pointing to what reality is, is a doomed strategy. If we can't point to what reality is, then how do we get to realizing reality???? Definitely words are contextual, they are super wise in one context, and profoundly dumb in another context. And whether something is wise or not has nothing to do with what was said, but when it was said, and who it was said to, who it was said by, how it was said in the context of what else was said, and where it was said. And that determines whether wisdom emerges or not. Combining wisdom together in a certain way, is profoundly wise, combining wisdom in another way is profoundly dumb. So there's emergent properties to how wisdom is combined as a whole (to up your dimension). Is duality/reality created by anything other then words/wisdom/insight? If you remove them, does a car actually exist? Does any object exist without words/wisdom/insight? Maybe words aren't just symbols but entire creation itself. There's nothing to creation beyond words. And each sentence/insight is a partial perspective. So the entire universe is made of partial perspectives. So if you can't get a realization through pointing to it, then your only option is to create it with the perspectives you have. Realizations are not a getting to a destination exercise, they are a creative exercise. Realizations are the end result of mixing, combining multiple perspectives together. And how you combine the perspectives together to maximize a realization's effect, depends on what perspectives already exist. Because all of the perspectives as a whole is closed system. What puzzle pieces you need depends on what puzzle pieces are already there. From one arrangement, you need the universe is love puzzle piece, from another arrangement, you need the universe is God puzzle piece, yet no puzzle piece has a monopoly on the other. So when it comes to getting insights, what needs to happen is to see all of the perspectives that are happening now, use your intuition to find out what perspectives you need, and build those perspectives through contemplation or meditation or yoga or just walking in the park. The other question is, why dilute all of this into words? Why not just get wet in the insight? Well how do you create such perspectives without words? That's the thing, you can get wet, but the wet is pure formlessness. And if its pure formlessness, you can't separate it out to create different arrangements and combinations of perspectives to forge greater insights. Anyway @Nahm if you wanna contribute to my sneaky bullshit and tell me where I'm going wrong, I wont mind hahaha. EDIT: also yeah you can just sit and meditate all of this away... but again its pure formlessness and that's just one side of the coin. Even if you meditate, you can't escape words or perspectives or duality because its right here. It will always be here, perspectives, duality, words are all eternal. And meditation is finite. You can only meditate and clear your mind for so long until you're back in the flesh of perspectives, words, duality, creation, etc.

well for it to be a theory it must be modelling some truth. Which you're suggesting is desire at the moment. But desire is also a theory, and not truth, so to put it in your framework, my theory is just a theory of a theory, in other words, its not meant to be true or not true, its purely meant for relieving suffering and having impact.

is your bullshit meter just a word counter?

woah! Nahm just got political, love it!

You're so sneaky, calling me sneaky like that.

how are we meant to grow with that pessimism

agree! Just like to make sure there's no sneaky shit going unchecked.

