Preety_India

@BornToBoil agree

@Preety_India at least Leo is with me when I'm alone.

And this song kept playing in my head for the last few hours. Bob Sinclair. World, hold on..

Leo can instantly put a smile on my face. What a dude.

Sometimes simply looking at Leo takes away my depression.

I felt much better by doing this. It calmed my agitation.

@Preety_India by maintaining stricter boundaries you only allow those people into your inner space who truly show interest in being with you. Not someone who is randomly commenting. And then upsetting you

@Preety_India let people come to you rather than you approaching them. Aka sp. You don't approach them to constantly be put down or let down. Don't be too eager with those who approach you either. Both ways you aren't giving room for solid reciprocation. It's completely fine if someone is not interested in you at all. Wait for the right ones even if that means you have to wait for over a year and get past 100s to get that person who is uniquely loyal and affectionate to you. Those who care about you won't disagree too much, won't rile you up or play mind games. They will have something to offer They will be wholesome and have wholesome conversations with you. You won't feel snubbed. They would try to understand you, not offend you, care to not offend you and won't get nitpicky with you since they will value you more. You won't feel uncomfortable or trapped or rejected

Now there are two ways in which I communicate with myself in this journal. One is where I'm directly talking to myself referring to myself by my name. for example @Preety_India why don't you just stop doing it already? And the other is where I refer to my name but speak as though I'm the listener and my alter ego is speaking through me For example @Preety_India I should have never been there in the first place. Both ways are effective in Self communication.

Fuck everyone who have nothing of value to offer me, other than just give me a hard time all the time.

@Preety_India if I ever have kids in the future, nobody fucking nobody or anything will ever come between me and them. That's a promise. I can be fierce like a hurricane when I need to be. They will never suffer, they will never have to, because I will be their mother. I won't let even a fly touch them. Never will they be raised the way i was raised by my mother, that's a guarantee. I can be snappy sometimes. Just the inner rage about my shitty upbringing.

@Preety_India then maybe I was standing in a ballroom all alone and all the curtains were staring at me.. What would they know about me that I didn't?

@Preety_India these curtains represent me. They represent what I want.

@Preety_India I've my own ways of saying Fuck You. To all those who give me nothing but pain, I say go away your way and don't look back. No need to nitpick at me. I'm good as I am. My heart that I wear on my sleeve is with me. I don't need your fruitless directions. That lead me nowhere. I am not asking for attention so please give your attention to someone else who is begging for it, not me. I can be terse sometimes. It comes with the territory of always being nice. A bit too nice.

@Preety_India what were you looking for? That's a perfect setting.

@Preety_India or sometimes read dead end letters that come from distant strangers who have no clue about my heart. But pretend like they do?

This is an ideal setting. Then peep through the shutters.

@Preety_India maybe I just wanted to sit alone, be by myself and think nothing.

@Preety_India or just jumping around generally for fun. Do what makes you feel better.

I love watching sunset through the window. Sometimes the best gift is the gift of being alone.

@Preety_India you won't get any love and affection in this world, that's guaranteed. But hey, you can dance with the wind or play with the sheets. Yes on an evening I just want to hop and snuggle into the sheets and let the cold breeze from the window pass over me..

@Preety_India or dancing all alone in my room.

@Preety_India Or maybe I was playing with the wind. Once again all that carelessness or should I call it freedom. Or playing with curtains, snuggling my body within the folds of transparent fabric. Whisking myself into another world, another time. Or running like a little girl through the hallway lined by flowing curtains waiting to greet me.

@Preety_India In my fantasy imagination, I see myself climbing hurriedly down a narrow flight of stairs into the basement of an old abandoned building, holding a newspaper bundle or a journal in one hand and a cup/can of coke/coffee in the other. I just want to disappear into the building like a ghost.

@Preety_India once I do this I'll never be the same. In a way, it's a relief.