Preety_India

I think any term is fine. I often use the word boy for a man and girl for women. I don't see the problem. Gotta a problem? Don't read.

For me evil is an ambiguous term. It means a lot of things. The evil that is offensive, like murdering someone and evil that is trying to correct behavior of someone like and

The above explanation gave me some comfort.

No Dalai Lama will save the world.

In such moments I'm always looking up at God to derive strength from.. I don't know what else to do.. There are lot of thoughts that come to my mind. It's very tough to stay strong.. My thoughts always go back to my dad. He was a good guy a very caring Empathetic man. Why did he suffer so much? I will never get closure to that question.. He died in deep agony. His screams before his death will always stay in my mind. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. He died a horrible death and I was too young to cope with it. I tried to cope with it at the time and blocked his death for some years and after that his memories of his life and death came like a boomerang and hit me hard. The shock of his death was slowly palpable. It came in waves. It would come up and then subside and after a few days come back again. Through these desperate moments I was reminded of how good people suffer a lot in this world. I had witnessed it on several occasions and tried to make sense of it. I know this is a hard thing to believe but there is such thing a thing called an "evil presence." I have psychic abilities, although I'm nothing like those professional psychics, my psychic abilities are mostly associated with things that happen to me where I get signs and visions related to something. They deeply impact my emotional psyche. I can feel that energy coming. It's not like I'm imagining it. My psychic experiences are very quick come and go. It is not a state of mind. It's like a small glimpse into another dimension of reality for split seconds which can be easily missed if I don't pay attention to the changes happening in the energy field around me. This different dimension is like a heat map, an energy map and the psychic experience is generally like a weather forecast. My psychic energy and senses have sharpened since I was a kid. Because that's how I studied my environment. I wasn't fully mentally developed to make sense out of everything around me and so it's my psychic senses that allowed me to scan my environment without having to observe people carefully. It's like being a blind kid sitting in the corner. You might think that the child doesn't know anything and that's your mistake. Because the blind kid is processing everything in his own ways.. The reason why I wouldn't do it openly was because of my deep introversion and inability to open up. This introversion meant that I developed ESP extra sensory perception of my environment as a child to avoid being held with suspicion. I would be busy with my own thing as a kid but my subconscious learned to survive by subconsciously scanning things for me. It's one of the marvels of the human body. Where if you have been deficient in a particular sense, your other senses start compensating for its lack. Since I lacked direct ways of observing things through my basic 5 senses, the survival instinct kicked in strongly and forced my subconscious mind to rely on my 6th sense to take charge of my survival. The subconscious mind is generally operating when we are asleep. When our conscious senses are switched off. This is what happened to me. I was sleep walking through everything as a child and in this process my subconscious mind became more powerful in scanning the environment than the conscious mind. Now the subconscious mind in my opinion holds the key to psychic powers. That is whenever we tend to rely more on our subconscious mind, the way animals do, we develop the power of intuition and this helps us to navigate through our lives by having frequent glimpses of that Unknown Dimension (the heat map I was talking about). I have become convinced through my psychic experiences that a dark entity is chasing me and is very responsible for a lot of my suffering. This is not hocus pocus. This is a truth. It is the Satan itself, variously referred to in different cultures as "shaitan" in Islamic cultures, "satan" in Christianity and "dybbuk" in Jewish myth. This a true entity although very difficult to believe at first and only those who have experienced the presence in their lives will know what I'm talking about. I call it "the presence" and if someone spoke to