Preety_India

I try to study and understand people through archetypes. It gets much easier.

archetypes

It will help me unlock my psyche and probably see how can I work on these fears

Posting my video on my insights.

Yes this is the Crux of the whole issue. I feel lonely because I never truly received family love. This often manifests in my dreams as fear and anxiety of abandonment. Maybe that's what the dream means?

Right now my relationship with my mother is healing although there are occasional fights, but it's not that bad like it used to be when I was a kid. The house belongs to me so I don't push her out because she is a widow and I'm the only one who can care for her so I tend to generally forgive her after a fight although I have a lot of anger against her for how she treated my dad before he died. My family is very tiny, only me and my mom. My dad died when I was a teen and it's only me and my mom. In the dream I see a big family of many siblings, aunts and uncles and they all are trying to push me out or isolate or abandon me which feels awful. I suffered a lot of abandonment anxiety as a child because of constant emotional neglect from my mom.

Monsieur, I love you deeply and I dream about you. Your love heals my heart. I glow like a flower around you. You give me feelings that no man ever did.. You are the saviour of my soul. The cultivator of my garden. I want nothing and nothing but you.

My final transformation Have you experienced something like this? I feel like from inside, I'm changing in a massive way. Like a huge change. Do you ever feel like your whole personality is going to change 180 degrees. For example, let's say you were an angry or aggressive person and now something is making you change into a milder calmer friendlier person. Or let's take the opposite. You were a gentle person but now you are getting angrier, or just stricter.. Let me explain what's happening to me. My facial expressions are changing from sweet to mean/strict. I'm changing from a gentler person to someone more strict, pragmatic and matured, more serious and a bit bolder. I feel some kind of inner metamorphosis. Like my inner self is struggling to come out or is undergoing huge transformation. And it's saying very loudly a very big FUCK YOU. It's asking me - why the hell do you care about all this drama around people? If they judge you, blame you, hold you responsible when you didn't do shit, then fuck it, who cares? It's like my inner self is challenging me big time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and not give a damn anymore, because nobody gave a damn about me. Is this a sign of inner growth? I feel a sense of boldness and self empowerment. Like why should I care what someone thinks of me. I used to engage in people pleasing behavior and I took a lot of shit in the process. But now my inner self is saying - STOP!!!! DEVELOP AN EGO. STOP GIVING A DAMN. A strong inner resistance developing gradually. Will this turn me into a narcissist? I feel like I'm developing a strong defense mechanism. Like building a wall around myself where only those people can scale the wall who aren't going to fuck with me anymore, aren't going to play mind games, aren't going to be passive aggressive or manipulate me or aren't going to give me a lame treatment. It's like my my heart is saying — if they don't treat you right, just don't put up with it anymore. The call is yours to make, not theirs. Take back power. Does this feel right or does this feel narcissistic? When I had these thoughts, this music was playing in my mind. Pretty aggressive.

Wilbur, I feel like I'm meeting you once again in this birth. You have been in my heart for ages now. You make me feel at home. Our hearts are meant to be one. I want to affectionately call you monsieur Monsieur, every time I see you in front of my eyes, I fall in love with you again. You held my face in your hands and deeply caressed it. You are the one for me. You are my angel my soulmate my sparkling sunshine.

Less to do with meditation and more to do with personal psychology. Learn to look at yourself positively. Beauty is very subjective.

Your name is Wilbur and I'm in love with you.

I feel like in my past life i was in love with a German man. The feelings are too strong.

I had a karmic connection with him. He met me in my past life. I don't know where he met me. But he came to me in my past life. He was so cute, my heart was jumping with joy when I met him. He was a bit dominating, but in a good way. Me and him lived together forever.

Me and him together forever. I remember this gif. I felt so powerful when I wrote all this last year. I remember feeling a knot in my stomach. He was everything I wanted. He was sweet and wise, strong and bold, exactly the kind of man I would madly fall in love with. Both sexually and emotionally. He was my one and only German. He was honest and witty. He held my face in his hands and adored me and I felt so delicate and warm

I'm so in love with this still. My beautiful cute German soulmate who came to me in my dreams and I was deeply in love with him. Until the dream was interrupted by a real German man.

I remember this.

Feeling a bit tired right now but I'll write these posts a bit later. Woke up from a nightmare where people were trying to kill me. I want to make this my daily anthem

I need internal healing. So yea the forum stalker lol. I was just thinking about him. He is more faithful to me than my namesake boyfriend lol. he immediately followed me around (maybe he suffered a bit of abandonment anxiety when I said I was going to leave the forum and immediately put his brain to task to figure out where I might be out of all the places and tracked me down in less than a day. Now that's super fast and super devoted. I wish my now non existent boyfriend would be that keen in knowing where I went. He is so devoted to me that he never misses a single update from me. Now that's called real dedication to the cause. He basically reads every thing I write on the forum, I could be anywhere on the forum and yet inescapable from his eyes. He must have hawk eyes to scan my every movement on this forum, I thought he was gone, just last week I realized he isn't gone nowhere, he is a bit racist, I can tell, but boy he wants me too bad. He just wants to scan me through and through. He keeps following me around. If he met me in real life he would be too shocked.

Songs for healing. https://youtu.be/xIDicUrg3AY https://youtu.be/LdvaroI_8mI https://youtu.be/X5TgqJm8Dzg https://youtu.be/HMd9lfW1zlc https://youtu.be/MugIh6fyxlM https://youtu.be/N7xqojtXcJw https://youtu.be/VTPqfL-WCqo https://youtu.be/CyAlQfxS9e4 https://youtu.be/A1sAT7ACHqA

Festivals in this religion and rituals. The festival is called shamone. Rituals and traditions. The definition of a tradition is a custom or belief that is passed down through the generations or that is done time after time or year after year. An example of a tradition is eating turkey on Thanksgiving or putting up a tree on Christmas. Rituals Holy Oil rubbing on hand and forehead Celebrating shamone every 3rd day. A dog is considered a major symbol in the religion so there's a festival called the dog festival ,this day will be a day of dedication and tribute to dogs. This festival will be called the Gogo festival. Two festivals Shamone Gogo Regular worship and prayer to the God of the Romans -Untowl, God of the Samaritans- Hecazanu and God of the Acutians- Sheyshej. Improvement of character and living a true life as the Gods would want it and persevering for an eternal life with God where your soul will live in heaven (with God) in eternity. Every word, thought, action,task will be dedicated to Gods. Everything will be done in the name of God. Asking for protection from devils and devilry. To live in beauty and truth and absolute love. Following the holy Bible. Or Scripture or shamanal https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/79481-my-short-bible-for-life/ Music https://youtu.be/CyAlQfxS9e4 The religion has 4 components Deihism Acutianity Giga healing (healing from the root or base, cellular healing) Christian and pagan elements

God of the Romans Symbol God of the Samaritans Symbol God of the Acutians Symbol Symbol of Acutianity

This is one of my greatest hurdles in life.

Other symbols in my mind. https://wiccaacademy.com/who-are-the-moon-goddess-and-the-horned-god/ The festival of my religion. Shamone.

The symbol of the marutukku and the symbol of modern Romanism This will be nice as a boundary. Ok the symbol of modern Romanism is this Name of the religion - Acutianity I'll be using the Alchemic symbols of zinc, antimony, mercury and nitirc acid(above). Right now the symbol of nitirc acid is used to represent Acutianity.