Preety_India

Yea that's a wonderful perspective on the subject. I need to explore more on the subject of how I want to express myself to the world in terms of appearance because I haven't figured it all out, because cultural and social conditioning is so heavy in terms of looks and presentation that it never occurred to me to look outside of it, so I always grew my hair long because that's what most girls around me did, or that's what my mom always told me to do, at least rebelling against it was one way of breaking out of an established paradigm so that I could explore more and you're right that I should not be making it about either conforming or rebelling against a certain way but finding my own unique way of being and learn to reject those who try to put me back in a box where I am made to conform to their standards or made guilty for not conforming. That is something that I need to look out for.

Some of the relationship trauma that I carry comes from a place where I question everything that I've been taught. It comes from feeling judged for gaining a few pounds to one of my exes telling me "don't cut your hair" and I went and cut my hair short. I didn't care. He was tensed for a week and wouldn't talk to me because I didn't do what he said. Then one day I decided to try red lipstick on. I went on a date with him and wore pretty clothes and a nice red lipstick. Then he whispered in my ears "don't do that. Wear a pink lipstick. Red will make you look like a prostitute." I was pissed off and I stormed off. After suffering trauma from my last relationship, often times I felt like doing the opposite. Trying to free myself from this horrible social conditioning and living your whole life like that. Dressing like a Tomboy, cutting my hair short, painting my nails weird, wearing anything I wanted. In a subconscious way, I was trying to fight what I was told to do. Fight the very part that was bothering me. When I did it, I felt free for the first time in life. I felt like I was living me, only me, liberated from this need to appear prim and proper to a man, to always be this perfect doll to his needs, like a cute doll. I was like, "why can't I just be myself?" to fight this cultural conditioning that women have to be a certain way to be attractive or else they are not worth loving. Why be gaslighted for doing what you like and not obeying social standards? Why not be with a man who only loves you for who you are, all your uniqueness and oddities? Wouldn't that feel so amazingly freeing to be with someone who actually cares more about you than your looks or how you please him? Who loves you from deep inside? Why can't I wear red lipstick just because he doesn't like it? Why should I have to be his way all the time? Why can't I be my way? Why this culture to hate or diss a woman subconsciously when she doesn't match what a man wants her to look or be like? When I woke up one day the past week, I had a dream where I saw my ex saying to me "that girl is better than you, that girl is hotter than you, that girl is better than you, that girl is hotter than you" and it kept reverberating and those hot tears came back again remembering how I told him that I didn't want the relationship if he thought I was ugly. And him constantly attacking my appearance during arguments and then later calling it "word ammunition." I had taken so much of his emotional abuse. And finally I broke up. He would compare me to this model who was like actually an actress working in movies and stuff. She had this perfect ideal body. She had many followers on Instagram. How in the world could I compete with her when I was just a regular girl, looking like other regular women, I didn't look ugly but not the type that you see in movies. Then I told him if that's what he wanted then why be with me? And his answer would be because he can't get her. I was like "why are you comparing me to her constantly if you love me, go fuck her then go have sex with her" I felt trapped in that relationship. These days I experiment with anything. I don't care what a man likes or doesn't like. Why should I? Why should I trap myself in a body or structure that is supposed to be pleasing to him? If he can't love me for who I am, then fine, go, leave me, I don't want such love anyway. That's not real love, being a pawn for his pleasures and being his perfect trophy girlfriend that he can parade around.. I want to be loved for who I am. I want to be free. I want to feel liberated. I don't want to feel humiliated for the natural beauty that God gave me. All my uniqueness, all my quirkiness, all my natural traits, why should I compromise and turn into a dumb doll or mannequin that follows all orders that are given to it. Today tears came to my eyes because my current boyfriend tells me that he loves me for who I am and not for who he wants me to be. I'm fed up with the whole attraction bullshit. I want to be me and I want a man who allows me to be me and I allow him to be him. I love him as he is, with all his flaws and problems and uniqueness and he loves me for who I am. I don't expect perfection either out of myself or him.. It feels like liberation and like a new birth to no longer have to be perfect for someone. Important lessons learned.