me about a certain presence then I would instantly know what they are referring to. It's the same stuff that has bothered me for a long time. I usually feel this presence in my darkest moments. As if it's mocking my despair. As if it's laughing at my pain and anguish. It's sitting in the background watching me during those moments. And i feel very bad that this presence has such power. Power to destroy people I am not going to use conventional terminology like Devil or Satan to describe this presence. It creates a lot of confusion when we use terms like Satan and make it extra fancy and takes away the attention from what's important, it unnecessarily builds up hype. So I will refer to it as "The Dark Entity" and this is the simplest way of describing and labeling it. This also Imparts an unknown identity to it because there is no particular name given to it, giving it a name causes people to extra dramatize it and forget that it's real. It becomes more mythological the more we personify it and that way it stays as a myth rather than a normal real phenomenon. But to really appreciate how powerful it is, it will be important to focus on its presence rather than the more literary and theatrical aspects of it. It's direct presence in the here and the now is what matters most. So this "dark entity" and I will shorten it as DE is what fucks people up mostly. It is very much present around us. And I will lay down a few observations I made about it. The first thing is that it doesn't want to be recognized or spotted. The best metaphor that comes to my mind is "wolf in sheep's clothing." It is already within us, around us and we don't know because it hides under some sort of camouflage. We don't notice it and this is exactly what it wants. It doesn't want people talking about it too much because that say it gets exposed. This reminds me of the saying - the greatest trick that the devil played was to convince the world it didn't exist. In fact it even registered in me subconsciously that people who put in active efforts into raising awareness of its presence easily get taken out of this world by strange events. One such person that comes to my mind is Tupac Shakur. He was a very intelligent guy who had great perceptual power, he could predict the future with great accuracy. He was popular, having a massive reach, people believed him, looked up to him. This guy could easily tilt the opinion of the world. He could leak secrets and wasn't afraid of speaking truth. The DE generally fears such people and makes them a target. This explains his sudden death. Although his death is not a big mystery, it still leaves a lot of questions as to why his life and death were so poignant, he was after all just a rapper, like any other rapper, why would his death cause such a sensation and his work leave such an impact? I think it's because Tupac was a very intelligent connected human being. He could see through things. He was gradually unraveling a lot of truths. A lot of truth seekers die in this world under tragic and mysterious circumstances. Tupac was no different. He was in the same league. He was supposed to be taken out one way or another once he was beginning to know too much. It seems that anytime in history a person holds a vital clue to anything strange in this world, they suddenly fade away or disappear. I truly believe that there is a certain force operating in this world that holds us back from the truth in a very deliberate manner. We aren't allowed to experience the truth. This is not the work of God because God is the beacon of truth. The messenger. Then who can it be. Once again I won't call it Satan because that tends to take away the attention from the entity itself and turns it into a parody rhetoric. It's like God is the Christ (an emblem of Christ) and this entity is the anti-Christ. Because it is anti-God. There cannot be a name to this entity as it is nothing specific, it's like a shapeshifter. Can you call air anything other than air? Can you give it a name? Will giving it a separate name make it more visible? That's the reason why we refrain from giving some grandiose name to air because it won't do it justice. We just call it air and we know what it is. Similarly you cannot name a shapeshifter, it's only a shapeshifter. Only God can have the name God and Christ is not a person or thing. Christ is simply the hologram of God. Christ is the image of what God represents, Christ is the consciousness or nature of God head. Christ is Godness. It's the quality of being God, the all knowing, all