Elysian

Very well put.

I think anxiety is deeper than that. I too can sit with anxiety and after some time it will fade, but that isn't the same thing as anxiety always being caused by resistance (at least the kind of resistance that is referred to here). This just means you were able to have anxiety be released through doing something that is calming and stress reducing. Being in a state of total non-resistance will remove anxiety caused by resistance, and if in a state of meditation it's also reducing anxiety from other sources. There's 2 different mechanisms going on there. I don't think achieving zero anxiety is possible for a healthy human being that isn't in living a highly unusual lifestyle in current modern society. Maybe a monk living in a cave having all his needs met by someone else, a child in a rich family that has everything taken care of while also living in an extremely rural area and no interaction with their family, who also is in a state of non-resistance from a deep meditation practice. It would have to be someone who has absolutely no stressors who at the same time isn't resistant to life, which is a very rare thing. The reason is that not all stress can be prevented. There are stresses completely unrelated to resistance. Stress to your body can cause anxiety, overstimulation can cause anxiety, having to think very intensely can cause anxiety, and the list goes on. At a certain level anxiety is simply an involuntary response to environmental conditions, like sweating during heat or pupil dilation in darkness. A huge reason for a lot of anxiety seen today is caused by resistance, but even if every person in the world became non-resistant to the point of being at peace with starving to death there would still be anxiety. What is done with this other, beneficial anxiety, is that it is managed to keep it at reasonable or unnoticeable levels for most of the time. After all it is beneficial that body and mind has a built in system to cope with unavoidable stress. This gives birth to the whole field of stress management, because if you want to lower the accumulated anxiety throughout the day/week, there are effective ways of releasing that built up energy. Massages, aromatherapy, warm salt baths, walks in nature, avoiding regularly entering chaotic environments, eating healthy foods, meditation, there are numerous ways to reduce stress. Meditation just seems like the solution because it kills 2 birds with one stone for a resistant person. Then there are circumstances and traits that cause life to generally be more stressful. A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) will become stressed by things at a deeper level than most people. Simply being in a crowded environment with a lot going on can be stressful for the average person, but for an HSP the overstimulation could be so overwhelming that they simply can't cope with it. They might actually have to remove themselves from the situation before the stress becomes too great. And that's not the same thing as an HSP simply being more resistant than an average person. Their experience is completely different and they need to adjust their life to their traits, although unfortunately they are often forced into unhealthy environments for those who are highly sensitive. Then there are circumstances or traits that reduces one's ability to deal with stress. The energetic field that surrounds our bodies for example, the aura/biofield, can become weakened. Simply by it not being returned to it's normal state one can be much more susceptible to incoming stressors. This energetic field has multiple purposes (and some we'll probably never know), but a key one is that it shields us from the full brunt of outside influences on the body. Although I almost always agree with Sadhguru I think he undervalues the aura because of being born in his generation and in the culture he came from, just like he sometimes misunderstands/incorrectly speaks about Buddhism. If you have ever experienced emotional trauma, even if you worked through/released it all, I'd suggest looking into sound therapy to help repair your energetic field if you've never done so. Emotional trauma is a major cause of damage to our energetic field, and strengthening it will greatly reduce stress/anxiety in one's body. This is all to say that unless you have some sort of extremely rare medical condition, you will always have anxieties rise up. Just make a sincere effort to avoid needless stressful situations, actively engage in stress-management, and practice non-resistance. It will never be perfect, so don't take it to a neurotic level.

Restlessness is a tool of mind that ends up keeping you from finding out who you are. The ego has many tricks up it's sleeve. If you're feeling restless it means you are stirring up something correctly, double down and don't give up. It gets easier.

The reason you can't put your finger on it is because you are trying to understand awareness with the mind. The mind exists inside of awareness not the other way around. A cell inside of a body has no chance at truly knowing the body in it's entirety. God can only be known through direct experience, through being'ness. God can't be understood conceptually because God is beyond concepts, beyond the mind.

