Preety_India

@NoSelfSelf it is pointless to make me a problem when I'm 100% sure I'm not the problem. Hey I do own my mistakes when I see them. But not this time.

@meta_male thanks a ton for understanding

Frankly I'm tired of you two guys @something_elseand @meta_male constantly posting unhelpful stuff on my thread and derailing it in such a way. Maybe there are other alternative solutions or theories out there that might be helpful to me that you guys just don't know about. Maybe other users know. I request you two to not further derail my thread by repeating the same stuff.

But that's not my experience. Again it's your assumption that doesn't line up with my experience. It's like you're desperately trying to prove yourself right even when it doesn't align with my experience. Well improvement can also mean taking a different course of action like staying away from engaging in situations that have proven to be harmful over time? So if my past experiences suggest that I'm always dealing with a scammer, then maybe it's time to shut that door for good, instead of repeatedly being subjected to it again. Isn't that improvement to stop the flow of negative experiences in life? Your experiences might vastly differ from mine. Can you agree with this? But if that advice doesn't resonate, maybe people should reconsider that it's not helpful to post such advice because the user doesn't see any worth in it. Well male dominated forum is not my problem.. I am not asking for any sugar coating, just looking for relatable experiences so I can know what people who went through similar situations did. I'm looking for other alternative solutions that you probably don't have to offer but please stop the assumptions stuff. It seriously doesn't align at all with my experience. It's simply imposing your view on me. Move on if your suggestions aren't helpful instead of trying to be self righteous about it.

Compatibility is not the issue. I can say that I might find better people to become friends but this will need extensive screening and a ton of socialization to get past all the bad apples and get the good apples. But this will be extremely time consuming for me to get 1 good apple That's the reason I said that for introverted people like me it's better to reconsider why I would need friends or if its even worth it. Because at this stage, the cost far outweighs the benefits I get from these useless friendships I need to do some cost benefit analysis here???

If you guys are constantly going to post assumptions and projections on my thread, then this thread is going to be derailed and I might have to ask to get it locked. Please be aware that your opinions can also be assumptions that have no real basis in my life because you didn't exist in my life situations for you to confidently assert your assumptions. This is wrong behavior and its only imposing your views on a person who is not agreeing with it. Please avoid such behaviors. It's not helpful and leads to unnecessary conflict.

No that's not the issue. If you don't understand the issue it's fine, but please don't change or assume something that is not true. I wasn't turning anyone off. They were mistreating me that caused me to reconsider why I would need friends if I have to find such people. I'm not demonizing them but it's probably better to reconsider something that is not being fruitful or productive to me. If a lot of my friends turn out to be greedy assholes, maybe I should not put so much trust in them?

Is this like your 5th comment on my thread that is unproductive to my issue? Can you see how aggressively you are engaging with me? I am observing that you are constantly coming back to my thread just to post some negative assumptions on my character. I don't appreciate your behavior. No thanks. That's not a possibility. Maybe just stop commenting if you don't get it. You misunderstanding my post is not my problem, stop with the unnecessary critique. If a person is asking for guidance, don't use that as an opportunity to attack that person and make that person a problem, it's very counter productive and creates unnecessary tension and stress. Nothing in my posts suggests that I'm pushing people away, absolutely nothing. In fact I clearly stated that I was always faithful and devoted in the friendship whereas I was being mistreated in the friendship. Your outlook is very myopic and you simply trying to constantly trigger me because this triggering is stimulating to you????? Enough of you imposing your assumptions and projections on me. I'm looking for positive answers and proper feedback, not looking for personal attacks on my character. If I was in your position and I realized that the OP does not find any common ground or resonance with my answer, I would have simply left the thread instead of continuing to argue This shows that you are deriving stimulation by arguing with me, why because I'm a girl???? Some guys come to the thread just to say something triggering to a woman on purpose because for them it's stimulating. I have no more time to deal with you.

Celebrating the good parts of life.

I feel a complete surrender..

I feel like whenever I talk to a guy, I don't know what to talk about or how to start a conversation. I suck at it because of my introverted nature. I struggle to talk. I struggle with intimacy too. Like I cannot have an intimate conversation with a guy. Suggestions?