You need to know how you came across your subjective opinion, what led you to have that opinion, the source of such opinion would give weightage to your opinion, this kind of verification helps you to understand the veracity of your claims or opinions or at least the level of subjectivity of your opinion gets tested, obviously a highly subjective opinion like beauty standards is going to be much more subjective than something like the subject of bullying because there's real life cases and observations, they're not necessarily hard facts or evidence but enough circumstancial information to make proper correlations between behavior of bully and reaction of victim.. Thus the degree of subjectivity hugely varies depending on the subject/topic at hand. Also if you say that climate change is subjective, you need to be able to not simply make an opinion but also explain how you got to that conclusion or opinion, which will test the credibility of your subjective opinion some bit, these sources could be your observations or logical facts or some piece of information that made you to come to such a conclusion, however if another person has a completely different opinion than you and they have enough sources to not completely prove their point, but at least give some credibility to their opinions then their opinions are far less subjective than yours.

They reject loving girls. But get attracted to unloving girls.

This is a very practical topic which will help you to get more effective and happier in life. Integrating Emotions What are Emotions? Emotions are a form of energy. This energy exists. If it is not already, it will becomes gnaringly obvious after doing the work explained later in this post. For now we have a look at some examples where we can see this energy in our everyday lives. When we are stressed we sweat or our hearts beat fast. We might be unable to concentrate or get tunnel vision. Triggers exist. When we feel very emotional about a topic we will react strongly whenever this topic comes up. How other people react to us. People will sense our emotions (especially woman), even if they only ever so slightly find their ways into our micro expressions. When we surpress emotions and let the energy get stuck in our body we feel heavy. Keeping the energy down and holding it in takes effort. Because of this we can feel exhausted. Sex. That strong rush of energy. Feeling of turn on. Again, this post is not about philosphy or concepts but to teach you a practical skill that will help you immensely if you take it seriously. It will also help you to get out of victim mentality and take responsibility for your life. Emotions are what motivate your actions and shape your reality. Examples: Backwards rationalization: We do something out of emotional impulses, to pull us towards one emotion and/or push us away from another emotion. Then rationalize our controversial actions after the fact. Life circumstances: When we get hurt or abused in childhood our adult-self will draw similar situations or relationships in our lives again and again. Not out of poor reasoning but because we subconsciously feel like this is how our reality should be. Our emotions will drive us to what we subconsciously want with greater precision and reliability than a fine swiss watch. Science: Reason is only the secondary process when we do science. Emotions, psychology and ego are the primary processes. You would be wrong to think that reason and logic are the driving force behind your actions. Emotions are what move you. Our emotions are a navigation system and show us how much we are in alignment with reality, with life. When we feel heavy emotions we are out of sync. If we feel light in our body and our emotions, we know we are in balance. When it comes to emotions there are mostly two kind of people. Those who feel emotions and those who do not. Emotions are located in the body. If you can't feel anything you are shutting parts of your body down and restricting the flow of energy there. Yes, you do. All humans are highly emotional creatures. Emotions drive almost everything we do (Survival, Relationships, Sales, Business, Politics, Music, Literature & Movies etc.). And they are very important in your life. Emotions are the key to real Growth. Whatever journey you decide to go on. Past, present, or future. If you are already in tune with your emotions and are able to feel into your body you can skip to STEP 2. Alltough, it will be beneficial to start here. Step 1: Getting in touch with your Emotions The first step is always to feel something. To do that we need to open up to this energy. Remember I said emotions are in your body? They are but you might not be able to feel them right away. What helped me was talking to friends about their emotions and finding out where they feel them and let them describe how specific emotions feel to them. What I also did was looking up a study which asked people a similar question. They then created these body maps on where certain emotions can be found in the body. And I just looked out for them. 1. Sit down in a quiet environment and focus on the body parts mentioned above. Open your heart, open your chest. Do some basic meditation focused on bringing awareness to your body and relax into it as good as you can. Depending on how good you were at feeling your emotions before this can take a while. Don't expect to feel anything right away. Stick with it because the payoffs will be immense. 