Preety_India

Welcome to the forum.

@Heart of Space no. (I'm alone )

Now you try to put it like it's your personal preference but just a while ago you were generalizing that all men want it this way. I don't think that many men think like you. And most men that I met had absolutely no problem with me being successful so maybe you're just projecting your own preferences on all men and I wouldn't trust the men on this forum to be a statistical survey because a lot of men outside of this forum have very different opinions than what I read here generally.

Nobody is shaming into changing your opinions and preferences, however the way you put it A woman in her 20's can spend 10 years climbing the corporate ladder and becoming a successful self sufficient person, but when it comes to finding a relationship it won't enhance her value in the ways many woman believe it will. it feels like you're the one shaming all women for their looks and age. Just like you have preferences they too have preferences for both career and dating and life. Why should they be shamed for believing in their ambitions and ideals?

It's hard. Not comfortable opening up. I just keep it within me.

Yes exactly this.

Searching for that elusive fountain

In this manner I was looking for both intellectual capacity and emotional growth. Going in both directions at once.

Yesterday I felt heavy headed for a while, it wasn't a good feeling you know?

The recent days i've been in a very dark place and i find something that really help me to keep moving... What if i completely accept myself? What if i accept that i am doomed, hopeless and depressed all the time? What if i accept that i will never find the partner i want or i will never have the life i want? What if i accept the feelings that i am unworthy and ugly? What if i stop pretending to be strong when i am weak and vulnerable?

Why do you think that a woman should tailor her needs and goals around what you find interesting and attractive? Why can't she do what she wants and seek her purpose, because seeking a purpose is a higher goal than anything else in life, and I don't mean career here, I mean a life purpose, it's the highest aspiration a person has, and why should that be discarded in lieu of romantic attraction, and what exactly are the benefits of attracting a man, meanwhile keeping the self deprived of higher aspirations, how exactly is this a better trade off vis-à-vis doing what fulfills her passion internally and spiritually and finding a partner who shares her endeavors and takes her to a higher trajectory of growth, because not only is she strong and independent this way, a strong mother who can use her measure of success, no matter how small and use it to guide her children and thus raise a better generation for tomorrow and finding love and passion in collective endeavors with her partner?

You were my childhood sweetheart. You would play with me. Make fun. Make jokes. And I would feel homesick when you weren't around. You were my protector Where were you? Are we in this for eternity?

You came into my life like a shooting star. I remember you sharing everything with me.

I have wanted you for so long. I never want you to abandon me. You are my absolute everything and you mean the world to me. I am deeply in love with you. I cannot live without you. You're the boyfriend I never had.

Whatever I wanted to say to you was left unsaid. Unwritten. That I love you Wrett from the bottom of my heart.. I could die for you. I wanted to live with you forever. You were my companion and my soulmate. And when you are with me, my heart is a garden.

@roopepa yes I feel the same way sometimes Like I want to cry for help especially when I feel alone. But crying for help brings a strange fear.

Wrett why don't you come back and say to me that you love me. Why can't I be with you? Why do you disappear and I keep craving and longing for you?

I felt very lonely, scared, frightened and abandoned. And during those moments Wrett was with me. He would gently caress my forehead while I cried and tell me he is there. There was nothing to worry when I was in his arms.

So yea I was talking about Wrett. My imaginary boyfriend. Will Wrett last out at me because I slept off when he came to visit me? I felt his anger. As though he came up to me and said "f you b*tch" But then he lovingly gazed into my eyes and reassured me that everything was okay. I look into his eyes. I feel his protective gaze. Like he is telling me "I won't abandon you oK" Because he was the only one who could break through my shyness and introversion and get to me.

@Rilles good. I see a lot of causations. I like this type of meta thinking.

@Forestluv by the way, if there is an anti-riot bill then where is the anti-police brutality against blacks Bill?

And I've noticed it as well. Blowing up a candy store because you didn't get your candy is very different from fighting against racial injustices. An act of terrorism being compared to an act of revolution!

