Preety_India

No. I wouldn't feel small or insecure in front of a man who matches my criteria. I would be in fact very proud of him and if he indeed pointed out some flaws in me, I would be more than willing to work on them for him. I would be too happy and giddy and excited to be with him and that would be like a jackpot for me

I don't remember saying on the list that I wanted a provider. I provide for myself and always have since a young age. None of my boyfriends ever spent a dime on me, let alone provide. The second ex, In fact he was a leech on me and I had to provide him for some time. The last ex who I complained about in the other thread (Joseph) was homeless many many times and I had to search a home for him and enroll him in a program so that he could care for himself. I even fixed his kitchen with my own money. I don't ever asking my boyfriends for even a dinner or drink(I don't drink but I never asked for anything at all) I always split my bill whenever I went anywhere and I paid for my own travel. I think I am a bit egotistical when it comes to money, I usually decline if someone is doing any favor for me. I just wanted (ever) to be with a decent man and not get played. That's all.

Perfect slam dunk buddy !! On point.

Yea some beautiful nuggets there. Especially the attachment creates suffering logic, perfect. But sadly in life we want something semi permanent. I am really reflecting hard on this. And I think part of the problem can be my empathetic behavior attracting narcissists and psychopaths. And my ability to forgive is also a problem. It doesn't allow me to be very strict.. Maybe I should try to be more selfish and survival oriented? Or Just too disciplined?

I understand that point. But frankly I have never lied to any of my partners. So it doesn't matter what others think. But hey there are a lot of people who don't lie. It's not some saintly virtue. To me being honest is just being simple and frank I don't see what I'm going to achieve by being Dishonest. Absolutely nothing. And to me a relationship can never work on the foundation of deception and lies. That's what I told my ex. His deceptions eventually became visible.

Yes this is what I have been trying to do along with keeping my senses open to the flaws of my partner so I don't get scammed again.

@mandyjw awesome.

I said that I have never lied. I don't know how that means that I have lied?

No. My ex has nothing to do with this forum. He has never been here.

Good advice. Appreciate.

Ok. I am not some Saint but I'm pretty decent in my behavior and this is not some bragging or boasting. I have some core values and principles that I have stuck for since I was like 9 years old. That has always kept me morally strong. It does sound like a tall order. But please understand I have always filled tall orders for myself too. Beginning with I have never cheated in a relationship. Never. I'm completely faithful I'm loving, caring sincere with my emotions I respect my partners. Always have I have never lied I have never been Dishonest I have never abused anyone I have never manipulated a guy. I have a gentle nature I'm strict with morals I have shown understanding and reasonable amount of maturity. I have never tried controlling/dominating / using /nagging a guy I have been straightforward and direct. I have been simple and sensitive to the men I have been with. To me expecting similar things in a partner are not huge expectations. If I have been a reasonably decent human being all my life, why shouldn't I deserve the same in a partner? If I can offer the above (and I've always been offering) in a relationship, then why should I be settling for something less? Also since these are my core values and principles, my relationship with a man offering anything less will never work because there will be a mismatch of principles between him and me.

DrewNows (Forum Drew) taught me a very important lesson about empathy and some of the things he said really resonated with me. But i will say empathy is not the purpose of spirituality, compassion, that's the key, empathy can easily become toxic, enabling the dynamic of victimizing/victim-hood someone who has too much empathy will be used by energy vampires, they actually help promote the devilry they despise when it comes to manipulators and narcissists It's so pointless to look at these energy dynamics strictly from one side, because it doesn't get the full picture view, There would be no narcissists without the self sacrificers or selfless empaths. Yes this is the answer I had been searching for so many years. Being an empath or simply being a good decent kind person attracts a lot of suffering Karmically because we tend to have less expectations from people and forgive people who do wrong things yet this same good behavior gives leverage to bad people to continue to take us for granted and repeat those wrong things to us.. It's important to be aware of the bad effects of being a good person the consequences of being good and carefully plan our steps. Too much empathy can be a recipe for inviting and creating a toxic, enabling the dynamic of victimizing/victim-hood. I'm not victim blaming or victim shaming here. What I mean is its important to be a wise empath, not just being stupidly good but being a responsibly good person, not taking chances with bad people, not being too forgiving, forgiving only a truly repentant person, learning to hold back empathy, punishing people who do bad to you by keeping them out of your life, helping people understand that goodness and forgiveness should not be taken for granted, not being good more than what's necessary, not letting someone feed on your empathy, learning to be selfish when you need to be selfish

