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Lol, I wrote notes also while on pot and it sounded so weird the next day. On the other hand, when I paint while on pot, it looks really deep and interesting. I guess what you feel is not really explainable by words, unless you are talking to someone as high as you are. In that sense, analyzing and going deep in any field you are interested in, is amazing. In my experience for mushrooms; it depends which kind you take. First time I used in Amsterdam they gave us this book which was explaining which kind has more visual, deep thinking, laughing or sounds, etc. The giggling one is kinda nice in the beginning but I suggest more visual ones. Doing meditation while on mushrooms is really nice especially if you have a strong imagination. For LSD; in my experience it made everything (emotions, experiences, interactions etc) more intense and made me obsessed about finishing what ever I started doing. The trips are usually really long and a bit tiring at the end unless I boost them up by pot. I think they are a bit more advanced compared to mushrooms and pot. For MDMA; I didn't take a strong dose but feels more like the calmness you get after a satisfying meditation session. Great for chilling and observing the world deeply and playing focus games.

Oh no! I was saying what goes on in my head when the girly part wants to kick in.

I'm still working on it but I think a bit of both plus some habit and red lights saying "ah stop that!"

In my experience, when I add a bit of those self enquiries to my meditations and do it right, amazing things happen. I tend to go deeper when I trigger those ideas while meditating. More satisfaction from meditation sessions for me, not sure about others.

I guess so. It comes more from my family and cultural background than a guy from the past. Being boyish mostly meant more compliments, more freedom and support. It is hard for me to let the feminine side be what it wants. I have tested online many times and I seem to be queer or genderfluid. I think it is mostly mental than in my genes.

The main problem with that is my feminine side. It comes out when I'm more comfortable and don't need to be defensive/look strong and feminine guys don't seem to have patience with it. Maybe I just need to learn to bring it out more often.

In the video one girl asked about something similar and the answer was instead of doing things, ask for help from guys so they feel they can be masculine. I felt it a bit applies for me. I feel guys are kinda afraid of me or afraid to get close. Also that I attract a lot of more feminin guys compared to masculine ones. I don't have a spicific example but I live away from family members and alone in the whole continent, meaning I do my own stuff including carying heavy things and defending myself. So if that means masculinity, then yea, I seem to look like it a lot.

I have the same problem.. Not being angry helps but it doesn't help your looking strong and masculine when you actually have to do stuff on your own. Any ideas?

Depends on the benefits you are trying to get. They can vary from "just some time off" to "have a different experience in life that may change some parts of one's perspective to life."

I feel similar sometimes and I have been thinking that most of it comes from being judgmental, to yourself and also others. You want things to be ideal and when they are not, they seem disgusting to you. You see so much in everything to the tiniest details and sometimes it destroys the whole image of that thing. What has worked for me is zooming out and having a bigger perspective. This is it, the world is like this and is BEING, so try to Be with the world. Not meaning to be a sheep but to not expect from it so much and see how it is beautifully BEING. Zooming in to people and yourself is great to improve yourself but also hurts as sometimes can lead to disgust. But it doesn't mean it is going to stay like this, it will change as you improve and as your wold gets bigger than seeing mostly negative things in everything.

They are your family and of course the more you care for them, the more their words hurt. Try to zoom out and be less judgmental about them as much as you can. They may be really close to you but they are not you! You are your own person and don't need to look up to them or feel like there is no way out. Leo's self actualization process is amazing especially when you are in a hard and mentally draining situation. Maybe getting more focused on who you are and how you can improve YOURSELF is a good way to not to think of them so much. Just an idea I feel it could help you. Research: "high expressed emotion level within family".

It's OK to cry Find out a community in your town for LGBT.. people. There are usually amazing people who openly talk about themselves and warm up your heart.

Medications are not magic, they are just numbing you until you figure out what to change in order to be able to live without them. So if you want out, do your research about how to handle without medication, be confident and show that confidence to your family and doctors, if they care they wouldn't stop you. They are only afraid because they think you are gonna get out of control and harm yourself or others. Of course it is hard at first and you'd feel naked without the pills, but if you stick with a plan which includes becoming aware most of the times you are getting close to being messed up, you're gonna be fine. If you were diagnosed with Borderline or even if you were not, other than doing deep personal actualization, try the DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). Works amazingly for me.

I think that what ever the diagnosis would be, of course it will help you see yourself in a bigger picture and find people who are similar, but at the end there is always things about you that no one sees or cares to understand. But if you are going there, I suggest checking other close mental diagnosis too that are commonly misdiagnosed with autism like for example borderline personality disorder. Do your research beforehand as you know most of what you are and the doctors can mostly just hear what you see and connect the dots.