I don't think trying to make anything disappear from your memory is a good strategy to alleviate the suffering that is causing you grief. Rather recontextualise the experience into seeing how its a lesson that helps you grow, expand, teach you new things to be happier, and integrate that experience as a positive influence on who you are at your core, is much more effective. In other words, love the bad experience, let go of the judgements of that experience (I.E. the word "Bad"), invite it, embrace it, be proud of it, include it with who you are. Recontextualization of Desire Desires are not quenched through attainment of manifestation. Desires are quenched through learning and embodying lessons, through expanding your experience, through understanding more deeply. The function of desire is to ensure consciousness expands, loves more, and grows more. It is a misunderstanding that a desire is something that pushes you to physically manifest something. Rather its pushing you to become aware of a new perspective, worldview, embodiment of a skill or its pushing you to let go of an old paradigm. Its a misunderstanding that a desire is something that can only be quenched in the future. The desire is quenched as soon as you learn the lesson. For example, if you have a big desire to buy a big car, you don't actually want a car. What you want is an experience that the car will supposedly give you. That experience has absolutely nothing to do with a car, neither to do with any material manifestation. Its got to do with consciousness wanting to expand and explore a particular understanding or experience. Or to gain new skills. What is it about a new car that turns you on? Driving fast? The smoothness of turning around the corners? What is it about driving fast and smoothly turning around the corners that turns you on? The pure feeling of fastness and smoothness... ohhhhh I want my body to be smoother and faster because currently its unhealthy. Ok so instead of getting a big car, I'm gonna be healthier and do yoga. Another example... I want this hot chick, she so hot. Ok have you noticed that as soon as you get that hot chick you don't want her anymore? Maybe what you want is the chase rather than the attainment of her. What is it about the chase that you like? It feels good when girls like me, I want to feel desired. Ok what is it about feeling desired that turns you on? It makes me feel people love me. BOOM. Ok so what you want is others to love you. Instead of focusing on getting that hot chick, focus on skills to get people to love you (charisma skills). What else about the chick do you want? She's hot and I want to have sex with her. Ok what is it about sex that you want from her? I want to feel an energy transfer. Ok cool so when interacting with girls, focus on and emit that desire for that pure energy transfer. You can visualize deeply the core of the desire (which is never physical or material, or requires anything other then a bit of imagination) being fully actualized in your mind. Then you will feel completely satisfied for a while. To maintain it and take it beyond "for a while" you gotta show yourself that its not something that you are just in your head, its also something that you are by your actions. So act it out, show yourself that you are this desire, you don't want this desire, the desire is who you are. You are someone with a fast and smooth body (because you eat healthy) you are someone who everybody loves (because you act charismatic), you are someone who transfers energy in the form of sex (because your lifestyle is someone who asks girls out)... notice that the desire doesn't have to be materialistically manifested to be quenched, its just got to be first clarified (figure out the expansion, understanding, exploration of experience that the desire is pointing to) then embodied as who you are (by acting in a way where that clarification of the desire becomes who you are).

Having a desire, to end all desires, is still a desire.

hello water, how are you. Do you mean let go of trying to get the desire and just feel into/dive into/fully immerse into the desire and just BE the desire?

Visualizing your desire getting satisfied plus doing it resolves the problem more effectively. That was more the context of the original post. Low level desires like sex get fulfilled entirely after the act is done. High level desires like getting lots of money doesnt necessarily do this. Sometimes after achieving it you get depressed. This is more the context that was being aimed at. I consider intimacy(not sex) a high level desire. The example in the OP was a desire for intimacy.

Methinks if you experimented with what hunger actually is, you might find its resistance to doing the work needed to get full, rather than the lack of fullness itself. If you're walking to the shops to buy food, there aint suffering right in the midst of the pure doing the walking to the shops. Theres only suffering when you stop doing what will make you full(shop being closed). So instead of viewing desire as something that has to be quenched, you can view it as a signal or reminder to maximize whatever it takes to get into that pure doing state. Then its fully quenched until that changes. Sometimes the doing feels so good that the result aint worth it in the end. Sometimes what you desired, wasnt the lobster but the jog to the shops, sometimes what you desired is the growth from the doing, rather then the result from the doing. Sometimes you'll discover that thinking a desire will only be quenched once you manifest it causes suffering and a whole load of problems like fear you'll never manifest it, getting upset when results dont go your way, toxic pickup mentality, toxic work culture, etc whereas if you reframed it to realizing the doing = the quenching and satisfaction itself, those myrad of problems dissolve.

