Preety_India

@Hardkill another form of intimacy is sexual intimacy. It happens right before sex and is often called foreplay. A woman can be in a situation where the guy simply tells her to undress and get ready for sex. This can seem pretty boring and direct for the woman. Because there was no foreplay Maybe the woman expects the man to touch her face, play with her, talk to her sexually, and stimulate her to sexual feelings and interest He is attracted to her body. But what is she attracted to? Women don't keep looking at men. They need something to get attracted to. (women don't browse the internet for dick pics haha, in fact if you talked to most women about porn or dick pics they would actually block you). So the woman needs something to feel romantic about. Maybe she wants him to say romantic things, or play with her body for some time, show interest in her. It's like foreplay. So she is getting warmed up for sex. This is sexual intimacy. His touching, fondling, caressing and talking is creating mental stimulation for her whereas her body is creating mental stimulation for him. This mutual intimacy then leads to sex. If a guy doesn't do this, she could end up feeling deprived or not satisfied enough mentally. It might also affect the sex

@Hardkill I'll give you an example and maybe you'll understand better. I'm not talking about deep intimacy here, just surface level intimacy, deep intimacy is something that is found in much deeper romantic/love relationships. Lets say I'm sitting in a club with my friends. Mr A approaches me and Mr B approaches me as well. Mr A buys me a drink and directly asks me for sex. I look strangely at him because I don't even know who he is. He hardly had a conversation with me and is directly wanting to proceed to sex. Now Mr B approaches me. He introduces himself and we get to know each other better. I share a couple of things with him and he shares a couple of things with me. I feel good in his company. He is being funny and is constantly flirting me. Now I'm developing an attraction for him because his style is cool and safe and makes me feel good. Gives me a sense of comfort. I like spending time with him, in fact I'm also developing romantic feelings. A certain magnetic attraction to him. The next thing he tells me is that he wants to have sex with me and I'm initially hesitant but I can't resist the chemistry he is creating with me. Whats the difference between Mr A and Mr B? Mr A was abrasive and failed at creating intimacy. I developed no interest to have sex because zero intimacy. Mr B was comfortable and created intimacy with me. Thus getting me interested in having sex with him.

No, emotional connection might not be present. However emotional connection is quite different from intimacy. You're confusing and mistaking the long term emotional attachment of LTRs with intimacy. If I want intimacy from a guy, it's not necessary that I've to be in a long term emotional commitment with him or any sort of emotional attachment. I might not have any emotional attachment with him and yet he can give me a lot of intimacy. Which means he can make me feel stimulated sexually, he can have happy conversations with me, he can build sexual tension with me to the point that I begin to feel safe with him. This is intimacy. He is building intimacy with me to the point where I feel comfortable enough to have sex with him. Intimacy involves creating a comfort space and can take any amount of time ranging from a few moments to hours to days. Maybe I met him 3 days ago and we got intimate? I mean it's super easy once there is a click. Once him and I click together it's easy to have that sexual tension. It makes sex more romantic and pleasurable since there is a story around it, there is a certain meaning to it. He might leave me the next day, which is like a one night stand but even then there was intimacy involved. So intimacy does not always mean some deep emotional connection or even commitment. It means development of romantic feelings and an area or space of comfort where sex becomes desirable.

So continuing with the example above. One needs clarity here. And by clarity I mean super clarity. There are always 2 sides to a story. I'd say one is the aggressor and the other is the victim. One who is doing the hurting and the other who is getting hurt, predator and prey. Case 1. A person 'P' is racist to a person 'Y'. Person P is very abusive and racist. Always finds a way to trigger person Y and repeatedly attacks person Y for no reason. Person Y is generally quiet and wants to be left alone. Now person Y is offended by the comments made by person P. Person Y feels humiliated and upset. Maybe both work in a university where you have a community board for reporting problems.. Person Y complained to the board about person P. Person P cried to the board that person Y is playing victim.. I don't think person Y is playing victim because Person P said obviously racist things to attack Person Y. Even bullied him.. Harassed him with the intent that he would leave the place. This is a genuine case of aggression by person P against person Y. And person Y is justified in their complaints. Who is the aggressor?... Person P Who is the victim?.... Person Y.

I don't think there was anything like strings attached. But we were friends, at least we considered each other as close friends. It doesn't even matter whether I offered her support or not. The thing that hurts is the Ghosting part. I don't think that people should do that so suddenly because it leaves the other person totally clueless and confused. I mean I was made to feel guilty even without being made to know what wrong I must have done. Clearly I didn't do anything wrong and the second last time the same person ghosted me, they had apologized for that and said that next time they would leave a note so I wouldn't feel bad or confused. But the next time they did the exact same thing and left nothing. No explanation given. Obviously it's not my fault because I have done nothing wrong for the person to do that to me. And not even try to resolve conflicts. So it felt bad, like me being made to look like a monster for nothing. Especially when I was being supportive, like a slap in the face? I guess the best option is to avoid such people because their drama creates a lot of problem. I mean nobody got time to deal with their constant judgements and especially given that they are only interested in blaming and judging rather than hearing my side of the story. And this is where I stand. I blocked that person.

