28 cm unbuffed

@Preety_India YEAAAAAAAAAH DAMN RIGHT IT'S FUN

@Akemrelax Being flawless, cool, badass motherfucker

Fuck it boys, case closed, it's too much effort and time to become good at video game. I prefer becoming great in Life game, new expansion, thanks.

@Godhead Of course it's for fun, but more serious fun, you get me. Yeah, being good at game requires you to go really balls deep into it, that's something that cockblocks fun, like you said, nerd, no-life 14-olds.

I've tried so many things already. I quitted so many times. Yet, somehow, I still manage to go back to the same habit over and over again. I have seen somewhere, that smoking is about blocking an emotion to come to the surface, yet, I have no idea, what it might be. Ok, I somehow have the idea. It might be the fear of being abandoned because my mother ran with me away from my father when I was about 4 years old. But, how the fuck do I go through this once and forever? It's not that easy to just find the love of your life and open your heart for this person, like what the fuck. I think, I never really was in love, all the girls, that I chased in my life, were just to get a pussy and that's it. And I'm pretty sure, it's my final boss, final trauma, to get everything I want in my life. But - once again, I'm not sure, if that's not coming from the place of lack, because I need someone to save me and to heal my final trauma, you get it.

@DrewNows Lately, I'm realizing how much of a garbage life I created for myself, how worthless it still is, I have nothing, I'm fucking sad and lonely person. And I did like years of work, but it was all about healing traumas and other issues, I'm not even at point zero. I trusted my intuition and hearth, left a shitty corporate job, and here I am. Now I understand, more and more that smoking was just a coping mechanism.

@RoseBand @DrewNows It's fucked up because I understand everything, that all of you are talking about, I found thousands of reasons, that quitting is something good to do. Quitting/staying sober is not that hard. The worst thing is sticking to the habit of "not smoking even one" to the rest of my life. Too many situations, where it can happen, I can't simply avoid all of them or prepare for "all of the worst-case scenarios". Yet - every time, I smoked one, the habit came back alive, a story of my life.

Yo, so basically I did Leo's life purpose course, I started my YouTube channel, that's something that really gets me into the flow and I love doing that. I will continue on doing that, no matter what, it is something that I feel really lifts up my brain and creativity is something that was really missing in my life, it's like a breath of fresh air. Yet - my lower needs are still not met, I don't have any friends, I moved to a new city, I have no girlfriend and my financial life sucks too. My job sucks also. I know, if those needs were met that could also lift my brain to the next level, my subconscious wouldn't be so obsessed about that stuff and a lot of brain area (let's call it that way) could just bring me new ideas and my creative outcome would be even better, or at least that's how I understand that conceptually. I tried a lot of things, I really fucking don't know, I'm not some anxious, weird guy, I am confident and opened, yet, I can't really find a match to my interests and lifestyle in society. An intelligent, bright, loving girl is also something really rare to find. Dunno, I'm stuck. I always look at this that way - maybe I'm deluding myself and it's something that is obvious to others, something wrong with me, and I can't just accept that, but not this time. I'm different, that's for sure, but in a good way, I just do not buy into society's brainwashing and materalistic lifestyle. What to do? P.S - being a loner guy that talks about some weird stuff on his YouTube channel little world doesn't really help lol

Yo

Not sure what's happening, but I got another insight about smoking, just now. I just watched a speech from a Mr.Robot series, "Fuck society" one. I just realized how this was a mechanism, that I used to get disconnected from reality, and by smoking, I'm just brainwashing myself, I run away from the truth and what's going around me and in my life altogether. Man, the world is so fucked up.

I just did what @Rosenqvist told me to do. I understood something about myself and this behavior. It's something that I do, to convince myself, that I am not fully "healed" or that "there is still something I need to fix about myself". This was my main motivation to do my self-development work and I'm somehow addicted to this kind of desperate motivation, to fix myself. Every time I smoke there is a dialog in my head about "what is wrong, what I need to do to fix that", instead of inspirational thoughts, dreams, that I want to accomplish in my life. Focusing on the problem instead of focusing on the solution. That's it, we'll see where I'll go with that. Thank you, guys

@Rosenqvist Sounds cool, can you share, what things you noticed about yourself during this process? It might be helpful, maybe I might relate to some of these. Thank you man, I'll try that. @Ananta I read that book about a year and a half ago, it clicked and I stopped smoking for like 3 months, but I came back, I was drunk or something. It's some kind of deeper psychological issue, not nicotine addiction of itself (or at least that's what I think it is).

@karl47 I don't want to ruin my health. I work hard on myself, everything is great in my life right now to be honest. It's like a last puzzle, that I can't solve. Smoking is something cool for me, I love being that laid back dude, that just doesn't give a fuck, standing with a cigarette. I am conscious of the fact, that it only makes me less chill out, laid back, it puts a lot of stress into my body. Dunno, I'm stuck with that one ?‍♂️

@Leo Gura Yeah, I am that type of dude. I really needed some order and self-discipline to keep my all over the place mind in check. It's all good now, thank you for that insight, Leo

@ravlondon Yeah, do that, but also remember, not to force things too much, it only brings backlashes and you can't just be smarter than nature and the natural flow of life. Be patient and trust the process.

@Shunyata What do you mean by that? Which part - perfectionism?

@electroBeam That's so true. Sorry, there is still some lower stages bias in me, where I see someone offending me, even when they don't. That might be the low self-esteem thing you wrote about earlier.

@Leo Gura @ravlondon Maybe I'm just deluding myself (don't think so), but I operate so much better while being all around, doing multiple things at a time (not at the same time ofc), that's how I want to grow myself too, reneissance type person. @ravlondon From my experience having morning routine, to somehow start your day and order is really important, clean environment = clear thinking. Once you get into the flow, it's really hard to get off that train.

Dunno, I tried every method, read books about that topic, I just let go of that and I'll see what will happen, let's see what God's grace got to offer ?

@electroBeam I totally get what you're saying, I think I still push to hard, try to force things, working on that. Not sure why you called me "kid" tho ? @Opo Not sure about the "self-esteem" thing, there might be something to it, but that's like little percentage of what you're saying. I'm pretty aware of when my ego comes in the way to brag and when not. Be humble little bitch ~Kendrick Lamar

@thedoorsareopen Woah, I've been / am where you've just described. Same as you, it feels like there is no more karma to work on, nothing to do, nowhere to be, but there comes memento mori knocking into your door saying "Hey dude, you're wasting your life, start doing shit!". No idea, one day I can work like a robot and go to bed happy, that I did everything that I should've done this day and another day I can just watch Netflix and jerk off for a whole day. Bizzare.

Yeah, I'm pretty cocky too

@Opo I don't see Goggins or Musk skip a day of trainining / grinding because they don't feel like doing their shit.

@Dany Balan I've read that already, didn't really help me. Thanks for your advice anyway @Someone here I only smoke like a cigarette a day, sometimes even 0. And there comes a day, once in like 3 months, when I buy a pack of cigarettes and I go hard as mofo @Dany Balan Yeah, but there never even was a year of a break for me. Dunno, when I get out of the wheel of order in my life, when I lose discipline I get back into bad habits and toxic behaviors, it's not that easy to stay on track all the time.

@vinc3nc Same here. What can I say - just play?