Preety_India

It's only bad people who take nice people less seriously.

@Gesundheit I'm very thankful to you. You helped me understand what dynamic was going wrong in the relationship.

@Eph75 you're speaking using a lot of metaphorical language. That's why I'm not understanding what you're really trying to say. Could be my English language problem. Maybe say the same things in a simpler way.

@How to be wise no. The break up happened many month ago. After which I found Andrew. But I had some unfinished emotions with Joseph.

No. It's not him.. His name was Joseph. This is Andrew who I'm in a relationship with. I broke up with Joseph. It's just that his thoughts were difficult to get out of my head because so much karma had been burned between me and him.

@iceprincess that's good advice but when I think of myself, low self esteem is not really the reason why I fell for him. I wasn't thinking that he was an asshole at least in the beginning. When I did some analysis, what I found is that there is something wrong with the way I'm thinking about love. My beliefs are mistaken. I believed that love could fix everything in a relationship, my belief was of unconditional love where I felt I was fixing something with my love and I was completely oblivious to the red flags of the other person. I believed in forgiveness a bit too much. Well the problem there is nothing wrong in thinking these things but they look good only on paper, in reality things don't work like that. If someone is acting abusive, love cannot change that. And I should be thinking about love in a more practical manner, that it would only make sense to give love, if I receive it as well but I only believed in giving, I always carried this idea that receiving was selfishness. But being so selfless in the name of love is a huge detriment, anyone can take advantage and there are lots of vultures out there.. He is used to always beg me if I went away for a few days. He used to tug at my heart strings by making me feel sympathetic for him, he used to prey on my ability to forgive by begging for forgiveness. For a person like me it was very difficult to say No or not forgive when I forgive people I care about easily. It really is like taking advantage of my sweet nature by constantly guilting me into forgiving me, which turns into a vicious cycle. What I learned is that I shouldn't be very saintly in a relationship. Now it's hard to be selfish for me because I like to care and love the other person, I like to be very sweet and affectionate in a relationship, this is my nature, I have never been too strict or heavy handed In a relationship, usually with people I'm very strict but in relationships, i take a very soft ball approach because I believe relationships should be all about love.. I think that I should take out that thinking or fix it before I get into more destructive relationships because that thinking of being this wonderful selfless forgiving loving person in a relationship will end up destroying me. And I'm such an introvert. I don't go out and date guys. I remain in my shell mostly. It's men who pull me out of that shell with their love bombing. I hardly even think about love or relationships.. I'm just that silent introverted person who likes to keep to herself most of the time. The problem is now I don't even like dating men anymore. I don't like rules and regulations.. I'm not that type. I don't like a stage orange mindset. I like to be free, I can be a little bit selfish but not too much, it's hard for me to set rules and boundaries, when I tend to do that I usually feel like saying "fuck this whole shit" because I'm not the type who is going around looking for something I just to be a free spirit and selfless so when some girlfriend tells me, "see you can do this, or you can do that to test your man" my inner heart reply is usually "who cares, who wants all this drama, why am I here, why do I even need to do all this" I see it as nonsense, for me life has to be either meaningful or nothing. Either love or nothing. I already hate materialism so much. I hate the whole market idea. That this whole dating market where you have to be a certain way and then make sure that your partner is a certain way, for me it's again like managing a business or running a relationship like you run a business or transaction, I'm just not that personality, so for me this whole thing becomes uninteresting and selfish. I never thought that love had to be a transaction, where we are constantly keeping a tab on each other, sorry I don't want that kind of love, maybe I'm not fit for dating or this whole dating world is very strange to me For a person like me life is going to be very difficult. Because I have to force myself into being selfish. I don't see any point in selfishness. Because I never wanted a selfish existence. I had a natural disdain for anything selfish. More than low self esteem, what needs fixing is my worldview of relationships and people where I believe in being this wonderful loving angel who does not expect much in return and does not enforce rules or egoic boundaries. This happens when I dissolve my ego a lot. That's why I don't believe in uprooting the ego. Having a tiny bit of ego helps me in survival. Maybe I can develop my ego a bit to be more selfish, to begin thinking in selfish ways. But it's still hard for me. I don't know how to go about that. It's easier for a selfish person to start becoming selfless. It's much harder for a selfless person to become selfish. In this cutthroat world where everyone is running for the piece of the pie and narcissism is running rampant a flowery hippie person like me can feel uncomfortable. How to be like a narcissist when I'm not a narcissist? Because they achieve things whereas I don't have that selfish drive that narcissists have. So I will need a lot of training before I am fully ready for relationships and people I have some shadow around selfishness. I will need some sort of therapy where I am taught to be selfish and think about myself more and organize my life around my survival and not be so flippant all forgiving hippie like person. Either I should completely cut off from society and live in a mountain or be in society and learn to be selfish and compete like other people.