@Preety_India OK I have contemplated hard in the last one hour over this whole situation where both abuse and victimhood is involved. I'll describe this situation around racism. There can be so many different things happening. And how to know what is right and what is wrong? I'm talking about abuse and victimhood here. I'm. Using racism as a context to understand my point better. Just using racism as an example.

One of the best ways to die is to not hold any grudges right before death, forgive everyone that you have had animosity against, anyone who you blamed or felt bad about, any person who you held with resentment, liberate that person before dying by forgiving everyone. It's very hurtful for a person to die and still carry blame and disgust and grudge right up until the last moment and die without giving closure because those who hurt that person will never have a chance to closure once that person is dead, no matter how evil that person might have been, it's best to give them closure before the last breath, by forgiving everyone who were wrong in that person's eyes. I think that would be a very matured way of dying.

Physical, emotional and psychological pain. I cannot talk about all deaths. But I experienced my father's death in my house. And he died with a lot of pain towards the end. The last minutes were not necessarily painful but moments leading up to it were painful. I can only speak from experience. It seems that the human body has to go through a lot of cataclysmic processes and suffering before the end result happens. He died of cardiac failure. Those who have never actually seen a dying person generally romanticise death and talk about it in casual terms. I held his hand minutes after he had passed and I asked his forgiveness to not be able to understand his pain. I was a kid at the time. Death is no joke. Both the dying person and those closer/loved ones go through great changes spiritually. I already knew that he was going to pass because of a Premonition. I still find it tough to process his death. A pleasant death is only a dream. However I felt a sense of relief and pleasantness after his death since I felt he was liberated from a lifetime of sorrow and pain. So one can say that death itself might not be pleasant, but the moments after death are pleasant (although sorrowful) for everyone since there is an end to suffering in the physical sense

@capriciousduck quite rare I would say. Most deaths are either natural or unnatural but both ways painful.

Lol no. Just no.

Death is never pleasant.

@Preety_India you'll be alright.

There's always a basic expectation of human decency. It's natural.

Always living in malnutrition, poverty, abuse, ruthlessness, apathy, nobody to love me or hug me, lived in desperation, despair, misery, fear, terror, insecurity, chaos, deprivation scarcity, torment.. I don't remember my mother hugging me even once. I don't remember if I ever felt safe as a child. The only memory of my childhood is playing with cats and talking to marbles all day every day. I used to talk to inanimate objects because I was so lonely

All my childhood I lived in mortal combat mode.. Always trying to live. Always trying to cope with abuse. Always trying to survive. I don't know how to live outside of survival mode.

@Preety_India just take a deep breath and relax.

@Preety_India I know you feel bad. But accept the truth. Truth hurts.

I am a young woman. There are so many things that you go through when you are a young person..

@Preety_India all you need is healing. All you need is attention. All you need is patience and acceptance. All you need is kindness, compassion and mercy, the God's fruit. All you need is a place away from ego. All you need is forgiving the other person. All you need is freedom from chaos. Soft, loving and Empathetic voice. Someone who gives you attention and makes you feel calm. Someone who is slow with you. Someone who is soft and merciful to you. Someone who will accept you for who you are and not rush things with you. Someone who won't confuse you or throw you into chaos. Someone who is soft and not harsh.

@Preety_India all you need is some healing and comfort. If people judge you then let them. They are not in your shoes to understand your pain. So judge is all they will do.

Yesterday I felt like I was going to die. It was awful. My whole life flashed in front of me. This is no joke and no easy thing.. It's quite hard to go through a near death experience I went through it like nearly 15 times..

@Preety_India sometimes I wonder why wouldn't it be better if I just died. There would be nothing left to solve. No pain. No frustration. No anger. No nothing. Then only bliss........ Freedom.. Sweet freedom.... Freedom from a tormented life.

I have no fucking idea. I don't want to. @Preety_India @Preety_India relax, just relax, @Preety_India, it's okay. You'll be alright. It hurts. But it will get better. You just accept it. All you need to do is accept. @Preety_India I know that you want some hope, some love, some attention, some comfort. But hey be gentle with yourself. You will heal from this. This too shall pass.. Now it hurts. But it won't anymore. Also it hurts because of all the past stuff. Everything hurts right? Everybody hurts? It's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright. Accepting is not rejecting. Accepting is not denial. Accepting is not continuation. It's just coping..

*angrily throws away her laptop. All my life the only thing that I ever did was be myself - be my sincere self. This rage that is inside me.. It grows and keeps growing. I want to give out a growl..... . I want to scream, and throw things at walls. I want to break things, break the mirror. I want to break these chains of helplessness Feel free. Out of this Cage called humanity. Every experience here is inauthentic. Every experience is a neurosis.

Maybe my soul is not able to accept things the way they are. Maybe I'm always wishing that things would be different.