Preety_India

The rest of the year in order 2016 went in me having fights with my second bf and it was a tough time mentally and emotionally. I knew something was up between me and him.. The fights were intense. He would keep pushing my buttons. Call me names. Act crazy I didn't want him. I collapsed in the bathroom on November 26, 2016. After that I was admitted in the hospital The stress had gone to my brain and my heart was affected. My liver suffered damage because of the shot of blood through it. When I was back home after a week I was recuperating from my liver injury. That's when I decided I had to be done with him for good. I broke up the following month but I continued talking to him. It was my birthday month, February 2016, and he got me a gift to assure me that he still loved me. I wasn't having it I spent the entire time of early 2017 from one hospital to another because they weren't able to confirm my liver diagnosis. I had several doctor visits each month from January to May. Every visit was a misdiagnosis or a disappointment. I was told to get a cancer test. I was cleared Then I was again rotated between many hospitals and doctors. My mom was with me during this time. My boyfriend wasn't. He would always say he was busy even when it was holidays on Sundays even when it would hardly be an hour trip to the hospital. He just didn't want to help me in any way. I remembered how I used to help him whenever he needed anything and how he appropriately ignored me when I needed help. Always busy? Like what? Busy for 4 months and not finding one day to help me to the hospital when I'm in terrible distress?????? Who wants this kind of a helpless manipulative boyfriend who only cares about himself and doesn't give a damn if I lived or died??? My mom said to me "I'm always accompanying you, so where's your boyfriend when you need him? What a boyfriend you have?" I had enough of his excuses and his tantrums. He only wanted me when he wanted and needed sex or money. No thanks. I broke up in July that year (2017)..... I was done with him for good. It was a relief from his constant bickerings about me not calling him. He would have nothing nice to say whenever I called. He was using me as his entertainment puppy. Such men want everything from you, but they never give love. Heartless. That same year I met Joseph at a grocery store. This was September I felt good for the first time in my life.

BornToBoil

@Keyhole If I saw a spider, I might go yuck. And if ever saw one, like a small one, I surely won't call it Kevin or Gavin, I'll take the fly swatter and Swat!!

@Eren Eeager Maybe don't do plugging and simply take oral. Let the SSRIs die down. But please do it after a month. You're building tolerance so fast. You'll need more then and that's not good. Keep psychedelic dose low and evenly Spaced in time like once a month trip. Or once in 7 weeks..

This is hilarious. The yellow Frisbee is on the ground. Haha.

@Raze oh lol I see, you mean he is a bit right wingish now? He was too open on Young Turks

Why are you doing this so fast? I mean I don't know how to put it, my bad English sorry. But try to keep a break in between. Maybe like 4 weeks. I do mushrooms each month but only once or once in 2 You can't hurry up this kind of thing.

I like Michael Woods. Have heard him many times before. He is straightforward. I don't have time to watch this full.. But can you tell me, some major points of disagreements. (I might watch it later)

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. May God Bless Her and Rest in Peace. I felt guilty when my father died and I was young and I didn't know how to handle it. It was the single greatest disaster in my life. You need to understand that things happen in vicious ways and we have no choice in the grand scheme of things. All we can do is pray and want peace for the ones we love. I hope you find peace within yourself. Make peace with her soul.. She knows you loved her. She is not hurt. She is glad you are on this earth. Please don't break apart. Stay Strong. Prayers. ❤️?

@Leo Gura I was talking about a good story that is aesthetics in terms of a good story. I know you mean aesthetics in purely in terms of appearance. But men don't care about a story.

