Preety_India

I laughed at this. Sooner or later it's realized that the masculine is not worth the energy.

As long as they have nothing to hide.

Yes this. Very important. My interactions with my ex were very sexist and unpleasant. I wish I had known all this knowledge before, I would not have wasted 3 years with him. From now on I know that if the interactions aren't pleasant, it's red flag.

That's a super nice take. But how do I figure out if the alpha I'm dating is feminine friendly or not? That is still a difficult thing because initially every guy puts on the best front.

Those squirrels have also shared the abundance of the universe with you in their hearts by being grateful to you for feeding them.

Sure. Deeply held mental patterns are always hard to get rid off. But just imagine, how much better you would feel if you completely rid yourself of such thoughts. Would it be better if you touched 40,and thought how much time you wasted being entangled in such beliefs You would be too happy to get rid of them right now and live the life that you want and not regret it later. I hope you do work hard on yourself. Drugs and weed and alll those distractions are only temporary and don't fix much of anything. However powerful mental reprogramming is a huge benefit and will significantly change your life for the better. In the end you'll thank yourself for the powerful developments in you. I hope you start making changes today.

Maybe don't spend as much time around them as you used to. Self actualization is a lonely path. You shouldn't try to discuss with them or listen to them, their perspectives will never satisfy you. You be who you are and dissociate from their line of thinking, although you could technically still be friends with them despite having different paths in life.

I do agree with this. I kinda get where you're coming from, you're trying to caution me that a dominant male could easily be a sexist asshole, right?

I hugged many today.

I completey get your idea. But I just don't see any reason why being a dominant male to you automatically translates as "a master slave dynamic" or asymmetric oppressive relationship, or treating the woman unfairly or not considering her equal.. Just like you think that being a feminist doesn't equate female supremacy, don't you think a dominant male might think that being dominant doesn't equate male supremacy. Just like you think that you being called a Queen is more about equality, rather than dominance, I think calling him a King is about respect and adoration rather than slavery. Does this make sense? It's about mutual perception. If I think he is a king, he should also think of me in a respectful way. I don't see a problem in giving higher leverage to a man in a relationship and I don't consider it as a competition, where if I consider him a king, then it automatically means I'm a slave? No, I don't look at it this way. It's not like that I have to sacrifice something of myself or compromise to make him feel above me. I'd more than glad if he is above me.

I smell a "friendzone" related shadow and limiting beliefs going on here. In this case it has less to do with the woman and more to do with your own perception of the situation between you and her. Making a move is naturally the next step in dating a girl and shouldn't carry the baggage of thoughts like "don't want to hurt her", "taking advantage of her", "what she would think", this way you have already limited yourself in your approach, providing yourself with ample opportunities to be friend zoned already. Instead be proactive and think "this is the right time" "she would be more than glad that I popped the question or asked for a date".. I guess what you need here is the reprogramming of your limiting beliefs and being more positive about dating and approaching rather than casting it in a negative framework. If your intentions are pure, the thought of "taking advantage" shouldn't really cross your mind. Maybe tone down the number of female friends that you have, probably getting used to females in the context of friends is perhaps habituating you to viewing women more as friends and inhibiting your primal sexual instincts. In a way you're shunting yourself, brother zoning yourself by constantly having females as friends. It's nice to have the opposite sex as friends, but I can imagine myself as having a lot of male friends and in that case, my romantic side might get shunted.. Basically it kinda skews your brain to feel awkward in sexual situations. I can easily see that here the girl is not the problem, it's your approach which is entirely wrong. You're already creating the foundation for friend zoning with your own limited beliefs. Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Try to work on changing these beliefs because they are clearly not helping, in fact they are harming your prospects big time Friends are forever and you can always make them along the way at any age, but dating is a whole new ballgame You'll have to be competitive to win a date. It's about attraction and building attraction is your sole responsibility. Drinking is not a problem if you're looking for a breakthrough. If it helps you get laid then so be it. What I see in your post is a ton of limiting beliefs that are inhibiting you from being authentic in your desire and expressing this desire and in turn causing you to be friend zoned. It's almost like you're asking for it. Work around on your limiting beliefs and triggers and thoughts. Be open and focus on building attraction with the goal of sexual relationships.

Ahh, you're taking this the other way lol. Men do call their women princesses. Some women like the idea of being the smaller one in the relationship. And smaller, not in terms of age. Dependency is one thing and feeling endearing is another. I guess to me the whole queen aspect looks like a "dominant female" and I don't prefer that.. I'm very submissive in relationships with men and I'm aware this may not be perceived in the best way, but I don't necessarily look at it negatively. Maybe he can call me his little princess and if I have a daughter with him, he can call her the little Queen. It's a lot about just semantics. At the end of day, it has to be a happy relationship, the terms really wouldn't matter much. I don't think too deep into this. To me in our culture it's completely okay to call a woman a princess, it's considered affectionate rather than asymmetrical or enslaving. In fact it doesn't have to be an older man and younger woman, they can be both of the same age and he can still lead her on. It's just a matter of what is respectively attractive to both male and female in that culture.