2. Think about a moment in your life where you felt a really strong emotion. Could be anything, anger, fear or happiness. Now imagine the situation in as much detail as you can and see if you can feel the emotion again. 3. Notice how in heated debates, discussions or arguments you might become emotionally triggered. Notice where in your body you can feel this. If you already start to feel something, even if it is just an ache, something restricting or opening up, cold or warmth in your body and you can link it to an emotion you can do this. 4. Do Mindfulness practice with labeling feelings as emotions. Notice how some emotions might be masked and hide behind different emotions. Emotions can be linked to different Emotional States. I'll start with the heaviest ones. Fear, Grief and Apathy. If you are someone who can't feel their emotions you are probably in Apathy. Now, Apathy is a coping mechanism we use when there are too many emotions. Imagine for example being at work and something really sad happens and it overruns you emotionally. Instead of being with that emotion we supress it to keep on functioning. But it doesn't have to be at work. The fundamental mechanism at work is that we don't want to feel the emotions. Could be because of fear, ego, peer-pressure, social conditioning etc. The more lighter Emotional States are Desire, Anger, Pride Courage, Acceptance, Peace/Bliss Love Just be mindful of the Emotional States and repeat the 4 practices in this step until you are able to feel from your body and not be in your head. You don't need to perfect this step. But the better you become at getting in touch with your emotions the better the next step works and vice versa. Step 2 (A): Accept & Let Go The counter-intuitive nature of emotions is that you will not suffer by feeling unwanted emotions. But you will suffer if you repress emotions and restrict energy in your body. Let go of the identification with what you fear. Let go of problems in your life and the story around those. This is real Growth, letting go. Now, we all have different stories and problems we want to let go here but Hale Dwoskin identified 5 needs we all have to some degree. Need for acceptance Need for control Need for protection Need for oneness/seperateness In any given situation see if you can feel one or more of these needs coming up. Look at the need. See how it is like and where it is located in your body. Give yourself permission to feel it fully. Accept that it is there. And let it go. This was the warm up. Now we will go a little bit deeper. Coming back to the second practice from step 1. You are hopefully able to feel the emotion and label it. Imagine the same scenario or a different one where you felt a strong emotion that you want to let go. It could be anything. Maybe you felt an incredible fear because you wanted to so something out of your comfort zone, or you felt rejected by someone you care about, or you felt anger towards someone who hurt you, or you felt sad. Can be anything, you can even go into your childhood memories if you want. Get comfortable and feel into your body. Ask yourself the following questions and listen for the answers in your body. Can you welcome your experience? Notice what it feels like. Any sense of abandonment, sense of frustration? Just sit with it. Any sense of wanting to control it, push it down? Any sense of you wanting approval? Or push approval away? Any sense of wanting security, wanting to survive or quit? Welcome it. Any sense of wanting seperation/being alone, or wanting oneness, really wanting someone to love me? Welcome everything and notice what comes up the most and pick that one. And ask, can I let this go? This wanting. Than ask your body can you let go any of that wanting? A little more? Then ask yourself can you let go of the experience itself? Notice your body, emotions and sensations. Maybe they release completely, maybe only a bit? Can you welcome the experience, can you feel your heart, stomach your body while doing this? Can you notice what you are feeling, letting go of thinking about it. Feeling the emotional experience. Can you notice wanting to do anything with this experience or about it? Can you let that whole experience go? Or maybe only let go a little bit? Do it 10-20 minutes until you feel a sense of relief in that area, sense of relaxation. Relax in your body. Notice how your body is doing