seeing, kind, heroic entity that God is. This is magnified in and through Christ. And anything that thwarts the attempts of Christ to change things for the better is the Anti-Christ. It is symbolic but should not have a name because it slips through everything like a snake in the grass. The anti Christ is the vision of the dead. The anti Christ is a force opposite to God. It is against God. God's strategy is to unify the world whereas the anti christ wants the world in a perpetual state of chaos and misery. At the root of this is deep malice, sociopathy and sadism. These dark qualities combine to form a vicious darkness that only wants to enjoy the suffering of others. These qualities are found in people as well but the proportion is too low. However when these qualities are very concentrated, you get the idea of what a destructive force will look like. This is what the destructive force is. It's an anti-Christ. This destructive force wants too much chaos. There is a deep dark energy to this force. How does this energy operate? This energy operates by using destruction to its advantage. Destruction itself is not a bad thing. In fact destruction is only a situation, an incident that tends to destroy things. Destruction by a strong wind can cause some plants to be uprooted. But not much. Destruction does not always mean sadness, misery and negativity. For example children can break toys. That is destruction too. But it's not something that causes pain. destruction caused by natural forces or by accidents and errors is not as destructive as we imagine. We glorify things that are huge in stature. We make movies on it like movies on earthquakes and dinosaurs. We like to watch massive destruction on a big screen because it's entertaining. Dinosaurs causing buildings to topple. It adds to the thrill. But in reality not all destruction is this awe inspiring. Much of destruction is boring and mundane and without deaths. Like a flood in places where there is no human settlement. Stuff happening around volcanic zones. These things don't bother us since they don't impact us. Something that bothers us is usually something that we can closely relate to. Like a crime, someone dying because of a disease, the pandemic being a good example. The DE is not interested in destruction that doesn't serve its purpose like a flood in some distant river. The DE is only interested in destruction that holds high emotional value. So imagine your body like a pipe through which water flows. Now if the pipe bursts and the water leaks, imagine this to symbolize the bursting of your arteries and you bleeding to death. Now imagine there are many many many rocks rolling at a high speed in different directions towards the pipe but the these rocks keep missing the pipe. Now imagine that the DE is directing these rocks to the pipe to cause maximum impact in such a way that the pipe will burst. Now imagine God watching all this and jumping into action. God knows obstructs the rolling rocks by standing between the rocks and the pipe so the rocks roll off and are reflected in another direction. Thus the pipe remains unharmed and no leakage happens.. God acted as a shield even in the face of destruction..Destruction did happen. The rocks are still rolling but the pipe is saved despite the mayhem. The efforts of the DE to destroy the pipe have been foiled.. This is how the DE operates. It operates by taking advantage of destruction and using that destruction and directing it to cause harm. Destruction does not always cause harm yet the DE always wants or creates some harm. As you can see the only solution is a divine force. A divine force so powerful that it can obstruct the path of destruction. It can stand like a wall and stop the flood. This is what God does in our lives. The DE is responsible for a lot of bad karma. Imagine a circular disc made of cloud and smoke. This is full of negativity or bad karma. Very bad energy. When you stand on this disc you can feel all the sadness, anger, pain, frustration, failure,helplessness, agony, anguish etc. This is a heavy zone. This is bad karma releasing as bad energy. It's a black hole. Now imagine God to be this Sublime bright white light shining. When this bright white energy of God touches the black hole of negativity, there is a sudden charge like lightning and thunder and Fusion both the light and the dark cloud and dissipation of all that negativity gradually and its replacement with light. That is God bringing hope where there is none. This is how we beat the DE and this is the only solution.