This is the first time I did ayahuasca with more than 10mg of dmt(microdoses). Today did anywhere from 40 to 60mg of dmt. 80% of insights were personal yet I have posted aspects that are still personally orientated yet I think extrapolate to others. I haven't really heard stuff like this before, so to spice the forum up I'm posting them. How The Trip Actually Went I was quite nervous taking it, so I started off small. After about 1 hour I started to notice how amazing it is that I have hands. I watched them move like they were performing a dance. They moved so smoothly. I also watched how they picked up my puke bucket and did it perfectly and smoothly. I got a sense that this was miraculous, like fuck levitation or super powers, holy shit your hands are moving objects. I saw mild visuals but not too strong. The hands and legs felt like video game objects, the room looked like a video game(low resolution). I then took another 4 sips of the dmt as I get cocky after being high. Then I was waiting for jaguars to come and eat me because my shaman/psychonaut I'm learning off said the jaguars and snakes will come and eat me... none of that happened, actually what happened was realizing all the jaguars and snakes are operating at a lower level of thinking, and there is a higher level of thinking which integrates and unifies the jaguars, snakes, spirits, all of it into 1 thing. The trip then got deeper, and I started getting insights about interacting with other people. Insights Everyone is seeing a radically different reality, yet we all think we are in the same reality Like everyone, I thought everyone was seeing the exact same thing as me. No fucken way. My brain works differently on psychedelics, I get less visuals, my trips are extremely more contemplative, and even after having big doses of psychedelics I don't get breakthroughs into dmt machine elf realms or different lizard realms. I also don't get some alien or caterpillar helping me, its always me helping myself. I became conscious that our goals are different, what turns us on is different, what we are attracted to is different, what we enjoy is different, our perception of reality is radically different from person to person, and this has nothing to do with ego, this is because consciousness boils down to literally different things for different people. What is consciousness made of or what is it fundamentally? RADICALLY DIFFERENT FOR YOU AND ME. For some people it boils down to love, for others it fucken doesnt! Consciousness = Unconditional love is NOT absolute, its only absolute for fucken some people!!! For me specifically, I became conscious that the universe I'm in is radically different to other people, and this explained why I had a lot of autistic symptoms and why I disagree with lots of people about what reality is and why I don't get people when they talk about reality and why my approach to spirituality is different to others and why certain meditation techniques work better on me then others and why pointers from teachers don't make sense to me sometimes. I became conscious that when I look at objects around the room, compared to other people, they are hyper geometric, highly structured, highly ordered. Which fucken blew my mind. I was looking at a bowl and just realizing not everyone is seeing the hyper geometric, highly ordered, highly structured bowl like how I am. For example, some people see the bowl as a living spirit, some people see the bowl more for its purpose or its use, rather than its geometric shape, some people see the bowl as more of how its relates to them as a person, like a personality thing (OMFG THATS WHY SOME WOMEN CARE SO MUCH ABOUT FASHION!) This may seem obvious to some, of course our personalities are different! Of course we focus on different things... no thats not what I'm saying, I'm saying you're living in a parallel universe to me. I mean, imagine the most radical, insane dmt machine elf realm you could break through to, hyper alien, hyper different, hyper comprehensible... your flatmate, your mum, your brother and colleagues are in realms that are a trillion times more radical then what you just imagined. You don't need to break through to an insane dmt realm to have a crazy experience, you just need to break through to seeing how your flatmate sees the world. If you fully saw how your flatmate sees the world, you'd be completely immobilized, rolling on the floor in complete mind orgasm over how radically insane and different it is. And this has radical implications. Its not just philosophy. But we're all one, there's no others... please put your bullshit a side for a sec. Every single disagreement, especially the ones that end up in fights, could be eliminated from acknowledging or realizing this facet of reality. Not only fights, but deeper understanding on what teachers resonate with you, what don't, what pointers work for you, what don't, could be deeply clarified from understanding this facet of reality. My personal fundamental reality is pure understanding. To illustrate the implications above, I will show you my personal case study. During the trip I got into a state where I literally understood absolutely everything. That is my dream, understanding absolutely everything. And from that experience, I became conscious that my entire motivation is purely fueled by understanding ONLY. Its prior to absolutely everything I do. This means, I am literally incapable of understanding how consciousness IS LOVE. My fundamental reality is pure understanding. I proved to myself on that trip that even if I spent a million years meditating and doing psychedelics, I will never ever ever experience the universe as LOVE. The closest I got was I had an awakening where I realized that everything in the universe was designed to maximize how much I love myself... but notice that explanation is radically different to the universe IS