Recognize reality and then accept it You create your own reality. (in terms of personal responsibility, creativity, flow, and Empowerment) Perspectives are Personal responsibility - take ownership of your reality. You created what happened Creativity - you have the potential and talent to create a reality Flow - you are constantly flowing with the reality you created. You can change this flow. You can either simply flow with it and accept it or try to change what you are flowing with Empowerment - good news is that you Can empower yourself by changing or creating your own reality. You have that power. You also create reality by dealing with the reality our there

Been feeling very depressed today. But trying to stay sane. My mom called me early morning today and she was very abusive on the phone. I hung up and I cried a lot after that. Her mean words were pure torture Just trying to feel okay. People can say such mean things I will track my emotional progress. I need to feel better to do better

@SirVladimir thank you for your kind words.

tax fraud - not proved in court tax evasion- not proved in court accused of sexual harassment - not proved in court assault/rape by more than a dozen women--not proved in court money laundering - not proved in court unlawfully used the office of the presidency to benefit his personal finances - not proved in court illegally obstructed the congressional investigation of his actions - not proved in court Conspired with Russian intelligence to commit an offense against the United States-not proved in court falsifying business records - not proved in court Perjury-not proved in court paying hush money for silence of a crime-not proved in court illegally extorted/bribed a foreign leader for political favors - not proved in court solicited election interference from a foreign nations - not proved in court illegally withheld foreign aid approved by Congress - not proved in court And they will never be proved in court. I'm not saying that Trump is a good guy. In fact he is a bad guy. And I'm not saying that he didn't do the mentioned list. But he never got prosecuted for anything so all of it goes to the drain. The chances that he will ever get prosecuted or jailed for any wrongdoing is absolutely zero. Null. Nil. We don't live in a righteous or just world.. We live in a wrong world where a common man goes to prison for a bunch of Marijuana and people like Trump get away with anything they want to get away with. This is the shape and form of reality and the sooner you learn it the better. Even if we hoped deeply that Trump should go to prison, he is still not going to prison because he is cushioned and protected by cronies in high places, he will always get diplomatic immunity and nobody will dare to prosecute him because they will be scared of hurting the feelings of many people. TRUMP has successfully created a human shield for himself. He is well protected by masses and his cronies in good connections, both in the United States and overseas. .Trump will continue to live the life of a megalomaniac with immunity and right under people's noses, this is his game and he is proud of it. He is aware of his endless supply of privileges. He will never end up in bad shape. He will never allow that. He is too selfish to ever suffer needlessly. He has made sure that all his bases are well covered, he has a nice set of lawyers. Trump will never be an upset man because he is a narcissist. They don't lose because they have to win at all costs. He doesn't even accept an election loss, what are the odds /chances that he will accept prison or even a simple acknowledgement of his wrongdoings? Theoretically speaking, a crime is only a crime if it has been proven in the court of law and the defendant has been indicted or accused. Until then it's a speculation but not a crime. So by that reasoning, Trump is free of all accusations. If a crime is not proved, it did not happen (even though it actually happened). Trump is the type of guy who purposely commits a crime because he knows he is rich enough to pay the fine for the crime. Can you call such a person an idiot? No.. Because he has created a leverage for himself which gives him room to do bad things but these things help him in some way, because in his eyes they are not crimes but transactions for more power or benefit. So if Trump knows that he will only pay a small fee for looting a bank but looting will make him super rich, then he will do it, to him it won't appear as a crime, and to do it more and more he will keep building leverage to make sure that he gets away with it. This is psychoanalysis. That way he can't be called an idiot, arrogant, sure he is arrogant, but he is no idiot. If a common man, without any leverage, did what Trump did, he would easily end up in prison, but not Trump, thus has got nothing to do with money, because Trump is in debt, it has everything to do with power and leverage created through high connections.. Trump is trying super hard to play the reality matrix and win at it and collect his brownies. Often times he wins. I hope his web of deception that he kept weaving for so many years gets too complicated for him to handle and collapses on him and he gets his karma. But one thing is sure, whether he wins or loses in life with his smart tactics, he will never have peace of mind. Peace of mind can't be created by playing deceptive selfish games.

Trump did not commit any crimes per se.

I already have a boyfriend and I date strictly my age only.

When is this even posted Like recent or long ago? There's no date on the post.

@Gesundheit I'm sorry about your experience. Hope you find healing. I'm grateful for your words and help. I'm trying my best to get over this so I can move on and forget that bastard.