Continued. So this was my conversation between DrewNows and me on October 14.. hey i will reply back to your post on the martin thread soon, i am not in a place to socialize at this time. But i will say empathy is not the purpose of spirituality, compassion, that's the key, empathy can easily become toxic, enabling the dynamic of victimizing/victim-hood Preety_India Replied: October 14 Ok I'll be sleeping now. Finished my Journaling for the day. I'll catch you soon DrewNows Replied: October 14 Hey would you mind just speaking here about it rather than openly? Do you see the negative side to empathy and how it can turn into toxic relatability? martin is a great empathic dude, but he is still seeking out and creating the unhealthy dynamic in his perception of others, like it's actually going to help them connect. Compassion connects, not empathy. Spirituality is all about feeling and connection not necessarily relation Preety_India Replied: October 14 Yes I want to discuss. Isn't empathy the same as compassion DrewNows Replied: October 14 no it's not because empathy isn't necessarily "holding space" for someone to work out their own problems, it can be as toxic as jumping into their space to "rescue" them and in turn, teach them it's okay to be like crap "as long as someone like me is here to rescue you", and so they learn they need to stay in the low state until someone comes in to lift them up. Compassion is lending an ear, holding space but not taking on the energy of another. Does this make sense? DrewNows Replied: October 14 someone who has too much empathy will be used by energy vampires, they actually help promote the devilry they despise when it comes to manipulators and narcissists It's so pointless to look at these energy dynamics strictly from one side, because it doesn't get the full picture view, There would be no narcissists without the self sacrificers or selfless empaths. I myself am an empath, sometimes i lose all sense of boundary, people will easily drain me of my high vibrational energy. Preety_India Replied: October 14 Don't you think some people need rescuing in this world. That if they were rescued they would do so much better. If I had godly powers, I would rescue the whole world in a heartbeat... Preety_India Replied: October 14 I'm a huge empath. It causes me to sometimes have mental breakdowns seeing someone suffer and being in their shoes. This has often caused me to get entangled with narcissistic energy vampire leeches who would then use me as a personal punching bag.. So I have decided to be vigilant and not myself to be used and abused and discarded. Preety_India Replied: October 14 Yea I understand your perspective of misplaced empathy causing narcissistic baiters to get attracted and start feeding on that empathy. I do see your point and it's valid. But sometimes let's say a person is in genuine distress and needs help and is not a narcissist. Maybe they need someone to understand their feelings and pain. Maybe they would feel better if someone understood them and also helped them get back to security. In such times an empath can be useful. On 10/14/2020 at 7:11 PM, Preety_India said: Don't you think some people need rescuing in this world. That if they were rescued they would do so much better. If I had godly powers, I would rescue the whole world in a heartbeat... hell no, i want people to recognize their god given abilities, rescuing can be okay if it is clear we are doing it for us, not for them. THat it is not to be expected. once it becomes expected, that's when the dynamic gets toxic DrewNows the birth chart called me the wise empath, i think it's because i have always been able to use both sides of the dynamic, and to block it from reoccuring if it's not actually supporting any longer. Sometimes i struggle too though, i lose myself because all my attention is lost in the people around me. you seem like you are learning well, but does it make sense why i would differentiate between empathy and compassion? Weak beings do need some empathy until they can take on the pain themselves but if they aren't willing to go inward, it's so foolish to play their empath On 10/14/2020 at 7:17 PM, Preety_India said: Yea I understand your perspective of misplaced empathy causing narcissistic baiters to get attracted and start feeding on that empathy. I do see your point and it's valid. But sometimes let's say a person is in genuine distress and needs help and is not a narcissist. Maybe they need someone to understand their feelings and pain. Maybe they would feel better if someone understood them and also helped them get back to security. In such times an empath can be useful. DrewNows thank you i see this we are on the same level, if someone cannot see themselves yet, they need be informed, this will often look like cruel/abusive type of behavior, but when it's given at the right time, it's teaching with a polar shift DrewNows Replied: October 14 There was a time when i left home to live on my own and i would use my mom for emotional stability because i was too afraid to create the friend/intimacy dynamics out of my environment. Eventually i realized what i had been doing, and i felt so ashamed i completely stopped calling her for any "needing saving" reasons. Anyways, life is hard, i guess that's what makes it worth living, nobody wants to be handed everything. Not respect will be had Preety_India Replied: October 14 I have been a foolish empath many times. That's why these days I constantly use the word Vigilance in my journals to remind myself that I need to be vigilant of those who could use my empathy to feed on me. DrewNows Replied: October 14 Ralph smart just did a video yesterday about energy vampires. I am really trying to understand how energy is exchanged via touch and other forms of mental manipulation Yesterday i felt like i had no defenses. I am naturally on a high frequency because of my diet changes, transition away from dense foods, but this doesn't mean i cannot be in low states, it just means that i cannot store the negative emotions like others unless i consume food I played in a soccer game for the first time in a long time just last night, but i didn't have the right mental boundaries to protect my energy. Naturally the high frequency is absorbed by the more dense individuals, so my energy was being leeched all game, when i got close to someone i was literally stunted, or frozen, then i felt awful because i was unable to perform well. I noticed my energy had been influencing all the energy on the field. Everyone was tired/exhausted, i had teammates at half time saying they felt like they wanted to take a nap. I felt so out of place, i didn't share my awareness with the team but i felt incapable of changing my mood/attitude to create solid boundaries DrewNows Replied: October 15 Yea energy gets robbed in so many ways. People leech off you and destroy your morale. When people manipulate you they take away your potential for life. It's hard to detect manipulation. But being vigilant helps a lot. DrewNows Replied: October 15 you’re a lot of fun to work with You know what really needs to be reconsidered/questioned? Ancient history and everything in the history books. on another note there’s a great older movie called “they live” and it’s fabulous rendition of the powers that be controlling society beyond the human mind. None of it is believable but it’s a great flick for reflection. The lower level energy stages are creating the problems we face in the system of societies today Preety_India Replied: October 15 You're fun to work with as well. We complement each other really well. Thanks for being my friend for so long. And thanks for understanding my oddities and eccentricities. DrewNows Replied: October 15 you have Pissed me off several times this year, mainly because of your emotional support of circle jerking within politics and against misunderstood CT etc. today I learned how I’m similar to Leo, as a Taurus moon I literally crave emotional support, he need the physical. When I don’t get emotional support I lose my grounding completely. His perception is quite rooted in love for the physical, mines rooted in the emotional love Replied: October 15 @DrewNows Lmfao. You're too funny.