LOVE? That's because I'm so understanding orientated that the closest I'll get to experiencing love is understanding it. I am too spiritually untalented/autistic to actually feel what its like to know that the universe IS LOVE. Because if I was to get a trillion times more conscious now, it would end up being just more understanding, not more love, just more my brain being sprayed by a philosophy love gun and just getting plowed away with pure understanding. And this is a fantastic realization, because I can be relieved that I don't experience the universe as love, not because im not trying hard enough, but because im too spiritually untalented. This isnt a personality thing, it wont change even by changing my brain chemistry, its embedded in my perspective which is prior or beyond my brain chemistry, it persists different lifetimes, consciousness IS understanding for me. And I am 2000% limited by that embedding. But whats amazing is consciousness IS <blablabla> for other people, which is just mind blowing. From this realization, I now know to stop using the consciousness is love pointer because it literally isnt true from my perspective WOO HOO!! The other implications of realizing that understanding is embedded in consciousness for me is I can throw away crap like "acceptance is better then understanding", "understanding boils down to love", "understanding is an illusion"... no they fucken aren't(for me). acceptance is lame, love boils down to understanding everything but understanding is an illusion In fact, there's literally nothing other then understanding in my experience, if you chuck away everything, you just get pure understanding from my perspective. From my perspective, motivation issues are directly caused by lack of doing understanding. My motivation to change the world has nothing to do with caring about impacting the world... that's all a cover story, I'm deep down much more of an ass then that, I don't care about impact, I just care about understanding. So I now can throw away any crap like oh care about impact, or crap like fundamentally who we are and what we care about is compassion and giving... not in my perspective, in my perspective understanding trumps all, I only care about compassion because it lets me understand more, I only care about intimacy because of the understanding aspect. I'm pure dork/nerd. The fundamental implication is, lots of suffering is caused by us assuming we all share the same perspective, for example we are all god... no not necessarily, only certain point of views enable the realization that we are god. Actually lots of suffering from this work comes from us trying to fit how we work into how other people work, like for example me focusing so much of trying to be compassionate and see the universe is love when I'm too retarded to see that fundamentally. This applies for everyone else too, how do you even know the universe is love in your experience? What if your perspective is like mine... physically incapable of seeing it. How to increase your baseline state of consciousness optimally What are insights? They are pure infinity in bite sized pieces because your brain can't handle infinity. To get to the ayahuasca state permanently, go meta on insights. For example, contemplate and place awareness on the following questions: when an insight arises, how do you react on a personal, physical and subtle body level? How does that reaction differ according to the insight just gained? Are certain reactions better then others? How does the reaction affect maintaining the insight? what are insights? How do insights react with each other on timescales, are certain orders of realizing insights more effective then others? And how do emergent insights arise from such interactions of those primary insights? When trying to figure out how to increase your baseline state of consciousness, contemplate different possible methods, then focus on the insight aspect of them(or pure intelligence) and try and predict the sort of insights and impacts of those insights that will occur if you actualized the method, then plan, architect, structure the best sequence of events or combination of practices to get the optimal combination and best interactions of all the insights all together contemplate how carrying out methods affects insight growth, does just contemplating what kriya yoga is gain enough insights, or do you actually need to practice it, and if you have to practice it then why? How does the insight of "you should do kriya yoga" actually affect the insights gained from actually doing kriya yoga The biggest thing I learnt here is, choosing meditation methods is putting the horse before the cart. Meditation methods are the smoke, the engine is the insight, forget about discipline and doing meditation practices, just focus on maximizing carrying out and interactions and architecting all the insights optimally.

I've spoken to a dozen or so ayurvedic, yogic an qigong/reiki teachers at this point about psychedelic use. For whatever reason, they are of the opinion that long term use reduces energy resources, and makes you tamasic. This is by people who have used psychedelics before. What are the real dangers of psychedelics? What do you need to watch out for? Whats proper technique for using psychedelics for god realization. Based on inference, seems like you have to put in a practice like kriya, to build up energy and ensure it doesnt get depleted. Also seems like you need to watch taking too much. Even if youre a super hero who can handle heaps of shrooms, sounds like it can cause obstruction, damage or disruptions to energy pathways if your dose is too high. Maybe taking lots after small intervals of time should be avoided, and this stuff should be taken only every month and no more? What spiritual practices need to be in place to ensure psychedelics dont fuck you up long term? Kriya yoga?