Similarity of psyche. (Images taken from Keyhole emotional regulation journal) we all have karmic debts that we have to eventually pay Things that we do accumulate energetically and become a part of our Karmic history. These things define a lot about us and our future. We are always getting screwed up first by our own karma. A way to escape this kind of suffering is to be brutally authentic and honest. The wolf needs another wolf to complete itself. To find celestial and Karmic harmony. Or else there is a great suffering if the wolf is paired with a tiger or giraffe. You can't find energetic and Karmic happiness with someone whose psyche is completely different from yours. There is no point in blaming the other person. Of course if they are wrong then they are wrong. But blaming doesn't solve the conflict. This person has hurt you because they are hurtful person. And because they are Karmically and energetically different. Be with people who have same psyche as yours if you choose to develop a bond. For example if I believe that love is expressed through eating ice cream together, I should not be with a person who thinks that love is going to expensive places. There is no Karmic compatibility here And people will always behave in accordance with how their psyche dictates whether it hurts you or not. Because they are the puppets/masters of their own psyche. They will end up with what their psyche wants them to do. You just have to accept reality and accept that the psyche is different. Don't have an emotional Karmic bond with this individual having a different psyche. Never. Big mistake.

Similarity of psyche. Few things that I need to understand here in order to stop being hurt in the future is To accept reality fully. Unable to accept reality means living in a state of Delusion and Denial Time is precious. Every week counts. Don't let the months just go by. How you make use of this time is going to be instrumental in shaping your life Find and be with people having a similar psyche if you're planning on having an emotional bond with them. Opposites do attract. Sexual attraction does exist. But opposites only help to learn each other better only to eventually separate. There is no point in having this soulforce Karmic relationship with this opposite psyche person because it's not gonna work. we all have karmic debts that we have to eventually pay Things that we do accumulate energetically and become a part of our Karmic history. These things define a lot about us and our future. We are always getting screwed up first by our own karma. A way to escape this kind of suffering is to be brutally authentic and honest.

@Natasha you're right. @Etherial Cat thank you for your words.

No. Moving to Texas was not because of him. I wanted to move to Texas to be close to my family, nothing to do with Joseph. Joseph does not live in Texas. Also, I had no plans to marry him once our relationship began to go sour. I wanted to marry him in the beginning but towards the end, our relationship had become much worse and I had realized that he was being very abusive. That's when I had dropped my marriage plans. And we were drifting apart. But he tried to renew the relationship many times but all attempts failed because he could not have control over his bipolar rage. And he never took accountability for his past actions. I was still loving him and it was difficult for me to stop loving him. But in my mind I knew that the relationship was really in bad condition. I was still trying to save it. I was still thinking that I might marry him if things got alright. I can move to Texas anytime, I don't need to marry someone for that. I feel much better. Yes freer. I feel like I want lot of space and freedom and feeling of returning to the self. I don't want to be stuck in this Rut. I considered Joseph as the great love of my life that's why breaking up with him was very hard. But I'm trying to tell myself that acceptance is the key and sometimes even with your best efforts, things don't pan out how you wanted them to. When you love someone endlessly and infinitely, it's difficult to accept that that kind of relationship has ended. Of course it was a terribly abusive relationship, and it was best to end it, it just that it hurts knowing that you loved someone so much and they failed to understand it and that feeling of unfairness, of knowing that you got abused. But also comes along a feeling of freedom. Even in the last text he was trying to manipulate me into staying by calling me a great woman and telling me that he didn't want to lose me, classic narcissistic habit, but this time I didn't fall for it, I instantly recognized his manipulation. I'm free from his manipulation, his gaslighting, his guilting to stay in the relationship, his brainwashing into believing that whatever happened was not a big deal, I'm over it. I'm free from his mind games The more he tries to hold me, the more it feels negative, the more it feels ominous. So right now I feel free after giving him a piece of my mind. I feel like I have pulled and dragged all that manipulation, gaslighting, guilting, brainwashing and then bundled it up and thrown it into the garbage bin.

@Gesundheit @arlin @Khr @diamondpenguin so I wanted to finish his chapter in my life and be done with his thoughts. I texted him just a while ago and told him what I felt in order to have a sense of closure over the relationship. So these are the messages that I sent him. And it's last communication I'm having with him. He tried convincing me that I'm a good woman and that he still likes me.. I think all his words are a part of his brainwashing me.. So i told him I'm done for good. I also told him that what goes around comes around. I just let him know how much I was hurt and told him that I needed to move on for good. It was a relief telling him all that.

@Karmadhi that's ok. I'm 5'6"

30 day is too long. One week only.

I'm not too picky. Just a general list.

Nope. No philosophical for me. I get bored with that. I like the hiking types.

This made me think what kind of guy I would want to go on a date with Funny Good looking (average is okay) Taller than me Good conversations Financially Stable Confident Drama free Not hyper critical or negative Open and warm Caring Cooperative I'm not a perfectionist so if he lives his life his way and if there are certain things that I don't like, no problem.

I wasn't being good to him with the expectation of getting treated well in return for that. I'm not a person who treats people badly in a relationship. I have my principles. But at the same time I have self respect so why should I take someone's bad treatment? But i understand other parts of your advice I was always a bit forgiving in a relationship which I need to rethink.