Preety_India

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Just imagine him as an imaginary character, don't think that he is real. Now with Porco there is no this alter ego Derek.

I'm trying to Visualize a dark hall for Queen Renelia.. Something mysterious looking. Found it in this video. Love the dark colors and imagery in the background Perfect for the dark hall. I'll call it the Hall of Pillars

@modmyth I'm pretty sure that none of my cats did this lol This is the rarest ever kitty hug.

@modmyth what was his name?

@Eren Eeager have you tried shadow work to look into the causes of why this is happening. Is there a past trauma that is bothering you then you might want to look into that. If not then do you suffer any psychological conditions. Before you self diagnose yourself, you might want to see a therapist and let them decide on the basis of your symptoms. You could either take prescribed meds or continue with therapy. Additional techniques that might help are - - vipassana - yoga - diaphragmatic breathing - listening to music - regular exercise - meditation

I have decided to create a character from whom I'm going to be deriving inspiration for my future. I have decided to call this character Queen Renelia. She is a sword wielding brave queen who wears a long glittering shiny costume. And takes control of her space and territory effortlessly and protects her tribe and community. Queen aesthetics

I've decided to name the alter ego as Derek.

Deriving comfort in music.

Just snub.

Is it okay for a friend to say racist jokes and make it sound cool. Should I say that I'm offended and make it clear to them that it's not okay? Here's the deal. I've seen many people who say racist things to their friends and then react by saying that it's cool because they are friends and don't mind and that that's how real friends should be. According to them, real friends don't mind racist comments or jokes or racist conversations. To me this appears as subtle gaslighting, an effort to normalize racism and make it sound easy to be a racist just to create this comfort zone for the racist friend to not have to deal with the discomfort of thinking what should be said or not said. It gives them a leverage and a pass so they can be cool saying those jokes at the expense of the other person's self esteem and expecting that the person should accommodate for their racist behavior by not getting offended but swallowing their pride and put up with it. I don't see it as healthy friendships where racist friends are accomodated for in the name of friendship. To me its highly disrespectful. I had racist friends in the past. And at some point I had to let them go because I couldn't put up with the racist jokes. What are your thoughts on such dynamics? Also should I tolerate the racist comments or jokes in order to keep such friends even if I feel offended by the jokes? Or. Should I put my foot down and let the racist friend know that I won't be putting up with it and that either they change or I need to let them go?

Little tricks to engage myself. Play with rings Play with Ribbons . Play with your dress. Flowing maxi dress.

@Hulia alright I'll just shut up and be nice

I am rapidly developing into a different person this week.. A complete shift in my personality. I'm suddenly become very very matured and taking a big leap in terms of maturity. Ever since I decided that I will accept things as they are in this world, I have suddenly become very matured. A silent maturity has crept into me I don't feel the same anymore. Preety has changed. Probably for the better. Preety I'm so proud of you. Of what you have eventually become. You have finally reached the cusp of spiritual maturity where you have understood what life is about. No more tension. No more stress.

Dealing with self Hate and coping with it

This week I'm dealing with the feelings of Self hate Death of the self or self is an illusion Awareness Freedom and liberation Loneliness Acceptance Coming to peace

Sometimes I feel like self hate is important. Because sometimes tired of thinking that there are bad things in this world. There is a certain satisfaction in self deprecation and self hate. In self nihilism. Sometimes it's a form of sad satisfaction, a peaceful satisfaction in blaming the self. Because that way there is no tension of blaming other people. Not this need to feel butthurt or ego hurt. A weird sensation of satisfaction in defeating the ego of the self and hating it. This self hate is worthy, it's beneficial to cope with desperate circumstances when there is a need for self pity arising from the pain of being hated When you hate your own self, will the hate from other people Really hurt That much?? I think it will lessen that hurt and pain. Maybe self hate is a pathway to liberation.

Exploring different aspects of human nature.

I want to see the possibility of magic happening in my life

So this is the standard definition of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves. So yes when someone makes me question my perception of reality in a way that disqualifies my natural feelings and observations, it is called GASLIGHTING.