Yea biases on both sides. I agree.

The other important lesson I learned. Was that being good is not always a good thing. I was always taught by my dad to help people, to be there for people when they needed you. My dad was a very helpful wonderful man. He used to help a lot of people. I also saw him being taken advantage by many people. But he always taught me that no matter we should always be good to people. We should always help people. After going through a series of bitter experiences early on in life where my pet was murdered, I was betrayed by friends, my dad died after a long battle with terminal illness, my ex boyfriends took advantage of me both financially and emotionally, I realized that being a good person is not a cakewalk in this world. Often times growing up, we learn from parents and teachers that we should be very good to other people. I was raised in a very strict Catholic environment and I was always taught to be charitable, almost like a Saint. I don't find any particular problem in being a good person but there is a condition. I have learned that being a good person is not this rosy fairy tale that the world feeds you. The world tried to make you believe that being good is a very easy thing. Actually it's not. Being a good decent person comes with severe challenges. This is the nature of reality. Reality is naked and denying reality will not work. Reality in its naked form has to be accepted whether we like it or not.. Reality is that good people get shit on more often than good people and this is just the truth. Here I'm not trying to conclude that we should be bad people, no, but what I'm trying to say is that when you are a good person you should be made fully aware of the terms and conditions before being taught to be a good person.. Being a good person will naturally and Karmically attract a lot of suffering. People will take advantage of you. You will end up creating (without you wanting) a perpetrator victim cycle. You won't be aware that you are creating this cycle. It will automatically be created. You will get victimized for being a good person. An analogy that I can give is this. Being a good person is like walking naked into a very very cold dark wintry night. You will catch cold and you might even collapse because of the cold. Because being good makes you a vulnerable person unless you take proper measures to not let it happen. I had a discussion with forum Andrew that is DrewNows and he gave me a wonderful insight on what it means to be an empath. I'll write it here in some time. Continued. Editing.

