Preety_India

My family relationships are kinda dysfunctional. I don't wish to go into the details of that. Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely and it's really impacting me. I get depressed and moody. Then I fight with my boyfriend and just ignore him. Deep down I know it's the loneliness that's killing me. I tried to be strong mentally but the realization that relationships are fickle kills me inside. I always wanted a huge family where people loved each other but I never had that. I feel a sense of disconnection with my family. They rarely call me. They call me only if finances have to be discussed or some work that needs to be done.. I feel lost or abandoned or emotionally distant from everyone around me.. I just finished a call with my relatives and I told them how they ignore me. And they told me that they would be out for a trip and hung up. I felt very despondent after that. Like nobody wanted to even ask me how I was. It sucks that humanity is so selfish and nobody gives a damn about another unless they need the person for some reason. This has been weighing heavily on my mind. It feels like I'm swimming alone in a vast sea. How do you cope with being alone and lonely ? To be honest it feels awful. And chatting and talking to people online satisfies the hunger for connection, but it's temporary. I wish I had a heart to heart family member but I know it will never happen. What are some suggestions to deal with this sinking feeling and loss of connection?

I'm a sage too. But I exercise a bit here and there. A little walking and jogging. It's much less now because I was banned from walking or running around my house because I broke Covid lockdown rules. But as soon as they lift the ban, I will start walking and exercising again A sage needs it more than anything. So glad I'm seeing at least one person call himself a sage like in 3 years being on this forum. I was sick of the stage Orange Mentality. Finally found someone who calls themselves a sage. What a pleasure. Happy Saging.

To be honest I have no problem in getting a government check, although I don't get any government checks in a third world country hahaha. But even if I did, I would use it to invest in self development programs and premium self development that I usually can't afford. To work ( and develop yourself) or not to work is up to you. For example if someone told me to work for money, I would actually be upset rather than motivated no matter even if the paycheck was huge But if someone told me to work for free and it's something I love to do and I can see my passion in it, I would put hours and hours of free work into it. Work is not the problem. It's association with money is the problem @The Don You know what I mean?

Get a new apartment

Race and gender are genetic because you can see the difference between the sex organs between a male and a female . Second race is genetic Both are purely biological constructs and not created by a thought or belief. However this is in no means is a justification for inequality or separation or any form of supremacy.

@Akira love you.

You twist whatever I say intentionally or unintentionally. What I said was this So if a white man complains about racism, it's kinda funny and ironic. Because he can never relate to the experience of being a non white I didn't say a white man's issues I specifically said that if a white man complains about racism, it won't be taken seriously because it is nothing in comparison to the racism black people face and on the level they face. You twisted my statement and made it sound like I'm downplaying white people's problems. I completely acknowledge poor white men's problems as I've been there. My ex boyfriend was a homeless white man. I supported him all through the way, also helped him get a job. So I get those things and I know those things What I said was in reference to a white man complaining about racist hate directed at him and why it won't be taken seriously in the larger context.

After thinking about for sometime, I have realized that my family doesn't want me anymore. This is a heartbreaking feeling for me. I get it that they are selfish. That they ignore me for extremely long periods of time. That they don't like me or want me and their actions reflect that. And no amount of me complaining and trying to fit in or impress them will work because they simply don't consider me a part of them. It feels brutal but I wish to move on and not remain stuck with it. I've forgiven them for their selfish acts and that part is not an issue. I want suggestions on how to not feel hurt or abandoned after realizing that nobody wants you? I want suggestions on how to get this thicker skin and simply move on. I want to know what mindset will make me feel stronger and less impacted by the situation?

I've no privilege. If my life is hard, then it's hard, then why does it have anything to do with you. People have the right to express their problems and experiences. Who told you that you shouldn't? Go ahead and tell yours. I'm not bashing your experiences in any way. Support for Trump is not because of me but because racist people love his dog whistling. So be aware of your misinterpretations and blame shifting.

You're right.