I have found that only Porco alone is not curative or complete. Something more is needed which Porco cannot accommodate What Porco does is bring out my wild energy and allow me to the Tarzan's wife. Whenever I'm being too submissive, Porco forces me to stand up. Of course Porco has a ton of raw masculinity but his masculinity is not subjugating but more of the Master type of Energy. Like he has full control of my sexuality. He owns me. So it doesn't matter what I do or don't. I belong to him anyway. In this process he makes me feel secure Porco is like having a big caveman Daddy who will never get angry at me no matter what. I can imagine Porco in two ways. Either a bad boy hanging out in the streets who doesn't give a fuck and punk attitude but comes home to love me and care for me and never plays games. Never manipulates Lets say I got angry and punched Porco in his face because I didn't like something. Porco laughs it off, he doesn't take me seriously, he has his manliness in place. He goes about doing his work, takes me lightly. Is raw with his flirting with me. Teasingly places a bouquet of flowers on the table when I'm upset (just to show that he cares), Porco is always sure to show his explicit loyalty and never gives up on me no matter how bad I behave, no matter how many flaws I have, no matter what I do wrong, he has the manliness to take it. In some way Porco as a stage Red guy is oozing out a lot of maternal energy. The way a Mother becomes a fierce Mama Bear and defends her children, even when the children do wrong things. They mess up or they have flaws or they aren't competent enough, yet instead of judging them for the way they were born, a true Mother loves them unconditionally and forgives them endlessly, in this process she shows ample virtues of sacrifice, loyalty, grit and sheer endurance. She is able to take it on, like Mother Earth takes our assaults on the environment, quietly forgiving us but keeping a watchful eye.. Porco shows this pure animal Maternal characteristics in loving and defending me. I know Porco can be abusive sometimes. He can come home drunk or get wasted. I know Porco can say the meanest things in the world and send me into a tirade of confusion, crying and bickering and hurt. I might feel like punching him for being so unkind and mean. But then there are moments where I see the good side of Porco. Where I'm being a drug addict, giving into addiction and self destruction, lying by the corner of the street in rags and eating leftover food. In tattered clothes and looking pale and withered. And my friends who are Doctors and PhDs and sophisticated people who don't give a shit about me because I fell from grace, because I sucked at creating an empire like them, because I had my vices and naiveté. But Porco stood next to me. Looking. Watching. Sometimes with pity. Sometimes with anger. And then goes and comes back with a pizza, and a coke bottle and sits there all night in the freezing winter beside me, puts his black jacket on me so I don't get hypothermia. Meanwhile he only has a tank top on. Yet he sits there. I keep sobbing thinking about my state of affairs and suffering, meanwhile Porco gently rubs my back reassuringly, letting me know that no matter what, he is there, he ain't leaving me, and I feel like sinking into his arms, but I feel so ashamed at my own distress, the mess I turned into. But Porco doesn't judge me, he understands the dark alleys of human nature, he knows that nobody is without sin or error. He eventually tells me to come to his house and that he will cook me a warm breakfast and yummy things. And my eyes are flooded with tears at such generosity from a fellow human. This is the same man who showed gangsta signs, did drugs, beat the shit out of people, gave death threats, acted mean bully and was vulgar and direct. He was called low trash because he lived in a trailer park. Yet here is the raw human side of Porco that even the most sophisticated individuals who claim of the great heights of consciousness cannot achieve. They set up foundations of charity and eat the money under the table, boast of how great they are for humanity, but won't spend a dime out of their pocket to feed a poor destitute, wear jewelry and live in mansions yet won't give a 3 square feet area to a homeless man to rest. But here is Porco rescuing the ones who need real help. Sleeping with the poor and the needy, becoming one with them, not caring about social status, not afraid to help, bold, raw, kind and generous, not discriminating between rich and the poor, not afraid or paranoid of losing anything, ready to give the shirt off his back to anyone who needs, not caring for social recognition or repute, not Being Fake, just being raw and real. But this is the same man who could cuss me out. Be mean to me. Get angry and fly off the handle. He is illiterate, uneducated but he has a golden heart that even the most educated and scholarly cannot have. Even the dignitaries of the Great Spiritual world cannot boast of such raw kindness. This is the conundrum. Like Paul said to Corinthians (my favorite from the Bible) - you can have all the Wisdom in the world but without Love, you are nothing but cymbals that make noise.. Like Jesus said - he is who is without sin should cast the first stone. Porco even though he is a bad boy, is a shining example of raw animal love in a world lost in sophistication Porco is my boyfriend.

@Zigzag Idiot I like that. That's a great point. Someone who is not violent but is full of animal nature. Do you think it's easy to find such a person?

There's a caveat. I really need 2 opposite forces to heal me. On one hand I feel that I need to be disciplined and told to SHUT THE FUCK UP BY A REAL MEAN ASSHOLE BAD BOY. Or someone who says to me - WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE? On the other hand I need someone who will coax me into being more Tolerant of all assaults and just surrender to the experience of the Masculine Male Energy, just give into his fuck and not resist much. This energy tells me to be less revengeful, more Tolerant and passive and more caring and matured. This is the alter ego of the stage Red guy. This one is a very clean cut extremely disciplined individual with high class standards The first one is fiercely protective of me and can easily forgive my wrong actions whereas the second one wants me to be graceful and elegant and soft. Expecting me to be demure in a certain way where I will be very submissive feminine. The first one is a tyrant of kind nature and the second one is a tamer. Both regulate my femininity in a beautiful way Supplementing it on both sides successfully molding me into a true spirit of both love and protection, the basic principle of the expanding universe, one creates a flow and the other restricts the flow, both canceling and balancing each other out thus maintaining a steady flow of my character Truth never hates wisdom. There is power in walking away and victory also.

Porco disciplines me especially when I'm having tantrums, being overbearing, boring, difficult, impossible, unbearable and overwhelming.. Porco puts me back in order with his intense energy and his will to love and change me.