As long as you not working is not causing stress on you (say from family badgering you about needing to work), then I say go for it. You needn't sit for an entire 12 hours, although you could. Starting the first day as soon as you get off the cushion try to maintain awareness of your breath the entire day. If you actively and persistently try do this, the entire day will become meditation and your progress will grow exponentially. The past few days I've done this, including while driving at work, and the progress is mind blowing. Just last night (and this is 3 days in) I've already came very close to Savikalpa Samadhi. I've already achieved it several times before, but over the past few months of solely meditating while on the cushion for 1-2 hours a day I never even came close. There's a huge difference between meditating for 18 hours a day and 2 hours a day. It also seems crucial to bring your practice off of the mat, to integrate mindfulness into your everyday life. Good luck, and I know you said you have familiarized your self with the material, but make sure to pay close attention to the different states you pass through so you can compare your experiences with that of Gautama and the Yoga Sutras. It can be very helpful to gauge your progress. And even if it seems you've progressed rather quickly, don't let others tell you that you couldn't have done so in the time. Trust your gut, that sort of discouragement set me back a long time. If I would have trusted myself then that I had reached Nirvikalpa Samadhi, I would have pushed straight through to Sahaja Samadhi months ago. Just because it takes someone years to do something, doesn't mean it will necessarily take you that long, especially if you are absolutely determined to know Truth.

Wow, what an example. I'm in tears.

Things just are, reality is beyond meaning. But who is saying it's perfect? Sadhguru touches on this subject very well: https://youtu.be/zpwZGAttr5E

I'm able to pass Kundalini up the spine to the crown, and have been doing so more and more lately. When I send it into the crown I get a jolt of energy. My eyes will vibrate, my hands will clench, and afterwards I feel like I just woke up. Intuition tells me that this needs to be done to balance the chakras, including the crown, so that's what I'm doing.

As long as you can meditate sitting in a chair without starting to fall asleep there's no difference. I also can't sit cross legged for long due to health issues, and I use a chair. It took some time but I've gotten to the point where I can use a chair and not simply dose off. I was able to achieve Sarvitarka Samadhi sitting in a chair after spending a few days sitting for several hours a day each, and did so accidentally not even currently having the language to describe what it is I did. I believe I was about to enter Nirvikalpa Samadhi at the end when the dropping of ego into the void caused a knee jerk reaction of fear. This pulled me out of Samadhi, but in the short time right there at the edge, I also had a spontaneous full Kundalini awakening. So it matters not if you sit in a chair or on the ground, saying otherwise is simply dogma. Sitting cross legged just makes it easier to stay awake.

If you've been depressed for years it can be hard to discern if you hadn't already. You start to forget that those symptoms above aren't the way you were born, and that a healthy you was a night/day image of what you are now. Depression can become your normal without even realizing it.

There's maybe only one or two girls I've pursued that I didn't end up sleeping with, but unlike many guys, if a girl doesn't seem interested in me then I don't put myself out on a limb. If there's a girl I'm interested in but I'm not sure yet then typically I would let them into my life more so I can make a clear decision. I've probably missed out on a lot of opportunities, but I can usually tell a person's intentions very quickly so I don't create an uncomfortable situation needlessly. If I was you I would've tried to befriend her first. If a girl isn't obviously into you your first time meeting, then shooting for a date could've denied yourself a potential partner down the line.

This is the symptom list from the National Institute of Mental Health: Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism Irritability Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities Decreased energy or fatigue Moving or talking more slowly Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping Appetite and/or weight changes Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment It doesn't have to be every symptom, and it could fluctuate in the amount of symptoms and intensity over time. People often misinterpret depression as an extreme sadness, but depression is often a sort of umbrella emotion that contains many other emotions underneath like sadness for instance. And if it's been going on for some time then it's probably because there are some major issues that haven't been addressed like emotional trauma or even the current traumatic situation that is actively going on (think abusive spouse, bullying, etc.). I've been in similar situations/feelings before, and so that might be why what is said resonates with you. Agreed I think him being your ex makes a big difference. There's a plethora of reasons he could be acting this way because of it. I think the most likely is he was only there for the sex and now that you're not providing it he's treating you like what he feels like you are, a nuisance.

Dreams are one way the Divine guides us. It could be you're starting to get more receptive to help from Higher Self, maybe starting to open Ajna/third eye. The dream you said you were dreaming but still partly conscious in my experience could've been 2 things: Sometimes sound just gets through into your dreams More often than not for me though is I 'accidentally' slipped into an Astral projection and didn't realize it. I usually hear what's going on back in the physical overlayed on top of auditory in the astral.