I will feel the same way. This girl is going to be exploited by this guy. I remember when I was 19 and fell in love with a 32 year old guy. He wouldn't look at me and promptly refused me saying "no, I can't, you're like a child to me".... He was too embarrassed to date me. He never exploited me. He could have because I was too submissive and naive and ready to do anything to get his love. But he didn't do anything and simply let me have my dignity. I mean he was a gentleman. He didn't want to ruin me and I'm glad that he didn't have sexual relations with me, maybe if I did I would have been traumatized after a breakup. He knew that very well and didn't want to break my heart or cause trauma. So there you go, not all men are like this They won't play games with you. I can't imagine that guy hiding his age and he was a super handsome guy. The thing is a man at that level doesn't want to do that kind of shit where he hides his age.. This is so sneaky. I want to be direct here and say tell your sister to just break up with him.. He is no good. It's better safe than sorry You know

Women are picky because women love aesthetics. They want a good story. Men only want a good experience, they don't care about the story.

Stoneware is better than bone china lol.

Gentlemen don't fight. I'm following this mental policy these past few days, it maybe be of some help, I call it "Reprogram the Mind" and what it means is this - When someone is being an asshole to you, simply let go and understand that it reflects more of who they are than it does of you. I don't want their bad energy and aggression to affect me. And by being graceful and nice I'm also paving the way to show that this is the way to be. It's called holding your head high and not giving 2 shits about what people think or want from you. Let them sulk in the corner. And let their bad energy dissipate. I'm a peace lover, not a fighter, Amen.

Salt of the Earth

Want to read this later https://delishably.com/dairy/How-to-buy-the-healthiest-eggs

I see Michelle Obama and Barack Obama as a power couple. Great example.

A journal for keeping a record on cleansing

Focus on content, aesthetics, results and logistics Content Aesthetics Results Logistics

Yea I talked about conscious control Remember to keep bullet points ready.

I got the news in September 2015 that my mom would be returning from United States. That's when I began to feel less lonely.. Once she came back from US, I focused on writing my diaries.. I was preparing my diaries in late 2015. That is around December 2015. Early 2016, I had already finished a book I was too busy and thrilled but very hard working from January 2016 to July 2016.

After coming out of coma, I was trying to recover from March 2015 to June 2015. I had a big fight with Bud in May 2015 when I confronted him why he wouldn't make any marriage plans and he was being flippant. I was very lonely in this time. July 2015..August 2015.September 2015 These three months I was in severe depression and loneliness from the trauma of coma and helplessness and fights with Bud, severe social anxiety. I downspiraled.. And it was late August and early September 2015 that I dropped to my knees and I decided I had to end my life

I'm remember having joined a website in 2017 around February and then quitting the website in August the same year because I felt bullied by a girl and I felt humiliated. Next I join a dark sleazy website I'll call it SlezzeDom. I was on SlezzeDom from August, 2017 because I simply wanted to troll the shit out of stage Green people on the internet. I remember suffering huge level of cyber bullying from August to December 2017. This is also the time I meet Joseph and things are very crazy and very sexual during this time. But what happened in early 2017. I was in the hospital confronting death once again in late 2016 that is December 2016. That's when I was deciding that I had to stop being with Bud. Because he had taken me straight to death with his egoic battles. Before this, the time when I felt like I was dying was in January /February 2015....bad time.. I was in a coma. I was in a coma for several weeks.

I was going through depression in months following breaking up with Bud in July 2017.... This time I'm in the US. September is when I meet Joseph. Am I suicidal during this time? No.. And I think 2017 was an upbeat year. I wasn't suicidal at this time. Was I suicidal in 2016? I spent this whole year 2016 writing a ton of stuff. I remember watching the elections. I remember acting like an immature idiot and telling people to vote for Trump. I remember praising Trump in 2017. I was a great Trump supporter in both 2016 and 2017.

From July 2016 to December 2016, I'm literally going through hell.. I'm suffering too much. I finally break up with him around in 2017 February and then once again in 2017 July. I finally tell Mr Bud to confront my family regarding marriage which he doesn't. That's when I confront him. This is somewhere in 2017 May/ June /July. Bud got married this year during the pandemic probably in JUNE 2020..it came as a shocker because he would always tell me that he would be single for me. Because of my low memory (due to PTSD) I Just don't remember anything. So I need to document everything lest I forget.