Preety_India

@flowboy that's really hard to do.. Maybe I'll try next time. But I still find it hard to bring it up because if I show that I'm offended by their jokes, maybe they will call me over sensitive and perhaps leave me? The thought of losing them holds me back from arguing with them over this. It's like I don't want to ruin the friendship I have with them but at the same time its nice if they are not being racist and cut it out, racist or not, those jokes aren't really making me laugh, rather make me nervous I'd say, tricky situation. The friends aren't bad people though, it's just that the racist part sucks

You missed the whole point. I was helpful and supportive of them. They were feeling good and thanked me. When they ghosted me, I felt bad because that's like use and throw. There's a basic expectation in friendship that the other person won't mistreat me specially when I was helping them. I wasn't expecting any special treatment but Ghosting someone who just helped is not fair, it shows selfish behavior.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all this. We all support you. Hope you begin to feel better.. Hugs. Please be strong. There is really no solution in sight for such things other than cultivation of empathy.

I feel like shit once again.

Motivating myself all the way.

@Origins I don't think that attention or craving for attention is always a sign of selfishness. Sometimes wanting attention is a sign of a deeper problem, maybe it's a scream for help, that manifests itself as attention seeking behavior. Although I claim to be no expert on psychology, I don't want to be very casually dismissive and only offer one dimension to a certain human behavior. Human behavior can be very complex and the same behavior can have different root causes and purposes. For example we as a general culture are quick to judge those who take selfies as narcissistic people. However when I did a deep research on narcissism, I realized that narcissism was a whole gamut of traits and self aggrandizing behavior was merely one aspect of it and people had blown this aspect out of proportion and missed out on the real deal. People tend to focus more on the sensationalist factors. It's as though if people were told to describe the Wild West, they would easily conjure up images of a man with leather boots and a gun in his hands. The thing is people tend to rely too much on stereotypes and miss out on finer details that make up the story. So the wild West was also about scarcity, challenges of living, lack of trust among people etc. The deeper aspects are usually cast aside in favor of the most sensationalist explanation to a situation that feeds the human appetite for a dramatic story. There are deeper reasons as to why a person might be acting the way they do and might have less to do with real attention seeking and more to do with wanting help. And seeking help is not selfish at all. The kind of mind that is needed to understand complex human behavior is either a psychologist who is quite experienced or some sort of a sociopath who has a weird form or empathy towards generally unacceptable or socially condemned behavior or is less resistant to judgement because of him having been the victim of social judgement himself. It's like if the drug addict is ostracized in society for being a drug addict and nobody tries to understand why he is a drug addict, but a murderer understands him better because he can understand the troubles and miseries of a persecuted person (him being persecuted for being a murderer) and he has a bit of empathy since he is not in a morally superior position to judge, so judgement gets replaced by empathy towards someone who is considered a serious offender by society yet not such a serious offender in the eyes of a murderer I guess a very multi dimensional character is the only one who can understand complex human behavior by applying appropriate rationale and without judgement.

Finally time to take charge and start doing things.

I'm honestly terrified of certain things. ————————page breaker———————— Sometimes I have no recollection of what's going on Everything is a blur. Maybe a more understanding person can understand me?

@Hardkill even in friends with benefits relationship, intimacy is needed.

@Hardkill that's not true. That's why the word club is used. If regular women wanted it that way, then the whole concept of relationship would cease to exist

@Axiomatic I apologise if my comments hurt.

Well that's a genuine case of misunderstanding that you're described and I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that where you felt demonized for absolutely no fault/offense of yours Yet when you look at media reported cases of racism, those do not fit this paradigm. Most of these cases are genuine, because people cannot be simply accused of racism, there has got to be some tangible evidence to prove it like an email, a racial slur, a racist conversation, a racist statement undermining a race, an event where a black or colored person were either attacked or mistreated in a grossly explicit manner, because to prove racism, certain amount of evidence is needed to back up such claims. Racism is an event, a situation and a phenomenon, not simply a black person claiming that they felt offended. It doesn't work like that.