The real queen (oh, king) is Experience

Work on your people pleasing issues. Be well dressed and (not drunk) while approaching a woman. Be polite and calm and subtle. Never ask too many questions right away or make any sexual moves right off the bat, invite her on a formal date like a dinner or a movie (hugely reduces creepy vibes), get to know her gradually and compliment her on her looks or interests, don't be afraid of rejections, reduce anxiety by approaching more women, appear confident, plan trips, go for long walks with that person to reduce anxiety, be upfront in your communication, honest in your responses about yourself, be friendly but learn to drop hints that you mean more than just friendship, send a flirty emoji if you're texting her, gradually escalate your interest, flirt throughout the conversations, but not too sexual, friendly flirting, light hearted flirting. And see where it goes. I guess the main idea would be to be persistent in your flirting to make yourself more visible or else it will just be a one time event and she might easily forget that interaction. So keep the logistics going by making plans further meetings and spending more time with the person. Spending more time with the girl is definitely a great way of bonding without feeling creepy. Also this gives her the warm feeling that you're always around and who knows, she might start getting feelings for you The idea is to remain persistent in keeping her interested and drawing her attention so you're always in her mind and at some point she might start thinking about you seriously and not just as a friend. First thing and the main thing to keep the story going is to decide on the logistics. Plan ahead. Where, what, how you're going to meet this friend. Visualize. Keep the chase going. Keep investing your time to build up the interest in this person that you like. Initially, she might ignore you or might not think much about you, maybe see you as a potential passing interest or a friend. But gradually as you keep flirting and dropping your clues that you are really interested in pursuing further, I guess this will definitely catch her attention and she might respond to you in a more serious/sexual/romantic kind of way. Goodluck.

@Conscious life why is Buddha an obstacle?

Why do you say that? What would you achieve from killing Buddha?

@Etherial Cat I usually don't look at the word "dominance" as something enslaving me. I don't see it as a slave narrative. I look at it differently. To me dominance means not a "boss" but someone "guiding motivating encouraging and leading" like a coach or mentor or simply the bigger guy who knows more and is more secure and leading me to be with him. I see dominance as the "big brother who always cares with tough love" A man can be dominant without being bossy and even if he is bossing me around, I generally don't see a problem in him being my boss if he is polite and caring and simply directing me. I like to be his little princess rather than queen

@Conscious life I kinda don't mind Leo coming in my dreams. Even in dreams he is giving solid advice

Time stamp - 4.34 pm. Completed some of my office work. 4 hours work. Then came to the forum. How much time spent on the forum - 1 hour. I'll gradually reduce my time on the forum but this won't happen right away. The pandemic did offer me a huge chance to be on the forum and learn communication, interaction, feedback. I've changed so much just being on the forum. Now I need to change more. I don't like being my older version. I constantly go through metamorphosis and become a new me every few months. I like the idea of growth and growing and learning. Came to the forum 4. 34 pm. Spend time tending garden - 2 hours. I like cutting shrubs and bushes. I love to spend time in the company of plants and trees. I feel like they are talking to me. Afternoon time is usually not the best. I usually like the bigger bulkier trees. Sitting under them in the night is a beautiful spooky mysterious experience. This is in the morning The trees usually look dry on most evenings. Some trees shed their leaves by the end of the day and in the night they look kinda spooky. I don't know what this bluish tinge is on these trees. Maybe camera flash. I love spending time surrounded by trees. They bring a sense of completion. I simply walk into these woods in search of inner peace. Time stamp 5.52 pm.

This.

This cat looks so cute. On a side note - don't think too much about people.

@Forestluv thanks for your response and for being able to relate. It helps.

I don't wish to talk to him ever again. I will never contact him again or let him contact me. I think a person who hurts you so much doesn't deserve to be spoken to. I stood up for myself many times in the relationship, especially towards the end. He is a narcissist and so he doesn't care what others have to say, he simply ignores if it's not serving his purpose, he always wants the upper hand in everything. I'm trying my best to feel happy, although very difficult in the current context of the situation, yet I'm trying my best to continue with my life and vent about it as much as I can till I reach a point where I'm finally done venting and can move on peacefully. Thanks for your support.

You have a beautiful heart, thank you for reaching out to me in my time of need. I desperately needed gentle words. Reading your words makes me feel better already. I like how you said "you're not a rehabilitation center for others." yep makes perfect sense. Once again thanks for taking out the time for a beautiful lengthy response.

Thank you so much for the detailed input, your words resonate thoroughly with my current mental status I'm in a bit better mood today than yesterday. And as you said, it won't go away overnight. I'm waiting for time to heal it slowly. Yes, I was in a state of shock in the past few weeks and trying my best to move on. Journaling and venting about it definitely helps a lot. Thanks for your time, it means a lot to me.