I have been there too. Being angry all the time. I really feel it now how much of it came from wanting the situation to be according to my ideals. There is this saying that: If you don't like where you are, try to tolerate it. If it didn't work, try to change it. If it still didn't work, leave it! So I decided to leave the situation by leaving my home country. If you decide something, your anger will give you a strong strong will power to make it work, so don't fear! In my opinion, if it has been growing so much that you feel it everywhere and all the time, maybe it's time to start looking for solutions to give you hope.

Great advises! Getting a pet is amazing. A bit hard as you need to restructure your family to add the new cute member, but it worth it a lot. I have had a lot of down and lonely times, but just when I got my kitty cat, she just heals me instantly when she comes around giving me love. Furry creatures are the best! I agree on digesting the bad feelings. Focusing and really feeling them helps on getting conscious and knowing that these are just feelings coming and going and that they should be observed, accepted and finally let go. Though sometimes this is not the healthiest thing to do considering the situation. I also add that having a bunch of notes from the conclusions that you got before and have helped you realize key things that work for you is great. I have some notes like that full of key sentences that I read when I feel down or confused. They help a lot.

I'm a female so I am not sure how much of this can be applied to men but I try anyways. One thing that helps involves psychedelics or high consciousness while cumming; if you can try to focus enough, there is that moment where you are so close and possibly you can feel that time stops a bit. If you are focused or high enough, you can start being able to choose which way you want to go, back or forward to cumming. Maybe practicing to stop time a bit or in other words, focus inwards strongly helps you do this. Another thing that comes to my mind is to practice holding it as long as you can when masturbating. Soon you find that tiny trigger where can give you that choice for later. It won't feel like suffering or pushing yourself anymore, but just a nice choice. Good luck

Hi, In my experience I have learned about myself that my deep relationship emotional feelings for some one are separated from caring for other people and also from my sex life. For me it didn't matter how much I cared for the person or how passionate the intimate times were, feeling that love and commitment for that one person was still there. Even though at the end it failed as some honest/betrayal? emotions started growing between my partner and another. I think generally it is really important to first start opening up with your current partner and also know what you want in your life and what are you and your partner's limitations. It is really possible when you are discussing it with your partner, you both totally agree with each other about what you are/what you think you are and want to trust that the other person completely knows what he/she is talking about. There is some risk there as you see but it worth it if you know what you are doing.

Exactly! Fear of being stuck is one of the worst but not trying is also another. There is always a way out of everything, so if you are running out of money, I suggest you find what ever until you find out something good or even your life purpose. Sometimes it feels hard to choose but also it's good to know that it's not like options of amazing life are just lining up at your door. It's better to do something than waiting, sometimes great ideas and opportunities may show themselves when you are more active and open to them.

I think it's a fun mind play game. If I can call it that. It also makes you more moral and more seeing the world from the perspective of infinity or even God is in all of us thing. I feel it's more like a trip on psychedelics.

Agreed! We make choices but there is a whole lot of process, calculations, mechanisms etc behind it that ARE just there. So we ARE and the process and time are creating this movie.

Hi, I think you are opening up, especially from all those emotions and feelings that were stuck behind boundaries that you are fighting with now. Sounds normal to me. Just give it time, you will find a way to build your new self.

Hello Thank you for this topic, I have also had this problem before and now it came back to me again lately. Even though I have gone through depression before, I know the problem came from somewhere else. And you saying you feel like not wanting to live in the norms of societies and being used by it etc sounds just too familiar to me. Feeling like you see how much it goes wrong all the time and how much you don't want to be a part of it. I had this strongly when I was living in my home country where I believed totally different from the people and most of my family members. It becomes like hell quiet fast. Before I left at the age of 21, all I thought was either I leave or.. I was really angry. After I came to the new country, it was really hard the first few years, being student and not knowing the native language, but I promised myself I will do it again as it made me grow so much that I can't even start explaining how much! Now after I have achieved most of the things I have always wanted, I am in this stage again where I feel I have to really change something. It feels like there is different parts of this world I could join, learn, live and work in but seems they won't satisfy me as I have lived in them many times through my day dreaming. Thought maybe I am a traveler and this is how I can live but I am not sure about it anymore. I know that small vacations for short time don't really help as just seeing pictures of those special locations seem to do the same trick; in this I totally agree with going somewhere and staying at least for 6 months. Living, observing yourself and other people. I'm so gonna do that some time soon and at the moment am just looking for clues. I wish you luck in finding your way to trigger this phase to pass. I guess I wish the same for myself