this. What you did here is called releasing based on the Sedona Method. I highly recommend it. During release you might cry, feel intense pain and I've seen people vomit. It doesn't have to happen but be open that it might happen if you go deep into old repressed emotions. Release your emotions and focus on what happens after the release. For example: What is behind anger? As you do that, you will find that beyond the current emotion you might feel a greater truth, a greater emotion. Notice the constant flux in your emotions going from better to worse to better, let it flow. If you get into a real deep state you can realize certain things about your memories or reality. Those realizations can make a big change in your life alone. Don't get attached to them If you feel that you still have resistance start by feeling into you body. Welcome tightness or pain in your body and let it be there for a second. Be with it. Welcome resistance, notice you can handle it. Welcome acceptance, notice if it feels lighter. Switching back and forth. Breath with it. Be with it. Allow it to be there. Notice any wanting to do anything with this resistance. Just be with the resistance. You can even see an emotion from all different perspectives over several days. Again, give yourself permission to feel it. Don't judge it. Acceptance: If you are ok with either getting something or not you will be in emotional alignment. .... Step 2 (B): Self-Love For this step having non-dual insights or experiences is a prerequisite as I wont be going into much detail here. You are not seperate from anything. Everything is you. Everything is exactly as it should be. Whatever you experienced in life or are experiencing right now is exactly as it should be. You are Love. Expand you uncoditional Love towards your experiences and your body. Expand your Love to any situation you want to let go and release. If someone rejected you - Love that. If someone hurt you - Love that. If you feel fearful or sad - Love that. If you took something personal - Love that. If you feel any heavy emotions like Grief, Sadness or Apathy - Love that. You can even start with asking if you can love this emotion 1%, 2%... Make small steps in the beginning. When you start to Love more and more and get more into your body you can even go as far and take enjoyment in everything that makes you feel heavy emotions. There is no one telling you you can't. Closing Words What you will notice is, you become lighter and lighter. Your body will get used to releasing emotions. And you will become better at it. At first you need courage, to deeply feel negative emotions, then it will require patience, great stamina & tenacity. If you have been struggling with something in your life, I'd suggest you release your emotions every day, for at least 2 hours. This is not something you do for a few minutes and then expect big results. You might get great results. But your baselines emotions will not change by much. If you want to change your inner world, expect to release hours everyday for months! If you release on your childhood issues/traumas. And then release again on those memories from a different angle. Your life will lift up automatically. As Lester Levenson said, we want to get the push out of us, so the world stops pushing back. Focus on your Emotional States. They will direct your life magically. When you do this work you will notice that you feel better and better. Because of this you achieve goals easier with minimal work. Your action becomes easy rather than destructive. If you want to achieve something while being in a state of Apathy or Grief it will be so much more difficult. Don't waste your time trying to work on something while being in that Emotional State, instead get in a lighter State like Courage and then continue with whatever you where doing. Like with everything in Self-Actualization it is harder when there is no one around you doing it, too. I kinda got lucky because I hang around releasing coaches who are very indulged in this kind of work. Surround yourself with people who are on the same inner journey. What also helps is general body awareness. Because your emotions are stored in your body, becoming aware of tension in your body/muscles is key. Become directly conscious of what I am pointing towards here. Just looking at and understanding the pointer is not enough! Feel it. Another thing is, you don't want to do this for fixing yourself. You will likely get stuck. Yes, we carry these energies and shadows inside of us. But it doesn't mean you are somehow broken or that there is something wrong with you. From my experience everyone has some shadow energy that they haven't felt or looked at for a while. It's not a bug, it's a feature. It is your journey and it defines all the experiences you make. When doing these exercises you are not fixing yourself, you are growing. And you will grow immensely, I hope you are ready for it ❤️ .