Well I'm not trying to make you feel bad, if at all that's just equivalent of you saying that people take offense when you did not mean it and it's pointless misunderstanding when you didn't have the intention to offend. Can you see that you did the exact same thing when my intention wasn't that? My intention was to prove that most cases of racism, that is the majority of cases are real and genuine and there is ample amount of evidence in the person's historical record to prove that said person was racist.. The cases where a misunderstanding happened and the person genuinely did not have the intent to offend are quite rare and far in between, nobody is looking to crucify white folks but racism is an everyday reality for most colored people, something that is only understood from the eyes of a person of color. Once you have that understanding, it's hard to miss the obvious clues and most often your comments won't be misinterpreted as racist. Misinterpretation of intent is quite rare and there is always an agency that allows the person to easily settle the misunderstanding. So i don't see why an innocent person with pure intentions would ever be accused of racism. Racism is not a set code. Anything can appear to be racist. But for the same reasons, we have mutual conversations and opinions to resolve such misunderstandings.. However such resolution is never met in most cases because most racists do not accept that they were wrong, rather they double down on their racism.

But that's not most women.

This never happens. When white folks show their best intentions, try to apply the best methods to not be racist and do your best to support causes, you would most probably never appear racist. Racism is not an accident, or something that happens unintentionally with the person accused having had the best purest intentions and yet misunderstood because the agency of explanation is always available at hand, racism does not happen overnight, it's a mentality that grows over time, gets entrenched over time and then reaches a peak point during sensitive situations, if you analyze most claims of racism, they are genuine and the person accused of racism, if you looked into their history of behavior, you'll see evidence of hate towards other races and the need to provoke, an Escalation of their hateful mentality that finally finds an outlet. Racism doesn't happen in a day. Black people aren't sitting around waiting to accuse and lynch white people over nothing but pure intentions. Most people are highly aware of what racism looks like and so they are quite good at differentiating a genuinely racist individual from someone who accidentally happened to offend a non white person. Such justifications are just another part of white fragility, the need to protect the ego and the inability to accept one's own ignorance and the unwillingness to change. People with good intentions can easily apologize. Or look for ways to mend things that will minimize racism, in reality this never happens, there's only denial and denial in different ways, but it's denial, a fundamental part of white fragility

I guess my calling is to live a life of solitude and in spirituality. Maybe that's where life is finally taking me.

That's it. Decided. Ain't gonna marry. I'm marrying my life purpose. It's not fully known what's its going to be. But my life purpose is going to be something lively and interesting.

My relationship with Andrew will be the last relationship of my life. If I break up with him, I will stop pursuing relationships from there on

Most women don't. Or else men wouldn't be complaining about not getting sex. Most women want the whole package. All or nothing. Women have survival agenda (I don't mean basic survival, I'm talking about biological survival). Survival Agenda means they want comfort, security, sex, family and a dream life The question is what will a woman do with getting only sex. Getting only sex does not fulfill her survival Agenda. Look at it this way. If I gave you only sex versus if I gave you sex + House + car + chocolates + regular free food, which one would you choose - you will obviously choose the second option because you get not only sex but also other benefits along with sex.. If a woman only wants sex, it's the easiest thing in the world, just pick up any guy off tinder. Right? She can simply walk on the street and smile at her dude and take him to her bed. But if a woman wanted sex along with romance, and all the goodies that a man can offer, well yeah, that would be so great. Then why would she settle for cheap sex? She would want the whole package. After all she can get it if she wants it. Her life becomes beautiful with all the perks of being with a man. Only sex won't give her that. Most women actually use their sexual power to get better and better men. They keep going for something more There is no loss for a woman. Because sex is sex. With a man who also gives affection and intimacy, the quality of sex is not reducing, in fact the quality of sex is improving because emotional stimulation in women is a huge source of sexual excitement. That's why women don't visit male escorts but resort to erotica novels and books Because women fundamentally crave emotional stimulation. That's their biological pathway to their clitoris. When a woman is emotionally excited, she gets hormonal and is ready for great sex. If a woman has mechanical sex without intimacy, it will be good for that time but most women get bored of it later They can't hold aggressive energy necessary for casual sex. Soon they get bored and start craving emotional attachment or other forms of stimulation. That's why men get horny very fast whereas for women, they don't have a dick that would stand up, they need constant stimulation to feel excited.