@Akira look dude, if you are being disrespectful and if I told you that then just back off. I told you a dozen times right now to leave me alone. It shows your intent to keep triggering me. I never said all white people are racist. I've every right to express my racist experiences and how they impacted me. You're trying to downplay the impact of my racist experiences.. I don't need your rationalization or justifications for your racist behavior. "brown mouth" is a racial slur you called me, I don't care about your interpretations and rationalizations. I didn't ask you for an explanation or apology. So why bother giving it. That's shows more about you than me. I just leave my opinions. I don't go after people if their opinions are different the way you're doing here. I'm not replying you anymore because I'm not interested in creating flamewars and dumpster fires. Got better things to do than argue with people who are degrading me on the internet. Bye

@Akira the usage of that word is degrading. Stop defending degrading language I know english enough to know the difference between degrading and disagreeing. Stop throwing your racist degrading garbage at me. Stop bullying and trolling me. Go waste your time elsewhere and stop targeting me.

@Akira stop degrading me. I told you not to mention me. You're constantly mentioning me when I'm not interested in arguing with you.

I'm thinking what happens if he leaves the country..

I'm done talking about this topic. It's attracting racist bashing people from the forum. I don't want to be mentioned or quoted on this thread. Thanks.

Calling me a brown mouth? Look at the degrading way you speak. Maybe you get treated that way because you're racist yourself. Don't talk to me again if you can't talk respectfully. Don't ever quote me or mention me again.

Are we going to have a competition here of who is getting it worse?

@How to be wise yea in America it's pretty bad. Very outright overt public racism. It's like in your face racism. Maybe in the UK it's better.. I like Canadians though Many Canadians I met weren't racist I can see why Indians love Canada.

Haha. So mean.

Racism does exist in multidimensional ways. For example I've faced Racism as an Asian in America from both white people and black people. But the racism that I faced as an Asian is no comparison to the racism faced by black people. My ex boyfriend used to constantly say things like "you are a nerd" or "you must be good at math" or "you are too intelligent". He even gave me a nickname called "Algorithm." he thought I was into some software job like most Indians in America. I mean he was right about me being good at school and in my subjects, but I didn't want to be stereotyped that way.. Plus the poverty stereotype. He would constantly make me feel I couldn't afford anything or be surprised if I were to buy something expensive. As if I didn't deserve it. His expressions would imply something like "oh now even Indians can have this." Plus he would constantly separate me from other Asians. Trying to make it look like other Asians, Chinese and others were kinda high class and Indians are low class. He would never want to call me an Asian when I'm born in the Asian continent. His constant insinuations to refer to me as a separate Asian would make me very uncomfortable. Because I don't see myself as any different from anyone who is from Thailand or Vietnam or China. All of these countries are in Asia along with India. I understand the differences in looks. But does that need to be highlighted every time? What if I said to a Mexican born in America, "you're not a westerner, because you don't look like one or you're not an American." same way. It's kinda hurtful when you are not even referred to where you belong from and where your ancestors have lived for centuries. If I have to be very honest, much of racism actually comes from white people. This is just a sad truth. Europeans and American (white Americans) especially. It's pretty strong with these folks. They have a stunning sense of superiority which is abhorrent. I wasn't made to feel like I'm Indian or "something different or low class" when I interacted with Black people, people from Arab countries or Latinos. Then why only whites? Racism is disgusting and such attitudes are internalized by young children. I understand the problem of identity and referring to someone from a specific culture or country and there's no problem with calling someone Black or Asian or Latino. But give respect. Don't have these connotations to racial identities For example if you want to call me an Indian because you respect me as an Indian then fine. But if you want to constantly remind me that I'm an Indian only to make me feel like I'm from a poor place or something inferior about me or superior about me. No thanks I don't want that. Once you realize that a person is constantly referring to your race (references while introducing someone's identity is fine) then you know where they're trying to go with that. With Apartheid and slavery behind humanity, new forms of racism have emerged. Identity based racism. Stereotype based racism. Subtle forms of racism that are not noticeable at first but if you read between the lines, you slowly realize what that other person is thinking during a conversation. To be frank, much of racism is actually faced by colored people, all non white people on a much larger scale than any other group. It's almost like this world is divided into 2 large groups of whites and non whites. So if a white man complains about racism, it's kinda funny and ironic. Because he can never relate to the experience of being a non white

Without that core spirituality, you will always have chaos in life.

Thoughts for everyday..

A certain purpose, a sense, a central force, or path or core spirituality is the foundation of life.

Maybe I need greater self awareness.

Telling myself You'll make it through. You will do it.