As if we didn't have enough of our own problems to deal with.

Ok time to relate my own experience. I'm an Indian woman. I have low preferences for Indian men in general. This has nothing to do with their skin color or attraction. My first boyfriend was Indian. It was a bad experience because he was disrespectful. Very imposing, overbearing, hypercritical, no respect for boundaries, never ready to listen or give space to my feelings, very authoritarian never protective, greedy etc. I thought that this was just one experience and so I didn't want to give up. I tried again. It was my next boyfriend who was Indian as well. He was very nice and sweet in the beginning but turned out to be extremely controlling, jealous of my success and achievements, always critical and possessive, bordering on obsession. He literally turned into a stalker. So I had to break up. Both men were better than average in the looks department. But that wasn't the attraction factor and it didn't matter. I was attracted to how they presented themselves initially. The issues that I faced with Indian men is - they have a deep hate towards Indian women in general, they tend to hide this hate, but don't confront it, there is a certain degree of internal misogyny in Indian men especially towards women of their own culture and it seems this has to do with the Indian social structure which is very Orthodox and Patriarchal and sees men as all powerful and women as an accessory to men who do not have an identity outside of being someone's wife or daughter. This mentality to see the women as a second class entity makes them look at Indian women with a condescending attitude of contempt rather than admiration, as though Indian women aren't deserving of respect, love and attention. I see many Indian families where the wife/mother has to eat everyone's leftovers. Indian women are regarded in great honor if they devalue themselves. The moment she tries to be confident, she is looked at with disgust. This attitude creates a lot of hate and resistance in Indian men against Indian women. So even if an Indian woman is trying to do her best and is successful, she is still resented by Indian men. Which is quite unfortunate. It's as though nothing she does will ever make her look good in an Indian man's eyes. I have received compliments from Western men, but hardly ever from Indian men and that makes me very uncomfortable, as though I'm not accepted by my own men, my own men consider me inferior despite me trying my best. I think the problem with the Indian man is that he considers the Indian woman as very inferior and as a result does not give her respect, or has a hard time respecting her. He values himself far above her and because of his pride, he is unable to consider her worthy enough. And so when an Indian woman is successful or good looking or being good at something, he simply cannot accept it, his ego and pride are hurt by the fact that she has proved that she is worthy enough, yet he cannot give her that sense of satisfaction because it is in direct conflict with his inferior opinion of her. He immediately feels threatened or insecure and goes into this fascist controlling authoritarian mode where he starts to nitpick at his Indian girlfriend for every little thing and control her so that he can always have a superior position over her. In the end after going through too much hassle with the Indian boyfriend, I decided to completely give up on Indian men and not date them at all because it was too much stress and little affection. Stress coming from their insecurities and need to control even little things. In my opinion, a lot of Indian men either consider an Indian woman as ugly, if she is dark skinned and if they don't find her ugly then they see her as a threat. It's as if beauty is a curse for an Indian woman. Because even if she is attractive, he will still find some fault in her, just to put her down. I dated American men, white men in general after those two Indian experiences. And they were quite respectful. However one was abusive and things didn't pan out for other reasons. Even now I will never date an Indian man in my life again. This has nothing to do with their looks or attractiveness. Of course there are many Indian men that I have found attractive. But it's not the looks. It's the Indian man's attitude towards women, especially towards Indian women that sucks big time. If my Indian ex boyfriends had a respectful attitude towards me where they were not excessively trying to put me down or being unsupportive, I would have gladly married them. There were no other issues except the hurtful attitude and mentality Indian men need a serious wake up call and attitude change, especially their hateful attitudes towards Indian women, it's hard to deal with, it always shows up in their prejudice towards Indian women. It's hard to swallow because it makes me harder to respect Indian men. I mean respect will only come when respect is given. Why will I care what Indian men think or why will I even pay attention to them if they are not going to respect me anyway. Indian men freak out if they see an Indian woman not giving them attention. But they forget to check their own attitude towards their own women. You love someone and they will love you back If you hate Indian women and have always been hating them, then you shouldn't be surprised if an Indian woman gives you differential treatment or is biased towards you. I have seen several Indian women and they will simply look into their phones and not even pay attention to an Indian guy passing by. I mean that doesn't surprise me because women tend to react based on how they are treated.

I want to end everything. Maybe that way I will be free.

I feel my life is worthless. I just don't want this. I don't feel free.

I feel depressed and suicidal again.

Seshattari = Preety This is how Seshattari looks.

Because many bad things happen to people in the name of family with no control from society or government.

Seshattari is a woman of dignity and wisdom. She is curious and inquisitive, funny, witty, smart, though average looking she was very exciting to be around Seshattari represents me. My character traits get blended into the making of Seshattari.

You really showed your girlfriend to your mom..... Bwahahahahahahahahah.

Seshattari is the Queen Goddess of Aferadeis. She worships the Gods of both the Egyptian and Aztec Dynasties. The feminine Gods of Egypt and the masculine Gods of Aztec

Are you a western man? Do you have to show your woman to your mom? Not sure.

The name of the language - Asweret

Making an inventory of stuff I will need for self development

This language was found on the Gualgate Column, an ancient column of rock found in the Aztec ruins. Aferadeis is the story of Queen Seshattari, who is half Aztec and Half Egyptian. And in her life she explores many cultures including those around the Aegean Sea. This is her story Seshattari

Here

Seshattari

Queens OF Egypt Queen MerNeith. Scholars are divided as to whether or not Queen MerNeith ruled over Egypt during the First Dynasty of Egypt around 2920 BC. ... Queen Neithikret. ... Queen Sobekneferu. ... Queen Hatshepsut. ... Queen Nefertiti. ... Queen Twosret. ... Queen Cleopatra. ... Queen Nefertari.

Queens OF Egypt Queen MerNeith. Scholars are divided as to whether or not Queen MerNeith ruled over Egypt during the First Dynasty of Egypt around 2920 BC. ... Queen Neithikret. ... Queen Sobekneferu. ... Queen Hatshepsut. ... Queen Nefertiti. ... Queen Twosret. ... Queen Cleopatra. ... Queen Nefertari.

Myrrh and resins were used in temple traditions.