Elaborate? What likely happened is like attracts like. Wounded people tend to attract wounded people. You're depressed, he's probably suppressing/covering his depression with anger/bitterness. Unless he was growing/trying to heal as quickly as you are, then the likelihood of the relationship lasting is low. What you need is to either focus on yourself or look to find someone who's empathetic and willing to be there for you. He wasn't a friend period.

Seems this triggered you pretty badly. Feeling left out, violated, trust breached, anger. It might be beneficial to do some shadow work. Sorry you had a bad experience, I know what it's like for someone trying/getting inside your head. I wouldn't let it turn you off from alternative healing completely, there are bad practitioners just like there are bad doctors. Doing extensive research into the person you are wanting to have work on you could help. I personally would try to go to someone I know or a trusted friend knows very well.

Is that what the ball of energy along the spine is around 1/3 of the way up the back? I've been trying to figure out how to move it upwards but I never can get it to move more than a couple inches.

I would do it in combination with daily sitting. I'm a truck driver and do this regularly, but it doesn't replace sitting on the cushion.

This sounds more likely, with how you talk about your family it seems you resent the Blue because of emotional trauma you got from it. I think you are confusing emotional trauma/trapped emotions as Blue traits. I was raised in a Baptist very Blue Household in the religious sense. Sunday school, church on Sunday, Christian private school during elementary, but my family wasn't as abusive as yours. My family was more neglectful because of not knowing how to raise me and having a lot of emotional trauma themselves. Lashing out in anger, resentment, sadness when you get a chance to be your self. That might be the trigger for your trapped emotions because you were punished for being yourself/having fun. Trapped emotions are caused when we aren't able to handle the depth of emotion we have at the time, aren't allowed to feel it completely, or were never taught how to work through emotions. What you need is shadow work to clear out all the trauma you've experienced, and you'll probably find you're actually mostly orange/green with some blue to sort out. I used the technique in The Emotion Code to clear out most of my trauma. It's pretty straightforward and can be read in a day. If you're body/subconscious feels it's ready to work through everything immediately, you could probably release all your trapped emotions in a few days. A good documentary to watch on trapped emotions is E-motion. I think a lot of what you're going through will make sense once you get done with it. Sorry for the pain you're going through, I've been there myself and I know how much it sucks trying to fix something when you were never taught how. If you need any advice with the technique in the book just let me know. I bought it on Amazon but I think you can get it for free here: https://healerslibrary.lpages.co/emotion-code-gift/

Asked intuition if this is genuine, it said it was a scam and to focus my attention on spiritual work.

It appears as tension or weakness in the arm, tension for Yes, weakness for No. It's much clearer of a way to get answers than the mind. It said that it sometimes gave me insights through thought, but it wasn't very effective as it is difficult for me to distinguish thought from insight.

Spiritual practice is the road I'm taking, and it's helping me follow that path. Interestingly though, when I probed about enlightenment the answers were unclear. I then asked if it was because I didn't understand the true nature of what I was asking and it said yes . It told me not to worry about enlightenment and to focus on spiritual growth, so that's what I'm doing. It also recommended meditation focused on Kundalini above focus on the breath, it said it would be more effective for me.

What is known is there has been a sentient, intelligent guiding force throughout my life. It's made it's intentions clear time and time again, in ways I rarely hear happen with other individuals. You can use whatever word for what that force is that won't ruffle your feathers, but it's been an undeniable part of this existence. Maybe at some level currently beyond my awareness there is a more holistic understanding of reality and what this force is, but it certainly is beyond ego/mind. It's more Intelligent than anything I've ever met, and whether I find out I'm simply a part of that and forgotten, it's God, Source, a Highly intelligent alien species, it doesn't matter. The more I've followed this intuition the further down the spiritual path I've gone and the more the dust settles.

Also had similar experience but with no thoughts. I felt like I was falling into an abyss where I would lose complete touch with my body and self. I didn't mean to but I had a knee jerk gut reaction of fear and that snapped me out of it. I didn't go into a straight panic, but I did get pretty freaked.