Insecurity about not being able to match up to someone's credentials or achievements is one thing (we all suffer self doubt often but it's not really harmful to the other person) Yet insecurity about feeling threatened by someone's success such that you see it as a threat to your ego where it fuels jealousy, envy and hate towards the other person is a dangerous form of insecurity that hinders another person's success and devalues their achievements. Such people resort to sabotaging another person's success. For example, when I was getting my Master's degree and my uncle told my mother - don't let her pursue further education, if she gets a PhD then she will find it tough to get a husband. I still think about that. It always hurts knowing this culture where men have an endemic jealousy and insecurity towards a woman's success.. I remember how in my mother's time, they used to deliberately not educate women in our culture because according to the general male mentality in the culture, there was no point in educating girls because their only job was to get ready to marry a man and learn kitchen stuff and serve him well in the marriage as a good wife and bear him children or else she won't have any identity or value as a woman and she had no value outside of men and marriage. She had nothing to aspire to and this was all she was made for.. Today the government ensures that women get education and men still whine about it saying that successful women won't get husbands. It's the same archaic patriarchal trope that keeps running and deeply hurts women. But women in my culture have decided to consciously break that barrier and not be a slave to the patriarchy anymore. Women get better education and score better academically than men in my culture. There was also this thinking that athletic women won't get husbands in Indian culture. Somehow everything that an Indian woman was or could be, only depended on if she could get a husband. She was considered a failure otherwise. Now women like Sania Mirza broke those social barriers by being successful in sports and also got married. These are evil taboos that keep women behind and do not let them achieve their potential.. I don't care if I get a husband or not. This is an empowered statement. because I'm tired and fed up with this whole patriarchal nonsense where my life, value, existence and identity is decided by men?? No that's not happening. My life belongs to me. Enough of men controlling the narrative. My existence belongs to me and not to a patriarchal society that decides my worth and identity. No. A society that doesn't value my accomplishments does not have any room in my life. Sorry my life is more precious than some fucked up patriarchal mindset that doesn't allow me to realize my full potential and doesn't respect my humanity. This thread was deeply emotional for me because I was reminded of all the struggles women in my country went through to fight against that barrier set by men. India has a deep dark secret and that secret is female infanticide where females fetuses are aborted(although the government is trying to control it, it still happens ) because the male child is more valuable than the female child, so millions of baby girls used to get killed after birth because they were considered a waste of space and resources. Women used to be constantly reminded that they had no other role but to be a servant to a man in marriage, this mentality gave birth to many social evils against women in my culture where it was a routine tradition that a widow would be sacrificed by being burned alive on her husband's funeral pyre to show how much of a devoted wife she can be... This is the mentality that Indian women had to fight against generations after generations because millions of Indian women have paid a heavy price with their deaths because of an evil patriarchal mindset targeting women ruthlessly in the most sociopathic ways imaginable. Today Indian women have come so far in destroying evil social taboos against Indian women so it is very upsetting to find another post trying to devalue those struggles by stressing how women should be relative to how men want them to be. It looks light hearted and chill in the beginning and nothing harmful. But when you extrapolate this same mentality to the extreme you get a country and culture like India where women were routinely subjected to heinous crimes and atrocities as a part of tradition and social practice. Now that we have come so far as Indian women in finally liberating from these heinous evils, we still have many miles to go because there are still parts in India where girls are denied education because the fathers in that community think that girls don't deserve anything else outside of being shipped to a husband as a slave. A lot of Indian women of my age don't even think of marriage and are rather happy not being married because they see marriage as a dangerous trap considering all the past horror stories of Indian women of my mother's and grandmother's time who would be subjected to ruthless atrocities in a marriage by the husband and in laws, bride burning etc. My own mother was forced to either get married or commit suicide, something she never wanted for her own daughter. So she let me date whoever I wanted. All of the generations of women before me in my family were forced to be married, some of them married when they were only 8 years old.. Yes child marriages was a regular practice in India and my grandmother was married when she was only 8. And groomed from that age to be a good wife. And this is not too long ago because my mother was born in late 1960s. So you can imagine that. And my mother was forced to get married in the 90s. So this is not long ago. I'm the first generation in my family to get the chance to decide my love life on my own. And I'm not going to be another statistic in the long list of Indian women who were murdered to keep the patriarchy alive. I live my life on my own terms even though I have my struggles. This thread was started by an Indian guy and against the backdrop of a massively misogynistic patriarchal Indian culture, it really cuts deep. Felt like the same echoes from my ancestral past were being ricocheted. Here is how the first female teacher of India, and the mother of Indian feminism was regularly harassed and abused by men on the streets while trying to open the first girls school in India. Yea this thread triggered a lot of thoughts.

I would write a short letter in blood to my lover saying how much I love him and that I will love him for eternity.