It would be suffice to say that by the end of my relationship with Joseph, I was already finished. He made sure to get every ounce of energy left in me and use it for himself. The relationship was 99% about him and his needs and 1% about me and my needs I was thoroughly exhausted and burned out and battered by the end in an effort to keep proving my love for him. He was a thorough user of people. He would use anyone as he pleased. Joseph was a guy who would give zero fucks about people and would never take a No for an answer. The relationship changed my entire personality. I became a different person after that I was a naive innocent girl who went hook line and sinker into the relationship And I came out with all the knowledge of the world because Joseph would spend hours teaching me about how the world works and coach me in the ways of the world. Joseph was older than me. In some ways Joseph was my mentor and guide. On the other hand he was also my user/abuser. Much that I know about the world now is all because of Joseph.

Am I taking an empowered stance in my life? Right now - maybe I'm, but this is just the beginning. I'm getting out of the gutter.

The times that I would get really pissed off at Joseph was when he would wake me up from deep sleep while he did weed. He would sleep at odd hours. But demand that I wake up whenever he needed me It caused me to suffer insomnia over time.

A few mistakes that I made in my relationship with my ex boyfriend Joseph. I never had any time for myself in that relationship. Joseph was always all over me, not leaving me any time for myself. He would burden me with his problems, demand that I keep him company at all times, he would wake me up from sleep by pushing me really hard a couple of times. He would wake me up at odd hours He would follow me around and dominate me. He would get mightily pissed off if I wasn't available at any time He considered love as total sacrifice from the woman His ex wife had been thoroughly used by his demands Joseph used to be around me all the time. There was no way to be away from him. I had to be by his side all the time or he would complain of loneliness. Joseph was super needy. Never used to leave me alone. Joseph was used to getting women's attention. This left me with no time to ever contemplate on the state of the relationship because everything was so fast and aggressive in the relationship. The only time I got time off in the relationship was when we fought and I used to not talk during that time following the argument. This meant that any break between us was always because of an incident. I used to get offended and then not talk for a few days until he would make me alright. Usually I would forgive and forget. Joseph was very demanding of my love and affection. I either show him love or he would sit pissed and angry. Joseph used to test and challenge my love frequently. It used to be exhausting to keep convincing him that I loved him. It was very tiring to having to prove my love to him. When Joseph wasn't physically around me, then he would find a way to engage me somehow. He would keep calling me when I was away at work or at my house. Or he would send texts. Or chats and voice mails. It felt like I was attending to his needs 24/7. Exhausting I loved Joseph a little more than necessary. This gave him the incentive to stomp on me and take me for granted. Although I looked at my own behavior as something noble and dutiful (as in a dutiful wife or girlfriend) but Joseph saw it as a form of weakness and neediness and servitude.

I was contemplating right now about relationships.. Kinda too late though because I already went through crap but anyway. things to consider in a relationship ✔️Have enough Time for contemplation and reflection in relationships. Set aside time ✔️Rate conversations and interactions. play them in your head later. Have intelligent, thoughtful and enjoyable conversations. If the conversations are draining or hurtful, then learn to put on the brakes. ✔️Do not settle for low quality relationships just because you're lonely ✔️Do not Molly cuddle the person. Be strict and have a sense of boundaries. Molly cuddling easily creates an environment for disrespect and taken for granted behavior. Don't show excessive love. ✔️Judge their actions and words carefully. Do not take either words or actions for granted ✔️Normalize breaks by taking regular breaks. Take these breaks for contemplation. ✔️Do not be in an all consuming relationship ✔️ Learn to ask for freedom and space in a relationship. It won't be given otherwise. ✔️Create a sense of fear. Let that person know that they will lose you if they don't respect boundaries. If they have no fear, they will let loose and act disrespectful because you gave them that leverage by not creating fear.. ✔️Contemplate on what you're gaining from the relationship and on what you are losing. ✔️Cut down neediness. Font size 18 used.