4 ft. Topic closed.

Let's see where and how I went wrong in all of these scenarios. Relationships and connections are a core area of my life and my major source wound. Often people with bpd can have tumultuous relationships. So I get that. A) I trust people way too much. I gave away my authority many times to others B) I fell in love with my first boyfriend but never cared to see if he really cared about me or not. C) I was very vulnerable with people and this attracted people who wanted to prey on me, those who sensed weaknesses in me, like sharks come to sardines. D) I'm a magnet for narcissists. I have always been. Characteristically, I'm an INFJT. I read somewhere that INFJ-T particularly attract narcissists. E) I fell in love with my second boyfriend but once again he never had to do anything to earn my trust. Nor did he allow me room to open up and be vulnerable. I was simply too needy and I allowed him his way. I never screened him or tested him in any way. F) I was extremely non judgemental.. I never judged these men. I simply allowed them to my world. G) there were several red flags in each of these relationships. I ignored them because I took it too lightly. This was because of my deep trust in these guys. I never actually thought that they could hurt me. H) I was naive I) I was dumb and stupid. J) I was being too innocent almost to my detriment. K) I never screened anyone or used any kind of screening tests L) not allowing me intimacy should have been the first red flag but there was no bulb in my brain. M) I also had a tendency to ignore if any of them said or did something bad to me. For example my ex boyfriend Joseph gave me death threats. I didn't take it seriously. My trust in him was very deep to the point that I actually could not imagine him harming me. N) O)

Hmm..

I think one of the problems is that I was vulnerable in a general kinda way but never vulnerable in a personal kind of way. First of all I was never given such an opportunity by any of my past boyfriends. They never allowed me to open up They were always dominating the narrative commanding me what to do. I never had a say in those relationships.

Because of my introversion, I never really had an intimate connection with anyone. I never had such an experience.

I opened a topic in this regard.

I sometimes feel like I will never get what I really want and this is a true sense of connection.

Let's see where and how I went wrong in all of these scenarios. Relationships and connections are a core area of my life and my major source wound. Often people with bpd can have tumultuous relationships. So I get that. A) I trust people way too much. I gave away my authority many times to others B) I fell in love with my first boyfriend but never cared to see if he really cared about me or not. C) I was very vulnerable with people and this attracted people who wanted to prey on me, those who sensed weaknesses in me, like sharks come to sardines. D) I'm a magnet for narcissists. I have always been. Characteristically, I'm an INFJT. I read somewhere that INFJ-T particularly attract narcissists. E) I fell in love with my second boyfriend but once again he never had to do anything to earn my trust. Nor did he allow me room to open up and be vulnerable. I was simply too needy and I allowed him his way. I never screened him or tested him in any way. F) I was extremely non judgemental.. I never judged these men. I simply allowed them to my world. G) there were several red flags in each of these relationships. I ignored them because I took it too lightly. This was because of my deep trust in these guys. I never actually thought that they could hurt me. H) I was naive

@lizz_luna thank you.

My key problem is that I don't have true people in my life. I was talking about the concept of the true heart. I was watching the video how to not get scammed and duped. Some pointers I have to look back over my life and see what exactly went wrong. Yes I was scammed multiple times in the name of love and friendship. People who would always use me for some reason. It started in school and then continued as a pattern in my life. I had to let people go or they dumped me because they didn't need me anymore. Or I had to break up with them because I realized that I was just a pawn in their life. By now I have had almost 5 boyfriends. Back to back and I am not happy. The first few relationships have been terrible. Socializing is not the Answer although helps in the process so I must socialize It's also improving social and emotional IQ and being able to scan people thoroughly.

You need to work on how to invite deep connections into your life.

@Someone here attracting a partner is not a problem because I attract them quick enough. But the communication is always a problem since I'm unable to establish intimacy with them.

@something_else I'm sorry I got pissed off at you. It was one friendship that was like that. You're right. But I'ma person who makes friends with great difficulty to begin with, I'm too introverted, even one betrayal can bring an end to my world

You don't understand my post or you're understanding it all the wrong ways. No more. Goodluck.