Next is to be calm. Keep calm.. Feel free and liberated. Practice self love Be happy Encourage yourself Empower yourself. Remove anything that is disempowering Divide everything into "curing" or "hurtful" easy to identify and throw away. Nurture your body. Self care. Keep yourself in a happy temperament. Divide things into two categories - things that an unhealed person would do and things that a healed person appears to be doing. Use the winner's mindset technique. Love yourself Love your mind. Bring normalcy Bring healing thoughts. It's like a mind food. It's like a balm.

Keep a track of your emotions and moods regularly and in specific 2-4 hour intervals. Tracking emotional health

Tony Robbins Jordan Peterson Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez How do you deal with the devil? One way is to pay no mind. Not giving attention frustrates the devil. Make the devil try harder either to win your attention or make it harder for the Devil to upset you. Use Counterintuitive techniques. Then to beat the Devil at his own game by catching the devil red handed everywhere. The other way to deal with the devil is through classism. And the last way is to create tightly knit loving caring communities that look out for each other like a hawk. This creates an impenetrable mesh that the devil cannot get in through. What a fortress against the devil!

The devil feeds first on those whose survival needs aren't met Would you like to feed your mind bad food? (sometimes I need to be an underdog on this forum, chuckle)

When you bring healing thoughts, your nourish your mind with important mind food for the mind to feed. Let food be thy medicine. Your healing thoughts are your mind food. So nourishment is handled. Next big part of survival after nourishment is sleeping or resting. Is your mind and heart getting enough rest or are they too burdened with life and things? Did you get a break from life? Give your body and mind complete rest and relief and calm and relaxation. Put your mind on deep freeze mode like cryo preservation in order to maintain its viability and keep it stress free completely. Stress levels steadily brought down to zero when you keep your mind on deep freeze mode. Sleep a lot and on time and sleep well. See the instant change. Now this is handled. Next... Next step is cleaning. Clean out dirt from your mind If something is bothering you, throw it out and ignore it. Clean up the mess by throwing unwanted thoughts into the trash bin of the mind. Do this at regular short intervals

Each thought will then reshape and rewire your brain chemistry. One thing is that chemistry is the most important thing as a field. I literally feel like everything is just chemistry. Gotta learn more about chemistry. The whole universe runs on chemistry. Thoughts impact brain chemistry and general energy or vibe. Bring happy healing thoughts to your mind.

Write a whole new post on needy behavior. Have the 80/20 rule for the mind just like you do for productivity exercises. Your 80% of overall thoughts should go to the healing thoughts. 20% should go to unconscious thoughts that don't serve much purpose. For example your 20% unconscious thoughts can be about describing celebrity gossip, talking about negative things that happen in the world. But 80% should be healing thoughts. Unlock and unravel subconscious patterns that are discouraging. Reversal of subconscious patterns.

Practice self love. First is to cultivate loving thoughts Have faith.

Love yourself Love your mind. Bring normalcy Bring healing thoughts. It's like a mind food. It's like a balm. What you do fundamentally with your body, you can do that with your mind.. Like feeding, sleeping or resting, nutrition, cleaning. You can feed the mind with love filled thoughts. Cultivate beautiful thoughts. The mind shape will begin to reshift in the direction of the state of mind because of these thoughts. The mind will respond to the happiness and beautiful loving thoughts. Treat your mind like you would treat your pet.

Next is to be calm. Keep calm.. Feel free and liberated. Practice self love Be happy Encourage yourself Empower yourself. Remove anything that is disempowering Divide everything into "curing" or "hurtful" easy to identify and throw away. Nurture your body. Self care. Keep yourself in a happy temperament. Divide things into two categories - things that an unhealed person would do and things that a healed person appears to be doing. Use the winner's mindset technique.

What is going through my mind Keywords for healing. When it comes to healing you have to do the opposite of hate. Replace hate with love. The inner child is deprived. First is emotional space to even start.

So basically you're tryna say that we're back to square one. Ok got it. So we started with ego and we ended in ego. Doesn't look like a big loss to me. Looks like a nice strange loop to me. Still munching.

@ eats carrot... Munching.

You do have a problem. Covering the problem won't help You will need to work on deep subconscious patterns that are very stubborn because of enmeshment trauma

You will need to work on abuse and trauma healing

There is another version of this. It's called spiritual bypassing trap.

I can use virtual healing. Trying to heal from trauma is like trying to learn how to walk again after an accident. The only difference is that it's like mental walking.

Keywords for healing and recovery Emotional space Normalcy Freedom Baby steps Happiness Affirmations Confidence building Motivation Ownership Support Give time Feeling positive Self love Protection Acceptance Forgiveness Sense of security Venting Calm Cared for

@charlie cho I don't hate men but I'm against the social paradigm of being a certain way in order to be considered worthy of love. I don't want that social conditioning and I'm rebelling against that conditioning where my worth is judged on my looks and my being is not valued or loved. Love should be about loving a person for who they are, loving them inside out and not about buying objects.