He is also healing from a previous relationship.. I'm not very attached to my current boyfriend (Andrew) because I still suffer emotional baggage from the past relationship. Andrew also has some baggage to deal with. We both give each other space. It's not like we don't like each other but we are not too attached because we both need time to sort things and come to a closure. I'm trying to find my closure and he is trying to find his closure. Once we both go through this process where we are completely healed then we both can be very happy with each other. That's what we both are focused on and we both are trying to fasten the process of healing the past. That's why I'm so eager with my healing.

In a way the bad experience with Joseph was important in creating an awakening in me. It has helped me come out of my bubble. There was a Karmic exchange between me and him. We both have our Karmic burdens, Karmic burdens and Karmic Debts to pay. In being very emotionally connected with each other, we created a strong Karmic bond. It bonded us forever, in eternity. This Karmic bond. Because he did wrong things to me. He hurt me. In this process he forever became forged with me energetically.

He helps with me with my healing. He understands what I went through and he gives me space for healing. He is not unhappy with me.

Note to myself Remember one thing. That you're always creating your reality whether you realize this or not. You have two options. You consciously create your reality You don't consciously create your reality When you choose the first option, you have a better chance at living a good life because you're being very responsible with every aspect of your life and dealing with reality very responsibly. When you choose the second option, you're doing a disservice. When you don't create your reality Consciously, you leave it to fate and that way reality is being created (automatically) unconsciously, without your permission in it and you're simply rolling with this reality and becoming its slave. It's better if you create it consciously.

Easy saying than doing. I still have a lot of trauma from my ex boyfriend (Joseph) to sort out. I can't suppress it, because it doesn't get suppressed like that. Venting and talking about it and trying to cope and understand it is a better method of healing rather than completely stopping it.

Good point. Some people are self righteous to the point where they assume they just couldn't have done any wrong. They are Incapable of seeing that they might have hurt the woman, they automatically think that they are the best men. Yea this is a possibility. However such a possibility is very unfortunate. I'd really feel bad for the guy who did his best and the woman understood him all wrong. Too unlucky.

My current boyfriend is very good and I'm lucky. But this luck has come after a lot of suffering. Anyway it's still good.

@electroBeam ahh

@electroBeam By a hurtful asshole I mean a man who engages in the following behaviors Dishonest Lying or liar "Wandering eye" Cheater Constant manipulating type Constant gaslighting type Abusive name calling/bullying Stalking /harassing Manipulative mind control Obsessed Threatening Upsetting Insensitive asshole, overly judgemental Sexually abusing Abandoning /disappearing Unfaithful Flip flopping Two Faced/Backstabbing Blackmailing /emotional blackmailing Excessive love bombing as a bait /trickster Says mean hurtful things, rubs salt into wounds Financially scamming Unloving Uncaring and Unempathetic Hostile My expectations in a relationship No cheating. Faithfulness Loving and caring Respectful No lying, no Dishonesty No abuse No manipulation Gentle nature Strict with morals Understanding and maturity Not a control freak Straightforward and direct. Simple and sensitive to women's emotions.

I need to be with a man who is Not too smart Simple Not a player Not too selfish. He should a bit selfless, like me. Caring Very disciplined emotionally. Not a hurtful man. If any man is being hurtful, immediately reject him. Because hurtful means he is going to be an asshole. Before he hurts more, immediately reject.