Preety_India

Puppy, nobody will understand you truly. It is what it is. There will always be good things in life. There will always be projections and assumptions about you puppy and you will never be able to fix it and as usual you'll always be attracted to narcissists and all other kinds of people and you will never be able to find peace with them. Because they will never fill that hole. I have understood that the only person who will truly understand me will be someone who unconditionally loves me till the end and nothing less and puts a mega effort in understanding my every emotion or state or feeling. Such a person is rare. It's like you want a red car but everywhere you go you only see yellow cars. So you just don't have that option. And yes humanity sucks although there are decent people out there too. The person who loves you unconditionally shouldn't be someone who plays mind games or ego games with you Puppy.

I have three entities here. Entity D that I invoke during Satan meditation. Entity Me that self critical voice inside of me. Entity Ak or all knowing entity. These entities help me understand the world around me and myself.

Talking to myself. Puppy, Entity Me is like a self critical voice inside of me. It's refreshing to be able to criticise myself. This will me unpack and process my emotions better. With my emotion disorder I need to do the following steps Be aware of the emotion. Realize. Unpack the emotion. (figure out why I'm feeling or the root cause of the emotion) Process the emotion, vent about it and let it be properly addressed and dealt with, resolution.

I feel so free

Entity D that I invoked during Satan meditation had helped me a lot Now I have an imaginary character Entity Me who talks to me. Entity Me calls me a puppy

You go to heaven. Your subconscious experiences pure infinite love. Your karma stays.

Entity Me was talking to me..... Entity Me - why are you excited Puppy? Me - what the fuck do you mean? Entity Me - laughing Me - why the fuck are you laughing? Entity Me - because you are so silly Puppy. Nobody gives a damn about you. You are dancing at a party that you weren't even invited to. Look at you Me - shut the hell. I am doing fine. I wasn't doing anything wrong Entity me - you are a certified nut

I will call myself.. Ahm... A puppy. A lovesick puppy. A paranoid puppy. Bah. OK I thought about Cuppy. Then I thought... Hmm..... Puppy. Alright. Puppy. Hello Puppy, So this person who is talking to me is me. I call it Entity Me.

Calming beverages to replace alcohol Water with ice cubes Lemonade with sugar chilled (this is awesome) Pineapple juice chilled Mango /orange/vanilla milkshake Yogurt... Easily makes you calm Coconut water (you can get this in store, buy fresh) chill it Chilled orange juice.. Good for calming Chilled apple juice. Tastes just like wine and alcohol, even smells like that and gives you some intoxication though mild intoxication

I was recently diagnosed with with bpd. I want to know if anyone here had a relationship experience dealing with a bpd girlfriend and how it went for you, what issues you encountered and how hard was it?

The world will never understand me. Tough realizations. Those who belong to my soul family and soul space will eventually walk with me.

This is the end of my journey on the forum. I'll forever sink into anonymity.

@Someone here India is blue, red and orange.

Love doesn't happen by a decision. Love just happens. If everything had to happen by decision, then we can't call it love. At least it's not called Fallin in love then. Love never happened by decision

Only possible if it moves to stage green.

@Carl-Richard can I have this thread locked now? I think I received enough helpful responses and I'm grateful to everyone.

Who will know you other than the all knower? This is how I think about things. You have to let go and surrender to the all knower.

Aren't borderlines really suspicious? Ugh.

In depth analysis of borderline behavior.. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS JOURNAL. IT IS MEANT STRICTLY FOR PERSONAL USE. DO NOT DISTRESS ME ANYMORE.

Nothing. Just contemplation and talking to devil

@thibault also read about bpd and narcissist relationships and look up.. Extremely common for bpd people to fall in love with npd. A dangerous dynamic where despite the bpd fear of Abandonment, they try to leave multiple times. One of my relationships with my ex was like that where he was an npd and I tried to leave him many times unsuccessfully, it's when the bpd feels like they are paying huge price by staying so they would rather prefer to leave than stay despite fears of Abandonment, kinda makes sense.

Yea but this is just your interpretation. The true fact is that she tried to leave which does not indicate fear of Abandonment. But nothing can be truly said of someone that I haven't personally experienced

@thibault bpd generally won't try to breakup several times. Something is telling me she is Hyper avoidant due to past trauma. This can easily mimic bpd and related personality disorders. Her wanting to break up is a sign of deep fear. Bpd has a huge fear of Abandonment. That's why I first suspected bipolar in her case because they can easily lose trust and get avoidant. Borderlines on the other hand will beg the person to stay no matter how abusive the relationship is because the fear of Abandonment is too strong. Your ex girlfriend shows very strong signs of trauma and the result hyper avoidant behavior triggered by fear of the past. She seems mentally and emotionally unstable. Like traumatized unstable. Not a particular disorder but just too much fear and paranoia which is indication of past emotional abuse and trauma. In any case she must have been through too much mental pain if she was constantly trying to break up.

@thibault not every behavior is related to a specific disorder. People are also their own people. For example some behaviors of your ex girlfriend could be unique to who she is, and not necessarily be in line with typical behaviors seen in people with those disorders. For example if you said that your ex girlfriend robbed a bank, would it mean that all bpd people rob banks? You see my point. Let's keep it as objective as possible and as close to the typical symptoms or behaviors described in that disorder. Any other behavior apart from typical symptoms could be just that person and shouldn't be generalized to all. Can we agree?

@thibault OK here it is to give you some clarity. Difference between borderline and bipolar. Both similarities and differences. How I imagine borderline to look like How I imagine bipolar to look like Borderline Fear of Abandonment Unstable self image Unstable relationships Feelings of Emptiness Mood often shaped by interpersonal conflicts Sudden and short lived mood shifts Disproportionate anger Bipolar Sleep disturbance Distinct euphoric and depressive states Mood often stable between episodes Sustained mood shifts lasting days/weeks Bipolar Interpersonal insensitivity Grandiose self image Borderline Sensitivity to perceived or real Abandonment and rejection Badness self image (self deprecating) Bipolar Mood disorder Associated with genetics and brain chemistry Impulsivity only presents in manic or depressive episode Symptoms triggered by neuro chemistry Equilibrium between mood swings Swings last days or weeks Borderline Personality disorder Strongly associated with life events Impulsivity linked to personality traits Symptoms often triggered by relationship conflict Self harm behaviors Fear of Abandonment Constant mood swings. Swings can happen multiple times a day. Bipolar disorder mania Increased energy Extreme agitation Obsession Impulsiveness Unrealistic ideas Bipolar disorder depression Difficulty sleeping Hopelessness Excessive worry Extreme fatigue Isolation Borderline Attempts to avoid Abandonment Self harming thoughts/behavior Inappropriate outbursts Extreme anxiety/irritability Impulsive behavior Unstable relationships Constant mood changes Feelings of emptiness